jamesbondsmith

Things Hoid is not allowed to do in the Cosmere

41 posts in this topic

21) You aren’t allowed to try to ride Frost, ancient dragons aren’t “just flying horses”. 

22) You can’t make a dragon sized saddle for just in case you see “a dragon sized horse”.

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23) Just because you could dance on a skyscraper spire doesn't mean you should.

Edited by Spren of Kindness
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25. Just because human are edible does not mean you should eat them.

Edited by Ookla The Frustrated
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26. Laughter is not the best medicine. Music seems to be, however.

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27. Just because you can Soulcast someone's weapon in the middle of a battle does not mean you should. Even if it would be funny.

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28) Not allowed to tell other people not to meddle, no matter how correct such a statement may be, because it’s far too hypocritical.

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29) Not allowed to troll the new guy Harmony with 100% Correct Cosmere Facts(tm). There is no such shard as "RAFO", Kelsier's god-complex is not an "unmistakable sign that he's becoming an avatar of Adonalsium Reformed", and the Seventeenth Shard isn't here to collect door-to-door for spikeless kandra. Also, Trell is NOT "really the friends we made along the way".

Edited by Necessary Eagle
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30. Inventing instant noodles is not an acceptable reason to stage a coup.

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31. Playing emergency tones on your flute doesn't work.

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okay, who the hell do you all think you are to waltz on in and tell me what to do? Here i am, unable to hurt anyone, unable to eat any meat, which means no more bacon, stuck without instant noodles, trying to deal with 15 entities holding pieces of god, and you think you can tell me what to do? Rust and ruin, man, storm off!

On 11/24/2020 at 11:32 AM, jamesbondsmith said:

1) Not allowed to convince Nightblood that pineapples are evil.

Fine! I'll convince him that all of you are evil instead.

On 11/24/2020 at 11:32 AM, jamesbondsmith said:

7) Instant noodles are not worth diverting an entire planet's technological development for.

Rusts! You have no idea what you're saying!

 

On 11/29/2020 at 0:50 AM, Kingsdaughter613 said:

28) Not allowed to tell other people not to meddle, no matter how correct such a statement may be, because it’s far too hypocritical.

I'm not meddling, I'm helping.

 

On 11/24/2020 at 7:55 PM, Ookla The Frustrated said:

25. Just because human are edible does not mean you should eat them.

I can't. Vegetarian, remember? Former dawnshard?

And, daddy ady would not be happy if he saw this.

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18 minutes ago, Hoid the Drifter said:

I'm not meddling, I'm helping.

I think many would beg to differ - including the other meddlers you disparage!

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well they're stupid. daddy ady would agree. he was sad when he was splintered!

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Just now, Hoid the Drifter said:

well they're stupid. daddy ady would agree. he was sad when he was splintered!

He was also resigned, accepting and understanding. People were created with free will for a reason.

Besides, if you don’t practice what you preach why should anyone heed what you say?

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because otherwise i will mess with your head until the end of time, mortal. also i will follow you around and i will never give you a moment's peace. your enemies will soon know everything about all of you... unless you take off these ridiculous restrictions.

Edited by Hoid the Drifter
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8 hours ago, Hoid the Drifter said:

well they're stupid. daddy ady would agree. he was sad when he was splintered!

Then why where you such a big part of it?

Also no Dawnshard spoilers.

Edited by Ookla The Frustrated
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20 hours ago, Hoid the Drifter said:

And, daddy ady would not be happy if he saw this.

32. Not allowed to refer to Adonalsium as 'daddy ady' or any derivative thereof. Even if it humorous

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On 12/18/2020 at 10:07 AM, Frustration said:

Also no Dawnshard spoilers.

I never actually read it

On 12/18/2020 at 10:11 PM, Realmatic Shadow said:

32. Not allowed to refer to Adonalsium as 'daddy ady' or any derivative thereof. Even if it humorous

I still don't care. I don't follow made up rules. DADDY ADY would say that the rule is stupid i think.

 

And if you disagree, please don't tell me, or i'll either convince nightblood you're an evil pineapple, awaken your clothing, soulcast your weapon in the middle of a fight, or set some Hulky Smurfs on you. So watch yourself

Edited by Hoid the Drifter
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9 minutes ago, Hoid the Drifter said:

I still don't care. I don't follow made up rules. DADDY ADY would say that the rule is stupid i think.

If you like him so much why did you kill him?

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Just now, Frustration said:

If you like him so much why did you kill him?

I don't like him, i'm just saying he would agree and that he was sad that we killed him. maybe i regret that.

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33. Stories and general things about the cosmere are not allowed to be explained NO MATTER WHAT lest you ruin your Zahel appointed @sshole status

Edited by Kaladin Stormdepressed
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33). You are never under no circumstance allowed to release ur pet lifeless Koloss out of ur allomantic bond.

34). You are for preservation of ur own life and sanity never allowed to engage Wit in a tickle fight. 

35). Hoid is not allowed to call himself " highprincess of the mobile strike force " 

36). Hoid is not allowed to be a Sex-Ed teacher for Cryptics 

37). Hoid is not from an alternate timeline.

            A) He cannot issue orders                    to "preserve the timeline".

            B). Or to" corrupt the timeline".   

             C).Or to "screw with those                       history nerds"

38). Hoid and Zahel are not allowed to    interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.

         A). Lopen does not count as                   a responsible      administrator.

          B).  Nor does Shallan .

          C). Or Veil 

In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.

 

Edited by Friendshipspren
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1 hour ago, Friendshipspren said:

33). You are never under no circumstance allowed to release ur pet lifeless Koloss out of ur allomantic bond.

34). You are for preservation of ur own life and sanity never allowed to engage Wit in a tickle fight. 

35). Hoid is not allowed to call himself " highprincess of the mobile strike force " 

36). Hoid is not allowed to be a Sex-Ed teacher for Cryptics 

37). Hoid is not from an alternate timeline.

            A) He cannot issue orders                    to "preserve the timeline".

            B). Or to" corrupt the timeline".   

             C).Or to "screw with those                       history nerds"

38). Hoid and Zahel are not allowed to    interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.

         A). Lopen does not count as                   a responsible      administrator.

          B).  Nor does Shallan .

          C). Or Veil 

In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.

 

Following up on 38:

39: Hoid is NEVER allowed to be within a mile of Kelsier (or vice versa) without a suitable intermediary. Only Sazed counts as suitable, as nothing short of a Shard can contain either of them, and Saze is the best of the Shards. Also the only one on Scadrial.

40: Related to the above, Hoid is not allowed to trick random people into unwittingly declaring war on Scadrial to mess with Kelsier.

41: Similarly, he may not trick random people into unwittingly declaring war on whatever group Warbreaker (under whatever name he is currently using) has joined.

42: Nor may he trick random people into causing trouble for Wan ShaiLu.

43: He is also not allowed to attend the ‘Hoid is an Asshole’ club annual gatherings, even if he agrees with the premise. (To start with Kelsier will be there, violating rule 39.)

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1 hour ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

Also the only one on Scadrial.

alright, that's debatable.

And ruin take all of you!

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