Let's be friends

[Yvainnie]

Hi there

I was thinking what about just to start chatting about anything you want. As friends. Some of us may feel lonely because of these crazy times we have.

 

I will start, there had been quite a lot going on but besides regular stuff happening I have extra something in work. I have a new colleague transferred from different office to mine (because I shared an office with someone who retired) and we have adjoining offices with one other colleague and our boss. Anyway, the new guy is really chatty and I don't mean like he wants to chat sometimes but he talks the whole day. Like literally, I have headphones on which is kind of universal language for "not now, unless urgent" and he still talks to me! Even if I go like refill water or whatever he goes with me and talks! There is literally no escaping from that. And that is not even the worst part. It is the stuff he talks about. And he just talks even if I don't ask anything.

He has awful opinions about everything. He is racist, antisemitic, anti-LGBTQ, anti-democratic (he literally wants to have dictator), sexist, egoistic and so on.......In short, he is very hateful against everything and he constantly praises himself. And on the top that if we are alone and other colleagues are away he says stuff like: 

"Should I lock us in so we could have sex?" "Should I get condoms so we can get on with it?"

Like WTF!!!!! where is he getting such ideas from? Honestly, it is a bit scary (but I do have pepper spray, big knife, small knife and tranquillizer in my purse). 

And as something extra he has absolutely zero hygienic habits, he constantly smells bad and produces sounds and smells all day and he plays videos on his laptop OUT LOUD whole day.

This is without exaggerating actual hell on earth. 

But I don't think I can just quit right now. My husband has a new job which I don't know if it is gonna stick (but it seems that is awesome, but it is too soon to tell for sure) besides there is whole pandemic stuff and trying for a job during the pandemic is not exactly easy.....so....

I am at the end of my rope here. I even started going to a psychologist because I thought maybe I am just a bit over sensitive but .....no I am not.

TLTR

I have awful colleague at work, but nothing I can do about it. Storm happens. 

 

Anyway, let's hear from you guys!

 

Edited September 29, 2020 by Yvainnie

[caranise]

I can't explain my thought on this guy because my english is bad but I can say that I get angry. 

[Yvainnie]

9 minutes ago, caranise said:

I can't explain my thought on this guy because my english is bad but I can say that I get angry. 

Nice of you. Thanks  

 

[Ixthos]

I'm sorry you're in that situation :-( have you been able to talk to management about him, or have other coworkers who are likewise affected by him? Hope you do okay and this ends well for you and the company!

[Truthless of Shinovar]

10 hours ago, Yvainnie said:

Hi there

I was thinking what about just to start chatting about anything you want. As friends. Some of us may feel lonely because of these crazy times we have.

 

I will start, there had been quite a lot going on but besides regular stuff happening I have extra something in work. I have a new colleague transferred from different office to mine (because I shared an office with someone who retired) and we have adjoining offices with one other colleague and our boss. Anyway, the new guy is really chatty and I don't mean like he wants to chat sometimes but he talks the whole day. Like literally, I have headphones on which is kind of universal language for "not now, unless urgent" and he still talks to me! Even if I go like refill water or whatever he goes with me and talks! There is literally no escaping from that. And that is not even the worst part. It is the stuff he talks about. And he just talks even if I don't ask anything.

He has awful opinions about everything. He is racist, antisemitic, anti-LGBTQ, anti-democratic (he literally wants to have dictator), sexist, egoistic and so on.......In short, he is very hateful against everything and he constantly praises himself. And on the top that if we are alone and other colleagues are away he says stuff like: 

"Should I lock us in so we could have sex?" "Should I get condoms so we can get on with it?"

Like WTF!!!!! where is he getting such ideas from? Honestly, it is a bit scary (but I do have pepper spray, big knife, small knife and tranquillizer in my purse). 

And as something extra he has absolutely zero hygienic habits, he constantly smells bad and produces sounds and smells all day and he plays videos on his laptop OUT LOUD whole day.

This is without exaggerating actual hell on earth. 

But I don't think I can just quit right now. My husband has a new job which I don't know if it is gonna stick (but it seems that is awesome, but it is too soon to tell for sure) besides there is whole pandemic stuff and trying for a job during the pandemic is not exactly easy.....so....

I am at the end of my rope here. I even started going to a psychologist because I thought maybe I am just a bit over sensitive but .....no I am not.

TLTR

I have awful colleague at work, but nothing I can do about it. Storm happens. Move on.

 

Anyway, let's hear from you guys!

 

Holy cow! That is not ok coworker behavior! Anywhere. Report that storming chull to management, you shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of crem.

[Condensation]

I agree. If he tries anything, straight up drop him.

May I share a story that isn't my personal experience, but that was told to me?

[Yvainnie]

3 hours ago, Truthless of Shinovar said:

Holy cow! That is not ok coworker behavior! Anywhere. Report that storming chull to management, you shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of crem.

First, I love your use of storming words  and I appreciate it. However, I already told my boss and answer was along the lines of "guys will be guys"

 

@Condensation definitely, it is totally free. Write absolutely whatever you want. I would love to hear about other people.

Edited September 25, 2020 by Yvainnie

[Condensation]

Apparently, there was this woman who got hired by a company right out of college. She had just gotten this incredible degree and there were about 20 people in the US with the same degree. This degree is essential for the specific kind of company. She went to her new work and every day, her male coworkers would tell her that it was all right, they could do it, it was probably too hard for her. Women should be mothers kind of thing, really sexist. Even her boss, when she went to him, was like if you can't handle it, go have a bunch of kids. So she left, moved to the other side of the US, and within the next year the company had gone bankrupt because they needed someone who had that degree and could do what she had been doing. She's apparently really happy, has been working at another company that does the same thing since then, and has kids and a husband that she provides for.

[revelryintheart]

23 hours ago, Yvainnie said:

First, I love your use of storming words  and I appreciate it. However, I already told my boss and answer was along the lines of "guys will be guys"

 

@Condensation definitely, it is totally free. Write absolutely whatever you want. I would love to hear about other people.

I don't know how to words so here's a meme

Anyway I DESPISE the phrase "boys will be boys." I have three amazing brother and lots of guy friends. They're all spectacular people and would never do anything to hurt anyone. Excusing toxic behavior by blaming it on their sex. Your boss (and the creepy coworker) need to be taught a lesson in what proper behavior is. 

[Yvainnie]

2 hours ago, revelryintheart said:

I don't know how to words so here's a meme

Anyway I DESPISE the phrase "boys will be boys." I have three amazing brother and lots of guy friends. They're all spectacular people and would never do anything to hurt anyone. Excusing toxic behavior by blaming it on their sex. Your boss (and the creepy coworker) need to be taught a lesson in what proper behavior is. 

You literally made my day.

All of you are such amazing support. You have no idea how much this all means to me. 

Truly thank you all!

[Yvainnie]

On 25. 9. 2020 at 11:16 PM, Condensation said:

Apparently, there was this woman who got hired by a company right out of college. She had just gotten this incredible degree and there were about 20 people in the US with the same degree. This degree is essential for the specific kind of company. She went to her new work and every day, her male coworkers would tell her that it was all right, they could do it, it was probably too hard for her. Women should be mothers kind of thing, really sexist. Even her boss, when she went to him, was like if you can't handle it, go have a bunch of kids. So she left, moved to the other side of the US, and within the next year the company had gone bankrupt because they needed someone who had that degree and could do what she had been doing. She's apparently really happy, has been working at another company that does the same thing since then, and has kids and a husband that she provides for.

Nice happy ending.... good to know that sometimes it really is better to leave.

[Condensation]

It's true. Also, I hope that it gets better for you, and you have all of us on your side.

[Yvainnie]

On 28. 9. 2020 at 0:30 AM, Condensation said:

It's true. Also, I hope that it gets better for you, and you have all of us on your side.

Thank you  

[Nathrangking]

On 9/25/2020 at 5:09 PM, Yvainnie said:

First, I love your use of storming words  and I appreciate it. However, I already told my boss and answer was along the lines of "guys will be guys"

 

@Condensation definitely, it is totally free. Write absolutely whatever you want. I would love to hear about other people.

 

On 9/25/2020 at 3:40 AM, Yvainnie said:

Hi there

I was thinking what about just to start chatting about anything you want. As friends. Some of us may feel lonely because of these crazy times we have.

 

I will start, there had been quite a lot going on but besides regular stuff happening I have extra something in work. I have a new colleague transferred from different office to mine (because I shared an office with someone who retired) and we have adjoining offices with one other colleague and our boss. Anyway, the new guy is really chatty and I don't mean like he wants to chat sometimes but he talks the whole day. Like literally, I have headphones on which is kind of universal language for "not now, unless urgent" and he still talks to me! Even if I go like refill water or whatever he goes with me and talks! There is literally no escaping from that. And that is not even the worst part. It is the stuff he talks about. And he just talks even if I don't ask anything.

He has awful opinions about everything. He is racist, antisemitic, anti-LGBTQ, anti-democratic (he literally wants to have dictator), sexist, egoistic and so on.......In short, he is very hateful against everything and he constantly praises himself. And on the top that if we are alone and other colleagues are away he says stuff like: 

"Should I lock us in so we could have sex?" "Should I get condoms so we can get on with it?"

Like WTF!!!!! where is he getting such ideas from? Honestly, it is a bit scary (but I do have pepper spray, big knife, small knife and tranquillizer in my purse). 

And as something extra he has absolutely zero hygienic habits, he constantly smells bad and produces sounds and smells all day and he plays videos on his laptop OUT LOUD whole day.

This is without exaggerating actual hell on earth. 

But I don't think I can just quit right now. My husband has a new job which I don't know if it is gonna stick (but it seems that is awesome, but it is too soon to tell for sure) besides there is whole pandemic stuff and trying for a job during the pandemic is not exactly easy.....so....

I am at the end of my rope here. I even started going to a psychologist because I thought maybe I am just a bit over sensitive but .....no I am not.

TLTR

I have awful colleague at work, but nothing I can do about it. Storm happens. Move on.

 

Anyway, let's hear from you guys!

 

Firstly, I second what everyone else here said. That piece of crem and upper management sound so stupid it is not to be believed. "Boys will be boys" is something that I despise. How can you have self respect and use your sex to justify your bad behavior? Take some responsibility! We stand with you!! 

Secondly, a thread like this was long overdue. Thank you for giving us what we did not even know that we needed!

Edited September 29, 2020 by Nathrangking

[Yvainnie]

20 minutes ago, Nathrangking said:

 

Firstly, I second what everyone else here said. That piece of crem and upper management sound so stupid it is not to be believed. "Boys will be boys" is something that I despise. How can you have self respect and use your sex to justify your bad behavior? Take some responsibility! We stand with you!! 

Secondly, a thread like this was long overdue. Thank you for giving us what we did nit even know that we needed!

Thank you for your support. I am so glad that "boys will be boys" is not acceptable. I almost started to think that I am the problem. I thought maybe it is normal and I am overreacting. It means a lot to me to know that my gut feeling (which is saying to do something to make it bearable and then when there is a possibility to get out) is right. It is important for me to know that there are places where "grass is greener" and not everyone is like this. 

 

Edit: And just knowing this, It does make it easier. 

Edited September 29, 2020 by Yvainnie

[Honorless]

@Yvainnie what the hell, go talk to the HR! 

[FriarFritz]

Hey, @Yvainnie, I just wanted to check up on this. Has the situation gotten better? Worse? 

The way your coworker is acting is inexcusable. I hope your circumstances improve, and I'm praying for you!

[Yvainnie]

7 hours ago, FriarFritz said:

Hey, @Yvainnie, I just wanted to check up on this. Has the situation gotten better? Worse? 

The way your coworker is acting is inexcusable. I hope your circumstances improve, and I'm praying for you!

So nice of you!

Thanks to encouragement from you all (amazing people) I had the guts to tell the director (like the boss of my boss). I basically told him that this is an insufferable environment and if he values my work he will make it right so I can continue. 

I got a promotion, I got a pay rise and then my boss and the other boss talked to my coworker (and they yelled at him and told him he would get fired) and he honestly apologized that he always worked only with dudes and it never actually occurred to him that this may be an issue. But what is more important,  he is honesty behaving without a problem ever since and he is genuinely nice to me but not in a creepy way. 

Also, they stressed to me that promotion and money are not to shut me up but to show me they really, really value my work. 

TL TR:

Douche got a wake-up call and I have peace and quiet and more money. 

 

But I literally could not have done this without you. I don't say it as empty "thanks" but only because of your support I had the courage to talk about it with higher management.

So thank you! I mean it....

[FriarFritz]

Yay! That's awesome!

[Condensation]

On 09/11/2020 at 7:00 AM, Yvainnie said:

So nice of you!

Thanks to encouragement from you all (amazing people) I had the guts to tell the director (like the boss of my boss). I basically told him that this is an insufferable environment and if he values my work he will make it right so I can continue. 

I got a promotion, I got a pay rise and then my boss and the other boss talked to my coworker (and they yelled at him and told him he would get fired) and he honestly apologized that he always worked only with dudes and it never actually occurred to him that this may be an issue. But what is more important,  he is honesty behaving without a problem ever since and he is genuinely nice to me but not in a creepy way. 

Also, they stressed to me that promotion and money are not to shut me up but to show me they really, really value my work. 

TL TR:

Douche got a wake-up call and I have peace and quiet and more money. 

 

But I literally could not have done this without you. I don't say it as empty "thanks" but only because of your support I had the courage to talk about it with higher management.

So thank you! I mean it....

That's awesome! I'm so glad it got better.

[The Windrunner Supreme]

I just found this thread. Great Job!

[Trutharchivist]

When I begun reading the OP I started worrying, since the first few lines can be applied to describe me - I regularly talk to people without them listening to me, though in my defence it's rarely ever people I hardly know. After you stated he was anti semistic I relaxed a bit, since I'm a jew and thus, not anti semistic. After that, i begun sounding like a nightmare. Seriously, I don't really know how it is anywhere outside Israel, but here people like that are strait away blamed for sexual harassment. In fact, from what I've heard, you could be blamed for i on less than that. I can't believe someone hearing about such things just cut it with "boys will be boys."

On the bright side, I'm glad to hear it's all right now! Maybe this message is outdated a bit, since you're all through it! Just wanted to share my thoughts.