Help me make a cosmere bar joke

[Natanaj he/him]

So i think the joke should begin with 

 

"A surgebinder, an Allomancer, and an awakener walk into a bar"

 

or 

 

"A radiant, a mistborn, and a Returned walk into a bar"

 

or

 

"A radiant, a mistborn, and an Elantrian walk into a bar"

 

 

but i have no idea where to go from there. Any suggestions?

[Kobold King he/him]

Miles Hundredlives walks into a bar. Being a gold Compounder, he quickly heals from all damage and demands to know who put it there.

 

...

 

Thus concludes the only Cosmere bar joke I can think of.

[Paragrin she/her]

So, a Hemalurgist and a grifter walk into a bar. They each spike the other's drinks.

[Observer]

It's not really a bar joke, but have you heard about that one feruchemist who couldn't stop himself from tapping tin? They fed him some lerasium, but it only...COMPOUNDED THE PROBLEM!

 

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Paragrin she/her]

A Purelaker walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘What do you want?’ The Purelaker looks down and says, ‘Water.’

An Awakener walks into an Alethi bar... there's a color joke here somewhere

Edited November 6, 2014 by Paragrin

[Fatebreaker he/him]

So a mistwraith walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long faces?"

[Oudeis he/him]

Two Lurchers walked into a bar; the third was able to turn his iron off in time.

[Shardcellist]

Repeating my earlier bar joke:

A Koloss walked into a bar. The bar said, "Ouch." (It had been Awakened with the Command, "Feel Pain.")

[Unhinged he/him]

Kaladin, Moash and Lopen walk into a bar they each order a beer and sit down 

 

Kaladin looks down into his beer and notices that there's a cremling in it, he immediately begins to moan about how he's cursed and how evil all the lighteyes are before he finally leaves the bar thereby ruining any chance of getting with the cute redhead at the other end of the bar.

 

Moash looks into his beer and also finds a cremling he imediatly summons his new shardblade and begins to hack away at the mug shouting about vengance or something, before he also leaves the bar.

 

Finally Lopen checks his beer and finds yet another cremling in it. He looks closer and notices that the little pest is drinking his pint "no one steals from a one armed Herdazian" he shouts "spit it out! spit it out!" 

 

I initially was going to use rock for the joke but I figured that he would just eat the cremling.

[Delightful]

Kaladin, Moash and Lopen walk into a bar they each order a beer and sit down 

 

Kaladin looks down into his beer and notices that there's a cremling in it, he immediately begins to moan about how he's cursed and how evil all the lighteyes are before he finally leaves the bar thereby ruining any chance of getting with the cute redhead at the other end of the bar.

 

Moash looks into his beer and also finds a cremling he imediatly summons his new shardblade and begins to hack away at the mug shouting about vengance or something, before he also leaves the bar.

 

Finally Lopen checks his beer and finds yet another cremling in it. He looks closer and notices that the little pest is drinking his pint "no one steals from a one armed Herdazian" he shouts "spit it out! spit it out!" 

 

I initially was going to use rock for the joke but I figured that he would just eat the cremling.

So make that part of the joke

[Observer]

Like a lot of people, the Lord Ruler walked out of a bar with substantially less baggage than he'd entered with.

In case that makes a lot less sense than I think it does, according to legend, TLR's tavern was burning down and he came out as nothing but a skeleton.

[Titan Arum]

Bavadin walked into a bar and ordered one of everything. Why? We're not sure; nobody knows his Intent. 

[Observer]

Stephen Leeds walks into a bar, and proceeds to make a million imaginary orders. He finds this annoying, but with so many people in his head, what else could he Aspect?

 

EDIT: Guys, please do not punish Natanaj for making a thread. I know you don't think you're doing it, but everybody who looks at the OP sees the negative reputation, and then gets curious and wants to see why. You then proceed to see his worse posts, and add yet another downvote to the pile, dragging the OP lower and lower. I get it, the posts were bad ideas. Please, we've made our point already, there's no need to pushing somebody just because they happened to make a thread people post in.

Edited November 7, 2014 by Observer

[Twenty@20 he/him]

I have a simple one here.

Kaladin walks into a bar with Syl.

Kaladin: I will have a drink.

Barman: (winks towards Syl) Thats a great idea.

Got it? In case its not very clear, spren are ideas which manifest in physical world

[Pathfinder]

Why isn't Sixth of Dusk invited to family occasions anymore? Because Six ate Nine. So bad I know 

[the Gleeman he/him]

Susebron walks into a bar. He doesn't say much. 

[Observer]

Susebron walks into a bar. He doesn't say much. 

 

Hoid walks in shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, he does.

[Redbird he/him]

Unfortunately? I think not.

[Pathfinder]

A koloss is raging across town, destroying everything it sees. Everyone flees far away in fear. Except for one lone man. This seemingly lunatic approaches the great beast. The distant town folk watch in rapt fascination as the fool hearty hero holds up what seems to be a box at a distance. Suddenly the koloss stops, mesmerized by this David before the brutish Goliath. Dropping its great sword, the koloss calmly walks past the fearful towns people and off into the distance. When the befuddled pedestrians approach their savior in awe, they ask but one question "how?". This paragon of bravery shoulders his simple stereo onto his shoulder, and smoothly slides on sunglasses as he states "I played some jazz for him. it soothed him....." 

[Twenty@20 he/him]

Syl likes to play a certain video game very much. Can you guys guess which one?

Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell

[Oudeis he/him]

Shallan walked into a bar, and ordered a Ginger ale.

[the Gleeman he/him]

An Alethi walks into a bar. Airsick lowlanders!

[Redbird he/him]

There has to be a one armed Herdazian joke here somewhere.

[Twenty@20 he/him]

Why did the one armed Herdazian grow another arm in the bar?

Because his drink was (h)armful. (Yeah I know I shamefully plagiarised my favourite author. )

Edited November 10, 2014 by Twenty@20

[Titan Arum]

Raoden walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what he wants. Raoden simply draws the Aon Rao in front of him. The impatient bartender looks up, scoffs, and says "Don't get cute with me buddy. I'm no priest, I'm a bartender. I only serve spirits here."