InfiniteInsanity Posted November 5, 2023 Author Report Share Posted November 5, 2023 Spoiler What if I disappeared? Not dead Or stolen Just gone? Invisible? What would happen? How long would it take for people to notice? How long could I go invisible? Would everyone think I was just gone? Or would they notice a silent presence? What if I could try it and I liked it or it felt normal and so I faded away? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard Posted November 5, 2023 Report Share Posted November 5, 2023 3 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Hide contents What if I disappeared? Not dead Or stolen Just gone? Invisible? What would happen? How long would it take for people to notice? How long could I go invisible? Would everyone think I was just gone? Or would they notice a silent presence? What if I could try it and I liked it or it felt normal and so I faded away? *hugs* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted November 5, 2023 Report Share Posted November 5, 2023 2 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Reveal hidden contents What if I disappeared? Not dead Or stolen Just gone? Invisible? What would happen? How long would it take for people to notice? How long could I go invisible? Would everyone think I was just gone? Or would they notice a silent presence? What if I could try it and I liked it or it felt normal and so I faded away? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittles Posted November 6, 2023 Report Share Posted November 6, 2023 On 11/5/2023 at 9:34 AM, InfiniteInsanity said: Hide contents What if I disappeared? Not dead Or stolen Just gone? Invisible? What would happen? How long would it take for people to notice? How long could I go invisible? Would everyone think I was just gone? Or would they notice a silent presence? What if I could try it and I liked it or it felt normal and so I faded away? That's a mood. *hugs* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted November 7, 2023 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2023 #4 Spoiler #52 Spoiler #94 Spoiler 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted November 7, 2023 Report Share Posted November 7, 2023 Oo, pretty words. I like them. (I don’t like tomatoes though…sorry) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted November 15, 2023 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2023 Spoiler To: Me of all tenses Hi. Nothing about today is particularly notable but I must say I was thinking (dangerous I know) I suck at asking for help. I've been in therapy and failed to tell my therapist I wanted to die When I'm drowning I won't make a single sound lest I disturb those around me. And I started to wonder how many other people live just like me? Drowning in thick silence? Wishing for something as loud and mighty as a waterfall to block out the lies? Feeling forgotten ignored discarded almost like roadkill though not yet as dead? Barely making it one more day because their body mind soul are experiencing a blackout with no energy to be found? Putting on a mask so no one has to feel their pain? How many others think and write Dear me of the future, when do I drop the mask? Dear me of the past, why why why did I let you fall? How did I fail you so horribly? Dear me of the present, just one more day okay? To me of all tenses don't forget me don't forget that you aren't the only one the silence may drown and the lies yell and scream and the mask may be superglued to your face and you may feel discarded and all your back up batteries are dead But you are stronger. -me of right now 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard Posted November 15, 2023 Report Share Posted November 15, 2023 2 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Hide contents To: Me of all tenses Hi. Nothing about today is particularly notable but I must say I was thinking (dangerous I know) I suck at asking for help. I've been in therapy and failed to tell my therapist I wanted to die When I'm drowning I won't make a single sound lest I disturb those around me. And I started to wonder how many other people live just like me? Drowning in thick silence? Wishing for something as loud and mighty as a waterfall to block out the lies? Feeling forgotten ignored discarded almost like roadkill though not yet as dead? Barely making it one more day because their body mind soul are experiencing a blackout with no energy to be found? Putting on a mask so no one has to feel their pain? How many others think and write Dear me of the future, when do I drop the mask? Dear me of the past, why why why did I let you fall? How did I fail you so horribly? Dear me of the present, just one more day okay? To me of all tenses don't forget me don't forget that you aren't the only one the silence may drown and the lies yell and scream and the mask may be superglued to your face and you may feel discarded and all your back up batteries are dead But you are stronger. -me of right now *hugs* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ΨιτιsτηεΒέsτ Posted November 15, 2023 Report Share Posted November 15, 2023 13 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Hide contents To: Me of all tenses Hi. Nothing about today is particularly notable but I must say I was thinking (dangerous I know) I suck at asking for help. I've been in therapy and failed to tell my therapist I wanted to die When I'm drowning I won't make a single sound lest I disturb those around me. And I started to wonder how many other people live just like me? Drowning in thick silence? Wishing for something as loud and mighty as a waterfall to block out the lies? Feeling forgotten ignored discarded almost like roadkill though not yet as dead? Barely making it one more day because their body mind soul are experiencing a blackout with no energy to be found? Putting on a mask so no one has to feel their pain? How many others think and write Dear me of the future, when do I drop the mask? Dear me of the past, why why why did I let you fall? How did I fail you so horribly? Dear me of the present, just one more day okay? To me of all tenses don't forget me don't forget that you aren't the only one the silence may drown and the lies yell and scream and the mask may be superglued to your face and you may feel discarded and all your back up batteries are dead But you are stronger. -me of right now Feel well 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted November 15, 2023 Report Share Posted November 15, 2023 9 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Reveal hidden contents To: Me of all tenses Hi. Nothing about today is particularly notable but I must say I was thinking (dangerous I know) I suck at asking for help. I've been in therapy and failed to tell my therapist I wanted to die When I'm drowning I won't make a single sound lest I disturb those around me. And I started to wonder how many other people live just like me? Drowning in thick silence? Wishing for something as loud and mighty as a waterfall to block out the lies? Feeling forgotten ignored discarded almost like roadkill though not yet as dead? Barely making it one more day because their body mind soul are experiencing a blackout with no energy to be found? Putting on a mask so no one has to feel their pain? How many others think and write Dear me of the future, when do I drop the mask? Dear me of the past, why why why did I let you fall? How did I fail you so horribly? Dear me of the present, just one more day okay? To me of all tenses don't forget me don't forget that you aren't the only one the silence may drown and the lies yell and scream and the mask may be superglued to your face and you may feel discarded and all your back up batteries are dead But you are stronger. -me of right now Thank you for the beautiful, true words. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted November 28, 2023 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2023 My friend said that I wrote a whole poem when I was talking to her about how to fireproof a house from raining but its fire. And all the house are built out of wood and stone but I suggested mud or sod. This is what I said. Spoiler You water your house so it wet and because its wet your house doesn't die and if you stay in the house you don't die So now I make a poem. I can't decide whether to leave it as it is or try to write more but... here's what I got. For now Spoiler I adapted to the rain Long ago You know, the fire that falls from the sky I used to live in a lovely log cabin But that was destroyed quickly And now I have to live in a dirty dirt one I'm doing my best to keep it alive Before the rain I water it So the fire can't burn it 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted December 5, 2023 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2023 So just to be clear I am mentally not in the greatest place right now. I haven't hurt myself. I don't plan on hurting myself. But sometimes the thoughts creep in. I wrote these yesterday I'm doing better today. Spoiler What if I just gave up? Its all "situational" anyways all that can be done is for me to stop stop being anxious stop feeling the need to claw at my skin to pull some invisible arm off my neck so I can breathe again so I can speak again And I've tried I really have I went to the doctor and then a therapist but all that seems to have happened is I've gotten better at hiding it Y'all don't need me anyways Most of you barely know me and for those of you who do if there's no me there's less for you to worry about and maybe then everyone will be more aware and willing to talk to people they barely know and check in on them If you're reading this know I'm not planning anything I'm just thinking but the more I think the sweeter the release seems. Spoiler When do you know for sure you aren't okay? That something is wrong? And perhaps fatally so? Is it when your intrusive thoughts go from random and silly to violent and intriguing? Is it when you turn to some activity not because you love it the same way you used to but so you can escape? Is it when you look at someone you love and think about how much easier their life would be without you? Is it when you realize you barely talk to anyone so what's the point in continuing to move forward? When does everyone else know? Never? Not until its over? Not until you say something? Not until you're almost gone? When does it finally all break you? When do you lose it all? I started another one but I didn't finish it and I don't know that I ever will. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard Posted December 5, 2023 Report Share Posted December 5, 2023 2 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: So just to be clear I am mentally not in the greatest place right now. I haven't hurt myself. I don't plan on hurting myself. But sometimes the thoughts creep in. I wrote these yesterday I'm doing better today. Hide contents What if I just gave up? Its all "situational" anyways all that can be done is for me to stop stop being anxious stop feeling the need to claw at my skin to pull some invisible arm off my neck so I can breathe again so I can speak again And I've tried I really have I went to the doctor and then a therapist but all that seems to have happened is I've gotten better at hiding it Y'all don't need me anyways Most of you barely know me and for those of you who do if there's no me there's less for you to worry about and maybe then everyone will be more aware and willing to talk to people they barely know and check in on them If you're reading this know I'm not planning anything I'm just thinking but the more I think the sweeter the release seems. Hide contents When do you know for sure you aren't okay? That something is wrong? And perhaps fatally so? Is it when your intrusive thoughts go from random and silly to violent and intriguing? Is it when you turn to some activity not because you love it the same way you used to but so you can escape? Is it when you look at someone you love and think about how much easier their life would be without you? Is it when you realize you barely talk to anyone so what's the point in continuing to move forward? When does everyone else know? Never? Not until its over? Not until you say something? Not until you're almost gone? When does it finally all break you? When do you lose it all? I started another one but I didn't finish it and I don't know that I ever will. *hugs* Please if you ever need to talk to someone you can always text me. It'll never be a bother. You are a wonderful sister 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted December 5, 2023 Report Share Posted December 5, 2023 2 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said: So just to be clear I am mentally not in the greatest place right now. I haven't hurt myself. I don't plan on hurting myself. But sometimes the thoughts creep in. I wrote these yesterday I'm doing better today. Reveal hidden contents What if I just gave up? Its all "situational" anyways all that can be done is for me to stop stop being anxious stop feeling the need to claw at my skin to pull some invisible arm off my neck so I can breathe again so I can speak again And I've tried I really have I went to the doctor and then a therapist but all that seems to have happened is I've gotten better at hiding it Y'all don't need me anyways Most of you barely know me and for those of you who do if there's no me there's less for you to worry about and maybe then everyone will be more aware and willing to talk to people they barely know and check in on them If you're reading this know I'm not planning anything I'm just thinking but the more I think the sweeter the release seems. Reveal hidden contents When do you know for sure you aren't okay? That something is wrong? And perhaps fatally so? Is it when your intrusive thoughts go from random and silly to violent and intriguing? Is it when you turn to some activity not because you love it the same way you used to but so you can escape? Is it when you look at someone you love and think about how much easier their life would be without you? Is it when you realize you barely talk to anyone so what's the point in continuing to move forward? When does everyone else know? Never? Not until its over? Not until you say something? Not until you're almost gone? When does it finally all break you? When do you lose it all? I started another one but I didn't finish it and I don't know that I ever will. *also hugs* "Hold on, Hold on to someone standing by. Hold on. Don't even ask how long or why! Child, hold on to what you know is true, Hold on 'til you get through. Child, oh child! Hold on!" That's from a song. Hold on. It won't always hurt as bad as it does right now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted December 11, 2023 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2023 Spoiler Spoiler Incoherent silence Really the only way To describe my predicament Because some silence Had meaning Like the silence Of grief Or the silence Of shock Mine means nothing I could be Dying Or Crying Or Smiling But I’ll still remain silent And my actions and expression Never seem to match What I experience On the inside Even I Can’t always decipher it Its a meaningless jumble Of emotion Or the lack thereof My silence Is incoherent Makes no sense Has no meaning Overpowers Overthrows 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard Posted December 11, 2023 Report Share Posted December 11, 2023 7 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Reveal hidden contents Reveal hidden contents Incoherent silence Really the only way To describe my predicament Because some silence Had meaning Like the silence Of grief Or the silence Of shock Mine means nothing I could be Dying Or Crying Or Smiling But I’ll still remain silent And my actions and expression Never seem to match What I experience On the inside Even I Can’t always decipher it Its a meaningless jumble Of emotion Or the lack thereof My silence Is incoherent Makes no sense Has no meaning Overpowers Overthrows *hugs just hugs* I'm always available if you ever need someone to talk to. You can even call if you feel like it. It'll never be a bother, dear sister. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. Magi Posted December 11, 2023 Report Share Posted December 11, 2023 11 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Reveal hidden contents Reveal hidden contents Incoherent silence Really the only way To describe my predicament Because some silence Had meaning Like the silence Of grief Or the silence Of shock Mine means nothing I could be Dying Or Crying Or Smiling But I’ll still remain silent And my actions and expression Never seem to match What I experience On the inside Even I Can’t always decipher it Its a meaningless jumble Of emotion Or the lack thereof My silence Is incoherent Makes no sense Has no meaning Overpowers Overthrows I completely understand this feeling. Like wizzy said, we're here for you. It's beautifully written, as always!! (Also I literally just realized that that's wizzy, ookla season is hard for me man). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted December 11, 2023 Report Share Posted December 11, 2023 48 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Reveal hidden contents Hide contents Incoherent silence Really the only way To describe my predicament Because some silence Had meaning Like the silence Of grief Or the silence Of shock Mine means nothing I could be Dying Or Crying Or Smiling But I’ll still remain silent And my actions and expression Never seem to match What I experience On the inside Even I Can’t always decipher it Its a meaningless jumble Of emotion Or the lack thereof My silence Is incoherent Makes no sense Has no meaning Overpowers Overthrows I'm also here. It's a beautiful poem. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted December 11, 2023 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2023 I posted in here a little while ago but I wrote another thing. I have a sort of flow I want and I think other people can feel it. I don't quite have it yet. So if y'all have any ideas how I can twist or change the wording but still continue the same meaning that would be great. Spoiler Let me Lay my head down And Let me Go to sleep And Let me Numb the feelings And Let me Ignore the pain And Let me Break the heartache And Let me Close my eyes And Let me Say I love you And Let me Say goodbye And Let me Wake up once again And Let me Repeat my actions And Let me Make it one big loop And Let me Fade to darkness Until finally Let me Die 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wittles Posted December 11, 2023 Report Share Posted December 11, 2023 3 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said: I posted in here a little while ago but I wrote another thing. I have a sort of flow I want and I think other people can feel it. I don't quite have it yet. So if y'all have any ideas how I can twist or change the wording but still continue the same meaning that would be great. Hide contents Let me Lay my head down And Let me Go to sleep And Let me Numb the feelings And Let me Ignore the pain And Let me Break the heartache And Let me Close my eyes And Let me Say I love you And Let me Say goodbye And Let me Wake up once again And Let me Repeat my actions And Let me Make it one big loop And Let me Fade to darkness Until finally Let me Die That pain is an awful one. It hurts. *hugs* Thanks for letting those words be said though. It's nice to see the inside expressed. *hugs* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted December 18, 2023 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 Spoiler Clawing Scratching Picking at my skin It doesn't belong to me anymore Its the ghost of who I once was the smiling insane bright silhouette of a girl with messy hair and perfect grades before mirrors were enemies before it mattered if my clothing matched before I watched what I ate. It doesn't feel like it fits anymore I want it off. Make it go away. Spoiler You're never too old for fairy tales. But the truth of the fairy tales is revealed as we grow. Ursula didn't use magic she cut off Ariels tongue. And Ariel didn't get her happy ending She melted into the sea because the prince thought another girl was his savior. And after that Ariel struggled for a long long long long time to hold back the tears And wait for her punishment to end. Cinderella's stepmother wanted so desperately for her daughters to fit in those magic shoes she handed them a knife and told them to cut off parts of their feet. They tried so hard to be someone they weren't all to marry a stupid prince. It leaves them disabled and broken. And then as if that isn't enough birds peck out their eyes. Rapunzel's prince fell from the tower and landed in a patch of thorns which blinded him and he was left to fend for himself while Rapunzel freed herself and then through her tears of sorrow healed her prince Hansel and Gretel only found the candy house because their step mother hated them she tried to loose them over and over and over but they followed their own trails home until they ran out of rocks then they used bread which the birds ate and then they were lost and had to save themselves from being eaten by a starving old lady with a house built of sweets. When the truth of fairy tales comes to light they don't seem so magical anymore They seem more like stories created by broken, abused, hurting authors trying to see through their pain and imagine their own happily ever afters. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted December 18, 2023 Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 Woah. Those are both beautiful, Insa, and I feel them so much. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wandering Wizard Posted December 18, 2023 Report Share Posted December 18, 2023 6 hours ago, InfiniteInsanity said: Hide contents Clawing Scratching Picking at my skin It doesn't belong to me anymore Its the ghost of who I once was the smiling insane bright silhouette of a girl with messy hair and perfect grades before mirrors were enemies before it mattered if my clothing matched before I watched what I ate. It doesn't feel like it fits anymore I want it off. Make it go away. Hide contents You're never too old for fairy tales. But the truth of the fairy tales is revealed as we grow. Ursula didn't use magic she cut off Ariels tongue. And Ariel didn't get her happy ending She melted into the sea because the prince thought another girl was his savior. And after that Ariel struggled for a long long long long time to hold back the tears And wait for her punishment to end. Cinderella's stepmother wanted so desperately for her daughters to fit in those magic shoes she handed them a knife and told them to cut off parts of their feet. They tried so hard to be someone they weren't all to marry a stupid prince. It leaves them disabled and broken. And then as if that isn't enough birds peck out their eyes. Rapunzel's prince fell from the tower and landed in a patch of thorns which blinded him and he was left to fend for himself while Rapunzel freed herself and then through her tears of sorrow healed her prince Hansel and Gretel only found the candy house because their step mother hated them she tried to loose them over and over and over but they followed their own trails home until they ran out of rocks then they used bread which the birds ate and then they were lost and had to save themselves from being eaten by a starving old lady with a house built of sweets. When the truth of fairy tales comes to light they don't seem so magical anymore They seem more like stories created by broken, abused, hurting authors trying to see through their pain and imagine their own happily ever afters. <333 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteInsanity Posted January 2 Author Report Share Posted January 2 Spoiler To Do List: Be louder (None of them can hear you) ... Scratch that Be quieter Cause now you sound Aggressive and impatient 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edema Rue Posted January 2 Report Share Posted January 2 *hugs* 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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