Tension on the Horizon

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

3 minutes ago, Archer said:

Nigel Gollum eyed the newcomer hungrily, ignoring the question. The stranger had oh so much more meat on him than a fish, he’d make a veritable feast! “What’s he got in his handses?” He looked at the weapon with distaste. It appeared to be a large fork.

“Ssssssss. Praps we sits here and chats a bitsy, my precioussss.” Gollum often ignored language conventions. It made him a terrible lawyer, but he was cheap, so people still hired him anyway. “It likes riddles praps it does, does it?” He was trying to appear friendly, because people are much harder to kill than fish and he was really hungry because he hadn’t eaten since lunch and even that was only just a failed hotdog so he need food right now.

'Very well. You ask first.' Lopen had a riddle in mind, but it had an excellent innuendo in it, and he's already scared everyone in the RP chat with his last one. If Gollum asked a particularly hard riddle he'd Google the answer.

[Archer he/him]

So Gollum hissed:

“I'm the grumpy old ghoul who lives under the ridge. Hey, I'm the grumpy old ghoul who lives under the ridge, who's there? If you wanna come over, all you have to do is this, all you have to do is this: Solve my riddle! What has roots that nobody sees? Is taller than the tallest trees? Up, up it goes. And yet it never grows?”

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

'Easy. A mountain. The old troll under the bridge I killed as a three year old was better at this than you,' Lopen taunted him.

[Archer he/him]

“Does it guess easy?” Gollum had read somewhere that rhetorical questions were the highest form of flattery. “It must have a competition with us, my preciousss. If preciousss asks, and it doesn’t answer, we eats it, my preciousss. If it asks, and we doesn’t answer, then we does what it wants, eh? We shows it the way outs yes!” Gollum was super bored. Even a competition as lame as this one would be a welcome break from the monotony of fishing in a cave.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

The old sack of crem would probably be stumped by this.

Thirty white horses on a red hill,

                     First they champ,

                     Then they stamp,

Then they stand still.

[Archer he/him]

Gollum was stumped. So, he used a lifeline and called a friend.

“What’s the answers Sméagol?”

“Kill the fat one!” came the reply.

“No, no. The answers to the riddleses!”

“Teeth you fool.”

“Of course! Teeeeeeeth!” cried Gollum. Not even waiting for a reply, he started into his next riddle.

“Voiceless it cries, wingless it flutters, toothless it bites, mouthless it mutters.”

Gollum didn’t even know what half that stuff meant, he just thought it sounded cool.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

'Wind.' The ancient creature was smarter than it looked. 

An eye in a blue face

Saw an eye in a green face.

"That eye is like to this eye"

Said the first eye,

"But in low place,

Not in high place."

 

[Archer he/him]

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? You can’t just personify random stuff to make a riddle. Besidesss you rhymed face with face. Stupid hobbitsessss. It's Sunshine on the daisies it is." Gollum needed to end this quickly before he had to hear any more of this terrible poetry.

"I cannot be seen, cannot be felt. Blah, blah, blah I'm intangible yet somehow I exist. I'm really common, let's move on. It comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter. What am I?"

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Lopen didn't know how, but he knew the answer without thinking, as if he had read about this before, but it didn't matter, since the answer surrounded him. 'Dark!' Now much more confident in his riddling skills he burst the next one out in a maddeningly quick chant.

A box without hinges, key, or lid,

Yet golden treasure inside is hid.

[Archer he/him]

Uh-oh, thought Gollum. I don’t know the answer. Maybe if I just shout out the first thing that comes to mind I’ll be right. Here goes. “Eggs!” The stunned look on the funny man’s face told he was right. Relieved, he began his best riddle. “Alive without breath, as cold as death; never thirsty, ever drinking, all in mail never clinking.” Gollum rarely used semi-colons. But when he did, they were impressive.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

This one really stumped him, until the stench reminded him of it. 'Fish!' he exclaimed.

No-legs lay on one-leg, two-legs sat near on three-legs, four-legs got some.

Four-legs got some? he thought. If only I could pull that off.

Edited May 27, 2018 by LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian

[Archer he/him]

"It's not a fair riddle if the answer is longer than the riddlesss itself! It's fish on a little table, a man sitting at the table, then the cat has the bones" Gollum felt the urge to one-up him, so he began his own.

"This thing all things devours,
Birds, beasts, trees, and flowers.
Gnaws iron bites steel,
Grinds hard stones to meal,
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down."

He didn't even know the answer to this one himself. He'd read it at the dentist's office once, and was genuinely curious to learn the answer.

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Lopen had no clue what was going on, so like Bilbo before him he shouted 'Time!' trying to ask for some, but in reality getting the right answer by mistake. Having run out of riddles, he decided to be a cremling. 'What do I have in my pockets, you sack of bones?' he exclaimed proudly, a devilish grin on his face.

 

[Archer he/him]

"You suck at riddles. Not fair, my preciousss. I want three guesses. My first is your handsess!"

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

'WROOOONG SUCKAAA!'

[Archer he/him]

Gollum tried to think of what people kept in their pockets these days. He hadn't had pockets since the summer of '69. Then he had an idea. "Is it your phone?" 

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

'No. I've quit my phone for a month to get more woke.'

[Archer he/him]

Gollum panicked. He sputtered and stammered, before finally blurting out, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun! Or nothing!" which was not quite fair - working in two guesses at once.

[Kidpen he/him]

"Oooh, can I ask a riddle" said Leya. "I like riddles"

Edit: "I think it's a ring by the way. I learned about this during my elective class "Hushlander Famous Media" all bout the historical anti-jewelry movement"

Edited May 27, 2018 by Kidpen

[Archer he/him]

"Knock your socksess off nice lady!" Gollum said in the affirmative.

Edited May 27, 2018 by Archer

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Lopen ignored Leya. 'Wrong again. Now lead me out of here you foul smelling beast.'

[Archer he/him]

"But nice lady! Bah, I can eat you both laterssss. Let me go get my... things first," Gollum said slipping away suspiciously. 

[Kidpen he/him]

"I'm gonna give a riddle. Here it is:

One Fish

Two Fish

Red Fish

Blue Fish.

How many thinks can you think when you think about Seuss?"

[LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian]

Lopen was an unreliable narrator. The ring was not on an island, but in his pocket. 'Want to know the answer you rusting drynet?' He took out the ring and slipped it on his middle finger, the only one of his fingers that wasn't curled into his fist. He then started running and fell, while Gollum ran past him. To think that guy said that magnificent word at his funeral.

Edited May 27, 2018 by LopenTheTwoArmedHerdazian

[Archer he/him]

Gollum came back. Before long trips he liked to relieve himself so he wouldn't have to stop along the way. He glanced over at his birthday present on the -"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My precious is gone!" He threw himself into a frenzy looking for it, before being distracted by the nice lady's riddle. "Sees fishy riddlesesss. Very nice. But the answer issss two! One to screw on the lightbulb, and one to hold laddersesss." Gollum was quite proud of himself for knowing that one. He then went back to trying to murder the man. But the man had gone! He ran out towards the exit to chase him. 

Edited May 27, 2018 by Archer