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Posted (edited)

Here's some complete crem of song lyrics. If I could have honest advice (not just flaming) I would appreciate it.  (This is what happens when you give me half an hour and a computer). 

True Desolation

After all

This isn’t the last you’ll see of me

You watched me fall

Ancient rites are not to be

Disturbed

 

Unperturbed you watched as I

Fell apart and seemed to die

Oath and Life within my lie

Another desolation nigh

 

Inner space

The red, the blue and green collide

A better place

The new revival once denied

Returns

 

Nevermore the shadows sound

Honor dead upon the ground

None before the red tide drowned

The tow'rs syncretic light is bound

 

The time

Has come to leave and fly

Away we climb

Ever up into the sky

For now

 

Blue fell, Green has fled the scene

Recreant state of in-between

Red reigns now, through thought obscene

We will return, restore routine!

 

After all

This isn’t the last you’ll see of me

You watched me fall

Ancient rites are not to be

Disturbed!

Again, this is absolute and complete crem and not the final lyrics. Any suggestions on how it could be improved would be welcome, or advice on how best to put it to music.

Thank you!

Edited by DezaS
fix 2x

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