Existential

Okay

I’m just gonna

let this out here

I’m finally cleared for graduation. Feels weird. I’m happy but also… not? Idk how to explain it. But for some reason it just doesn’t feel real. 
 

I think I’m just stuck in a place where I’m prepared for the worst to happen, and that’s what’s happening now. I can’t seem to actually believe I’m graduating. In the strangest way I feel like I don’t deserve it. That’s kinda how I’ve felt about everything I have recently. I get caught in a place where I’m skimming the minimum and I don’t know how I’m making it to the end. Or I have people that I’m with or friends or something and I don’t know why they’re with me. I can’t seem to understand what makes a person like someone like me. I’m exhausted all the time and I’ve spent the last couple weeks forcing myself to leave my house, rather than let me anxiety keep me contained inside, but I don’t know if it’s getting better or worde I’m kinda falling to worse. I just… I think I wish I was like other people. Put together. I don’t wanna help myself cause it prevents me from helping thise I care about, but it seems like me hurting is hurting those around me, and I’m stuck in an endless loop. I’m just falling, and I feel like there isn’t anything I can grab on to to stop. I have Glass, and that makes me so happy, but I don’t want her to have to catch me every time I fall. I’m just so deep in my head I don’t know what to do. Thanks for reading if you did. I don’t know if I’ll be back for a bit, but if you want to message me pm me so I’ll see it, or something idk