ReaderAt2046 Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Character Information Name: I-PICK-THINGS-UP-AND-PUT-THEM-DOWN Race:(Ohnyrek) Age: 16 Gender: Male Place of Origin: Tree-horn-tribe Class: Smasher Relationship Status: On Hold. Channeling Capacity: (If Applicable. Remove section if your character has no Ley-based abilities.) -Type: Internal (Strength and healing) -Focus Used: Horns and lucky stone. -Degree of Skill: Very high for an Ohn, mediocre for any other race. Appearance: 10 feet tall, muscular even for an Ohn, oddly golden tint to skin, thick horns with three branches each, with tree-leaves strapped to them. Wears a crystal pendant that looks like an oakleaf. Carries a very big club. Special Skills: Smashing things, shouting. Strengths: Immensely strong, even for an Ohn. Too stupid to die easily (if someone stabbed him through the heart, it would be several minutes before he realized he was supposed to die.) Weaknesses: Boastful, painfully think-headed, inclined to fight other people for no apparent reason. Personality: Pretty much standard Ohn fare. Boastful, thick-headed, belligerent. History: The Ohn stomped into The Graceful Vendris, Mawsbeck’s only tavern. The customers shied away, and several reached for weapons. But despite his bulging muscles, knotted club, and thick horns, this particular Ohn did not seem in the mood for a fight. He tromped up to the bar, dug in a leather pouch at his waist, and threw a fistful of marks of various denominations down on the dusty wooden counter. “Give me keg of beer. Give me pig on stick.” The bartender stretched out a shaky hand and touched the pile of chips, sending a small shock of Lehyt through them. They exploded in a miniature fireworks display, and not a single one broke or failed. The bartender did a little arithmetic on his fingers, and then disappeared into the back room. He returned a minute later rolling a keg of beer, followed by a pair of servants carrying the pig that had been put on to roast. The Ohn leaned over, picked up the keg, and carried it over to a corner. He then returned, grabbed the pig, and retreated to his corner. After about fifteen minutes of noisy munching and gurgling, the Ohn marched up to the stage, still carrying the stick (now with no pig) and the empty keg of beer. He shoved aside the musician (who was only too happy to get out of the way), threw his head back, and began to yell at the top of his lungs. “ROARRRR! ME I-PICK-THINGS-UP-AND-PUT-THEM-DOWN! ME STRONG! ME LIFT BIG LOG! PEAKJUMPER SKULLCRUSHER EIGHT-HUT SITTING ON LOG! TWENTY-BRANCH GREAT-CHIEF SITTING ON LOG! GIANT-MOUNTAIN-WITH-EXTRA-FAT SITTING ON LOG! ME MIGHTY! ME VANQUISH PIG ON STICK! ME VANQUISH KEG OF BEER! ME VANQUISH TWO GENTLEMEN OF TOWN! ME VANQUISH FOUR ORIENTAL KUNG-FU MASTERS! ME IMPORTANT! GREAT-GOLDFIRE-EARTH-SHAKER SEND ME TO FIND CONFLUX! ROARRRRR!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuri Shardweaver Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Admittedly, I laughed. On one hand, you really did a good job capturing the essence of an Ohn, but on the other I think you're slightly off. I'll give the racial bio a reread to make sure I didn't cause this myself, but the Ohn aren't idiots by nature. It's alright for one to be slightly less intelligent than the others, that's bound to happen, but it's not like they're ALL Elementary-school drop-outs and this guy is therefore eternally locked in kindergarten. They're crude, they're undeveloped as a culture, but it's not because they're morons. They're not the brightest bulbs, sure, but it's because they put too much focus on physical might. It's worked well for them so far, so they've seen no need to change or evolve past what they currently are. That, and his name is just SLIGHTLY too much, even for an Ohn name. The length is generally tied to their 'rank' in their society and their achievements in life, so it could stand to be a little shorter, especially for someone who is taking orders from someone else. Outside of the name, though, this is pretty acceptable . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReaderAt2046 Posted February 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Thanks for the feedback. BTW, Great-Goldfire-Earth-Shaker is supposed to be his tribe's name for you (or me, if you'd prefer) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuri Shardweaver Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Duly noted. Also, I need a minor edit in his 'speech'. There is no 'orient' nor 'kung fu' for there to be masters of, so while the mental image of 4 chinese guys getting their butts kicked by a giant horned monster is HILARIOUS, that would technically count as a lie, and the Ohn..well..they have a policy on lying, after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReaderAt2046 Posted February 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 Duly noted. Also, I need a minor edit in his 'speech'. There is no 'orient' nor 'kung fu' for there to be masters of, so while the mental image of 4 chinese guys getting their butts kicked by a giant horned monster is HILARIOUS, that would technically count as a lie, and the Ohn..well..they have a policy on lying, after all. Oh bother. I was hoping nobody would notice that that violates the fourth wall. It's a reference to "Atomic Shakespeare", from the TV show Moonlighting and i really wanted to put it in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuri Shardweaver Posted March 2, 2012 Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Oh bother. I was hoping nobody would notice that that violates the fourth wall. It's a reference to "Atomic Shakespeare", from the TV show Moonlighting and i really wanted to put it in. Well, for the sake of humor I can probably let it slide here, just make sure not to reference it 'in game' 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReaderAt2046 Posted March 2, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2012 Well, for the sake of humor I can probably let it slide here, just make sure not to reference it 'in game' I never intended to. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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