Hoiditthroughthegrapevine

Choose/Create Your Own Adventure Forum Edition

39 posts in this topic

So the rules are pretty simple, the post before you will have a story or a continuation of a story, and will have 3 to 4 choices for what action to take.

When you reply, you choose whichever action appeals to you, and then continue the story up to a point where a similar decision crux is reached and list 3 to 4 choices for the next poster to choose from as the starting point to continue the story.

Grisly deaths are most definitely allowed, and if after a grisly death you want to start a brand new story, go for it. Or if you want to roll the story back to a previous point, just quote the post of the story where you want to choose a different decision and then keep it going.

Also, visual aids (like little drawings to illustrate your portion of the story, or really whatever) are allowed and encouraged.

Also, to keep references to different posts straight, it might be helpful to start out your post with a page number (just the last page number +1)


 

Ok, to start things off we will be telling the tale of:

  The Minoan Murder Mystery  

PAGE 1:

You're on a yacht off an island in Greece, reclining on a chaise lounge and gazing at the flat turquoise plain of the tranquil Mediterranean. Your associate, a rather rotund gentleman with round rimmed spectacles sits next to you, smoking a clove cigarette and reciting "She Walks in Beauty" in a nasaly but not unpleasant tenor.

You only arranged this expedition because it was a chance to examine the newly discovered subterranean structure connected to the Palace at Knossos, but the rather affected Professor Duchamp is beginning to get on your nerves. As the foremost expert on Linear B writing, the necessity for his presence precludes you from throwing him overboard as you badly want to do, but still, the sun and sea can only soothe so much weariness.

Looking at the crystal clear water, you think of how you combed through petabytes of Infra-red satellite imagery of the environs surrounding the Knossos palace complex, sure that you would find the tell tale signature of the fabled buried labyrinth. And sure enough, your hard work paid off, and with a grant from your University you organized this archaeological expedition to explore the newly unearthed site.

Crossing the forecastle with a tray of apricot bellinis, the captain of the 82' schooner that you hired smiles affably at you and rolls her eyes at the professor's recitation.

As you lean forward to take a proffered flute of champagne with a single turkish apricot sinking and riding up the internal column of bubbles, you notice a strange symbol on the captain's wrist. Her eyes follow your gaze and for a moment she seems somewhat shaken, but quickly regains her composure, and with a drawling accent she says "Gia sou", and grabs a flute of champagne herself and tips it back heartily.

There you sit, with the champagne flute in your hand and a vague apprehension hanging over you, something about that symbol tickles a vague memory, a half remembered bit of obscure lore that you read about in your undergraduate days.

MinoanSymbol.jpg.8ed8fd29c12f13bd7c1f8d2cca7dd23e.jpg

Do you:

  1. Drink the champagne, and ask Captain Chloros what part of Greece she hails from.
  2. Ask Captain Chloros about the strange symbol tattooed on her inner wrist.
  3. Return the toast saying "Gia sou", and then hold onto your drink with the intention of dumping it after the captain has left.
  4. Dump the champagne overboard, and retire to your below deck cabin with the excuse of a headache, to look through your research materials for a clue about that symbol.
Edited by Hoiditthroughthegrapevine
Small continuity error, sheesh need a new editor...
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Sorry to double post, but I forgot to mention it's an option to just post a choice, and then have someone else continue the story based on your choice.

Here's to seeing where this goes!

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On 3/15/2021 at 0:33 AM, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Drink the champagne, and ask Captain Chloros what part of Greece she hails from.

I can’t write a story, but I’ll pick an option!

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1 hour ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

I can’t write a story, but I’ll pick an option!

Quote

I'll continue the story then. :)

(Page 2 I guess)

The Captain smiled friendlily. "Who said I was from Greece?" She said, almost teasingly. However, you notice an almost dangerous glint in her eyes.

1. Apologize.

2. Ask her where she's actually from.

3. Ask about the symbol.

4. Run around the boat singing a random song while flapping your arms like a bird. (Yes. This is an option.)

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6 minutes ago, Random Bystander said:

4. Run around the boat singing a random song while flapping your arms like a bird. (Yes. This is an option.)

Well, I'm sorry but this option just calls to me.

Page 3

The captain goes white with shock, and falls on her face. She begins to speak in a language that you never have heard before, but from the tone it sounds like she is apologizing for something.

Options:

  1. Stand there looking solemn
  2. Dump a bucket of water on the captains head
  3. Tell them to rise and speak in the common tongue
  4. Continue your bird dance.
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Just now, Shard of Reading said:

Well, I'm sorry but this option just calls to me.

Page 3

The captain goes white with shock, and falls on her face. She begins to speak in a language that you never have heard before, but from the tone it sounds like she is apologizing for something.

Options:

  1. Stand there looking solemn
  2. Dump a bucket of water on the captains head
  3. Tell them to rise and speak in the common tongue
  4. Continue your bird dance.

Thank you. 

Page 4

As you continue dancing, a few of the other people on the boat decide to follow your lead, and create a flash mob style performance. Suddenly, a bunch of seagulls start dive-bombing the boat. The captain starts yelling orders. You...

1. Continue dancing.

2. Try to fight off the birds with an old mop.

3. Run around, screaming at the top of your lungs.

4. Toss stale bread at the birds while yelling "I HAVE THE POWER!" 

(Congratulations. You summoned an army of birds.)

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2 hours ago, Random Bystander said:

1. Continue dancing.

As you continue dancing, thousands and thousands of birds seemingly materialize out of thin air. One of the other people dancing finds some tribal drums and begins playing. Someone starts a bonfire. Everyone begins dancing and leaping around the bonfire to the beat of the drums, mimicking the movements of the thousands of birds above.

Suddenly the birds dive down, driven mad by the ritual dance. Dozens of them grab the captain and Yeet her off into the distance. 

“but I was supposed to be plot relevaaaaaaant!” She yells, her voice fading into the distance. 
 

Do you:

1. Continue dancing

2. Put out the bonfire 

3. Try and become the new captain

4. Attack your new bird overlords

Quote

I am so sorry

 

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Hahaha,that got fun fast.

50 minutes ago, Dannex said:

1. Continue dancing

2. Put out the bonfire 

3. Try and become the new captain

PAGE 6:

Being naturally indecisive you decide to do 3 of the 4 actions simultaneously. While dancing frenetically to the beat of the tribal drums, you begin organizing the other dancing passengers and the flock of enraptured birds into a human/avian bucket brigade, and in dancing chorus you all quickly dispatch the bonfire. The danger of an angry mob confronts you, mostly incited by the passenger who was attempting to make a smore when the bonfire was doused and has been tearing his hair and beating his breast in grief over the poor soggy graham cracker, the wet greasy chocolate, and the slimy icky marshmallow remnants of his beloved smore. You decide decisively that decisive action is required and realize that a captain is what is decidedly needed. Whilst still dancing to the pounding of the tribal drum, you propose that there be a Dance Off to determine who will captain this madcap ship, and put it to a vote. Signalling the victory of your proposal, all the crew's arms and all the birds' wings are raised in assent (except that smore guy, man he really wanted that smore).

The stage is set, the stakes are high, in the competition is a hulking Behemoth, chest a tangled mat of oily black hair, eyes small and beady, and wearing some, uhmm, pince nez too cuz why not. Another competitor is long a limbed beauty of Persian extraction, with flashing eyes, glowing teeth, and uhmmm, a pet moneky. The final competitor other than yourself is a rotund roly poly little man, who is wearing a tank top, a backwards hat, and has two glass eyes.

Now to win the opprobrium of the crew and the captaincy, which of the following dances do you do?

  1. A complex tap dance routine
  2. Grab a mop and do a routine from the Musical Stomp
  3. Do a break dancing routine
  4. Some other type of dance.
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9 minutes ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Hahaha,that got fun fast.

PAGE 6:

Being naturally indecisive you decide to do 3 of the 4 actions simultaneously. While dancing frenetically to the beat of the tribal drums, you begin organizing the other dancing passengers and the flock of enraptured birds into a human/avian bucket brigade, and in dancing chorus you all quickly dispatch the bonfire. The danger of an angry mob confronts you, mostly incited by the passenger who was attempting to make a smore when the bonfire was doused and has been tearing his hair and beating his breast in grief over the poor soggy graham cracker, the wet greasy chocolate, and the slimy icky marshmallow remnants of his beloved smore. You decide decisively that decisive action is required and realize that a captain is what is decidedly needed. Whilst still dancing to the pounding of the tribal drum, you propose that there be a Dance Off to determine who will captain this madcap ship, and put it to a vote. Signalling the victory of your proposal, all the crew's arms and all the birds' wings are raised in assent (except that smore guy, man he really wanted that smore).

The stage is set, the stakes are high, in the competition is a hulking Behemoth, chest a tangled mat of oily black hair, eyes small and beady, and wearing some, uhmm, pince nez too cuz why not. Another competitor is long a limbed beauty of Persian extraction, with flashing eyes, glowing teeth, and uhmmm, a pet moneky. The final competitor other than yourself is a rotund roly poly little man, who is wearing a tank top, a backwards hat, and has two glass eyes.

Now to win the opprobrium of the crew and the captaincy, which of the following dances do you do?

  1. A complex tap dance routine
  2. Grab a mop and do a routine from the Musical Stomp
  3. Do a break dancing routine
  4. Some other type of dance.

Page 7

You decide that there is only one way to win the competition. (See the spoiler)

Spoiler

 

Yep. You do the Napoleon Dynamite. Obviously, since you chose so well, you became Captain by default. Now you're in charge, and everyone brings problems to your attention. You:

1. Start dancing again.

2. Start doing leader-y things.

3. Delegate responsibility so that your only job is to dance.

4. Eat pie.

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46 minutes ago, Random Bystander said:

Eat pie.

Unfortunately, it was a blackbird pie. Now your seagull army is infuriated. And also hungry.

Do you:

1. Console the birds by sacrificing the ship's cat

2. Console the birds by ransacking the nearest bakery

3. Console the birds by performing an eldritch ritual

4. Forget the birds and become a fish.

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1 minute ago, xinoehp512 said:

3. Console the birds by performing an eldritch ritual

You get the skulls with candles, the dark velvet runners, the table made of femurs, and the black basalt basin from the shipboard pantry and set them up on the poop deck.

You begin chanting and inscribing mystical thaumaturgical designs upon the planks of the deck with some black ash from the bonfire, and as you are just about done with the intricate preparations for the Ritual to Appease the Wild Beasts, you remember that this particular Eldritch ritual involves bird sacrifice. Whelp time to choose again.

Do you:

5 minutes ago, xinoehp512 said:

1. Console the birds by sacrificing the ship's cat

2. Console the birds by ransacking the nearest bakery

3. Console the birds by performing an eldritch ritual

4. Forget the birds and become a fish.

 

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2 minutes ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

1. Console the birds by sacrificing the ship's cat

You decide to substitute the bird for a cat. You've already gone to all the trouble to set up the sacrificial symbols and whatnot; it would be a shame to let them go to waste. What's the worst that could happen?

After the demise of thirty-three woolen sweaters, two kegs of milk, and every last bit of seafood in the ship's buffet, you finally manage to subdue the demon and push it back through the rift. You may have nightmares about hairballs for the rest of your life, but at least you're still alive. Unfortunately, the birds are even angrier now- especially since most were also large fans of seafood.

Do you:

7 minutes ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

1. Console the birds by sacrificing the ship's cat

2. Console the birds by ransacking the nearest bakery

3. Console the birds by performing an eldritch ritual

4. Forget the birds and become a fish.

 

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11 minutes ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

1. Console the birds by sacrificing the ship's cat

Luckily, the ship has a cat and you know a ritual to turn cats into birds. You set up the second ritual and realise that it requires you to sacrifice a mouse. However, you have no mice, though you do have a spell to turn a drop of cat's blood into a mouse. You do the third eldritch ritual, use the mouse from it for the second, and use the cat from that one for the third. The seagulls are calm despite the many rituals. Unfortunately, it seems like they have associated eldritch rituals with calmness and are now addicted to blood sacrifices. How do you appease them?

1. Constantly drain somebody's blood into a ritual circle

2. Get to work fishing for sacrifices

3. Write a book on how to overcome blood ritual addiction

4. Try to escape from the blood seagull horde

(Edit: Ninja'd. Which person's version will be the official one?)

Edited by Flyingbooks
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9 minutes ago, Flyingbooks said:

3. Write a book on how to overcome blood ritual addiction

You pull the ship into port, disembarking at the quay followed by the angry swarm of blood thirsty birds and after a short stroll you find a nice Barstucks. Pulling out your laptop you begin to write a self help book for people like yourself that seem to have found themselves at the epicenter of a biblical scale plague of birds. Unfortunately no one at Barstucks particularly likes your feathered entourage so you and your flock are summarily kicked out. And really, you can only write while drinking coffee in a cafe with a comfortable atmosphere, so that ship has sailed so to speak.

What do you do now?

  1. Try to find a mountain cave where you and your birds can live out your days in peace.
  2. Try training your birds to commit petty crimes, with the eventual goal of running a global racketeering ring with your avian minions picking pockets, snatching purses, pulling off major heists, etc.
  3. Try hiding in an anachronistic phone booth. I think that worked in the move The Birds, right?
  4. Pretend that you are a bird and see if they loose interest in following you.
Edited by Hoiditthroughthegrapevine
Changed the name of the coffee joint, don't want to get sued for libel, right?
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On 3/18/2021 at 4:58 PM, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

What do you do now?

  1. Try to find a mountain cave where you and your birds can live out your days in peace.
  2. Try training your birds to commit petty crimes, with the eventual goal of running a global racketeering ring with your avian minions picking pockets, snatching purses, pulling off major heists, etc.
  3. Try hiding in an anachronistic phone booth. I think that worked in the move The Birds, right?
  4. Pretend that you are a bird and see if they loose interest in following you.
Quote

This is highly entertaining. 

 

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On 3/18/2021 at 4:58 PM, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Try training your birds to commit petty crimes, with the eventual goal of running a global racketeering ring with your avian minions picking pockets, snatching purses, pulling off major heists, etc.

You train you birds by starting with showing them how to shop lift. Unfortunately, you are caught. What do you say to the judge?

  1. "HAHAHAHA!!! I regret nothing!"
  2. "The birds made me do it"
  3. "I was bored"
  4. Tell the truth about how you are planning to start a worldwide crime ring of birds
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6 hours ago, Shard of Reading said:
  1. "HAHAHAHA!!! I regret nothing!"
  2. "The birds made me do it"
  3. "I was bored"
  4. Tell the truth about how you are planning to start a worldwide crime ring of birds

After you loudly declaim, "HAHAHAH!!! I regret nothing!", you begin telling the judge and the spectators in the courtroom about your nefarious scheme.

You regale them all with your plan to create the greatest heist squad that the world has ever seen, you tell them about Joey the Beak, an Ivory Billed Woodpecker that you had trained to crack through the toughest locks, Tiny the Sooty Albatross that was trained to be the ultimate get away bird once the loot had been recovered. And as your enraptured audience listens attentively to you spill the details for your ultimate crew, they are completely oblivious to the gathering multitude of pigeons pecking and scratching at the courtroom skylight.

Just as you finish telling your rapt audience about your team of hummingbird lookouts, you jump up on the defense table, you raise your arms from your sides and in a very birdlike pose and while looking the Judge squarely in the face you shout, "I am the one that can never be caged, I am Birdman, hear my mighty KAW and tremble!"

"KAWWW!!" you shout, just as 300 hundred pigeons crash through the courtroom skylight, and circle you and lift you up through the hole in the roof and into the sky. You look down at the pitiful fools, trembling amidst the shattered glass as your pigeon minions fly you up, away and to freedom.

Now you:

  1. Cackle and rub your hands together, floating and gloating.
  2. Begin Phase 2 of your plan....
  3. Tell your birds to carry you to a shower so you can clean off all of the pigeon dookie.
  4. Tip your head back and let out another mighty KAWWW!
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14 hours ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:
  • Cackle and rub your hands together, floating and gloating.
  • Begin Phase 2 of your plan....
  • Tell your birds to carry you to a shower so you can clean off all of the pigeon dookie.
  • Tip your head back and let out another mighty KAWWW!

I choose options 1 and 3.

You float in the air, and order your birds to wash off their poop. Unfortunately, they decide that any liquid that washes off the poop is good, so they use more poop. 

What do you do?

  1. Sigh and ask the birds to take you to the lake
  2. Begin phase 2 any way
  3. Create your supervillan costume floating in the air right now.
  4. Do a backflip. In the air. Right now.
Edited by Shard of Reading
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1 hour ago, Shard of Reading said:

Create your supervillan costume floating in the air right now.

Through sheer force of will, you turn the the bird excrement surrounding you into a dashing supervillain outfit. Now you can proceed to phase 2!

Do you:

1. Summon birds from around the globe to form a giant suit made of birds

2. Double down on the kleptomania

3. Turn your birds into a spy network and take over the government.

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59 minutes ago, xinoehp512 said:

Through sheer force of will, you turn the the bird excrement surrounding you into a dashing supervillain outfit. Now you can proceed to phase 2!

Do you:

1. Summon birds from around the globe to form a giant suit made of birds

2. Double down on the kleptomania

3. Turn your birds into a spy network and take over the government.

So, you decide that the best plan of action is to both keep stealing, and also try to take over the government so that you can eventually take over the world. You now have a wonderful spy network, and no one except you and the birds know it exists. You are also a billionaire, so that's nice. You start taking over the government by getting yourself elected as president. You were elected, because you threatened to steal the launch codes and start a nuclear war if they didn't.

Now that the first part of phase two has been enacted, you decide that it's time to move on to the second part of phase two.

You:

1. Have your bird army build you a supervillain secret lair with plenty of room for you and your bird minions to live comfortably. 

2. Finish taking over the world.

3. Play Mario Kart in the White House with some of your higher ranking bird minions (who happen to play the game fairly well, even though they don't have hands. Or fingers.)

4. Go find a sidekick, and an arch-nemesis.

5. Pat yourself on the back, and do all of the above.

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2 hours ago, Random Bystander said:

4. Go find a sidekick, and an arch-nemesis.

As you relax in the White House, ignoring all the papers some nerds keep trying to make you sign, you realize your life has become boring. With nobody trying to stop you, it’s easy for your bird army to take control of anything you desire. Suddenly, the TV monitors flicker. A face appears on them, a face that is very very familiar to you.

“Why hello there, Birdman. It’s been a while.”

You stand up, shocked and amazed. For the person standing in front of you is......The Captain!

”But I saw you die!”
”Heh, That wasn’t the first time I’ve been thrown hundreds of miles by a flock of birds, and I’m sure it won’t be my last. Now, you have something I want.”

Do you:

1. Ask The Captain what she wants

2. Schedule a place for your giant battle to go down

3. Invite her over for dinner

4. ignore her and just send a few birds to attack her

5. Flee in terror and start a new life

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On 3/26/2021 at 11:45 AM, Dannex said:

1. Ask The Captain what she wants

Standing tall, in your super suit made of hardened pigeon poop, you sweep your hand through your hair, polish your teeth with your tongue, and then with a winning smile turn towards the monitor and declaim, "What do you want, The Captain?"

The Captain, in neon green pantaloons and with parrots on both shoulders, flips up her diamond encrusted skull motif eyepatch and gives you a saucy wink and says, "Oh, I think you know Birdman, I think you know exactly what I want!"

Do you:

  1. Pretend to know what The Captain wants, and smile and nod.
  2. Covertly send your bird army to attack her, while you keep talking to her to keep her distracted.
  3. Change the channel on your monitor to play some more Mario Kart with your bird henchmen.
  4. Polish your teeth again with your tongue, and then turn a Blue Steel look on the Captain.
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11 minutes ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:
  • Pretend to know what The Captain wants, and smile and nod.
  • Covertly send your bird army to attack her, while you keep talking to her to keep her distracted.
  • Change the channel on your monitor to play some more Mario Kart with your bird henchmen.
  • Polish your teeth again with your tongue, and then turn a Blue Steel look on the Captain.

With a false aura of confidence (marred only slightly by your bird poop-colored supervillain getup), you say, "A game of Mario Kart, right?"

"Um... I was thinking more along the lines of revenge for being made irrelevant to the plot, but that works too," she says, visibly shaken.

You start playing a friendly game of Mario Kart with her and your bird henchmen

As you play, you:

  1. Remember back when there was some semblance of a reasonable plot and ask her about that strange symbol
  2. Use your hummingbird minions hidden in servers across the globe to both cheat at Mario Kart and attempt to figure out her location at the same time
  3. Ask "Do you have a name, or are you just 'The Captain' like The Doctor from Doctor Who. Oooh, are you a Time Lord?'"
  4. Secretly give your most elite bird operatives your controller and use their lightning-fast reflexes to beat the Captain.
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20 minutes ago, Flyingbooks said:

With a false aura of confidence (marred only slightly by your bird poop-colored supervillain getup), you say, "A game of Mario Kart, right?"

"Um... I was thinking more along the lines of revenge for being made irrelevant to the plot, but that works too," she says, visibly shaken.

You start playing a friendly game of Mario Kart with her and your bird henchmen

As you play, you:

  1. Remember back when there was some semblance of a reasonable plot and ask her about that strange symbol
  2. Use your hummingbird minions hidden in servers across the globe to both cheat at Mario Kart and attempt to figure out her location at the same time
  3. Ask "Do you have a name, or are you just 'The Captain' like The Doctor from Doctor Who. Oooh, are you a Time Lord?'"
  4. Secretly give your most elite bird operatives your controller and use their lightning-fast reflexes to beat the Captain.

As your humminbirds are wiping the floor with The Captain, your curiosity gets the better of you as you remember the symbol on the Captain's arm.

Do you:

1. Ask her directly

2. Craft a long metaphorical monologue concluding with the question you are trying to talk about it.

3. Talk about every tangential topic you can think of until she brings it up.

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2 hours ago, xinoehp512 said:

1. Ask her directly

2. Craft a long metaphorical monologue concluding with the question you are trying to talk about it.

3. Talk about every tangential topic you can think of until she brings it up.

How it works: the captain interrupts the monologue just as you're about to get to the point.

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