Jump to content

Bad (or good) Cosmere Jokes & Puns


Child of Hodor

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...

 

8 minutes ago, Frustration said:

Why, why did you do this.

To test the limits of my abilities. My cringebinding has gotten better. 

Oh wait I thought of another one .

Why didn't Vin trust Oreseur the kandra ?

Cause he looked like a shifty guy. 

What happened when Jak went to the pits of eltania ?

He realised that he had made a Kolossal mistake. 

Why do ppl dislike waxillium ?

Cause he's a Pushy guy. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have multiple personality disorder said bavadin , being frank. 

 

There was a barfight among sailors of  different nationalities in kharbranth. It got resolved quickly but not before someone hurt a shin.  

 

Dude the food in this restaurant in T'Telir is good enough to die for , we must definitely Return . 

 

Dude Blushweaver is so beautiful , she took my Breath away. 

 

Why does no one trust an Inquisitor around thier drinks ?

Cause they are afraid they will spike it. 

 

What did Leras say to Ati when he was moping about how everything dies in the end   ?

He told him to be more end-positive.

 

Why was Jewels depressed ?

Cause life was all so Drab to her. 

 

Why did Sadeas do such awful things ?

Cause he only has a splinter of Honor. 

 

What did the Steel ministry tell ppl before sending them to the pits ?

Repent for thee hathsin'ned

 

Why didn't hoid go back to yolen ??

Cause he knew he would get a  Frosty welcome. 


 

Edited by PrinceGenocide
A little polishing
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Haha, those are great, @PrinceGenocide! Lo-

10 hours ago, PrinceGenocide said:

What's the Lord ruler's favourite anime ?

Full Metal Alchemist . 

It even has an analogue of a Hemalurgic construct 

  Hide contents

In the form of chimeras esp the one formed by melding Nina and Alexander

 

Why did you have to remind us of this?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On 8/10/2020 at 4:16 PM, Child of Hodor said:

I have no place to put this bad thing I thought of so I made one. Feel free to add your own. 

Why are they called the Fused?

Because they (Re)Fused to stay dead. 

I started this thread with this terrible joke and then in re-reading I see that the Stormfather outright says this in Oathbringer:

Quote

THERE WERE SOULS OF CREATURES WHO HAD BEEN SLAIN, ANGRY AND TERRIBLE. THEY HAD BEEN GIVEN GREAT POWER BY THE ENEMY ... FOR WHEN THEY DIED THEY REFUSED TO PASS ON. OB CH. 38

Yikes, I was just kidding. 

Maybe there is a more serious reason they are called that. Fused and Heralds are extremely similar and Nale mentions Honor has finally suffused him in Edgedancer. They were infused with Odium investiture to keep them around. They were fused to existing voidspren. Please anything less puny than this!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why don't Lavis and Prickletac ever fight?
Because they're rockBuds!

 

What happened to the Herdazian who overdid it on the spicy Chouta?
They fell into a food-kuma!

 

What did the father of sheep respond when Dalinar asked why he'd turned to Odium?
"It's because I Am-A-Ram"

Why couldn't Dalinar's first wife get on board with the joy of Alethi bloodlust around the holidays?
She was such an Evinezer Scrooge

Edited by Smye
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 8/24/2020 at 7:05 AM, PrinceGenocide said:

 

To test the limits of my abilities. My cringebinding has gotten better. 

Oh wait I thought of another one.

Why didn't Vin trust Oreseur the kandra?

Cause he looked like a shifty guy. 

What happened when Jak went to the pits of eltania?

He realised that he had made a Kolossal mistake. 

Why do ppl dislike Waxillium?

Cause he's a Pushy guy. 

Oh Harmony, princess genocide is right. I think I died four times and came back to life. 

I don't like Wax, he's too hot. *Badoom BANG* (That bang was Wax shooting me)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Smye said:

What did the father of sheep respond when Dalinar asked why he'd turned to Odium?
"It's because I Am-A-Ram"

Why couldn't Dalinar's first wife get on board with the joy of Alethi bloodlust around the holidays?
She was such an Evinezer Scrooge

The Amaram pun is horrible, but also very good

But Evi... it's still too soon ;-;
I don't think it will ever not be too soon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/6/2020 at 0:53 PM, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

A traveler, a beggar, Cephandrius, Topaz, Wit and Hoid walk into a bar.

He says "Ouch".

this one wins

might as well give this a try while im here 

 

odium wanted to splinter a shard into 15 parts but they splintered into 16 so he just chucked the last one way into the spiritual realm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

KHRISS: Hey Nazh, did you hear about that Elantrian guy who traveled all the way to Nalthis to get an awakened door for his house only to die tragically?

NAZH: Yeah, everybody's heard of the Death of the Dor to door Selish man. 

KHRISS: (wince) That's low man. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...