Chuck Norris Facts

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

Edited February 16, 2024 by Lunamor

[Lord Spirit he/him]

9 minutes ago, Lunamor said:

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

When Alexander Graham bell invented the telephone he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris. 

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

[Faerie Braids she/her]

Chuck Norris does not lose his cool, because Chuck Norris does not lose. No, if you see Chuck Norris get angry, it's because he threw his cool away himself, and you should probably start running.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Lift once challenged Chuck Norris to a pancake eating contest. She lost when Chuck ate the plate too.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

[Lunamor she/her]

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Chuck Norris once went to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris once raced with the speed of light. He's still waiting for it to catch up.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris didn’t cheat death, he won fair and square.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Time moves forward because it’s running from Chuck Norris

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris can successfully order a Big Mac at a Burger King.

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris can start a fire using an extinguisher.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

21 minutes ago, Lunamor said:

Chuck Norris can start a fire using an extinguisher.

He can start a fire just by staring at something hard enough.

[Lunamor she/her]

2 minutes ago, Lord Spirit said:

He can start a fire just by staring at something hard enough.

His gaze is ice cold enough to extinguish fires just by staring at them.

Edited February 17, 2024 by Lunamor

[One of the Ten Fools he/him]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

 

[Lunamor she/her]

The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris looks at it.

[Faerie Braids she/her]

Chuck Norris's brief stint in philosophy lead to the developement of the infamous Trolley Problem. He was the trolley.

[Lunamor she/her]

When Chuck Norris stared into the abyss, it looked away.

[TheFrugalWizard he/him]

Chuck Norris has succesfully scored a touchdown during a world series game, a slam dunk while competing at the SuperBowl, and a grand slam in his bout as a pro basketball player.

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris once won an arm wrestling tournament with both arms tied behind his back.

[Lord Spirit he/him]

Time moves forward because it’s running from Chuck Norris

[Soulbinder she/her]

We may not be able to say definitively whether Schrodinger's Cat is alive or dead, but either way we can say with confidence the cat is terrified of Chuck Norris

[Lunamor she/her]

Chuck Norris mines bitcoin with a pen and paper.