Did I Foreshadow Well?

[Conure1243 He/Him]

These are the first 2 chapters to one of my story ideas. (For those who may know, the one with the falling stars magic system.) I'm unsure about the opening in general. I particularly want to highlight chapter 2. There's something I tried to do with foreshadowing. I want to know if it works, or not. I'm very unsure. In addition, general critique is welcome.

Chapters 1 and 2:
 

Spoiler

Chapter 1 - The Story of Valanir

“Your Highness, the Kingdom grows restless.” The advisor spoke in hushed, quick tones. Lillian frowned slightly as he spoke. The information was nothing new. It was strange how often the same words were brought to those in power.
King Porter seemed to share the same annoyance as Lillian, but he kept his actions far more reserved than Lillian managed.
The King waved his hand dismissively. “This information is nothing new. You know that the trade routes have been blocked?”
The advisor, a scrawny man by the name of Textmaster Avon, nodded slowly.
The King continued. “And you know that I have been told of this, that I know of the problems, and that I am working on fixing the problem?”
The advisor nodded again. “Er… Yes,” He said reluctantly.
“Then why do you continue to waste my time with information that I already know?” King Porter snapped. “Do you doubt that your King cares?”
A bit harsh, father. Lillian thought. Avon had simply been doing his job.
“Your Highness, I did not mean to aggravate you. I am simply trying to express my concerns. I fear that a revolt against yourself may be inevitable.”
King Porter sighed, then spoke softer. “I fear that as well. I have my top guard focused on my defense, as well as those of the Starlight Guard. For now, it may be the best we can do.”
The Textmaster nodded reluctantly, then bowed before turning back toward the grand hallways of the Palace.
Lillian turned to her father as the man left the room. “Father, if I may, I can’t help but wonder who those ‘best men’ that you mentioned are.”
King Porter looked at her, then frowned. “The strongest soldiers from the King’s Guard, and the fastest spies from the Starlight Guard.”
“How do you judge that they are the best of your guard?”
The King paused. Lillian continued, “There are many stories of great heroes who weren’t able to do some of the simplest things.”
“Stories, Lillian.” The King returned. “Fantasies. Myths!”
“Designed by great philosophers to teach lessons. Everybody has their limits.”
The King sighed. “You want to tell me a story.” He sounded almost resigned. Tired by the many struggles brought by recent events. “If you must share a tale, go ahead.”
Lillian couldn’t help but smile, just slightly. She took a deep breath as she picked a story off of the top of her head.
“The Hero Valanir was known as one of the greatest people to walk among the Kingdoms. To many he seemed to be the very symbol of nobility itself. He conquered many beasts previously thought undefeatable.
    “It was a peaceful day when his loved one fell ill, with a terrible plague. Death was nearly certain. However, there was hope. For there was an ancient artifact, blessed by the stars, capable of healing some of the greatest wounds.”
    The King looked at her, he seemed to be calming down, there was a hint of concern that, as always, hid behind his eyes.
    Lillian continued, voice wavering slightly. “Valanir, knowing he only had a short time, set out alongside his dear one. As they approached the resting place of the healing relic, darkness struck.
    “Creatures of shadow flooded the horizon, screaming and lashing with their horrible fangs. Valanir stood before them, with his sword in hand. He slayed a great many beasts that day, each swing brought glory and triumph. But despite his power, he forgot one simple thing.”
    Lillian paused. “He also had to protect his loved one.
    “The Great Valanir turned as quickly as he could to return to his dear one, slaying darkness with each footstep. But despite his power, his glory, triumph, and nobility, none of it was enough to save her.
    “Both Valanir and his dear one fell that day, never to be seen again.”
    Lillian let the ending hang, as if incomplete. She looked at King Porter. “Even the best can fail. You should take more effort to defend yourself.”
    “A King’s duty is to their people.” King Porter whispered, reciting the words grandfather had taught him. “They serve those who are lower than them. Their interest is not in their own self, but those who need the help of a ruler.”
    “And where will the help be if you die?”
    “They would be the cause of it, Lillian.” The King’s voice was laden with grief. “The solution is not what it seems. If we give them sufficient supplies to fulfill their needs, then the problem will eventually resolve itself. We simply have to figure out a way to prevent the roads from collapsing.”
    “We could have the builders design a more durable road,” Lillian suggested, “Or reinforce the land nearby to help avoid disasters such as this.”
    The King sighed. “Good ideas, in concept. But we have already tried these things for months, and still the mountains crumble, the trees topple. Our people are dying.”
    Lillian drew her lips to a thin line. “Then promise me until we find a working solution, that you remain on alert.”
    “Lillian, this won’t be like what happened to your mother. These are lighter days.”
    “But we are struggling more than ever before.”
    The King sighed. “We live in a fair land, our lives much nicer than others. We are lucky, even though we aren’t the most powerful Kingdom, Lillian. We still have more power than some.”
    Lillian drew in a sharp breath. “Please,” she said desperately, “Just please say you’ll try to keep yourself safe. For me, for Quentin, for the Kingdom.”
    King Porter hesitated. “I will… consider.”
    A small sense of victory overwhelmed Lillian. Risking letting her father be in such danger worried her. Then again, putting the guards into so much trouble.
    “Thank you, father.” Lillian breathed.
    The King lowered his head. “I need quiet. Please. Leave me.”
    Lillian froze for a moment. What did I say?
    However, she simply obeyed her father’s wish and walked across the throne room and through the door. She turned toward the grand hallway, but froze as she heard soft sobbing echoing from the throne room.
    “Oh, Arlynne.” She heard her father sob softly, speaking his wife’s name with reverence typically dedicated to the Great Souls. 
“Arlynne.” He cried again. “How do I handle this?”

Chapter 2 - The Great Stars

Lillian had heard her father cry only a few times before. The sound of the usually confident king’s weeping had carried with Lillian even until nightfall.
Now, she lay awake in her dimly lit bedroom, unsure of how long she’d stayed up. One thing she did know, however,  was that dusk had fallen long ago.
The moon hung low in the sky, shining dim light through the balcony, allowing Lillian to see the sparse amount of decor that she had placed in her room. A potted plant in one corner, and in the other rested her mother’s half painted vase. By her nightstand, she’d left a candle unlit.
Lillian took a short breath, standing up with a soft groan. She lumbered tiredly to the balcony, greeted by the majestic view of the Kingdom of Erylen. Lillian looked toward the streets below, where lanterns were lit along the maze-like alleyways. She turned her head upward looking out into the night sky, toward the three Great Stars.
The Great Stars glittered in the sky, brighter than any others. The lesser stars broke and fell from the sky, following the example of their superiors.
It was said that the stars fell because they wept for those in struggle. And that the Great Stars wept for the great Kings and Queens who struggled in their rule. Yet, as Lillian stared toward the three distant stars, they did not seem to pay her, nor her father, any heed.
It was said that the Great Souls were great beings in charge of protecting humans from the worst threats. They took residence on the Great Stars themselves, they could see all. So why didn’t they see Erylen? Why not her father?
She’d heard stories of heroes who were accompanied by these great beings, heroes with the ability to light fires with their very presence. She had seen no such glory from anybody in the palace.
Lillian clenched her fists. “You were supposed to help us.” She whispered. “You are the guardians of the seven kingdoms, yet you abandon us.”
She furrowed her brow. “You abandon us, and still call yourselves guardians!” She was no longer whispering. “If you were truly supposed to help us, then we wouldn’t be in this situation! What kind of Guardian are you?”
She steadied her breath, then whispered again. “What kind of guardian leaves their people to doom?”
All traces of exhaustion Lillian had felt just a moment ago had gone. Despite that, she let herself drop to her knees.
“How,” She whispered shakily, “How can you let Erylen fall, without even giving any sign that you understand what is to come?”
She looked up at the stars once again. “Why do you let us slowly die?”
Knocking sounded from the door, causing Lillian to jump. She stood up and turned toward the door.
“Princess?” A soft voice came. “Are you alright?”
Lillian walked quickly over to the door. “Yes. I’m fine. I was,” She paused, “simply praying to the Great Souls.”
The voice paused. “That was quite a loud prayer, my lady.”
Lillian blushed slightly. “Perhaps I had gotten a bit passionate. Rest assured that I am fine. You may leave me.”
“Yes, my lady.”
The room became silent once more. Lillian stepped backward reluctantly, turning toward her bed. Perhaps she should try to get some rest.
Lillian sighed, and lumbered to her bed, sitting down on the side. She looked toward her nightstand, where the candle flame flickered.
She frowned. Did she light it when she got out of bed? Slowly, she picked it up, blew it out, and went to bed.
 

Chapter 2 foreshadowing attempt:
(Note: if you don't want  (somewhat) minor spoilers about the story, looking through this isn't recommended.)

Spoiler

-By her nightstand, she’d left a candle unlit.

-She’d heard stories of heroes who were accompanied by these great beings, heroes with the ability to light fires with their very presence. She had seen no such glory from anybody in the palace.

-Lillian sighed, and lumbered to her bed, sitting down on the side. She looked toward her nightstand, where the candle flame flickered.
She frowned. Did she light it when she got out of bed? Slowly, she picked it up, blew it out, and went to bed.
 

 

Edited October 27, 2025 by Conure1243
Re-added formatting