WriteNowDave

Welcome and depending on your time zone. May the 4th be with you.

--- I understand your confusion but I posted it because I wanted to show off the characters that worked at the dinner. It was a flattery/mocking/imitating of Brandon, Dan, Howard, and Mary from the podcast. I knew posting so far in (chapter 18) would leave things a bit confusing in following the main characters. The story is that yes the other three are aliens in human flesh that has died and been implanted/reanimated. Joy hasn't had this done(died). The general population isn't aware of the 'recycled' bodies walking around ever having died in the first place and so they blend in. Jeb, the current governor of Texas, had died and been implanted a good number of years ago. He still has to keep up the facade as long as the general population isn't aware of his species presence on the planet. Now I fully admit my 'suckage' for the rules of grammar but that is just formatting tricks. I can edit that in later drafts. Still, thank you for your input

I had thought it would have been a funny poke at all the crime dramas on television but apparently I judged my target audience wrong, my bad. CSI = (Creative & Supportive Influences)

Got it. I will try to review over the weekend

Welcome N.E.R.D. Nice Enthusiastic Reader of sanDerson Yes i'm a Dork

Something tells me you are mousing around the real question. (and why aren't you banned yet?)

You forgot to list 5b.

* WARNING * Possible gross superpower I have the ability to puncture insane amounts of toilet paper with just my finger at all the wrong moments.

I tried to download it but DropBox gave me a page permission issue.

but just then

Hi all, So who is interested in joining [pulls of sunglasses] writer's group CSI? If so... [answering machine voice] leave your contact info below and somebody will get a hold of you. Thanks, bye. Darth Dork (Dave)

This is a first draft but I thought some of you might find it humorous. Sorry about the new paragraph line editing indention but it was written in google docs and it does weird indenting stuff when copied/pasted out. =========== =========== Joy left the World - Chp 18 “Luxury” Joy slowly lifted her head up and looked out the window. She had felt the limo starting to slow down and could feel it shifting lanes. She sheepishly looked over at Chris who was wearing the over sized spare clothes that the governor had lent him and to wear in place of the clothes she had vomited on just a few hours ago. “Are we stopping again for gas?” Not intentionally both Chris and Jeb nodded their heads in a mirror like fashion which might have been her imagination seeing how similarly they were now dressed. “Good, my head is pounding and I’m starving.” She looked Chris straight in the eyes and asked “now why did you both nod like that?” Are you somehow linked or talking with your minds?” Jeb and Chris glanced at each other and then Jeb gave a bowing nod to Chris giving him free reign to try and explain it. “No Joy it was just coincidence. Though truthfully we have probably both been keeping track of the mileage and estimated miles per gallon this beast gets and doing the math in our heads.” Jeb changed the topic slightly “as much as I've enjoyed riding in the back of this thing I've always hated how often poor Alfred has to fill it. I swear this thing needs to join some ‘AA’ group like additives anonymous.” Smiling wide “but since i’m not the one doing filling it up it doesn't bother me ‘that’ bad.” Leaning forward slightly towards the front “love you sweetie.” “Eat it up while you still can because you know this whole subordinate facade is going to end the moment we get to the launch site.” “I am doing my best to enjoy every last precious moment too.” Jeb leaned over towards Joy “I might have to reward him and appease that ego with some nookie later.” Her already hung over stomach started to churn with the added nausea which only made Jeb chuckle. The car came to a stop in line before one of the pumps as Jeb said “you know we are not that pressed for time, why don’t all of us go inside for a bite to eat as kind of a last meal before our final goodbye to the earth at the…” He stretched his head about the window trying to get a better view of the name “...the W.E. getaway? What kind of lamebrain would come up with that excuse of a name?” “Probably somebody not that smart?” Joy added. Alfred quipped in “everyones a critic” as he got out and went to open the governors door. Jeb got out first and was followed by Joy and then Chris. “Looks like i’m next in line to fill up, shouldn't be that long.” Jeb grinned “I’ll save you a spot next to me” as he waived for Joy and Chris to follow his lead towards the dinner. “Order whatever you want as long as we are done and on the road again in under an hour.” Taking a few large strides to catch up Chris asked “cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate shake Joy?” “Dunno, I hadn't really thought about it yet. The bread from the burger would help my stomach and greasy fries do sound really good. Oh and yes a chocolate shake is probably something I won’t be able to find ever again.” She punched Chris in the shoulder. “damnation you.” “Wha?” “I was halfway thinking about something rarer like a lobster dinner or a good steak but now I don’t know. I mean this is the last chance I will ever have to have any food on earth and now you have me craving a simple cheeseburger and shake. Now why did you have to go and do that?” “Sorry, I was just thinking of the one thing you usually order when you are celebrating.” “I don’t know if celebration is the word I would use.” “You are right, poor choice on my part.” “No that’s fine i understand what you mean but still you are partially right. Normally we can’t afford lobster or nothing fancy but with money not being an issue now I am free to pick whatever I want.” Jeb added “The only limitation is it has to exist on the menu of this greasy spoon.” Joy suddenly stopped walking “which means the decision has already been made, they aint gonna have nuthin that great.” Chris said still walking ahead “tell that to a man on death row picking his last meal. I'm sure he would ‘die’ for a good burger.” Joy and Jeb both groaned in together. “did you both moan in unison because of some mild meld conversation you two are having?” Joy lunged ahead and slapped the backside Chris “you rat bastard!” Jeb got to the door first and opened it for the other two. Chris walked up the the greeting podium and noticed a squirrely eyed man standing there. “Table for four please.” The employee was talking but it appeared to be to the air as nobody was visible. “I said no, no more bodies. Listen we can discuss this later, can’t you see we have customers entering?” He then turned and faced the three of them as if they hadn't heard a thing he was just saying. His eyes went wide with recognition saying “say…. ain't you-.” The only thing that managed to get out of Jeb’s mouth was “yes” as all three turned towards each other as if communally trying to figure out what had just happened. The employee was quick to add “Oh sorry, I was just running over some of my dialogue for a book I am writing.” Jeb let it go at that adding in humorously “Sure, now how about feeding the us before a whole worlds worth of people have to die?” Joy gasped at the governors blatant admission. The employee, Dan by his name tag, apparently and thankfully, took it as only a surface joke and didn't relate it to the fate of the entire world.” Grabbing a few menus he started to lead them to a table adding “this way please.” Chris pulled Joy close and whispered “relax, Jeb used it as a humorous expression not as a admission.” Joy felt her stomach settling back down and moved to follow with Chris bringing up the rear. People from the various booths and tables began pointing in their direction as they passed. Joy waved back nervously knowing full well they didn't know her from any other tramp the governor might have picked up off the streets. She paused for Chris to catch up and reached for his hand which he took eagerly. They got to a large booth in the corner of the window that afforded them a grand view out both windows. Out the front one they could make out Alfred leaning against the limo with his arms tucked up under his armpits to keep warm. The other window opened up to an empty field next to them which seemed bleak and sickly thanks to the low hanging overcast sky. Jeb started shuffling his way in and around the table and saw the sea of eyes upon them as if for the first time. Joy could see the fear in those looking at him reflect back off of his face. He reached for his wallet and opened it up. “ladies and gentlemen, i know you don't often see the governor of the great state of Texas walk into a dinner round these parts but let me assure you that I heard the food here is excellent.” That brought a round of laughter from a number of the patrons as they knew better on both accounts. “I have been in contact with the president and we are working on some new strategies.” One patron shouted out. “whats with the weather? Are they causing this to happen?” “Let me just say that some things we know, other things we are still working on. As of right now we don’t want to tip away what we do know or what our next actions are going to be because, lets be honest here, were all people and we are going to talk. We know they are watching our media so the less i say the better things are going to be for the rest of us.” He handed his credit card to Dan saying nice and loud “I want every bill in this place put on my card.” He then faced the crowd “I just realized that it might look like I am trying to buy your votes but I remembered that we aren't in Texas right now so I think that clears that legality.” He paused for dramatic effect “is anybody here from Texas?” One lone trucker raised his hand on the far side of the counter. Throwing the man a thumbs up Jeb added “He gets Texas sized double portions.” The room started laughing again. Taking control of it he started to sit down saying lastly “Now if you don’t mind I have a personal visit I would like to catch up on here, thank you all very much.” He finished sitting down but that didn't end the questions. “Are they out to kill us?” “Why is there so much traffic heading into area 51?” “Do the aliens believe in green energy?” “Are the aliens abducting people to be used as sex slaves and can I go with them?” “Are they green?” “Are we waiting for them to come out of the saucers before we release our virus?” “Has Elvis returned?” “Are they after our women?” “I heard they eat cats?” “Is true that the President ordered the unfreezing of Walt Disney’s head so he could help plan our defenses?” “Some people say that they are here to abduct Rupert Murdoch.” “I heard that they are here looking for midiclorians.” “Are we really offering them Tom Cruise as part of an appeasement? Wouldn't that backfire?” “Elron predicted just such an event as quoted in ‘Hubardis 13:42’.” “Some people on the streets are saying that Obamacare is to blame?” “I heard they fear burkas?” Jeb spoke to just Joy and Chris “my apologies, I apparently didn't think this plan through enough.” Joy felt some vague sense of relief upon realizing that the same old Jeb she had known from the news wasn't completely being overridden by the companion within him. A lone voice shouted out above the rest causing everyone within the dinner to pause and look. “You all need to stop this and let the man eat!” It was a short slightly overweight balding man with spectacles wearing an impeccable top half of a formal chef's outfit which had but the faintest splotches of grease upon it. The lower half, which apparently is never seen because of the counter he works behind, he was wearing only boxers. “He is a human being like the rest of us and unfortunately for him he often doesn't get the ‘luxury’ of a meal out regularly like the rest of you all. Now leave him alone or I will personally kick each and everyone of you out. Is that understood?” The room quieted down and everyone went back to their seats. It was hard to say what scared them off more, his speech or the display of his hairy thighs. Not a few seconds later a waiter bumbled his way over with glasses of water. “Hi all my name is Brandon and I will be serving you today. Have you all had a chance to look at our menu yet?” Joy was just now picking it up to flip through it and was interesting at how wordy everything listed was. “How come you have no pictures?” “Thats our brand new menu we launched just last week. Howard the cook, which you have already met, thinks its too wordy and likes simple pictures with few words. I on the other hand think it doesn't give enough time for the mind to come up with its own description. Do you want me to come back once you've had a chance to read through it?” Jeb just tossed his menu at Brandon saying “do you have burgers and beer?” “Yes .” “Good” he then nodded towards Chris. Chris handed his menu back also saying “I will have the same.” A look of shock washed over Joy’s face as was trying to understand Chris’s order. “Chris?” “It’s my last chance Joy, I am going to enjoy it.” Looking up at the waiter “In fact make it two.” Jeb started chuckling as he reached out and slapped down upon the table enthusiastically “same for me!” Joy handed her book over as well “double for me as well.” The waiter asked “is that going to be it? Any appetizers? We make some really good onion rings.” The door entrance dinger went off again and Jeb gave it a half second glance. Seeing it was Alfred he quickly amended “yes to the rings and add in another double burger beer order in all that for me.” The waiter answered “Sure thing, I will be back with your order shortly” before walking off. Jeb leaned in closer nodding towards the door “almost forgot about ordering for Alfred, here he comes.” Walking over Alfred said dryly “I heard that.” Jeb just smiled widely and slapped down on the empty bench on his side “some sit down and enjoy a good meal.” Jeb sat down on Jeb’s left side sliding into the rounded booth. Alfred’s right hand disappeared under the table along with Jeb’s left hand. Joy noticed for the first time since meeting Alfred a smile, a very slight smile, had appeared on his face. Alfred noticed Joy’s look and instantly his smile evaporated. He asked dryly of Jeb “so I assume we are have having burgers?” Jeb chuckled with predictability “Nothing but the best!” They heard a crash of cups come from the next table, all eyes went to follow and there they saw a young woman fumbling and failing at clearing the table. She apologized and went about trying to sop up the mess she had caused “Sorry about that.” Joy noticed that she had bandages around both of her wrists and asked “what happened to your wrists?” She answered nervously “marionette accident. But the cops are dropping all charges.” with as best of a smile as she could muster. All four at the table looked at each other in bewilderment which was only broken by Jeb turning and addressing the busing girl. “Excuse me… Mary. What kind of accident can you have from marionetting?” She was finishing up and added “my lawyers told me not to go into details until the police officially clear the case.” Lifting her bin up to her waist she added “I am too young to be convicted of murder” as she started walking away. Again all of their eyes met in the center of their booth. Joy asked “what?” Alfred smirked softly “and you wonder why your planet is going bye bye.” Jeb pulled his hand out of Alfred’s and jabbed him good in the ribs “stop, we don’t want to spook anymore than necessary. You should have seen the crowd that nearly drowned us with questions.” “Like what? ‘Is Jerry Springer my daddy’?” Jeb cracked a smile “that is… surprisingly accurate.” Seeing that Brandon was heading their way with a large tray of onion rings he reached out and grabbed his glass of water which he threw back and drained in one big Texas gulp. “Forty five minutes people, then its all bye bye.” * End of Chapter *

Truth is neither have I... yet. I started listening to his podcast which is what lured me to this site. I have purchased a few of his books but am still working my way through book four of GRRM's GoT and its slow. Welcome

Sorry if I reek of virgin but I have an idea you could possibly try out on your podcast. Do an episode with 1,2,3 aspiring writers on it and ask them directly their fears, troubles, goals, and try to interject as much wisdom back at them as possible. Yes I know that is exactly the premise of your show but sometimes getting the question directly from the horses mouth gives you the anxiety/fear behind it better than a pants-less Howard could. It might be... possible... that you all are too far removed from 'writing virginity' to remember the anxiety over it all???

So you had dairy and are feeling bloated now? Don't blame it on the site. (snicker) Welcome

Devils advocate: So is a walking talking mickey mouse race magic or fantasy without magic? Mickey can't use magic but who is to say there aren't unicorns or even mermaids. OOPS I accidentally clicked the "REPORT" button instead of the reply so I just reported PeterAhlstrom to the admins by mistake thinking it was the quote screen. NOOB ALERT... my bad.

What about blood rust? Just thought of it as a form of anti magic in case you need a balance to the magic. You know everything has to have balance.

Is there still room to join? Edit: I've also noticed that this thread had last shown activity several weeks ago so I am wondering if things petered off or what? So I was thinking of possibly starting my own group but I don't want to steal any steam if this group is still going so I will hold off for a bit more until I (fail to)hear otherwise.

Hi Bunnyburn, I will (muhahhahahaa) take a stab at it if you want. Now that being said remember that I am an amateur myself. Question: How much of a dissection are you looking for? Scale of 1 to 10 with a "1" being a "that's nice dear" and never really saying much else. A "5" being your high school teacher using the red pen and a "10" being a blood bath of red ink?

Thanks, I am a bit nervous about exposing it prematurely (stage freight - going to school naked) but am trying to talk myself into doing just that. Part of the reason I came here was that I am looking for peers to work with and review each others work before fully "exposing oneself" (EEK)

TYVM

To make it as clear yet not quite elevator pitch as possible… Part 1 (first 50k words) A grizzled old barbarian dwarf has been hunting a devil for most of his life. Hundreds of years later and after several close calls at catching him he now finds himself in a city with its own peculiar past. "Hi-jinx ensues" and he now finds himself "babysitting" a young rogue which seems to have some sort of connection with his life quest in hunting the devil. Part 2 (2nd 50k words) The two traveling companions leave the city behind for the countryside in pursuit of their objectives. Only the carnage left behind challenges their beliefs as to what it is they are actually getting into. Part 3 (3rd 50k words) They now reach the underground complex/dungeon and soon meet up with the person they were both pursuing. Deciding that it is in both of their interests to now work with the being rather than slay him they continue diving deeper into the complex. Part 4 (4th 50k words) They are now stuck deep into the complex and understand this is a one way trip. Only they are not the only players as a third situation presents itself and changes the rules all over again. One way or another it all is coming to an end. I have elements in part "X" that tie back into part "Y" and vice versa. For instance the cities peculiar past plays into the complex. I also have circumstantial ties of some character actions influencing future actions by other characters later on such as "Why are you paying me with a lich-king coin? The last man I took a lich-king coin from... blah blah." It’s a double helix type story where actions that seem random come back to weave back in and affect other events later on.

Please excuse my ignorance but what is that?

My name is Dave and I started listening to the WE podcast about six months ago. I have downloaded all of them and have recently caught up to the present day. This of course has caused my hour long commute each way on public transit to become a bit more boring but what can you do. I have been fumble writing for about ten years where I would start something and then put it away only to ignore it and start yet another project. Eventually I forced(talked) myself into finishing a novel which is over 200,000 word fantasy epic. It was just after finishing the first draft of this monster that I became aware of WE. Since then I have tried reworking it a few times and it has improved but alas it has also grown. I then came up with a brilliant idea of cutting that up into more manageable chucks of smaller installments of approximately 50,000 words each. I have been (re)editing that first chunk a few times now and again it keeps improving but not enough. In between fits of frustration and rage over my big "epic-aster" I sat down and wrote a scifi near future novel which (POW!) is from start to finish just over 60,000 words. With two novels done I began searching for peers to help me edit and rework them but alas in my area (Folsom CA) there seems to be a shortage of beta reader people, either that or I just suck at googling. I did find this place so I cant be all left sandwiches* (Intentional joke from the movie "Frozen" because you thought I was going to state the obvious. Yes I have kids and have that damnation movie burned into my brain). Anyway I am looking to find peers(victims) who might be interested in swapping out stories for editing purposes. I am currently starting a third scifi novel idea and was hoping to have more immediate review of my stuff as it is progressing. I am not sure what this one will top out at but i'm shooting for 60-100k in overall length. So back to introducing myself... (Blushing) I'm a Capricorn and I hate Nicolas Cage as an actor. I used to be in the military, 82nd Airborne, but decided it wasn't a career for me (at least I tried it out). I need to exercise more. I have two kids and they eat up almost all of my free time (grumble grumble... but they are so cute and lovable). I am married and my wife just doesn't understand m(e)y writing. Its not her cup of tea. I was born in 1971 so Star Wars/Trek D&D are big parts of my growing up though now its mostly the adventures of "diaper changer man". I bought a bike last year hoping to exercise more but its really hard to change a diaper while riding. (Hey... new invention idea?) Oh and in case you haven't figure it out by yet... I'm a dork. Thanks for reading my plea/rant/request. Dave