Chuck Norris Facts

[Lunamor she/her]

The Swiss army uses Chuck Norris knives.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris can kill entire languages with a roundhouse kick. Just ask Latin.

[Lunamor she/her]

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

[TheFrugalWizard he/him]

Chuck Norris is reckgonized as a lethal weapon in 196 countries, but they're all too scaared to tell him he has to get a liscinse.

[Lunamor she/her]

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

The song “you’re welcome” was originally written for Chuck Norris, but he lent it to Disney. 

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothing in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

 

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger. To this day, the planet Earth continues to turn.

[TheFrugalWizard he/him]

The term "redshift" was coined when a scientist noted what color tended to come out of people's bodies when they were trying to run from Chuck Norris.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

What’s black and white and red all over? The penguin and zebra that crossed Chuck Norris. 

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn’t get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

[Soulbinder she/her]

8 hours ago, TheFrugalWizard said:

The term "redshift" was coined when a scientist noted what color tended to come out of people's bodies when they were trying to run from Chuck Norris.

The term "blueshift" was coined when scientists noticed that people tend to stop breathing when Chuck Norris gets closer

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris can cook meat to perfection just by glaring at it

[Lunamor she/her]

The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris can pull the eastward seaboard in a westerly direction and thereby reverse the rotation of the Earth

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Mike Tyson's Punchout was originally Chuck Norris' Punchout, but they had to change it because nobody could win it

[Lunamor she/her]

Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

[TheFrugalWizard he/him]

Chuck Norris once tried to eat a boulder. He later complained that it was a bit soggy.

[Lunamor she/her]

When Chuck Norris wears a tie, it ceases to be called a tie. It is now a win.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn't need keys because no door is brave enough to stand in the way of Chuck Norris

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman’s life.