Writing thingys

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

I'm a mess

Spent my life

Trying to find my way around

Bumping into corners

Falling on the ground

Thought I was finally moving

In the right direction

Then ceiling was floor

And it all was upside down

 

I can't stand

Or walk

Or run or hop or leap

When my limbs are glued together

In all the wrong places

Just waiting for some light

To give me an idea

Of where my feet even are

 

I'm a mess

Spent my life

Trying find my balance

Seems the best way to move

Is crawling on the floor

Blisters, bruises, blood

on my hands

and on my knees

cause I can't seem to stand

on my own two feet

 

I can't stand 

Or walk

or run or hop or leap

when the world is crumbling

and I'm trapped underneath

the rocks that block the way

Are hurting my lungs

screaming for air

Cause it's almost all gone

 

Think I'll die in this maze

Before I'll ever be found

Not much point in moving forward

When I all find are dead ends

 

Edited January 7, 2024 by InfiniteInsanity

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

9 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Reveal hidden contents

I'm a mess

Spent my life

Trying to find my way around

Bumping into corners

Falling on the ground

Thought I was finally moving

In the right direction

Then ceiling was floor

And it all was upside down

 

I can't stand

Or walk

Or run or hop or leap

When my limbs are glued together

In all the wrong places

Just waiting for some light

To give me an idea

Of where my feet even are

 

I'm a mess

Spent my life

Trying find my balance

Seems the best way to move

Is crawling on the floor

Blisters, bruises, blood

on my hands

and on my knees

cause I can't seem to stand

on my own two feet

 

I can't stand 

Or walk

or run or hop or leap

when the world is crumbling

and I'm trapped underneath

the rocks that block the way

Are hurting my lungs

screaming for air

Cause it's almost all gone

 

Think I'll die in this maze

Before I'll ever be found

Not much point in moving forward

When I all find are dead ends

 

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

The grief is just going

in circles

and can't seem to escape my head

Trailing closely behind it

is the guilt that come with

not being dead

Soon it will fall 

asleep again

And I'll think 

I've seen it through

But after brief relief

It'll creep back into my life

 

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

2 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Hide contents

The grief is just going

in circles

and can't seem to escape my head

Trailing closely behind it

is the guilt that come with

not being dead

Soon it will fall 

asleep again

And I'll think 

I've seen it through

But after brief relief

It'll creep back into my life

 

*hugs tightly*

[Edema Rue she/her]

Hey if there’s ever anything I can do I’m here, ok? Love you Insa <33

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Someone pointed out to me that I haven't really shared or talked about any of my poetry for a while. The time between this post and the last one really just proves that he's right. I have written poetry since then. Not much. Which is kind of sad. I'm gonna try to write more. It's a pretty good way for me to keep track of how I'm doing. And I'm gonna try to put them here again because then I can find them no matter where I am. If people see them great. It doesn't really matter that much to me. But I hope they're still good like people say they were. And if people have any suggestions for things I should try or changes or critics on what I've written I really would love to hear them. I have taken some poems into competition before and this is something I'd like to get better at. If no one sees them then its whatever. I'll still write them. And then when I put them here I'll be able to find them which should be nice.

But yeah.

Spoiler

Two of my brothers are little

They like to roam our home

Roaring and stomping

Fighting and biting the air

 

Sometimes they convince me

 

To join their game

And we stomp and run

With random cries of 

“I’m a T-Rex!”

 

I’ve never actually

 

Said what kind of dinosaur I am

Now I’m no dino expert

But now that I’ve truly thought about it

 

I’m no dino expert

 

I’ve never actually 

Said what kind of dino I’d be

But now I’ve truly thought it over

 

I guess 

 

I’d be a pterodactyl

 

Some inches taller than I am now

 

With large wings

Made to let me soar

 

I think

 

I’d spend most of my time flying

Hovering over all the other dinosaurs

Looking for a place to land

And build some sort of nest or something

So I could rest

 

I think

 

I’d be a rather quiet pterodactyl

Keep all the roar or screams or sounds

On the inside

Rely on scary faces and my wings

To save me from danger

 

I think

 

I wouldn’t really quite fit

With the other dinosaurs

I’d have giant claws but avoid using them

I’d have every capability

To tear something apart

But I don’t think I could

 

I think I fit much better as a human

 

Who doesn’t have to tear a being a part

In order to survive

Who can get by on 

Sugar and spice and everything nice

 

But if for whatever reason

 

I do end up a dinosaur

I guess I’d be a pterodactyl

Spoiler

I've found

a certain feeling

that only comes

in a certain way

 

It starts 

with a whole lot of noise

voices 

screaming

crying

comforting

lying

a cacophony

a jumble of word

you can't tell

which ones are quite right

or which one are

straight up lie

 

They mix

in your head

and down 

in your mouth

you never know

what'll come out

a cry for help

a smiled lie

a crazed whisper

no one will hear

 

There's nothing

to stop them

they're gonna come out

you've run out of space inside

 

so out it bubbles

and out it spills

each should you make

each word written

followed by instant regret

you know

you can't hide

what you buried inside

in hopes it would all

go away

its been pasted

on the walls now

there's no

going back now

It'll be like this till the end

the screaming

crying

comforting

lying

grows louder each breath you take

 

till suddenly

its quiet

 

for a moment

 

You hear your own voice

you hear your own thoughts

 

like sunshine 

after a storm

 

peace

joy

comfort

hope

 

because you see

you

again

Spoiler

Pressing the keys

On this small

Keyboard

To spell out

One word

 

Morning

 

my way 

Of saying

Hello

Love you

Have a good day

I miss you

You’re wonderful

And amazing

In all the

Good ways

 

End with the 

Flourish 

Of one little dot

 

Press

The small airplane

 

And send it

Off and away

 

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

Have you ever had

a moment

where you just sort of

suddenly 

become acutely aware

that something is very wrong?

 

Nothing feels right anymore

You can't breathe

You don't know

which direction you're even facing

not to mention which way you should go

Like some weird indecisive paralysis?

 

And it feels silly 

Because you know that if you had realized

An hour ago

That this something was so off

You probably would have told someone

But its not an hour ago ?

 

It's now

And now you aren't gonna tell a single soul

Are people gonna notice that somethings off?

Of course 

Because you have good friends now

The kind who can tell just by looking that something is wrong?

 

But you won't tell them about this

And its not even that you don't want to

You just won't

Your mouth won't open to let the words escape

It feels like someone is pressing an arm against your throat

Trapping the words and the breath before they even reach your mouth?

 

And all the clawing

And the scratching

And the crying

And the praying

And the hoping

Just fails to make it go away?

 

So you'll just sit

In a quiet darkness and wait

tears and probably makeup too streaming down your face

Arms and neck red and raw from your own nails

Emotions fading or already gone

patiently waiting for dawn cause there's nothing else to do?

 

Or is this just me?

Is my brain just so broken?

I kind of thought I had fixed it

And yet here we are

Am I really this alone?

This broken?

 

Can I even make it to dawn?

 

[Through the Living Hope]

6 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Have you ever had

a moment

where you just sort of

suddenly 

become acutely aware

that something is very wrong?

 

Nothing feels right anymore

You can't breathe

You don't know

which direction you're even facing

not to mention which way you should go

Like some weird indecisive paralysis?

 

And it feels silly 

Because you know that if you had realized

An hour ago

That this something was so off

You probably would have told someone

But its not an hour ago ?

 

It's now

And now you aren't gonna tell a single soul

Are people gonna notice that somethings off?

Of course 

Because you have good friends now

The kind who can tell just by looking that something is wrong?

 

But you won't tell them about this

And its not even that you don't want to

You just won't

Your mouth won't open to let the words escape

It feels like someone is pressing an arm against your throat

Trapping the words and the breath before they even reach your mouth?

 

And all the clawing

And the scratching

And the crying

And the praying

And the hoping

Just fails to make it go away?

 

So you'll just sit

In a quiet darkness and wait

tears and probably makeup too streaming down your face

Arms and neck red and raw from your own nails

Emotions fading or already gone

patiently waiting for dawn cause there's nothing else to do?

 

Or is this just me?

Is my brain just so broken?

I kind of thought I had fixed it

And yet here we are

Am I really this alone?

This broken?

 

Can I even make it to dawn?

 

I’m always here for you if you need someone to talk to 

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

I can finally confirm

I am broken.

 

Broken in a weird sense though

In a way that somehow I’m still whole

 

Broken in the fact that I shared

In a manner I never thought I’d have the courage to

 

Broken in the way that

I sobbed in front of a whole crowd

 

Broken because somehow

I still have never seen her grave

 

Broken because

I’m graduating in just a few days

 

Broken because I refuse

To see a doctor until I can pay for it myself

 

Broken like a leaf

A crushed one

 

Broken in the way that

The right hugs seals all the cracks for a little while

 

Broken in the fact that

The wrong one shatters something new

 

Broken because I miss people

But not in anyway I thought I would

 

Broken because there I words I want to say

And questions I want to ask

 

Broken because

I only have a few more days to force them out

 

Clinically broken?

Who knows.

 

Broken in some weird… but beautiful way?

Of course.

 

And you know what?

Maybe we all are.

 

What to know what I think?

I think that’s why you’re so amazing.

 

Why people tell me I’m amazing

And its really what makes the world so gorgeous.

 

[The Wandering Wizard he/him]

That's beautiful, thank you Insa

[Through the Living Hope]

52 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Reveal hidden contents

I can finally confirm

I am broken.

 

Broken in a weird sense though

In a way that somehow I’m still whole

 

Broken in the fact that I shared

In a manner I never thought I’d have the courage to

 

Broken in the way that

I sobbed in front of a whole crowd

 

Broken because somehow

I still have never seen her grave

 

Broken because

I’m graduating in just a few days

 

Broken because I refuse

To see a doctor until I can pay for it myself

 

Broken like a leaf

A crushed one

 

Broken in the way that

The right hugs seals all the cracks for a little while

 

Broken in the fact that

The wrong one shatters something new

 

Broken because I miss people

But not in anyway I thought I would

 

Broken because there I words I want to say

And questions I want to ask

 

Broken because

I only have a few more days to force them out

 

Clinically broken?

Who knows.

 

Broken in some weird… but beautiful way?

Of course.

 

And you know what?

Maybe we all are.

 

What to know what I think?

I think that’s why you’re so amazing.

 

Why people tell me I’m amazing

And its really what makes the world so gorgeous.

 

Love you, girly  

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

Dear Freshman Me,

I read the letter you wrote me

I forgot we ever wrote that

 

I know in the moment it seemed silly

That it would be something we laughed at now

But I can’t describe how much it meant

I almost cried

 

So much has changed

 

To answer all your questions

 

I’m still {insert full name}

Always have been

Always will be

 

I’m not quite sure what I want to be

Or what I want to do

But whatever it is we’ll learn it at BYUI

And we’re going to serve a mission

When the time is right

 

Band was amazing

Next year your guard instructor will plant a seed

And you’ll try out for leadership

Eventually you’ll be the guard captain

Its not easy but its well worth the effort

You feel now that you can’t play all the well

Sadly that feeling never really goes away

But your last concert

You’ll play first flute in wind ensemble

 

Show choir is one of the greatest things

Sophomore year is challenging but amazing

You make many new friends

You’re a front row dancer

And you love what you’re doing

Junior year you make Express

But you get injured

And you still manage to make the best of everything

Senior year you’re in Express again

And you help out with the most amazing Elevation show

You get to sing a solo

 

{insert name}s not really someone you talk to anymore

And {insert other name} was a problem that never really went away

 

Choir continued to help you grow

You sang in solo ensemble the next three years

And did very well

Even being given the opportunity to sing your solo at a choir concert for your senior year

You got be in Expressions

And choreographed both years

And you loved it

 

You did Speech for one year

It was fun

But you loved show choir more

And the schedules conflicted too often for your comfort

 

You kept going to seminary

Brought treats as often as you could find the energy

You actually graduated just last Sunday

You spoke at your own graduation

And sobbed the whole way through

You don’t know it yet but seminary will change your life

 

I know you’ll never read this

Its impossible for me to give this to you

But oh how I wish I could just tell you

It gets better

So much better

You are loved

You are beautiful

 

All my love,

Senior Me

 

Edited May 22, 2025 by InfiniteInsanity

[Through the Living Hope]

5 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Hide contents

Dear Freshman Me,

I read the letter you wrote me

I forgot we ever wrote that

 

I know in the moment it seemed silly

That it would be something we laughed at now

But I can’t describe how much it meant

I almost cried

 

So much has changed

 

To answer all your questions

 

I’m still {insert full name}

Always have been

Always will be

 

I’m not quite sure what I want to be

Or what I want to do

But whatever it is we’ll learn it at BYUI

And we’re going to serve a mission

When the time is right

 

Band was amazing

Next year your guard instructor will plant a seed

And you’ll try out for leadership

Eventually you’ll be the guard captain

Its not easy but its well worth the effort

You feel now that you can’t play all the well

Sadly that feeling never really goes away

But your last concert

You’ll play first flute in wind ensemble

 

Show choir is one of the greatest things

Sophomore year is challenging but amazing

You make many new friends

You’re a front row dancer

And you love what you’re doing

Junior year you make Express

But you get injured

And you still manage to make the best of everything

Senior year you’re in Express again

And you help out with the most amazing Elevation show

You get to sing a solo

 

{insert name}s not really someone you talk to anymore

And {insert other name} was a problem that never really went away

 

Choir continued to help you grow

You sang in solo ensemble the next three years

And did very well

Even being given the opportunity to sing your solo at a choir concert for your senior year

You got be in Expressions

And choreographed both years

And you loved it

 

You did Speech for one year

It was fun

But you loved show choir more

And the schedules conflicted too often for your comfort

 

You kept going to seminary

Brought treats as often as you could find the energy

You actually graduated just last Sunday

You spoke at your own graduation

And sobbed the whole way through

You don’t know it yet but seminary will change your life

 

I know you’ll never read this

Its impossible for me to give this to you

But oh how I wish I could just tell you

It gets better

So much better

You are loved

You are beautiful

 

All my love,

Senior Me

 

Aww, sweetie…  

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

I’m in a bit of a reminiscing mood

And right now just about anything reminds me of you

 

Sitting on the stand

I miss seeing your smile

Or playing with some kid

Or just talking for a while

 

My little cousin talked about stickers today

And my first thought was you

And how my brother liked to cover your tie

Or how he quiet he laid when he found out you had died

 

I’m preforming my last show choir show tomorrow

And at every single one

I remember how happy I was when you came to my shows

And the fact that you always had something good to say

Though we all know you kind of hated the actual event

 

Every now and then I look in the mirror

And just for a minute teenage me disappears

She replaced by a little me

About 8 years old

With her first pair of glasses

You told her she looked so smart

 

I found the letter from you and your wife

I wish you had seen how it made me cry

(So much I managed to get bug spray in my eye)

I’m not sure how much you actually wrote

But that letter gave me strength and a courage I didn’t know I had

And it still does today

 

This is one of those times

Where I’m not sure you know it

But you changed me in ways

I don’t think anyone else could

 

And I miss you a little more

Than I think that I should

But you’re pretty much family

And it clear to me that I grieve slowly

 

I guess I just wanted to say it into the air

(For my own sake I suppose)

That you’re missed

And you’re loved

Even though you aren’t here

And you will be forever I fear

 

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

I used to think

I needed to be fixed

Like if I tried 

hard enough

somehow

these twisted

burned

stretched 

snapped

torn 

little pieces of me

would somehow

go back together

like a puzzle.

 

Then I thought

maybe I was just stuck

I'd be

cracked

bruised

broken

forever

That was the new me

Never to be "whole"

in the same way

again.

 

But lately 

I've developed 

a new theory

 

Maybe those

scars and burns

won't go away

But maybe 

they aren't meant

to stay open either

Like maybe a new

growth

could take over

and reconnect

the pieces.

 

Almost like

those little plants

that grow in sidewalk cracks

And you look at them 

and wonder

Why would you grow 

there?

There's nice dirt

inches

away.

But instead they picked

the harsher area

where space is limited

and they could be

stepped on

at any moment

 

And then they end up like

thriving

filling the empty

connecting it

to new life

new meaning

and new purpose.

 

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Hey y'all. I'm rewriting a poem I wrote a couple years ago. I used a couple scriptures in it, and as I'm rewriting it, I would really love to use more. So this is the original poem.

Spoiler

Sweat, blood mixed

Dripped down his face

 

"Nevertheless 

Not my will

But thine

Be done"

For me

For you

 

Crown of thorns

Back stinging from the whip

Vinegar

 

Forced to carry wood 

bound together

Meant to destroy him

 

Hands, feet, wrists, side

Pierced 

Bleeding

 

"Father

Forgive them

For they know not

What they do"

For me

For you

 

Buried In a 

Borrowed Tomb

For me 

For you

 

Tears streamed

Down Mary's face

As she went

Only to find

An empty tomb

 

"He

Is not

Here"

 

"But

Is

Risen"

For me

For you

 

But why?

We are not

Perfect

We don't feel

Beautiful 

We don't feel

Talented

 

We give each other wounds

Not from swords or knives

But from something

Much sharper

Words

 

We destroy 

In the name of creation 

We care

Less and less

For the things, 

People, 

Life

Around us

 

In our eyes

No aspect

Of me

Of you

Is worth saving 

 

But in his

We are 

beautiful 

We are 

talented

And we many not be

perfect

But there is potential 

Potential to be better

We are worth

Saving 

 

So for us

He suffered

Died

And rose again

Breaking the bands

Of death

 

To give us

Hope

 

And in

You

Me

He planted

His light

 

So look up

To him

He will make you

Whole again

Give you strength to 

Rise up

And together 

We can

Lift up

The heavy hands

Succor the weak

Mourn with those that mourn

And lead others

Home

 

 

 

 

Scriptures: 

Luke 24:6

Luke 23:34

Luke 22:42

The title I gave it was The Greatest Gift. Also, I realize now that I may have quoted more than I realized, and cited, I suppose.

If y'all think of any scriptures that could go with this, I would love it if you would share them! Thank you!

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

I wrote something. 

Quote

Teach me oh Lord to sing thy song

Of sweet redeeming peace

Comfort my soul with thy pure love

And all my fears release

 

Teach me oh Lord to love thy word

All that thy prophets said

The word you spoke in Galilee

And learn from what I’ve read

 

Teach me oh Lord to share thy love

And point others to you

so they may sing thy song with me

And hear thy gospel true

 

Teach me oh Lord to know thy will

I long to be like thee

Return to thee in heav’n above

for all eternity

 

Teach me oh lord to love myself

As I love thee dear

To have faith in they plan for me

And to move on from here

 

Teach me Lord to enter thy house

Enter thy presence there

Help me to covenant with thee

Commune with thee in prayer

 

Psalms 25:4-5

               “Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths.

               Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.”

Psalms 86:11-12

               “Teach me thy way, O Lord; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.

               I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore.”

Psalms 143:10

               “Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.”

 

 

 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

I just discovered your poems and they're all so, so beautiful. Hope you're doing okay

[InfiniteInsanity she/her]

Spoiler

I thought

I had closed this story

Turned the last page

Made it through

 

I thought

It was time to move forward

Heal if possible

 

And yet

Here I am

 

Once again

On my knees

Pleas for relief

And peace

Quietly fill the air

 

Once again

My cheeks 

Are tear-stained

I can barely

Stand 

 

Once again

I force myself

To move 

From moment

To moment

 

Once again

There’s no end in sight

No light at the end of the tunnel

Just a new page

For me to turn

 

[Through the Living Hope]

3 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Hide contents

I thought

I had closed this story

Turned the last page

Made it through

 

I thought

It was time to move forward

Heal if possible

 

And yet

Here I am

 

Once again

On my knees

Pleas for relief

And peace

Quietly fill the air

 

Once again

My cheeks 

Are tear-stained

I can barely

Stand 

 

Once again

I force myself

To move 

From moment

To moment

 

Once again

There’s no end in sight

No light at the end of the tunnel

Just a new page

For me to turn

 

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

19 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

  Hide contents

I thought

I had closed this story

Turned the last page

Made it through

 

I thought

It was time to move forward

Heal if possible

 

And yet

Here I am

 

Once again

On my knees

Pleas for relief

And peace

Quietly fill the air

 

Once again

My cheeks 

Are tear-stained

I can barely

Stand 

 

Once again

I force myself

To move 

From moment

To moment

 

Once again

There’s no end in sight

No light at the end of the tunnel

Just a new page

For me to turn

 

*hugs*