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Future Overlord Worship


Doomstick

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3 minutes ago, Random Bystander said:

Look up incorrect quotes generator. (Warning. There is a lot of swearing.) I'd put the link in, but I'm too lazy to do that right now. :P

I'm busy panic drawing, so I'll do that in a few minutes.  Or now.  Drawing armor is hard.

This is RP characters because again, panic drawing, brain no work.


*The group is getting into the car*
Fadran: I’m driving.
Ayia, out of view: Shotgun!
Kindness, turning to face Ayia: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Ayia: WOAH-
Ayia, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

Edited by Spren of Kindness
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13 hours ago, Spren of Kindness said:

*The group is getting into the car*
Fadran: I’m driving.
Ayia, out of view: Shotgun!
Kindness, turning to face Ayia: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Ayia: WOAH-
Ayia, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

Isn’t that a Thomas sanders vine?

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This is pure gold! 

Leave it to AI to think outside the box, here's a candidate for Odium's champion that I've never seen before, possible spoiler for Book 5:

Spoiler

Odium appeared to Dalinar, his eyes twin infernos of violet fire.

"I have decided who my Champion will be, you will have to beat

him."

Dalinar felt his shock.

"Tien!"

Bad news for Kal. 

Spoiler

A thousand monkeys released a thousand sighs over their thousand silent typewriters. They had done it, they had written the Greatest Story Ever Told, "War and Pizza", and here is that story.

Chapter 1

At the very top of their favorite slide stood a beautiful scenery of Death Valley; beautiful, grim and sad all at the same time.

Smoke billowed from each sooty clinker built chimney like it was going to win the Nobel Prize for peace or life; it was a heated and tedious debate.

The blustering and slinging of grenades and napalm from more than one firebase, over thirty in all.

Plumes of black smoke wafted past the mountain tops towards the blue sky as the various blood splatters sprinkled and

Hmm, not very much pizza in that one...

 

This one clears up one of the great mysteries of Life as we know it. 

Spoiler

Questioner: Hello God, thanks for taking the time to talk with us.

God: No problem, I actually exist outside of time.

Questioner: My first question is, Why did you create mosquitoes?

God: The fact that mosquitoes exist is a sad truth, and one that must be stopped.

In this world, it’s amazing how many people think that it’s a good thing to lay in the hot sun all day, holding in their body heat, and thinking about the next ice cream cone.

Imagine if you could have ice cream in your mouth at all times!

That’s what mosquitoes are doing to the human race, they’re sucking our blood away and it’s only a matter of time before we die out.

But you, God, have a perfect solution.

So, in the spirit of investigative journalism, I felt it was my duty to press the man upstairs about his intriguing ice cream solution, and boy am I glad that I did! 

Spoiler

Questioner: So God, you say you the solution to the Mosquito problem.

God: Indeed, it's quite simple.

Questioner: How exactly is ice cream related to that solution?

God: Well, if you can't do anything to prevent the Mosquito problem, I suggest you eat an entire bowl of ice cream.

If the mosquito is so annoying to you that you can't even stand to smell it, what better way to poison yourself than by ingesting ice cream?

Questioner: But how can the mosquito be kept from biting me if I'm eating the ice cream, and it can't bite me if I'm not eating the ice cream.

God: Because if you are eating the ice cream, the mosquito can't bite you!

 

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On 3/2/2021 at 10:21 AM, AonEne said:

...small...

Honestly, it's a guess, but in elementary school I could just about fit in my backpack, and once when I was like 12 someone guessed my age at like 6. And washing machines are pretty big. When someone else gets home I'll try it and ask them to take a pic :P

I'm noticing a lack of updates on this front :P

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Connie: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Vapor: FORTY-FIVE SECONDS?!?

Connie: NO! Four to five seconds!

Vapor: Too late!

 

Vapor: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.
Emi: You and me!!!
Vapor, tearing up: Okay.

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*The squad is over at Wyn's house*
Ene: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Wyn: ... N-No...
Wyn, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Ene, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Stick: I see a-
Wyn, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Ene: Oh, well I-
Wyn: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Wyn, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Sorana: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
itiah: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Wyn: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Wyn: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Wyn, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Wyn: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Luna, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Wyn:
Ene: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Wyn:
Wyn, storming ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

This one goes out to all my awesome homies in TKND! 

@AonEne

@Sorana

@Lunamor

@I think I am here.

@Ookla the Stick

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9 hours ago, Shard of Reading said:

What is this thread, and how do you make these quotes?

They're all part of a random quote generator, though for transparency's sake, there is a fair degree of language in some of the quotes generated, so if that isn't your cup of tea, be forewarned. Here's a link.

https://incorrect-quotes-generator.neocities.org/

 

Wyn: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Ene: Okay, but what is updog?
Stick: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Sorana: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
itiah: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Luna: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Wyn: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Sorana: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Stick: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Ene: What’s a henway??
Wyn: Oh, about five pounds

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Spoiler

Stick spoke. "I am a stick" he said "not a sound". The stick gave him his instructions; and he delivered them, and kept to them, and on his return to the castle he was rewarded with a thousand silver pounds. It happened that the king's niece had been ill for a long time, and the doctor was frightened lest she should die. He knew that one of the palace slaves had taken some pains to poison the elder sister with a stick when she lay sick in bed, and that this slave had fled, and so he was compelled to call for Stick. St

Yep

Spoiler

Father Omin awoke into godhood, a rare occurrance. He used his newly gained sentience to dissect the temple like a laborer excavates ancient ruins. The temple opened into a 20 × 20 room with two rows of four emergent pillars. The room was cold and dusty. The pillar furthest from the entrance has a carving of two squat beings with animal - like faces and elongated ears. Inside the larger of the two most elaborate pillars was an artifact quite rare. A black glass lantern carved with elaborate designs of druidic lore

I guess... Stormlight 5 spoilers?

Spoiler

Mraize slapped Kelsier. "Ha," He said, "That's what you get." Kelsier clenched his fists, his fingernails biting into his palms. "I don't know what you're talking about," Kelsier said through gritted teeth. "I thought you would have at least been able to produce the news." Mraize frowned, then pushed aside a bowl of meat stew. "Of course," He said. "The humans lost, didn't they?" Kelsier rolled his eyes. "They wouldn't have if the regular army hadn't sabotaged the boats," Mraize replied. "Hastings barely made it back from the trip, and the soldiers

 

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Spoiler

Lift took the pancake from Dalinar and ran, sliding past Kaladin with her awesomeness. She scrambled up a nearby fire escape and sprinted toward the door, opening it as she ran, tucking in the card and locking it. She rolled down the steps, grumbling, looking for something else to throw down on her pursuers. The fighting hadn't let up. It had gone on and on and on. The desperate fighting on the wall, the harrowing charge by King still beneath the weight of the Shardbearers... She froze, staring at the floor. A flash of red, easy to miss amid the brown. Her husband's blood

Apparently lift has a husband, and Roshar has fire escapes. 

WoR spoiler

Spoiler

Kaladin raised the Sylspear and charged Moash. The others followed. The Shardbearer drew his sword, raised it, and charged. Kaladin aimed his spear. The man swung with a mighty overhead swing, the Pummeler's shield slipping out of the way. Kaladin's spear met the man's left arm as he moved in a small circle to deflect the spear. Kaladin stumbled back as the Shardbearer swung again, breaking Kaladin's spear, raising a Shardblade, and slashing Kaladin's leg. Kaladin fell. He'd forgotten what it felt like to bleed, the pain from a

Apperently the AI doesn't know how shardblades work.:P

Edited by Kings_way
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Spoiler

Kaladin and Syl ran, jogging across the sands. The bridge had already gone.

"Dalinar!" he called as he charged, swinging his spear.

"Father!" Kaladin yelled. "We need you!"

"Don't worry, son," Dalinar called. "I'm right behind you."

We will see him soon, Kaladin thought.

He swung to the side of the road, Dalinar's attendants keeping pace beside him.

Apparently, Dalinar adopted Kaladin. :)

 

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12 hours ago, Doomstick said:

hey @AonEne can you merge this with FOW? (I may have forgotten about this thread when I made the second one)

Done that! 

Spoiler
Questioner: Why did you make Brandon Sanderson?
God: I was bored of trying to handle the main prophet: Mahabharata. The audience was disinterested and the sword fight scenes were boring. I was also fed up with having no strong female role models. Brandon Sanderson, creator of Mistborn, brought to my attention that a new generation of fantasy writers was about to take the genre in a new direction. I read his novel Elantris and was impressed with the freshness of his writing. My rationale for choosing Brandon for a main character was simple: he

Brandon's a main character of Earth? 

Spoiler

Questioner: Why are you the main character? Are you going to save the world?

Brandon Sanderson: You’ll have to wait and see. All I can say is that this is a different sort of story, one in which I start with a completely blank page and write until the end.

Questioner: What kind of monsters are going to be in the series?

Brandon Sanderson: The monsters in this book are giant octopuses. The book begins with a group of young men going in search of a rumored Giant Octopus in the middle of the ocean off the southern coast of Chile. This means they’re at the end of the world, but this does

Spoiler

Questioner: How are you going to save us from the giant octopuses?!

Brandon Sanderson: Oh, who cares? No, I’m not. I’m going to say: “What about all the children in China?” You know, things that are more significant.

Questioner: You mean the turtle thing?

Brandon Sanderson: That’s right, that. We’re going to have to rethink some things.

Questioner: By rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic?

Brandon Sanderson: No, that’s not a question.

Questioner: I’m sorry, no. What are the rules for Scavenger Hunt? Can we really keep the comic book?

Brandon Sanderson: Um, sure.

uhh 

Spoiler

Questioner: help

Brandon Sanderson: I’m sorry, but I’m legally prevented from answering that.

Questioner: okay

Brandon Sanderson: k

And then he announced that we’d get another speaker after him, Brandon Rosenberg (even though I found out from someone else that I had missed the third author). The reading with Rosenberg was interesting. He gave a pretty solid reading, but I thought his main thing was the author making up a backstory for every character, which was pretty interesting. He kind of picked up on what Joss Whedon said

:o:ph34r: 

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Spoiler

Kelsier strolled along the misty ground, whistling to himself and spinning Nazh's knife. All of the sudden Ruin appeared from the black sky. Kelsier punched him in the face. "I wouldn't try it," Ruin said, gasping, "but I'd like to thank you for that. That was a rare display of strength from a pathetic pitiful creature like yourself. I appreciate it." Kelsier crossed his arms. "I appreciate the display of strength?" he asked. "No," Ruin said. "I appreciate your acting abilities. I've learned quite a bit about the nature of highborn nobility this night. I shall ponder it." Ruin put out his hand, and Kelsier gripped his wrist.

Secret History spoilers

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Some dinner parties in heaven, you know the type, the best and the brightest from all times plus one more.

(bold styling added) 

1) Three Thinkers and a Caveman

Spoiler

Socrates: Truth or dare?
Confucius: Dare
Socrates: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room
Confucius: Hey Einstein
Einstein, blushing: Yeah?
Confucius: Could you move? I’m trying to get to A Caveman

2) Three Doctors of the Church and a... Skeptic

Spoiler

Aquinas: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Augustine: Not if they consent to it.
Erasmus: Depends who you’re stabbing.
H.P. Lovecraft: YES?!?

And some dialogue from @AonEne's fabulous expose about God choosing Brandon to save earth from the Giant octopuses.

3) God of all, God of Fiction, Giant Octopus Overlord, Giant Octopus Underling

Spoiler

God: Well Sanderson, it's time that you instituted "the Plan".

Sanderson: Phase one involves dealing with a couple of giant octopuses!

Octopus Overlord (to Octopus Underling): I think he means you.

Octopus Underling: Gulp!

Sanderson: This part of the plan has absolutely no chance of working, you know.

God: Not in a million years.

Sanderson: It could work, you know.

God: A billion years is a long time to wait for a solution.

Sanderson: Well, at least we have some fun while we wait.

Sanderson: And let's face it, neither of us is getting any younger.

God: A fine line you're walking there, kid.

Sanderson: Well I just don't want to get stuck waiting.

God: After all that... 

So, Sanderson hates waiting, got it! 

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  • 1 month later...

In breaking cosmere news, Adonalsium was shattered today by a group of people on Yolen. It's bad. I do not know what they were doing but I'm not happy with it. I hope it wasn't the dragons doing it. It wasn't them. I told you, I'm not happy with it. It was at least three hours before I felt normal. I'd been standing on top of the yellow stone building (it was called something like the cathedral now, but I don't know if it was really a cathedral or just another building) for more than an hour. Not the most efficient way of breaking the magic. Still, they'd been there for a

This... is surprisingly accurate.

Edited by Szeth_Pancakes
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