Emery’s writing ideas

[Emery the Steelrunner he/him]

Hi, this is a story that I’ve been meaning to write for a while now, I call it Snowfall. Please give me any feedback on what I could do better or any character name change suggestions. This is only a very very rough draft of the first chapter.

I hope that you enjoy it.

Quote

The wind howled outside the door, threatening to knock down the shack.

“By Hoarvast’s beard it’s terrible weather out there,” A gruff man wrapped with furs said. “Although that might be what the caravan needs in order to escape those freezing pirates!” He stomped off some of the snow and walked over to the bar.

“Aye, you might be right about that John,” the barkeep said filling a glass with John’s usual order, “But I’ve known many a blizzard that has knocked over ships.”

“Never one of the behemoths Moe” John said taking the warm drink. 

“Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t happen. To be honest I don’t think the blizzards will even protect anyone; I heard of a fleet attacking ships during a whiteout.”

“That is clearly just tale tales coming from the Arx. You know how those freezing euncti like to lie.” John said slamming his mug down. “They cheat you on deals, if they didn’t provide us with metals, then no one here would risk their lives crossing the expanse to trade with them.” He took another swig then stood up. “Freeze every last one of the Northerners!” He shouted.

Cheering erupted from the tavern. “Let the euncti eat every last one of them!” A drunkard shouted from a table, and was favored with more cheering.

“Aye.” John said looking at the clock. He knocked his head back and chugged down last drops of the drink. “Thanks Moe, I’ve got to head out. My caravan is set to leave in an hour, and we have to get our ship ready.” He said walking towards the doors.

“Calor’s blessing be with you. Lux knows you’ll need it.” Moe said as his friend stepped out the first door.

______
 

John walked through the wind which had died down a little. The crunch of snow, and the whistling of the wind drowned out almost every sound. He stepped up to his ship’s dock. “Captain.” He said nodding to the woman wrapped up in a thick coat standing on the dock.

“Well look who finally shows up.” She said with a glare colder than Hoarvast’s own breath. “Yer five minutes late, and don’t try the ‘I got lost in the storm lie’. I can smell the ale from here. That’ll be two planes docked from your salary. Now get your sorry self to work.” She barked at him.

“Aye,” he grumbled, and started hauling crates below deck. He was on his fifteenth pass when he was stopped by the captain. 

“We have a new recruit,” She said blocking the faint sunlight from coming down the stairwell.  “And I need him trained as a navigator. You’ll be responsible for him during this trip.” She motioned to a scrawny lad that couldn’t be more than eighteen next to her. She then turned around and walked away, most likely to chew someone else out.

“Hoarvast’s own beard,” he thought to himself.

“Late fifteen minutes and I get stuck with the purple fingers.” He said scowling at the boy. “You have a name boy?” He asked walking back to the pile of unloaded crates.

“Mark sir.” He said as he followed behind.

“I ain’t no sir, you can call me John, Mr. Mark.” He said grabbing a crate and lifting it up. “Your training begins now, grab a box.”

______
 

Mark found his first hour aboard the Ursa sledship to be rather interesting. He was excited for the trip, as he had always wanted to sail across the giant frozen glacier called The Expanse. The Ursa opened its sails, and started to slide after the other five ships of the caravan.

“Oi, get over here lad!” Shouted Mr. John. Mark was still unsure about how he would get along with the gruff old man.

“Coming sir!” He shouted back, as he heard the gruff sailor grumble about freezing purple fingers.

“If he has purple fingers, then he might want to get better gloves” Mark thought to himself.

He walked up the steps to the cabin overlooking the deck, and followed John inside. 

 

 

Edited May 9, 2022 by Emery the Steelrunner

[Morningtide she/her]

Oh my gosh I love it! I can see the culture of the area already. The names are cool, but a little generic. Maybe that's on purpose? I like looking through names from younger or older grades in old yearbooks to find interesting ones. 

[Emery the Steelrunner he/him]

Thanks @Morningtide, I’m in the process of trying to find better names.

[Going_North_cal]

Hey @Emery the Steelrunner, I really like this, do you think I could take what you wrote and make some minor edits. Essentially rewriting it.

please?

[Emery the Steelrunner he/him]

8 minutes ago, CalanoCorvus said:

Hey @Emery the Steelrunner, I really like this, do you think I could take what you wrote and make some minor edits. Essentially rewriting it.

please?

I am all for editing suggestions, but I would like to keep this as my own story. 

What did you have in mind?

Edited May 9, 2022 by Emery the Steelrunner

[Going_North_cal]

Some grammatical changes and flow changes.

[Emery the Steelrunner he/him]

@CalanoCorvus, sorry for the misunderstanding, I thought you meant make it your own story when you said rewrite it; you can definitely edit it. I’m going to post a google doc with this project on it.

Edited May 9, 2022 by Emery the Steelrunner

[Going_North_cal]

oh! oh lol. no i meant yeah just do what you did but change the flow and make some grammar corrections XD is fine.

k finna do that now. *disappears into writer land*

[Emery the Steelrunner he/him]

Here is the link to the google doc. Any suggestions are welcome.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-PbWy_-Rctt7uMVLBonozO9E4InrExjN7BEs4MCkGec/edit