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Things Hoid is not allowed to do in the Cosmere


jamesbondsmith

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29) Not allowed to troll the new guy Harmony with 100% Correct Cosmere Facts(tm). There is no such shard as "RAFO", Kelsier's god-complex is not an "unmistakable sign that he's becoming an avatar of Adonalsium Reformed", and the Seventeenth Shard isn't here to collect door-to-door for spikeless kandra. Also, Trell is NOT "really the friends we made along the way".

Edited by Necessary Eagle
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  • 2 weeks later...

okay, who the hell do you all think you are to waltz on in and tell me what to do? Here i am, unable to hurt anyone, unable to eat any meat, which means no more bacon, stuck without instant noodles, trying to deal with 15 entities holding pieces of god, and you think you can tell me what to do? Rust and ruin, man, storm off!

On 11/24/2020 at 11:32 AM, jamesbondsmith said:

1) Not allowed to convince Nightblood that pineapples are evil.

Fine! I'll convince him that all of you are evil instead.

On 11/24/2020 at 11:32 AM, jamesbondsmith said:

7) Instant noodles are not worth diverting an entire planet's technological development for.

Rusts! You have no idea what you're saying!

 

On 11/29/2020 at 0:50 AM, Kingsdaughter613 said:

28) Not allowed to tell other people not to meddle, no matter how correct such a statement may be, because it’s far too hypocritical.

I'm not meddling, I'm helping.

 

On 11/24/2020 at 7:55 PM, Ookla The Frustrated said:

25. Just because human are edible does not mean you should eat them.

I can't. Vegetarian, remember? Former dawnshard?

And, daddy ady would not be happy if he saw this.

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because otherwise i will mess with your head until the end of time, mortal. also i will follow you around and i will never give you a moment's peace. your enemies will soon know everything about all of you... unless you take off these ridiculous restrictions.

Edited by Hoid the Drifter
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On 12/18/2020 at 10:07 AM, Frustration said:

Also no Dawnshard spoilers.

I never actually read it

On 12/18/2020 at 10:11 PM, Realmatic Shadow said:

32. Not allowed to refer to Adonalsium as 'daddy ady' or any derivative thereof. Even if it humorous

I still don't care. I don't follow made up rules. DADDY ADY would say that the rule is stupid i think.

 

And if you disagree, please don't tell me, or i'll either convince nightblood you're an evil pineapple, awaken your clothing, soulcast your weapon in the middle of a fight, or set some Hulky Smurfs on you. So watch yourself

Edited by Hoid the Drifter
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33). You are never under no circumstance allowed to release ur pet lifeless Koloss out of ur allomantic bond.

34). You are for preservation of ur own life and sanity never allowed to engage Wit in a tickle fight. 

35). Hoid is not allowed to call himself " highprincess of the mobile strike force " 

36). Hoid is not allowed to be a Sex-Ed teacher for Cryptics 

37). Hoid is not from an alternate timeline.

            A) He cannot issue orders                    to "preserve the timeline".

            B). Or to" corrupt the timeline".   

             C).Or to "screw with those                       history nerds"

38). Hoid and Zahel are not allowed to    interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.

         A). Lopen does not count as                   a responsible      administrator.

          B).  Nor does Shallan .

          C). Or Veil 

In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.

 

Edited by Friendshipspren
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1 hour ago, Friendshipspren said:

33). You are never under no circumstance allowed to release ur pet lifeless Koloss out of ur allomantic bond.

34). You are for preservation of ur own life and sanity never allowed to engage Wit in a tickle fight. 

35). Hoid is not allowed to call himself " highprincess of the mobile strike force " 

36). Hoid is not allowed to be a Sex-Ed teacher for Cryptics 

37). Hoid is not from an alternate timeline.

            A) He cannot issue orders                    to "preserve the timeline".

            B). Or to" corrupt the timeline".   

             C).Or to "screw with those                       history nerds"

38). Hoid and Zahel are not allowed to    interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.

         A). Lopen does not count as                   a responsible      administrator.

          B).  Nor does Shallan .

          C). Or Veil 

In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.

 

Following up on 38:

39: Hoid is NEVER allowed to be within a mile of Kelsier (or vice versa) without a suitable intermediary. Only Sazed counts as suitable, as nothing short of a Shard can contain either of them, and Saze is the best of the Shards. Also the only one on Scadrial.

40: Related to the above, Hoid is not allowed to trick random people into unwittingly declaring war on Scadrial to mess with Kelsier.

41: Similarly, he may not trick random people into unwittingly declaring war on whatever group Warbreaker (under whatever name he is currently using) has joined.

42: Nor may he trick random people into causing trouble for Wan ShaiLu.

43: He is also not allowed to attend the ‘Hoid is an Asshole’ club annual gatherings, even if he agrees with the premise. (To start with Kelsier will be there, violating rule 39.)

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