jamesbondsmith

Things Hoid is not allowed to do in the Cosmere

41 posts in this topic

44. Hoid is not allowed to imply that he is aware of the fourth wall

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, StanLemon said:

44. Hoid is not allowed to imply that he is aware of the fourth wall

45. He is definitely not allowed to smash it.

46. And he is not allowed to claim he tripped and broke it by accident.

47. Nor is he allowed to blame Kelsier for pushing him, causing him to trip and accidentally break the fourth wall, as that would imply he violated rule 39.

Edited by Kingsdaughter613
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48. Hoid must not stare into space as if he is a character on The Office who is looking at the camera

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49:  Hoid must not paint the fourth wall.

50:  Hoid must stop staring at the reader from within the book each time his name is read.

51:  Hoid is not allowed to commission any more stained-glass windows.

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52. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE is Hoid to be given or allowed chloriform.

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53. Hoid may not steal Wayne's hat, as the resulting catastrophe would shake the entire cosmere

54. Hoid may not introduce The Lopen to Wayne or vice versa

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On 1/4/2021 at 5:48 PM, stonewalker16 said:

54. Hoid may not introduce The Lopen to Wayne or vice versa

(Gibbers in terror in the corner. "The quiping just never stopped!")

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55. Hoid cannot explain the reasons for his actions, because then everything he does would actually make sense

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On 24/11/2020 at 6:55 PM, Frustration said:

Just because human are edible does not mean you should eat them.

Wait, what? Did I miss some thing in mistborn?

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5 hours ago, Jasqueen said:

Wait, what? Did I miss some thing in mistborn?

No, this is just a comprehensive list of "If it could possibly be not allowed, include it, no matter how farfetched or absurd it sounds"

also, Minor Well of Ascension spoiler

Spoiler

That rule may be in reference to when Sazed was running back to Luthadel. He found the village that was deserted because the mist had stayed all day. There was one man left who was surviving off cannibalism of all his former friends and family

 

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@Jasqueen The original list that inspired this including things like 'must not drink three quarts of red food colouring then scream during my urine test' and 'not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post', so it's not meant to be serious at all.

Which gives me an idea:

56) Sending my Awakened uniform in my place does not as doing my shift on guard duty. Even if each individual garment would technically increase the numbers of 'guardsmen'.

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On 1/10/2021 at 8:41 AM, jamesbondsmith said:

@Jasqueen The original list that inspired this including things like 'must not drink three quarts of red food colouring then scream during my urine test' and 'not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post', so it's not meant to be serious at all.

Which gives me an idea:

56) Sending my Awakened uniform in my place does not as doing my shift on guard duty. Even if each individual garment would technically increase the numbers of 'guardsmen'.

58: And awakened undergarments do not count as weapons, even if described as WMDs (weapons of mass displeasure.)

59: Hoid is not allowed to mess with this list by causing it to mysteriously have two listings for item 33.

Edited by Kingsdaughter613
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60: Hoid is not allowed to criticize Adonalism's creative style by saying that Roshar is stupid, or that he could do a better job

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61) Hoid is not allowed to begin a shardblade-based mining operation in the Shin region. Yes, it is technically an untapped market, but you know it is culturally insensitive.

62) Hoid is hearby granted full control over the millitary actions of the Knights Radiant in Urithiru No, he's not

63) Disregard 62

64) Hoid is not allowed to edit the contents of this list

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8 hours ago, MyAegis said:

64) Hoid is not allowed to edit the contents of this list

He didn't edit them, but he did try to curse us out for making them earler in the thread

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On 1/4/2021 at 3:37 PM, Frustration said:

52. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE is Hoid to be given or allowed chloriform.

52b. Hoid is also not allowed to teach the Singers how to go into chloro-form

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