Zath

The Nightwatcher leans in close. "What makes you think you haven't already met her?" she asks in chilling voice. She cackles as flames spring into existence around you, blocking any escape from the Nightwatcher. She reaches behind her and pulls out... A fiddle? The Nightwatcher starts playing this song, and you are forced to listen. The Devil Went Down to Georgia (The actual song starts at 0:30) Ahem. I wish for the best singing voice ever. And that people can hear me when I sing.

Aww, shucks. Thanks, @Rebecca and @AonEne! Granted. All the Shards like puppies. They like them so much that each of them actually gives their power to a puppy and retires (if Shards can retire...). Puppy-Ruin chews on ALL the furniture -- past, present, and future -- and all carpenters and upholsterers lose their jobs. Puppy-Preservation digs up all the bones everywhere and re-buries them in the great Beyond-backyard. Cemeteries are no longer a thing. Puppy-Endowment licks everyone's face. Dog slobber is the new cologne/perfume Cosmere-wide. (Vin is okay with this) Puppy-Autonomy (or Puppies-Autonomy, perhaps) is always chasing stuff and running away to make their own way in the world. They also encourage all other puppies to do the same. It becomes harder than ever to keep dogs on their leashes. Puppy-Odium goes around and... um... "marks his territory" on everyone's favorite sneakers. Joggers and marathoners everywhere are very upset. Puppy-Cultivation is constantly eating grass 'cause she loves plants so much. No one has to mow their lawns again, ever. Puppy-Honor is the best at "Sit. Stay... Good boy!" It becomes easier than ever to train puppies, and dog shows become the next Super Bowls. I wish to sound like Gandalf (the Ian McKellen version of Gandalf). All the time.

"...What gathering?" the Nightwatcher asks. "You know," AonEne replies, "the one where all the 17th Sharders get together and we have a blast geeking out about Brandon Sanderson's books? That gathering." "Ah. Very well, foolish mortal, you shall have your gathering." The way the Nightwatcher phrased that last bit sounds somewhat ominous to you, but you don't have time to do anything about it before a bright flash of light blinds you and you find yourself standing on a huge balcony (it looks like it's been Soulcast) with a bunch of other people. You start talking and it is discovered that everybody there is a member of the 17th Shard! Introductions done, everyone starts discussing the latest Cosmere theory and poking fun at each other and all-in-all just having a grand old time. Then the horizon darkens... You dash to edge of the balcony and see immense, dark clouds approaching swiftly. Flashes of lightning streak across the face of the oncoming storm. Everyone rushes to the doors, but apparently some scum-sucking lowlife has Lashed them closed and no one can get through to safety. Everyone watches helplessly as the highstorm closes in, the howling winds chilling your blood. The storm grows closer and closer until it seems to swallow the world, and then- There's a bright flash of light and you find yourself in the safety of your own home again. You can hear the Nightwatcher's voice in your head: "Pfffft, hahahahaha! Oh, you all should have seen your faces! Classic! Ahahaha... Oh, I am so hilarious! Hee hee hee..." The Nightwatcher has a cruel sense of humor, sometimes. I wish for some chouta.

At least I still got sunshine! (Also, RIP, little puppies...) Granted. Odium now LOVES puppies. He destroys every living thing except for puppies. He feeds the puppies with the remains of humanity. Now with a taste for human flesh, the puppies world-hop across the Cosmere, feasting upon unsuspecting civilizations that are like, "Awww, puppies! Hey wait, stop eating me - AAAAA!!!" and paving the way for Odium's conquest of everything. Way to go, Kidpen. You've doomed us all. I wish for a nice croissant.

The Nightwatcher immediately stabs you through the gut with a sharp stick. You stare at the length of wood protruding from your abdomen, then casually pull it out and toss it to the side. "Your boon is granted," the Nightwatcher says, and she's right. You feel the pain of the injury, but it's distant and removed from your immediate consciousness. Plus, you're still alive after being impaled by a stick. Weeks later, the wound finally heals, leaving nothing but a small, round scar. You go about your daily business, when suddenly some stranger walks up to you and stabs you with a sharp stick in the exact same spot. You stare at the stranger in mild shock, and he apologizes profusely, "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me! Um... are you... okay?" You nod and withdraw the stick, tossing it to the side. You're overcome by a strange sense of deja vu. That stick looks familiar... Over the years, that same stick will be embedded in your flesh over and over again, in the same spot, through freak accidents and random assaults by strangers. You can do nothing to prevent this, and your supernatural immunity to pain and injury really weirds people out. You eventually find yourself shunned and alone, and you can't seem to get yourself to care -- the same apathy you have towards pain also applies to developing relationships with others. You live in a shack in the wilderness for the rest of your days, chopping firewood and removing sharp sticks from your flesh. Oof, that got kinda dark. Sorry about that. I wish for sunshine and puppies.

Ninja'd! Mmmm.... Not granted. The Nightwatcher believes this to be an evil wish. She grants you instead the ability to experience things that your friend experiences as if you are your friend. Your bane is that you may only experience events that are emotionally distressing. You miss out on all the good stuff. (Be careful what you wish for...) Again, I wish for an infinite garage.

We missed a wish earlier! Two Sharders, two wishes! Very well. <cracks knuckles> Here goes. Granted. The human race makes huge leaps in technological cartography and wormhole traverse-ability. They are met midway through a wormhole by an alternate reality human race who has done the exact same thing, except the AU humans powered their stuff with "nuklear" power instead of "nuclear" power. All the linguists in both realities are very upset with each other, and use the advanced technology to start a war of staggering proportions, bringing in alternate realities of human-cyborg warriors and killer bunnies to tear their enemies to shreds. Also, every time someone says "nuclear" or "nuklear," you sneeze. That last bit was just for fun. ( ) You are the duck. Every day, you walk up to a lemonade stand, ask for grapes, then waddle away. Your bane is that the person running the lemonade stand NEVER gives you any grapes. Or lemonade, for that matter. I wish for an infinite garage. Don't ask me why.

Granted! You have a genuine Mistborn llama, capable of burning all Allomantic metals. Its favorite is Pewter, which it uses to spit with incredible accuracy at long range. At any moment, you could find yourself on the receiving end of a llama saliva missile. Other than that, it's great having a pet Mistborn llama. There are certain moments during the day when you feel an urgent need and an increased concern to care for your llama, giving it all the food it desires. Oddly, these moments seem to coincide with a shortage of your Zinc and Brass metal shavings. It's strange, and now that you think about it... Oh, wait, you need to feed your llama again RIGHT NOW. I wish for wings so I can fly.

(Words of Radiance spoilers) And yes, from now on, every time I watch The Sound of Music I will switch out "Maria" for "Sadeas" in my head. What have you done.

I've been waiting my entire life for this question!! (I literally have my favorite scenes in the novels marked by post-it notes. No joke) Nonetheless, it's a hard choice... I'm going to have to go with these two scenes as my favorites. Mistborn: The Final Empire, pg 489 And the follow-up from Mistborn: The Hero of Ages, pg 258 I was laughing my head off while reading these scenes. I dunno why, but imagining Kelsier and Vin saying that phrase just makes my day.

Granted. Your new pet moose will do whatever you say, and will do nothing except what you tell it to do. Including breathe. And eat, and sleep, etc. You spend years of your life telling the moose to inhale, then exhale, then eat this, then drink that, so on and so forth, until you lose all patience. ...The moose venison turns out quite good, actually. (I'm so sorry.) I call upon the Nightwatcher to fulfill my boon: I wish for a jet-pack.

Aww, shucks. Thank you! OK, seriously, I've gotta stop. After these. I promise. Maybe. (Yeah, probably not). All of the following quotes are from the same person. (The Way of Kings minor spoilers) Marasi: "So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?" Wayne: "Right. We should take pride in our mediocrity." "The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life." -Wit <Kaladin is arguing with Syl. Adolin walks by> Adolin: "I don't know what's weirder -- that you're arguing with yourself, or that you seem to be losing." Kaladin: "I'M NOT LOSING! SYL CHEATS!" "I'm interested in things that are none of my business, and I'm bored by things that are important to know." -Highprince Sebarial "How can something seem so plausible at the time and so idiotic in retrospect?" -Shallan, after one of her many misadventures "Not having my emotions manipulated is such a weird experience." -Anyone after spending a long enough time around Breeze "People don't realize what a burden it is being a genius like me." -The Lopen "There would be more civility in this world if people didn't take it as an invitation to walk on you." -Dalinar "I can't imagine mastering the skills involved here without a clearer understanding of who's going to be impressed." -Adolin, about anything other than dueling, riding, warfare, or fashion. "If heaven is for good people, and if I like to be bad, how am I supposed to be happy there?" -Sadeas "I think grown-ups just act like they know what they're doing." -Lift "You just go about your business and one day you realize you're not the same person you used to be. People change whether they decide to or not!" -Nohadon (basic Stormlight Archive overall plot-line spoilers) "In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks." -Shallan Navani: "Someday, I hope you have a kid that puts you through what I've gone through." Jasnah: "Yeah, Grandma said that's what she used to tell you." "Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?" -Hammond Kaladin: "Sometimes, I wish I was an honorspren." Syl: "A common lament." Kelsier: "Bad news, Dox. I promised my soul to the devil this afternoon." Dockson: "Oh? That recently?" "Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em! ?" -Shallan, upon finding out about Shinovar cows' milk (not sure if Shinovar cows are canon...) "Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me with affection." -Kaladin ...The Way of Kings minor spoilers: "HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?? WHERE WILL IT ALL END?!?" -Every major protagonist from Brandon Sanderson's novels. Young Jasnah: "Mom, can I set fire to my bed mattress?" Navani: "No, Jasnah." Young Jasnah: (muttering to herself) "Moms and reason are like oil and water..." And, lastly (The Way of Kings and Words of Radiance spoilers), If that last one didn't give it away already, all of the above quotes are actually from...

@The Allomantic Metalhead, your list made me laugh so hard, I was crying. You get Advancements.

Granted. You are a moderator... of kindergarten squabbles. You are the last word on whose crayon is whose, and -- Jimmy, stop pulling on Susan's ponytail this instant! I wish to know which came first: the chicken, or the egg?

This is the best. @Mistspren, if I could give you more upvotes for that, I would.

Here's a few more...(I can't stop! AAAAUUGH!!!) "Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." -Jasnah (Actually from...) "Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back" -Wayne (Actually from...) "Any man who can ride safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." -Adolin (Actually from...) "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." -Raoden (Actually from...) "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." -Zahel (Actually from...) "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." -Kelsier to Vin (Actually from...) "I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I'm saying." -The King's Wit / Hoid (Actually from...) "Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think." -Jasnah (Actually from...) "I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure." -Lift (Actually from... I dunno. I'm too lazy to look it up. ) "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -MeLaan (Actually from...) "If you can dream it, you can do it." -The Almighty to Dalinar, during Dalinar's visions (Actually from...) "What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?" -Marasi talking about Wayne's new hat (Actually from...) "There's something here that doesn't make sense. Let's go poke it with a stick." -Shallan (Actually from...)

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." -Leras / Preservation (Actually from...) "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." -Vin (Actually from...) "Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated then, I promise!" -Steris (in her head) to Wayne (Actually from...) "Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason." -Kelsier talking about the Luthadel Assembly (if he'd been around) (Actually from...) "Crazy people don't know they are crazy. I know I am crazy, therefore I am not crazy. Isn't that crazy?" -Zane (Actually from...) "If you want to have the final say in an argument, just tell your opponent: 'I suppose you're right.'" -Sazed (Actually from...) "Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to poop on the board and strut around like it won anyway." -Hoid (Actually from... I have no idea. Anonymous, I suppose?)

Welcome! If you weren't planning on it already, I strongly recommend reading The Rithmatist and the Alcatraz vs the Evil Librarians books. The Rithmatist is a mystery/thriller targeted at young adults/teens, not as serious or dark as his other novels, but still an excellent story and -- of course -- it has an intriguing magic system. The Alcatraz books are quick reads targeted at teens/tweens, and it is wacky, fun, and utterly hilarious (try to get the editions that are illustrated by Hayley Lazo; her art does a fantastic job of capturing the world and characters). That's my two copper clips.

Augh! You caught my post in the ten-second window before I edited the spelling! That definitely qualifies as ninja. ...You're still banned from Japan, though, despite your increasing ninja talents. Granted. More meetings occur, and you are able to attend every one of them. They're still not very "book club"-y, but that's beside the point. Your bane is that from now on, gravity is reversed for you. You walk on ceilings, and to go outside you must be tethered to something heavier than you are. You are the world's first human "balloon." If I were you, I'd start by securing a mattress to the ceiling, followed shortly by a bookcase full of Brandon's stories. I wish for the fanciest scooter.

Granted! You get your awesome book club, plus Tesh and Tesh's new chicken as bonus attendees. Wayne steals everyone's books and swaps them for polished stones he found near the canals, Lift steals all the refreshments and is awesome, Alcatraz, Lopen and Hoid get into an insult battle, and you and Tesh laugh yourselves silly. No actual "book club" stuff happens. Your bane is that your sitting room (where you all met) will always smell like slightly overripe mangosteens forevermore. I wish that Dalinar had been invited to the afore-mentioned book club. (Imagine his reaction when he shows up ready to have a serious discussion about Nohadon's "The Way of Kings," and then everything spirals out of control. Poor Dalinar.)

Granted. You know those Copperminds you wished for earlier? Now you can use them. However, you may only store and tap memories relating to this thread; specifically, that you must wish after you grant another Sharder's wish. Boon: I am confused. Bane: The Nightwatcher is not happy. I wish to live in a giant, orbiting space station.

I know this wish was already granted, but: awesomeness acknowledged. That was pretty epic. I wanna go battle Voidbringers with a Shardblade now. Granted. In sudden burst of Nightwatcher smoke, you and all the Sharders are in a Cosmere-themed convention hall. Your bane is that everyone is a much better writer than a talker, so all the conversation is a bit awkward. Regardless, once the ice is broken everyone has a good time. The Nightatcher thanks you for making such an unselfish wish. She also makes your toenails a bright neon lime-green. Forever. Ninja'd...twice. The Nightwatcher scratches her head with a wispy hand, then gives you a banana. Your bane is that you will slip on a banana peel once a week for the rest of your life. I suggest wearing a helmet. I wish for a friendly dragon.

Hooray! It's a hoverboard! <Zath enjoys riding around on it for weeks> Zath: (speaking to random bystander) Isn't my hoverboard great?! Random Bystander: Um.... that's not a hoverboard. It has wheels. Zath: WHAT?! Almighty above, you're right! My life is a LIE!! <breaks down and sobs> ...ahem. Granted, these images exist in a smaller size. These smaller sizes may only be used if you are posting from Tonga. I wish for a magical taxi cab. Just because.

Soother. Kinda fits, I tend to be the peacemaker in family disputes.

For me it was the complete opposite. I only found out about The Wheel of Time because Brandon Sanderson was chosen to finish it. I read the whole series just because the last three books were written by Sanderson. Turned out that I liked the books though, so I'm happy. (Except maybe Crossroads of Twilight. Seriously, it felt like nothing happened for the entire book. Just the characters thinking about their problems, and taking ineffectual actions to solve those problems. Am I the only one?)