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Sharder One-Liners


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6 minutes ago, CalanoCorvus said:

"Those spiders were like family to Emma and I. Children, even. I would heed Wizard's advice. They are not to be underestimated, much less now that they have been corrupted by the nethergrim."

I read this line out of context in my activity feed and it's so funny.

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I have this list that I share with my siblings of almost every out-of-context thing we say. And some of them are... really something. I'm not going to add the things that sound out-of-context even when in context because.... well. just because. Here is the list:

Things @Enter a username has said:

"We should have named him Suzie."

"He just put his toy in your shoe. And now he's sticking his face in your shoe."

"For crying out loud, STOP EATING MY HAND!"

"Nacho wants the onion." (Said while holding an Oreo)

"Hold still so I can poke you in the face with my broom."

"He looks like a plate of nachos that spent too long in the onion."

"[our little sister], don't make us euthanize you."

"Mom? [EmLee] doesn't want caremeled cinnamon oat beer!"

"I intercepted the drinking fountain with my mouth."

"You are touching me and that is grounds for MURDER!"

"If you can dream it, you can do it." -Enter's fortune cookie "Does that mean I can eat the sun?"

"I, too, am extraordinarily have skin."

"Murder number five..."

"I was going to get a bowl of ice cream, but at [our little brother]'s suggestion I got a bowl of acrylic paint instead."

Things I have said:

"I want to learn to see."

"Why is he trying to eat the toilet?"

"Don't you want to lay in my clean underwear instead of my dirty underwear?"

"You do not want to get into the fridge."

"My Invisalign is more important than your humanity."

"No, you're shaking his booty."

Let's say you got a Sprite from a fast-food place and happened to have ice in your... wallet."

Things our little brother AKA Mini-Mini-Enter AKA PyroPhile has said:

"A nacho tried to eat me!"

"Nacho is a cute nacho and I will eat him and then he will eat me at the same time."

"You cannot attack me because I am the euthanization boi."

"Like remembering how you murdered your dead wife?"

Things our little sister AKA Mini-Mini-Mini-Enter said:

"Now I have boobies all over!"

"And I pinched the meaty spot too!"

"It's in chronic order..."

"That wasn't my butt."

"I like the smell of feet!"

"I was kissing his lips and when I stopped I saw half of his tongue sticking out."

"Where's the straw for my hot dog?"

"And he's eating my hair again."

"AND it has butts too."

"Y'know, I was gonna say I want my mommy- but I don't really want her anymore."

"SO GRANDMA AND GRANDPA TOOK ALL THE GRANDKIDS AND GROUND 'EM UP INTO GROUND BEEF BUT IT'S NOT GROUND BEEF BECAUSE IT'S GROUND KIDS AND NOT GROUND BEEF BECAUSE IT'S GROUNDKIDS INSTEAD OF GRANDKIDS?!?!?!?!?!?!? Y'know?"

"The beans are sacred."

"Have you tried it since you last tried it?"

"He has a very nice booty."

"Aaa! A piece of food is murdering me!"

"Bite my toes!"

"I love floor fries."

"I LOVE forest fires!"

"I want to kiss your bum. Hey I WANT TO KISS YOUR BUM!"

"Because it's a style and men like pterodactyls."

Miscellaneous:

"Pinch MY buns!" - @Spensathecat

"Bless my toast!" - Our cousin

"So I'm just stupid and not weak? I'm ok with that." - Our uncle

"Someone who can smell, come smell my hair." - Our aunt

"Bill Gates taught us to Mermaid." - Our other cousin

"He goes from being cute and innocent to, 'I'm going to rip your throat out!'" - Our mom

"No, I'm the fitting room." - Our mom

"I think they would fit over one butt." - Our mom

Two-people out-of-contexts:

"My pants are falling up!" - Mini-Mini-Enter 

"Pull your pants down!" - Me

 

"I shake my broom at you!" - Enter

"Well then I will yeet the vacuum at you!" - Mini-Mini-Enter

 

"Okay, apparently [our little sister] likes the taste of heart disease." - Enter

"I do. That's all I have to say." - Aforementioned little sister

 

"Why did you have to bite me?" - Mini-Mini-Mini-Enter

"I wanted to!" - Me

 

"I love that taste of that liquid you consume... eh, what's it called? Uh..." - Mini-Mini-Mini-Enter

"You mean water?" - Me

 

I have a very odd family, to say the least.

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  • 1 month later...

"My country is called Psmithania (with a silent P). It's a psmithing country, and its psmiths are the finest in the world, making the most exquisite pswords and pshields. It also has excellent psoldiers. Its primary resource is iron/psteel, and it's ruled by an oligarchy of the current top 10 psmiths in the country."

-@Shining Silhouette

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19 minutes ago, The Wandering Wizard said:

The dog was hit by a cat

This caused him to go splat

The car went flat

And the dog met a bat

The problem was, the dog was fat

And so he was stuck with the rat

Jk, I loved Go dog go, right up there with king bidgoods in the bathtub.

Is this a poem or a list of quotes?

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