My first attempt at world building/magic system

[Chinkoln]

They are on a planet with very little water, it is a struggle to get enough to survive.

Magic (Names not yet decided upon)

1. Can move with increased speed and dexterity, but no added strength

2. Elevated senses, can be turned on and off for convenience 

3. Can become extremely stealthy (decreased weight, increased dexterity, faster reflexes, but not all around faster speed like in 1)

4. Can use brutish strength at will

5. Elevated intelligence, while it can be useful it does lead to odd personality quirks

6. Can use intuition to find things( Materials, objects, people) Not always very precise or accurate

Any constructive criticism? Preferably not destructive criticism, but if that is all you got then just try to phrase it as best as possible.

[Karger]

8 minutes ago, Chinkoln said:

Any constructive criticism? Preferably not destructive criticism, but if that is all you got then just try to phrase it as best as possible.

If you have not already read Brandon's advice on making a magic systems.  I was wondering if all people have all these powers or if some people have only a specific number of them.  How these powers are acquired, their limitations, and their uses are very interesting questions.

Also what is the tec level of the setting and what kind of society is it?

[Chinkoln]

This society is not advanced. I would say they are at the level of the Roman Empire at its peak, having some grasp of technology and innovation but not electricity or guns. This society is organized by whoever has the most magic  is the highest ranking.

I have not determined how you can get the powers, but I am thinking maybe some kind of celestial event will bestow powers an random intervals. Each event would bestow one power to any person affected, so it would be possible to get more than one power.

Each magic could be used in labor and other ways that may be obvious. Using magic requires concentration, so if they are in loud setting or get easily distracted then they are less powerful. The intensity of the concentration will draw forth more magic, so the harder you concentrate the more you get from it, but the less you can do because your concentration is split while using magic. This is bypassed with the magic of higher intelligence where the concentration is a minimal thing that doesn’t affect them much.

[Karger]

2 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

This society is not advanced. I would say they are at the level of the Roman Empire at its peak, having some grasp of technology and innovation but not electricity or guns. This society is organized by whoever has the most magic  is the highest ranking.

Late bronze early iron.  Got it.

2 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

I have not determined how you can get the powers, but I am thinking maybe some kind of celestial event will bestow powers an random intervals. Each event would bestow one power to any person affected, so it would be possible to get more than one power.

Got it.  So in the right area to spot a specific eclipse has power x.  Depending on what you choose as your celestial event you could drastically very the number of people with each power.  Solar eclipses would usually give you about four people a year for example(if your planet was earth).  That also implies the wealthy will have the capability to acquire more powers then the poor(by hiring astronomers and traveling to the right places).  Can you double up(get increased power by going through the right phenomena twice)?

How is this power recognized(if at all).  Could a really smart person fake having super intelligence?

2 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

. This society is organized by whoever has the most magic  is the highest ranking.

Social or political?  How is this power exercised?  Are there large numbers of cities with bureaucracies?  Also how sophisticated are their economic and legal systems?  What industries exist?  Are people more nomadic or do they tend to stay in certain areas?  Are their different nationalities and cultures?

[Chinkoln]

I am thinking that the event will be a pattern of stars in the sky. The night sky is always changing and different so the constellation that appears is unpredictable. It may happen 10 days straight or it might not come for 10 years, but simply seeing it doesn’t guarantee access to magic, there is an element of chance involved. You have to see it AND get lucky when the cosmic dice are rolled. Once you have a power you can’t get it again, you would simply get a new power. It would be possible to get all the powers. If you get all the powers then I am not sure what will happen, but I am considering adding a higher level of magic with either new powers or more powerful powers. Power is recognized by a faint aura in the air around them. You have to concentrate to see it but it is there, just not in a way that anyone can describe.

Government has different tiers. The more power you have the higher tier you are. I would say it is a dictatorship, but if someone gets more magic than you then you are kicked out of office.  There are many organized cities but much of the land is used as farmland, as that is the main industry on this world. The capital city is named Bruid, and was founded by the Mystic, a magic user surrounded by lore who conquered the world on his own. Legal system isn’t great, if you don’t have magic then you are guilty as charged almost always. If you have magic or are closely related to someone with magic, then you are almost always innocent. Economy isn’t great either. Commoners get paid a fair amount but taxes are high. No distinct nationalities, everyone is the same race and speak the same language because of the Mystic.

I am glad that I have been able to work out so much about the magic and world, but I am starting to doubt this. I know it is unrealistic, but I feel like it won’t be as good as Brandon. I also feel like people will read my book and say, “hmm, this sounds like something Brandon might write on one of his worse days. It has the plot and magic that he writes with.”. I don’t want to be the knockoff Brandon Sanderson.

Edited August 14, 2020 by Chinkoln

[Mist]

2 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

I am glad that I have been able to work out so much about the magic and world, but I am starting to doubt this. I know it is unrealistic, but I feel like it won’t be as good as Brandon. I also feel like people will read my book and say, “hmm, this sounds like something Brandon might write on one of his worse days. It has the plot and magic that he writes with.”. I don’t want to be the knockoff Brandon Sanderson.

Your magic system sounds interesting. It doesn't seem similar to Brandon's magic systems to me. I also don't usually compare books, unless asked. 

[Karger]

4 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

Government has different tiers. The more power you have the higher tier you are

So that is the theoretical way in which power is recognized but what makes it real?  Is their some kind of institution (like a priesthood) that verifies who has more power?  How are disputes and jurisdictions decided by people of the same tier?  What responsibilities do magical types have to the lower classes(even if only in theory)?

4 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

Commoners get paid a fair amount but taxes are high

This implies a fairly sophisticated bureaucracy(otherwise high taxes are really hard to track and implement).  Who runs it and how?  Also if their are no other nations then what do the taxes go to?  Finally high taxes mean a pretty complicated economic system.  Went to talk about the merchant class?

4 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

everyone is the same race and speak the same language because of the Mystic.

Other then being a powerful mage(and maybe a decent general) are any particular attributes associated with the Mystic?

[Negative_Null]

Sounds fun, reminds me a bit of Harry Potter and a series I read called the Blood Rose Rebellion, where magic is the basis for being important in the society. My guess is they could have "duels" for places in government (although I doubt it would actually end up being fighting, especially for the intelligent and the stealthy thing) do it also comes down to skill a bit. Just an idea

[Chinkoln]

You raise some good points that I hadn't thought of. I think that the question of enforcers/priesthood would best be answered by changing up the magic a bit. I was already considering changing it, so this could work well. I think I want to get rid of the superintelligence, but what would it be replaced with? The new power should be something that is of worth to these enforcers. The enforcers, I think a good name for them would be Droppers, follow the will of the higher tiers, but are led and organized by magic users that will have this new power. While on the topic I think that there should be a new way to recognize that power is going to be used. I hesitated to make this a power because I felt like this would be really close to a bronze seeker (Mistborn). Within tiers, disputes are settled ultimately be the person who has been in that tier the longest. To be clear, it is acceptable to make any opposition meet an untimely end, but it is frowned upon in general because if magic users see it happening a lot then they will do it to others, maybe you. Magic users henceforth referred to as Muses, are responsible for ensuring that the food gets harvested and distributed to those in need. They also use the taxes, collected by the Droppers, to advance technology and research new inventions/ideas. 

Taxes are collected directly from pay. Example: If you earned $10 and taxes are 50%, then you only receive $5, the other 5 being kept by the Droppers. The Droppers are the equivalent of the Obligators in Mistborn. They pay the people and collect taxes from the pay. The merchant class is made up of those who are related to Muses. Relatives of Muses travel the land as either Droppers or emissaries of their empowered relatives.

The Mystic was said to be ruthless during his rampage through Domhan, their planet. After he had established peace throughout the land he became kindly and tried to help reinstate society, as he had kind of destroyed a lot of civilization on his quest. Once the last nation had surrendered, he never killed another man, so the legends say. It is unclear which magics he had access to, there are legends that say he had any, all, or none of them (Was simply a good general with access to other Muses.).

[Frustration]

19 hours ago, Chinkoln said:

You raise some good points that I hadn't thought of. I think that the question of enforcers/priesthood would best be answered by changing up the magic a bit. I was already considering changing it, so this could work well. I think I want to get rid of the superintelligence, but what would it be replaced with? The new power should be something that is of worth to these enforcers. The enforcers, I think a good name for them would be Droppers, follow the will of the higher tiers, but are led and organized by magic users that will have this new power. While on the topic I think that there should be a new way to recognize that power is going to be used. I hesitated to make this a power because I felt like this would be really close to a bronze seeker (Mistborn). Within tiers, disputes are settled ultimately be the person who has been in that tier the longest. To be clear, it is acceptable to make any opposition meet an untimely end, but it is frowned upon in general because if magic users see it happening a lot then they will do it to others, maybe you. Magic users henceforth referred to as Muses, are responsible for ensuring that the food gets harvested and distributed to those in need. They also use the taxes, collected by the Droppers, to advance technology and research new inventions/ideas. 

This might help

 

On 8/13/2020 at 8:40 PM, Karger said:

Late bronze early iron.  Got it.

Bronze age was dead and long forgotten by that time.

On 8/14/2020 at 7:31 AM, Chinkoln said:

I am glad that I have been able to work out so much about the magic and world, but I am starting to doubt this. I know it is unrealistic, but I feel like it won’t be as good as Brandon. I also feel like people will read my book and say, “hmm, this sounds like something Brandon might write on one of his worse days. It has the plot and magic that he writes with.”. I don’t want to be the knockoff Brandon Sanderson.

I have felt similarly worried at time, try experimenting with softer magic, if for no reason other than to get the subtle Brandon influence out.

[Chinkoln]

3 hours ago, Frustration said:

I have felt similarly worried at time, try experimenting with softer magic, if for no reason other than to get the subtle Brandon influence out.

What do you mean “softer magic”?

[Frustration]

1 hour ago, Chinkoln said:

What do you mean “softer magic”?

Less rules, older style, closer to Tolkien or Harry Potter style than Brandon, works for me anyway I get more original ideas that way.

[Chinkoln]

Okay, I just got an idea that is a bit of a major rewrite, but it sounds interesting. The Mystic didn’t conquer the planet, he just founded a kingdom, a kingdom of humans. The rest of the world is populated by sentient animal clans. The Mystic was unable to rule the world, so his last act in life was to forge talismans. There was one talisman for each species on the planet. Whoever holds the talisman can control that species.

 It would say that the experience would be like controlling a Kandra, but slightly different. You would feel like you are in multiple places at once, like a Kandra. You control them by giving commands but it isn’t alike a robot army, each individual can go about it their own way. The humans are the only ones without a talisman, and the art of forging them has been lost. The humans now work to conquer the rest of the planet.

@Karger Could you give some insights? You have been extremely beneficial to this idea’s development. Everyone else who has helped, I thank you as well.

[Karger]

1 hour ago, Chinkoln said:

Okay, I just got an idea that is a bit of a major rewrite, but it sounds interesting. The Mystic didn’t conquer the planet, he just founded a kingdom, a kingdom of humans. The rest of the world is populated by sentient animal clans. The Mystic was unable to rule the world, so his last act in life was to forge talismans. There was one talisman for each species on the planet. Whoever holds the talisman can control that species.

Figure out approximately how many tailsimins there are.  As @Frustration's video pointed out having one of them is like having the key to a kingdom.  Having one grants imminence wealth and possibly military might.

On 8/14/2020 at 2:56 PM, Chinkoln said:

I think I want to get rid of the superintelligence, but what would it be replaced with? The new power should be something that is of worth to these enforcers

Some low to moderate level physic abilities?  They are better at reading people and can maybe control them to some degree with practice(like causing people to fall asleep or say something they did not intend to).  Mental training makes you largely immune and all the nobility have this.

On 8/14/2020 at 2:56 PM, Chinkoln said:

Within tiers, disputes are settled ultimately be the person who has been in that tier the longest. To be clear, it is acceptable to make any opposition meet an untimely end, but it is frowned upon in general because if magic users see it happening a lot then they will do it to others, maybe you

Got you.  Court/bureaucratic intrigue.  That is a good and very realistic idea.  I recommend establishing some norms that everyone follows at least most of the time.  For example length of tenure/seniority matters.  Potentially power/skill with magical abilities as well.  How do relations between people with different powers work?  Are some combinations particularly noteworthy/scary?

On 8/14/2020 at 2:56 PM, Chinkoln said:

Taxes are collected directly from pay. Example: If you earned $10 and taxes are 50%, then you only receive $5, the other 5 being kept by the Droppers. The Droppers are the equivalent of the Obligators in Mistborn. They pay the people and collect taxes from the pay. The merchant class is made up of those who are related to Muses. Relatives of Muses travel the land as either Droppers or emissaries of their empowered relatives.

That implies a very careful bureaucracy.  Saying you have less workers then you do would be an easy way to skip out on taxes.  The bureaucracy must be kept loyal and must be extremely competent.

[Guest Somebody from Scadrial]

Possible replacement for superintellegence could be telekinesis for personality quirks because that's a cool idea maybe the more power you have it drives you slightly insane?

Edited September 8, 2020 by Somebody from Roshar
Added drawing