Chuck Norris Facts

[Soulbinder she/her]

Due to restrictions on weapons of mass destruction, Chuck Norris legally cannot enter Russia. He does anyway, of course, because no one tells Chuck Norris what to do.

[Through the Living Elan He/Him]

Jesus can walk on water

But Chuck Norris can swim through land

[Lunamor she/her]

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Chuck Norris can put 2 and 2 together and get 6

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

3 minutes ago, Lunamor said:

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

He was subsequently banned from the show after getting the jackpot every spin and bankrupted the studio. 

[Soulbinder she/her]

If Chuck Norris had been on the Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship

[Lunamor she/her]

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Chuck Norris jumped off the roof out the NYC world trade center. What he landed, he created the Great Depression. 

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Just now, Lunamor said:

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

And the “fun” in “funeral”

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris refers to himself in the fourth person.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do

[Lunamor she/her]

The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Before her infamous Pacific flight, Amelia Earhart looked at Chuck Norris funny

[Lunamor she/her]

A police officer stopped Chuck Norris for speeding once. Chuck Norris let the officer off with a warning.

[Soulbinder she/her]

When police officers approach Chuck Norris they say "we have the right to remain silent"

[Lunamor she/her]

They tried to put Chuck Norris’s face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t tough enough for his beard.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn't shower. He only takes bloodbaths.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris’s social security number is the last nine digits of pi.

[Soulbinder she/her]

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is outlawed by the Geneva Conventions

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Chuck Norris doesn't eat vegetables, they're too scared to give him scurvy