feedback Petromancy (The Power) Magic system

[Fizz9]

Spoiler

Power	Inward	Outward	Inward	Outward
Active	Sudden personal strength boost	Project energy dart.	Sudden healing of wounds.	Create a shield that lasts for a few seconds
Passive	Sucks health out of a target very slowly. Requires touch to cast.	Create a lingering damage field.	Slow healing.	A lingering healing zone.
Active	Powerful leap of speed, used for powerful jumps or dashes.	Create a platform that lasts for a few seconds.	Locate a target	Distract a target.
Passive	Boosts physical capabilities.	Choose a target, you can manipulate how fast they move. Requires touch to cast.	Become hard to see (similar to Outward, Passive, Stealth)	Make the target invisible.

 

Crystals	Inward	Outward	Inward	Outward
Active	Surge Crystal	Blast Crystal	Resilience Crystal	Blocker Crystal
Passive	Sucker Crystal	Aura Crystal	Regenerator Crystal	Healer Crystal
Active	Dash Crystal	Transporter Crystal	Locator Crystal	Flash Crystal
Passive	Speed Crystal	Mover Crystal	Shade Crystal	Veil Crystal

 

KEY: Attack Defense Movement Stealth

Types: Passive is for long lasting effects, and active is for shorter, powerfuler effects. Inward is affecting you and outward is affecting anything but you.

 

Power

Source: The Power exists within every living thing (plants, animals, humans). It is what makes things living.

The Release: Upon death, the Power leaves the body in a dramatic "white flash," indicating its transition from organic life to atmospheric energy.

The Accumulation: These Crystals grow in areas where many living things have died (e.g., ancient battlefields, sacred forests), absorbing the fading Power. It also grows in clumps of area where Power is found often.

The Siphoning: When a user uses a crystal, they act as a "siphon." The crystal does not create the magic; it acts as a filter and conduit that channels the raw Power into a specific effect. 

The Crystals

Types & Quality: Different types of crystals determine the type of magic, while size determines the power of the charge.

Consumption: Once all Power is drawn from the crystal, it becomes a "dead" shell that fractures and shatters.

Sizes: Crystals have been made standardized sizes for predictability. A dime size coin is standard. It creates a moderate power when used for active magic, and a 1 minute lasting effect when used for passive magic.

Detection: A user of this magic can see small lines to each crystal close to that person. These lines can be used to detect what crystal it is that it leads too, as well as how large it is. 

Limited Use: Even though the crystals store the energy, a person must have the power within them to use it. Crystals can be “activated” meaning their power is at the ready, and others cannot use the power, but this effect only lasts if the activator is within a few feet.

Petromancy

I. Core Mechanics

Power Source: All life contains "The Power." Upon death, this energy releases in a white flash and crystallizes into minable gems.

The Siphon & Detection: Users possess internal energy to connect to, "siphon," and activate crystals. Users see glowing lines connecting them to nearby crystals that have been activated revealing their type.

The Users: A user only has the power to use one each pair, Inward/Outward and Positive/Negitive. This trait is of the Pira people.

Sizes (Standardized): Crystals are standardized to a "dime size" for predictability.

Tapping: Term for making immediate, high-intensity effects.

Pulsing: Term for a long-lasting, subtle effect.

Consumption: Once all Power is drawn from the crystal, it becomes a "dead" shell.

Activation: Crystals can be activated to reserve power for a small, confined range, preventing others from seizing control.

Mining: When mined these crystals are unstable and cannot be used by Petromancers

Stabilization: These crystals can be stabilized by the use of a Stablizer, by some Sitra people.

II. Crystal Types & Effects

Celite (Speed): Grants/Removes speed for Yourself/Others.

Senite (Senses): Grants/Removes sense abilities for Yourself/Others.

Vinite (Strength): Grants/Removes physical strength for Yourself/Others.

Moite (Emotions): Riots/Soothes emotions of Yourself/Others.

Sanate (Health): Improves/Removes health (Healing/Harm).

Deprite (Detection): Finds or hides the use of Petromancy.

Ampite (Enhancement): Empowers or removes power/use of Petromancy.

III. Modifiers

Inward: Affects only the user.

Outward: Affects targets other than the user. 

Positive: Grants, improves, or speeds up an attribute.

Negative: Removes, reduces, or slows down an attribute.

 

IV. Example

 

Illia ran, having her Celite tapped as always. Needing an extra burst of speed to reach her foe, Illia pulsed another Celite gem and leapt forwards. Soon she reached him. He was a Negative Petromancer, while she was Positive.

Suddenly a wave crashed over her, and she was blind. She could see, nor hear anything. Then it was gone, as soon as it began. The Petromancer she was following? Gone. Great, he must have used Deprite.

Illia knew there was only one way she could find him. She only had a few of these coins left, but she used it anyway. She pulsed Deprite. A sudden flash of lines flew from her, to a hidden figure, hiding in the trees. Illia couldn’t let him know she found him. As the lines vanished she pretended to be confused. She was not. She tapped her Ampite, and strengthened all of her Petromancy.

Then she jumped. She pulsed an entire handful of her Celite, leaping into the air at a high speed. Then she pulsed Vinite, and punched her foe. The punch hit, and her enemy was shot backwards. Suddenly she began to feel weak. Then she tapped Deprite, and her suspicions were confirmed. Sanate. It would sap her health, Illia’s strength. It was a Negative Petromancers favorite weapon. She needed to finish this fast.

Illia pulsed Moite. Reaching out with her Petromancy she yanked on her associate's sense of joy. He was a Negative Petromancer as well, but he was on her team. It was a signal they'd already discussed. He attacked. Illia had to make sure her foe did not see him coming, so she carefully pulsed another Motite gem, and yanked on his sense of anger and determination. It would make him angry and focus on her even more. And hide her friend.

She leaped at him, pulsing more Celite and Vinite. Suddenly his health was sapped away. It bleed out in one large burst, visible only to the trained eye. He was still alive, just weakened. Illia pulsed her Ampite, helping to empower the health sapping her friend was doing. Suddenly a white flash burst from their enemy. He was dead. The white mist floated away, to be later harvested by the crystal miners. Another job well done.

On Disit, the Stabilizer Sitra people enslave the Pira Petromancers, using unstable crystals for currency while forbidding interracial breeding. Pira Petromancers are not uncommon, but hidden by a scarcity of stable crystals. Meanwhile, the fabled western island of Thilo remains a myth to most.

Disit: Eastern island, home of the Sitra.

Thilo: Fabled western land of the Pira.

Sitra: Oppressors/Stabilizers.

Pira: Enslaved Petromancers.

 

The Hidden Fullborn

The story follows Elizabeth, who goes by Ella, as she hires a team of Petromancers to take her to Disit. She must keep her secret of being a fullborn, of both Pira and Sitra, a secret.

Feedback and improvements please!

Edited April 20 by Fizz9

[Through The Living Star She/Her]

This sounds really interesting!

12 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

Even though the crystals store the energy, a person must have the power within them to use it.

The only question I have is: what is this power within, and how does a person obtain it? Is it hereditary, or more of a like "you are pure of heart and thus you receive the power within" kinda thing? 

[Fizz9]

3 minutes ago, Through The Living Star said:

This sounds really interesting!

The only question I have is: what is this power within, and how does a person obtain it? Is it hereditary, or more of a like "you are pure of heart and thus you receive the power within" kinda thing? 

I was thinking inherited, like certain families can use it, and other families can't.

[Through The Living Star She/Her]

2 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

I was thinking inherited, like certain families can use it, and other families can't.

Ohhh so kind of like a Mistborn "you must be noble-blooded to be a Mistborn" kind of thing? 

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

For Red Inward Passive, is it just leeching or is it more destruction of health

For green inward active, is it like a 5 second thing or just a boost forwards like a push or is it a sudden acceleration forward you can choose how to control?

For or Green outward passive, how does the target work?

Yellow outward active: how do you ‘distract’ the target?

Can you elaborate on yellow inward passive?

Just now, Fizz9 said:

I was thinking inherited, like certain families can use it, and other families can't.

Is it like a ‘I inherited green’ or ‘I inherited inward passive green’ or ‘I inherited the ability to use the magic’?

[Fizz9]

5 minutes ago, Through The Living Star said:

Ohhh so kind of like a Mistborn "you must be noble-blooded to be a Mistborn" kind of thing? 

Yes

4 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Is it like a ‘I inherited green’ or ‘I inherited inward passive green’ or ‘I inherited the ability to use the magic’?

You get the entire thing.

4 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

For Red Inward Passive, is it just leeching or is it more destruction of health

It just destroys your health

4 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

For green inward active, is it like a 5 second thing or just a boost forwards like a push or is it a sudden acceleration forward you can choose how to control?

Like you get a sudden push in a direction of your choosing.

 

4 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

For or Green outward passive, how does the target work?

I messed that one up. It should be fixed now.

4 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Yellow outward active: how do you ‘distract’ the target?

You manipulate their mind and cause them to want to look somewhere. (Like Soothing a little bit.)

Edited April 18 by Fizz9

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

4 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

It just destroys your health

Wait then why is it good?

4 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

You get the entire thing.

So everyone is a mistborn?

I love it so far!

[Fizz9]

Just now, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Wait then why is it good?

Sucks health out of a target, not you. Sorry for the confusion.

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

Just now, Fizz9 said:

Sucks health out of a target, not you. Sorry for the confusion.

Then why is it Inward?

[Fizz9]

1 minute ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Then why is it Inward?

Stormfather.

Maybe it should be siphoning health from them into you? Vampire power?

Edited April 19 by Fizz9

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

1 minute ago, Fizz9 said:

Stormfather.

Maybe it should be siphoning health from them into you? Vampire power?

Vampire would connect well.

As much as I like the groupings, they are a little 'atium and gold are metal pairs' yk?

[Fizz9]

Just now, CoderDrag0n8 said:

Vampire would connect well.

As much as I like the groupings, they are a little 'atium and gold are metal pairs' yk?

Yeah, my goal was to relate them more with inward/outward and active/passive than pair them. It still needs tons of work, but this is just what I have so far.

In fact, some different power suggestions will helps TONS

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

9 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

Yeah, my goal was to relate them more with inward/outward and active/passive than pair them. It still needs tons of work, but this is just what I have so far.

In fact, some different power suggestions will helps TONS

Alrighty then

let me get cookin

49 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

Power	Inward	Outward	Inward	Outward
Active	Sudden personal strength boost	Project energy dart.	Sudden healing of wounds.	Create a shield that lasts for a few seconds
Passive	Sucks health out of a target very slowly. Requires touch to cast.	Create a lingering damage field.	Slow healing.	A lingering healing zone.
Active	Powerful leap of speed, used for powerful jumps or dashes.	Create a platform that lasts for a few seconds.	Locate a target	Distract a target.
Passive	Boosts physical capabilities.	Choose a target, you can manipulate how fast they move. Requires touch to cast.	Become hard to see (similar to Outward, Passive, Stealth)	Make the target invisible.

KEY: Attack Defense Movement Stealth

Power	Inward	Outward	Inward	Outward
Active	Notes: Good Idea for power... but how does it relate to pain?	Notes: Yes, inflicting pain on others, good, but feels slighty indirect, could be better suited for a more 'projectile' group	Notes: Feels a bit more... healing than defense, yk?	Notes: This one is perfect for defense! Shield works great
Passive	Notes: Vampiric works great for pain, really enjoy this one! 5 stars.	Notes: Works just as well as the other red passive, 4.5 stars because i like vampires more than clouds	Notes: see above	Notes: See BAI
Active	Notes: Movement	Notes: platformy, works well enough for movement	Notes: how would you know the target is there in the first place? 'Locate nearby [magic users maybe (too much like seeking) humans? sentient beings?]'	Notes: This one works great for stealth... but feels a little too mind controlly? ya know?
Passive	Notes: RAI but longer? Would fit better with that than movement	Notes: Perfectly done for movement	Notes: Just say 'become invisible' and get it out of the way, no other notes	Notes: See? Straight to the point. No Notes.

[Fizz9]

We need more categories than just the four I have so far. IDEAS!?

I like where this is going...

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

1 hour ago, Fizz9 said:

We need more categories than just the four I have so far. IDEAS!?

I like where this is going...

Strength, Projectile, Healing, Control

Are just some off the top of my head

Depending on what type of worldbuilding you are going for, you could make the system even more wild

With these you could also have a more streamlined system

like Self-Enhance, Other-Enhance, Outward Control, Inner Control

Edited April 19 by CoderDrag0n8

[Fizz9]

I am changing the magic system to my new updated version. What was there previously will be hiding in a spoiler. MORE FEEDBACK PLEASE!

[CoderDrag0n8 He/They]

20 hours ago, Fizz9 said:

  Reveal hidden contents

Power	Inward	Outward	Inward	Outward
Active	Sudden personal strength boost	Project energy dart.	Sudden healing of wounds.	Create a shield that lasts for a few seconds
Passive	Sucks health out of a target very slowly. Requires touch to cast.	Create a lingering damage field.	Slow healing.	A lingering healing zone.
Active	Powerful leap of speed, used for powerful jumps or dashes.	Create a platform that lasts for a few seconds.	Locate a target	Distract a target.
Passive	Boosts physical capabilities.	Choose a target, you can manipulate how fast they move. Requires touch to cast.	Become hard to see (similar to Outward, Passive, Stealth)	Make the target invisible.

 

Crystals	Inward	Outward	Inward	Outward
Active	Surge Crystal	Blast Crystal	Resilience Crystal	Blocker Crystal
Passive	Sucker Crystal	Aura Crystal	Regenerator Crystal	Healer Crystal
Active	Dash Crystal	Transporter Crystal	Locator Crystal	Flash Crystal
Passive	Speed Crystal	Mover Crystal	Shade Crystal	Veil Crystal

 

KEY: Attack Defense Movement Stealth

Types: Passive is for long lasting effects, and active is for shorter, powerfuler effects. Inward is affecting you and outward is affecting anything but you.

 

Power

Source: The Power exists within every living thing (plants, animals, humans). It is what makes things living.

The Release: Upon death, the Power leaves the body in a dramatic "white flash," indicating its transition from organic life to atmospheric energy.

The Accumulation: These Crystals grow in areas where many living things have died (e.g., ancient battlefields, sacred forests), absorbing the fading Power. It also grows in clumps of area where Power is found often.

The Siphoning: When a user uses a crystal, they act as a "siphon." The crystal does not create the magic; it acts as a filter and conduit that channels the raw Power into a specific effect. 

The Crystals

Types & Quality: Different types of crystals determine the type of magic, while size determines the power of the charge.

Consumption: Once all Power is drawn from the crystal, it becomes a "dead" shell that fractures and shatters.

Sizes: Crystals have been made standardized sizes for predictability. A dime size coin is standard. It creates a moderate power when used for active magic, and a 1 minute lasting effect when used for passive magic.

Detection: A user of this magic can see small lines to each crystal close to that person. These lines can be used to detect what crystal it is that it leads too, as well as how large it is. 

Limited Use: Even though the crystals store the energy, a person must have the power within them to use it. Crystals can be “activated” meaning their power is at the ready, and others cannot use the power, but this effect only lasts if the activator is within a few feet.

 

Petromancy

Crystals, formed from the "The Power" released upon death, are the core of this magic system. They are standardized in "dime-size" for predictable power, with size determining output and type (Celite, Sanate, etc.) dictating the magic effect . Users siphon power through internal energy, with exhausted crystals turning into dead, shattered shells.

I. Core Mechanics

Power Source: All life contains "The Power." Upon death, this energy releases in a white flash and crystallizes into minable gems .

The Siphon & Detection: Users possess internal energy to connect to, "siphon," and activate crystals. Users see glowing lines connecting them to nearby crystals, revealing their type and size.

The Users: A user only has the power to use two forms of Petromancy, positive or negative. A person cannot have connections to both. The ability is passed down through genetics, but can be acquired in seemingly random ways different than genetics.

Sizes (Standardized): Crystals are standardized to a "dime size" for predictability.

Active: Creates moderate power for immediate, high-intensity effects .

Passive: Produces a 1-minute long-lasting, subtle effect .

Consumption: Once all Power is drawn from the crystal, it becomes a "dead" shell that fractures and shatters .

Activation: Crystals can be activated to reserve power for a small, confined range, preventing others from seizing control .

II. Crystal Types & Effects

Celite (Speed): Grants/Removes speed for Yourself/Others.

Senite (Senses): Grants/Removes sense abilities for Yourself/Others.

Vinite (Strength): Grants/Removes physical strength for Yourself/Others.

Moite (Emotions): Riots/Soothes emotions of Yourself/Others.

Sanate (Health): Improves/Removes health (Healing/Harm).

Deprite (Detection): Finds or hides the use of Crysamancy.

Ampite (Enhancement): Empowers or removes power/use of Crysamancy.

Tempite (Time): Speeds up or slows down time (Self/Area).

III. Modifiers (How to Use)

Passive: Produces long-lasting, subtle effects .

Active: Produces short, highly powerful effects .

Inward: Affects only the user.

Outward: Affects targets other than the user.

Positive: Grants, improves, or speeds up an attribute.

Negative: Removes, reduces, or slows down an attribute.

Feedback and improvements please!

3 hours ago, Fizz9 said:

I am changing the magic system to my new updated version. What was there previously will be hiding in a spoiler. MORE FEEDBACK PLEASE!

This is very cool!

[Fizz9]

59 minutes ago, CoderDrag0n8 said:

This is very cool!

Thank you!

[Through The Living Star She/Her]

That sounds really cool! Are you gonna do like a story about it, or is this just for fun? 

[Fizz9]

40 minutes ago, Through The Living Star said:

That sounds really cool! Are you gonna do like a story about it, or is this just for fun? 

I have no idea. Maybe a story? Not quite sure.

[Through The Living Star She/Her]

Well if you do decide to do one, I am always up to help. It sounds like a super interesting magic system! 

[Fizz9]

I added some more stuff. I didn't think that was possible. I think I'm going to write a short story...

[Through The Living Star She/Her]

YAY MORE STUFF!
Also, YAY SHORT STORY! 

If you need help or critiquing or endless support, I can give any of those things! I would love to read it when you are ready to share any part of it! 

[Fizz9]

I will PM you it as I go along, please critique me AT FULL!

@Through The Living Star

[Through The Living Star She/Her]

5 minutes ago, Fizz9 said:

I will PM you it as I go along, please critique me AT FULL!

@Through The Living Star

YES YES YES

PLEASE DO. I AM WILLING TO CRITIQUE. 

Feel free to send me anything, even half formed ideas and whatnot. I WILL READ IT ALL