Can we talk about our feelings???

[Gloomspren she/her]

I finished the book on Sunday, and wrote a journal entry reflecting upon the raw feelings finishing WaT brought up for me. Obviously I have thoughts about the plot, but I wanted this post to be a place where people could talk about how the book made them feel and reflect on themselves. Ik I’ve gone to a lot of therapy since I first started reading Brandon Sanderson!

 

The journal entry:

This book was obviously incredible. Obviously a feat of writing, imagination, communication, creativity - you name it, Sanderson achieved it in this masterpiece I've been waiting for for years, since I picked up Mistborn 14 years ago now, when I was 12.

 

So obviously, I'm in my feels.

 

This time, I was able to enjoy this series on another level, because of a lot of things. One of which is my own growth , the second of which is my wonderful boyfriend. I literally checked out of our life for 48 hours because this was so important to me, and he cooked for me, cleaned, delivered me tea, made sure I was hydrated, and generally went above and beyond to make sure this reading experience he knew would be emotional for me was as perfect as possible. 

 

In 2020, on the forums, after reading RoW, I posted about how Syladin should never happen. I posted also about how Syl does not have ADHD .

 

In 2022, I met my caring love who also carried a massive burden - crippling depression. For years, I have tried my best to support him through a journey of battling self-hatred that I could never relate to, having ADHD + being too flighty to have any thought stay in my head for long, even if it is one that is extremely negative - actually especially so. I got my diagnosis in 2021.

 

We had an explosive fight one day, with him descending into hating himself and me battering against it desperately, trying to get him out. And I told him I couldn't do it anymore, keep fighting this, that unless he could fight it, I had to leave for myself, but that I didn’t know if he would be ok if I wasn’t there.

 

He got quiet, and took a break to go think.

 

When he came back, he was upset in a different way, and said something that resonated. He said that even if I wasn't there, he wanted to keep fighting. He said it was his journey, not mine. And he would protect himself by himself. Choose himself over me every time. 

 

He went to group therapy this past summer, and in them found something I could never give him - understanding. He flourished there, and I felt helpless. Proud, but helpless. And realized, only he could fight his demons, and I must fight mine. Because I had mine too, and was hiding from them, finding it easier to identify his problems than the ones I actively repressed in myself. 

 

I started my Stormlight reread in October. I hadn't read it since we had started dating (2022), as I last did a reread when RoW came out (2020). This time, I couldn't help but see that my favorite character of all time-Kaladin- I had unintentionally started dating him. And I was Syl. I’ve always seen parts of myself in every character, but the similarities in core traits between us and these characters… wild. 

 

Well, now, if Syladin happens (and it seems it will after reading WaT but maybe I’m too biased now), they have my blessing. Because, storm it, it works. 

 

I've been saying it for years, if Kaladin isn't happy at the end of all this I will break. I fully, truly meant it. But I was able to fully enjoy this book because I know the ending for Kaladin.

 

I sat for 48 hours and read this book, while my wonderful boyfriend cared for me, dried my tears, and hugged me through the tough moments. And gave me chocolate at the end after seeing my ugly cry at Testament tell Shallan to “enjoy it” (because I was having trouble with that very thing at that moment). Through the entire thing, despite my fears that Kaladin would end up broken, I genuinely knew Kaladin would be okay. Because I knew what the 5th ideal was, and it was what he said to me on the day of that fight. I knew Kaladin would be ok because he was going to protect himself.

 

My boyfriend is reading Mistborn now, and this morning he commented on how timeless it was. He couldn't believe it came out in 2006. And I responded, it's because Brandon Sanderson writes about being human. And the human experience is timeless.

 

I am a different person from the person who read RoW 4 years ago and hated on Syladin shippers, I am a different person than the girl who read Mistborn in middle school.

 

The beautiful thing is everytime this story grows, I can reflect on my growth, and see in these characters my life, my experiences, my friends, my love.

 

I think it is so, so beautiful, in a way I haven't seen before. In a different way than I've seen before. I am so happy for these rich, multifaceted characters. And I'm so happy for myself.

 

End journal entry.

 

If anyone else wants to talk about their feelings, please do, and don’t feel it needs to be this long at all! I’m no writer, just wanted to share my experiences and the impact these books have had on me, and was wondering if anyone else feels the weight of their reflecting on their lives whenever a new Brandon Sanderson book comes out