Posted February 17, 2021 https://www.icloud.com/pages/0U7PCnNBV4xO22i06gLOnyoFg#Elebet_2 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 11 I really enjoyed this and could really imagine it happening. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 11 Oh my gosh I haven't finished it yet, but oh my gosh To be completely frank, I didn't have very high expectations; previous experiences with romantic fanfics are probably to blame. But this is freaking awesome! Ahhh!!! Amazing writing. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 11 1 hour ago, DramaQueen said: Oh my gosh I haven't finished it yet, but oh my gosh To be completely frank, I didn't have very high expectations; previous experiences with romantic fanfics are probably to blame. But this is freaking awesome! Ahhh!!! Amazing writing. Aww, you are making me so happy!!! Thank you! (Can you tell I am obsessed with Kaladin?) 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 11 Am I allowed to pick at spellings? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 11 41 minutes ago, Tani said: Am I allowed to pick at spellings? Absolutely. Spelling isn’t my strong suit. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12 Highmarshal (not High Marshal) Soulcast (not soulcaste) Accuracy note: Kaladin wouldn't call it a depression group. They didn't really know about depression, and didn't have a name for it. Those are the only ones I remember right now (I just finished it.) I don't think there were any really big problems. I like it. It's sweet. (but sadly will probably never come to pass) 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12 Spoiler When Elebet took off her glove I got really weirdly self-conscious of the fact that my left hand was in fact not covered and I awkwardly hid it in my flannel...in the middle of my math class. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12 12 minutes ago, DramaQueen said: Hide contents When Elebet took off her glove I got really weirdly self-conscious of the fact that my left hand was in fact not covered and I awkwardly hid it in my flannel...in the middle of my math class. LOL! I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable in math class. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12 (edited) 56 minutes ago, Tani said: Highmarshal (not High Marshal) Soulcast (not soulcaste) Accuracy note: Kaladin wouldn't call it a depression group. They didn't really know about depression, and didn't have a name for it. Those are the only ones I remember right now (I just finished it.) I don't think there were any really big problems. I like it. It's sweet. (but sadly will probably never come to pass) Thanks!!! I don’t have beta readers or an editor, lol, just spell check, which isn’t always my friend. I will reread and hunt the places to correct. And I am afraid something like this won’t come to pass, either, which is why I had to write it myself. Edited January 12 by BethG Added thought. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 12 43 minutes ago, DramaQueen said: When Elebet took off her glove I got really weirdly self-conscious of the fact that my left hand was in fact not covered and I awkwardly hid it in my flannel...in the middle of my math class. You know you’re a Sanderfan when… xD 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 On 1/11/2022 at 7:17 PM, BethG said: LOL! I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable in math class. No, I just thought it was kinda funny that my brain would do that... On 1/11/2022 at 7:48 PM, #1 Taln Fan said: You know you’re a Sanderfan when… xD Exactly. That's the most conscious I've ever been of my left hand, it was weird. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 (edited) Why would she take off her safehand glove in the stable (instead of a room where people couldn't just walk in) after the whole thing about her not feeling comfortable without a safehand earlier in the story? Were they in one of the stalls? Why would she act that way before they were married, after the whole thing with her history, her slave brand, what it meant, and how people reacted to it? I think it feels ... odd... for her to do that. Odd enough for it to bug me a bit, not odd enough for me to hate the story. Edited January 13 by Tani 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 1 minute ago, Tani said: Why would she take off her safehand glove in the stable (instead of a room where people couldn't just walk in) after the whole thing about her not feeling comfortable without a safehand earlier in the story? Were they in one of the stalls? Why would she act that way before they were married, after the whole thing with her history, her slave brand, what it meant, and how people reacted to it? I think it feels ... odd... for her to do that. Odd enough for it to bug me a bit, not odd enough for me to hate the story. They were in the floor of Cap’s stall, down where no one could see. She took the glove off to show him she was comfortable with him because he had asked her if she was going to be comfortable with a man (after having been violated by her former master). And I confess, it’s my fantasy to tangle my bare fingers into Kaladin’s hair. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 (edited) Okay. This makes sense now. Thanks! Didn't she take off her glove before he asked that tho? You know what I'll go check. Edit: Nope! I'm wrong. Also I obviously missed stuff the first time I read it and should probably go reread the bits I'm going to poke at before I poke at them. I apologize for any inconvenience, anger, or confusion I caused with this. Edited January 13 by Tani 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 Suggestion: Quote “That young man deserves a happily ever after if anyone on this rock of a world does. For now, we hope for an ever after.” What if it said "... For now, we hope for an after." ? Good, bad, or horrid? 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 21 minutes ago, Tani said: Okay. This makes sense now. Thanks! Didn't she take off her glove before he asked that tho? You know what I'll go check. Edit: Nope! I'm wrong. Also I obviously missed stuff the first time I read it and should probably go reread the bits I'm going to poke at before I poke at them. I apologize for any inconvenience, anger, or confusion I caused with this. LOL! I just appreciate you reading it! Thanks for caring enough to question. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 13 14 minutes ago, Tani said: Suggestion: What if it said "... For now, we hope for an after." ? Good, bad, or horrid? Maybe….. That just seems implied to me. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14 8 hours ago, BethG said: Maybe….. That just seems implied to me. I meant the suggestion for how it sounds, how it flows. And the "good, bad, or horrid?" was for the suggestion. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14 Also: I can't do anything with the Apple document. May I copy your book into a Google doc and suggest changes there? My changes will be a different color than the actual text is. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14 8 minutes ago, Tani said: Also: I can't do anything with the Apple document. May I copy your book into a Google doc and suggest changes there? My changes will be a different color than the actual text is. Sorry, I set it so no one could change it but me. You are welcome to make suggestions to me here. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14 (edited) All right. It (edit:) might (end edit) be a LOT tho. Quote She had her fingers—both hands bare—between her throat... Good job finding this opening. Quote ... her throat and two ropes that... Suggestion: ... her throat and the two ropes that... Quote ropes that were noosed around her neck Suggestion: Try "looped" instead of "noosed." (I needta go do homework now) Edited January 15 by Tani 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14 27 minutes ago, Tani said: All right. It's gonna be a LOT tho. Good job finding this opening. Suggestion: ... her throat and the two ropes that... Suggestion: Try "looped" instead of "noosed." (I needta go do homework now) Noosed implies the strangling effect. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted January 14 9 hours ago, BethG said: Noosed implies the strangling effect. I'm sorry. For some reason I thought noosed wasn't a verb. I looked it up and it is. 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
