Some short stories (Featuring plant guy, Death, and a dragon)

[Tesh]

Okay, so, I'm trying to get one of the following short stories published in an anthology. I don't know which one I'm going with yet, so please let me know which one is your favorite and why. I need some regular feedback as well, and I figured this would be the best place to turn.

I linked to the Google Docs so I could keep the edits up-to-date more easily, and so I could work more with the comments.

Besides which story was your favorite, please also comment as you read on what your thoughts and reactions are as a reader, so I know what is working and what isn't.

Thank you so much for any and all help. If you don't feel like leaving comments or anything like that, please at least vote on the poll as to which story is your favorite.

 

To Forget

This is the fourth version of this story I have written. It was originally a prologue to a story about Death wandering around without his memory as he ate random souls. Kind of. (I might return to this concept at some point, but lately I've been putting a lot more focus on some other projects.) But I think this also works pretty well as just a short story. This is the shortest one of the three. This was discovery written.

Some things I'd like feedback on-

~Does it work well as a stand-alone short story thing?

~Was the ending unexpected and abrupt?

 

With Stars Comes Awareness, With Snow Comes Silence

This was me experimenting with romance a little. I don't really know how I feel about this one, although the concept is interesting, I think. I don't know how well I carried it out, either. This one is the second longest, and was vaguely outlined.

~Does the title work? If not, any suggestions?

~Does the romance work?

~Does the story make sense, specifically the situation with Edwin?

~How's the pacing?

 

Here Be Dragons

This one was really fun to write, especially at the end. Unfortunately, it's a bit too long, and I need to cut off a few hundred words. And dragons, you guys. This one is the longest, and it was very heavily outlined, although I began to deviate from my outline near the end.

~Where should I cut off the extra few hundred words? (I was thinking the beginning, somehow.)

~How consistent does Via's character seem?

~Do I need to keep the first scene?

~How's the pacing?

~Is the prose itself okay?

 

Thanks again, everyone. I really appreciate it!

(I'm sorry if this post doesn't make a ton of sense. It's past midnight, and I wrote about 2,000 words today. I'll look over it again in the morning to make sure it's at least slightly coherent.)

Edit- Thanks for all the grammar and spelling corrections. I kind of suck at spelling, and am really bad at catching grammatical errors. I also frequently miss keys as I am typing. And so far, I've gotten a ton of great feedback! Thanks, guys!

Edited December 13, 2020 by Ookla the Rōnin

[Merciful]

This is Ookla the Merciful, hi! My brother shared this with me and I read With Stars Comes Awareness, With Snow Comes Silence. I'm a writer myself although I mostly write novels. However, I thought I'd give it a go and I'm glad to say that I have a new appreciation for short stories after reading it. As for your questions, I think that although the title is a bit long, it really ties in the story. Looking back at the title after reading it, the story felt a bit more complete if that makes sense, like it emphasizes their most meaningful discussions about life and their purpose. The romance was sweet and I got some hints as to why it made sense for them, so I really liked that. The situation with Edwin, for me at least, was explained well enough that I didn't pause and try to figure it out or anything. Although I don't really know everything about his situation, I also didn't feel confused or feel a need for more of an explanation. Regarding the pacing, I would have a hard time telling since I haven't read or written many short stories, but to me the pacing felt pretty good. Also, I liked how you ended it with the word "always" as kind of their promise. I would have liked to see a bit more of what Elli's situation was like before she met Edwin (although it was hinted to, I think) and how they met, but that's probably in part just me being used to more backstory, so don't take that too seriously. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it--great job!  

Edited December 13, 2020 by Ookla the Merciful

[Trutharchivist]

I really liked the Here Be Dragons story, I'm not sure about the other two though. I'm not a romance expert, so I won't say much of WSCA,WSCS (this story has a long name, it's more comfortable this way), and I believe the Death story might need more fleshing out.

Your dragon story actually reminded me of an idea I had, for a dragon that became a lawyer after a villager sued him for eating his sheep.

Edited January 2, 2021 by Trutharchivist

[Tesh]

43 minutes ago, Trutharchivist said:

I really liked the Here Be Dragons story, I'm not sure about the other two though. I'm not a romance expert, so I won't say much of WSCA,WSCS (this story has a long name, it's more comfortable this way), and I believe the Death story might need more fleshing out.

Your dragon story actually reminded me of an idea I had, for a dragon that became a lawyer after a villager sued him for eating his sheep.

I actually submitted Here Be Dragons about a week ago. I did quite a bit of editing, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

[Isabelle6060]

I just needed to say that I loved With Stars Comes Awareness, With Snow Comes Silence. I personally love to read romance, and the romance in this story was so sweet and perfect.

[Condensation]

I agree, I love to read romance and that was an amazing romance.