Old and Newer Writing Comparisons

[Conure1243 He/Him]

My writing style has been through a lot. I have a story, (Which I have not before mentioned on the Shard,) that I am working on, and have been working on since 5th grade. Because of this, there is a drastic shift in the same character.

In order to get myself a better idea of the world and character, I decided to create a snippet of writing designed as an account of the main character's journey, written as if it was by the hand of that character, following the events of the story. By the way, in this land there are 9 tribes, each inhabiting a different layer of a cavernous planet. People travel through rifts in the ground up or down toward other layers.

It's kind of a tradition, thanks to the fact that I really enjoyed writing short stories for that book back in 5th grade. Now, I want to compare the same character from the first version and the newest version, and see what you think!

Starting with the single paragraph short story I wrote in fifth grade. (To think that my grammar improved so much only a year later...)

Spoiler

Gideon turned around. Just another squirrel... No intruders yet. Of course, only woodland
Archers liked this place. Gideon jumped off the branch he’d been on and landed at the base of the tree. After a moment’s search, he found the entrance to his home and went inside. It was too dark, so Gideon picked up an emerald lantern and went to the magic forest fountain. He scraped the lantern against the fountain and a green flame lit the lantern. Pretty good for his first day as a woodland archer
 

I'm... Not proud of that... But that is how my writing started nevertheless.

Anyway! Here's the next part, that Test snippet I mentioned earlier, from Gideon's POV

Spoiler

The Path of Masters
A Record of the Path of Mastery
Written by the hand of Gideon of Drukaros, Master of the Ancient Magics.

I fear that my name has become shockingly well known throughout the world. I always understood that an accomplishment such as mine would be known throughout history. I always worried that others would think that to be my motivation for departing from my home.
I did not set out on the path of mastery for glory. I left so nobody else had to. I left to save my people from doom.  Though some respect me for simply  learning the magic of every tribe, I believe there are others who find themselves annoyed by the youth who accomplished the impossible, simply to gain power.
This account is for those people most of all.

Whether or not I regret stepping forward on that fateful day, I still cannot tell. Our master, my father, had died unexpectedly, killed by the blade of the Unseen Army, who we had not known to exist at the time. I struggled to smile from that day onward. Our people grew frantic as the day of Binding grew near. Without a master to Bind the Ancients to their kin, the Ancients, and the land that surrounded them, would decay.
None were willing to become a master. Doing so would leave one with heavy responsibility, heavy enough that most, myself included, were not able to bear it. I blame nobody for refusing to step forward.
However, as I stood in the long line of people, looking to see who would become our new master, only to see that none stepped forward, I understood something. Nobody was willing, and somebody would have to step forward for them.
So I took a deep breath, and spoke.
“I will do it.” I had said, as I stepped forward to a responsibility no person dared to bear. The crowd looked at me in surprise. A youth, volunteering to master the Ancient Magics.
Already, the whispering began. I heard many people mutter, accusing me of simply desiring power. However, the Drukari Elder simply approached me and said one word. “Why?”
I answered. “I do not do this for my own gain. Instead, understand that I do this for my people. For you and those who surround me. I take this responsibility so nobody else has to.”
I was surprised to find that my words were true.
But, after all, my father and mother had both died. What did I have to lose anymore?

I know the Sky Tribe well. When I was young, the lands of the Sky Tribe often filled me with wonder, and often still do to this day. I spent many years with the people of Lightreach, but I never attempted to learn their magic.
I believe that there were many people who respected me for that. That only made it stranger when I approached them and announced that I was setting out along the Path of Mastery. 
Still, they taught me without question, and without hesitation.
I will never be able to get them to understand my appreciation for that. 
As I began learning the magics of Lightreach, there are multiple things I quickly noticed. One, for example, was simply that I understood nothing of the magic outside of my own home. I found myself attempting to will the magic to work, pleading with it and waiting for it to respond. I quickly realized that such actions were not required for the magic of the Sky, perhaps even working against myself as I tried to learn their ways.
I trained for many weeks, finally able to spend my time in the land I had so desperately wanted to stay in. However, I was unable to enjoy it in the way I hoped I would. For even as I attempted to master my third magic, I found myself filled with worry, and heavy with great responsibility.
The Path is unforgiving from start to end, I’m afraid.
Still, I eventually learned the magic of the Sky tribe, and began to ride the wind currents without failing. When I could, I kept my cloak with me at all times from that moment onward.
Though there were so many hardships, I came to love the Lands of Lightreach even more than I already did, and there was difficulty that came with leaving the place. I would eventually discover that there was difficulty in leaving each place I visited.
As I prepared to leave Lightreach, I was surprised to find Erica. She had been with me every step of the way as I learned my powers. And I had known her long before all of this had begun.
She was already determined to come with me. I told her no, telling her that it wasn’t something she should have to go through.
Of course, Erica remained alongside me. She followed me anyway. I never could change her mind when she made such a decision.

After my time in Lightreach, I departed through a rift to my homeland. I stayed in the Woodlands only for a day, where I discussed with the Elders my first steps on the Path of Mastery. They expected me to tell them I had given up.
That may have been part of the reason I didn’t.
The Elders explained something to me, something that they could only share with me once they were sure that I was truly committed to the Path. In order to accomplish the binding that kept our people alive, it was required that I use all eight magics at once.
Which meant breaking the magic barriers. At first I was horrified. The magic barriers were impossible to breach, making it impossible to use a tribe’s magic too far from their lands, but as I thought about it more and more, I realized that hundreds of Masters before me had to overcome the same challenge. If they could do it, I was sure that I would be able to do the same.
I had no choice except to be able to do the same.
 

Worldbuilding and magic in this story is a bit complicated, (I'm working on it).

I think there's a drastic change, and it's very clear that the character has evolved, not just my writing style.

Edited September 23, 2025 by Conure1243