Flintlock Fantasy- A Shattered Reflection

[Heir of the Void he/him]

Link to the complete first chapter:

 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fyzoXEIhGu3Q40Zg5lXjpGYBwwKlRfCqi1RSL2UIsms/edit?usp=sharing

Edited December 11, 2014 by Heir of the Void

[Heir of the Void he/him]

Chapter 1 is complete.

Edited December 11, 2014 by Heir of the Void

[Heir of the Void he/him]

Reserved for chapter 2.

[stormvisions he/him]

Well it seems you are off to a good start. The world you describe is interesting enough as is the magic. The unexpected appearance of the girl in the shadowcast and the banter is good. My only suggestion, as always is that you make another pass or two to clean up the gramar, perhaps tightening up some of it - to see if you can reduce it all by 1/3 or so. While interesting, after the initial fight it slows down quite a bit. If there are other things you can put in there - rivalries, hints of other things that will be happening and so on you could pep it up a bit.

 

Anyway, a good start. Keep writing.