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Ace of Hearts

10/11 - Ace of Hearts - A Bond of Wildflowers Ch 16

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Hi everyone,

 
Thanks for your comments (and for telling me how allosexuals behave lol)! I'll also give a warning ahead of time that my partner's going to be visiting for a while so I'll probably be even less active on the site than I normally am. But I will get to critiques and reading people's comments on my story eventually! 
 
This one isn't rewritten as much as many others, so idk if that means more or fewer LbL issues/things feeling out of place.
 
1. Points of engagement/non-engagement/confusion?
2. Thoughts on characters?
 
Thanks as always! :)
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I thought this was a really good chapter and finally got to things we've been waiting a long time to see! There are some interesting tidbits with how the village is set up and how much these people are actually magical vs. just isolated. I'm looking forward to seeing what's real and what's not. There were some good parts on how they came there, and whether they took native land just as much as the rest of the US did. Sounds like they may just be a bit more like the Amish than truly cut off from the rest of civilization.

I really like that things are moving now, but all this definitely needs to come sooner. It feels like this is getting to the heart of the story, and it's 16 chapters in.


Notes while reading:
pg 3: "and that took a whole engagement timespan to pass"
--It took that long for them to accept her? Unclear.

bottom of pg 4: B's name is spelled differently

pg 6: "doesn’t have the genetic marker for Huntington’s"
--wait, what? Where did this come from? I think I'm missing something.

pg 7: "Secrets within secrets within secrets"
--how long is the book supposed to be? I think no matter how long, a lot of this should start popping up earlier.

pg 11: Interesting to see the "Fey" people, and now I'm really wondering how much they're actually magical and how much they're just sort of Amish-like

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I have to say, this is my favorite chapter. The reveal of the village is a bit of a let down so far, but I feel like it is still a big pay off for the reader and for W who has worked hard to let the relationship progress to thos point. 

On 10/12/2021 at 7:14 AM, Mandamon said:

 

pg 6: "doesn’t have the genetic marker for Huntington’s"
--wait, what? Where did this come from? I think I'm missing something.

pg 11: Interesting to see the "Fey" people, and now I'm really wondering how much they're actually magical and how much they're just sort of Amish-like

I agree on both points.

It's nice to see N as less of a puppy in this chapter, and I like that W notices and appreciates this different aspect of his nature. 

1st paragraph, second sentence gets a bit convoluted.

"This person was descended" I may be wrong, but to my ear it's either "this person descended" or "this person was a decendent". 

Not much else to say. I liked how the dialogue flowed in this chapter and the transitions were effortless to follow. Well done!

Edited by Sarah B
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