Reading Excuses - 6.10.14 - Tal Spektor - History of Equality (1185 words) - (S)

[Dysphoric Kitten she/her]

Another week and another submission! This time, my first short story! Pretty excited, I think it was a bit more polished than most of my previous ones, I wonder if you think it is good as well. Obviously, this is somewhat inspired by "Interview with the Vampire", and I think it shows (especially in Shannon).

 

Please tell me about everything. If you happen to have anything to say about the old Harry or about Shannon, these are the ones I am least sure about. Also, I wonder if the setting is clear (added it in a later edit), and if the whole plot and everything made sense as a whole.

 

 

 

WARNING: There is a definite, very strong sexual theme here. Some might think that this is too explicit, so please, if you are easily offended by these themes, either choose not to read this, or read it and be prepared to put it down. I think that there are two, maybe three very specific and short points where it might be too much - and these are just the extremes of the story. I think that if you are able to stomach these, you might find yourself enjoying the story. If you cannot, please do yourself a favour and stop reading. I would rather have less reads and reviews than have you hurt by my writing.

 

[Mark]

Forewarning, this is all personal opinion. 

 

I'm afraid I didn't like this one. The topic was interesting, but a bit too heavy handed for my liking. And the medium you chose for getting the information across was terrible - an interview on television. The amount of detail that you did put in seemed off, I'd have been wondering why the interviewee was rambling on if I were watching, and yet was not enough for the story. I got no sense of the people, or the place they were in. The little leaps back and forth from interview time to the past were disconcerting, and made it difficult to follow. There was no tension, or drama. I didn't care for any of the characters. And finally, I couldn't fully understand what was happening back in the past. 

 

Again, all personal opinion. I'm sure you'll find people that enjoyed it, as I enjoyed some of your other works. 

[Dysphoric Kitten she/her]

Thanks Mark for your reply. Hope you like my next one better.

[Robinski he/him]

Well, you certainly challenge us with your submissions, Tal. Not SFF, or course, much more general in subject matter, I guess.

 

There were bits of phrasing where I thought that language was off, and I did have some trouble following the characters at a couple of points. So, his sister was Elaine, and Lynn is the friend? So the uncle, Clint, shows the picture to his niece, if I follow correctly.

 

While it’s a thought provoking piece, I found myself wondering what I was supposed to take from it, what the message was. Rape is bad – I knew that already; corruption of minors, bad, check; so I find myself thinking about the title and the use of the word ‘equality’. We learn that Harry was abused by his 8^th grade crush and then, later, by his sister. Meantime, the sister is subject to an obscenity from her own uncle. We learn that Clint’s brother (Harry’s father) would not reveal him, and that Harry did not reveal his sister’s abuse (until now). Therefore, I think that is the equality referred to in the title, may be equality of concealment in some way, but I can’t help feeling my assessment is too shallow.

 

Reading your comments now and thinking back to the story, I don’t get any sense of story from the piece. I don’t see a plot, but an account of some traumatic events that happened in the past. I don’t get much sense of setting, which seems unimportant anyway, and it’s very short to have any kind of arc or character development, or to establish any sense of mystery and reveal.

 

All a bit perplexing, I'm afraid, interesting, but I’ve got to say, unrewarding for me personally.

 

I'm glad you posted it up, I like to be challenged, but I think I flunked this time!