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I have a good joke, but it needs some explanation. So this is called a storyteller's joke, it's a joke without an answer, so the story is the joke. It depends heavily on the storyteller to keep the audience's interest, so I don't know if it will work written down. Even with that, the joke's funniness depends greatly on your (American sub-)culture. I have told to it to people and only gotten crickets. I have told it to people and have had them burst out laughing. Sooooo, we'll see if you guys like it or not.

There was once a man who was having a business deal with his friends who was a farmer. So he went to the farmer's house, and the farmer came out to meet him. The farmer told him to "just stay here for a minute, I need to take of some things inside before our deal can work," and the farmer returned into the house. The man waited for a little while, and a little while longer, and a little while longer, until he decided to explore the property a little bit. He was wandering around near the house, when he found a big, dark, hole. He couldn't see the bottom of the hole, and his curiosity got the better of him. So he grabbed a small rock, and dropped it into the hole. There was a moment of silence, and then *plink*. He heard a small splash of water. So the man went and grabbed a big heavy rock, and threw that down the hole. There was a moment of silence, and then *splash*. He heard a big splash of water. So the man looked around for anything else heavy to throw down the hole, and saw nothing. He walked a little farther away, and found a railroad tie! So he heaved it up on his shoulder, and threw it into the hole. A moment of silence, and then *SPLASH*. There was a huge splash of water. Just then, the man was interrupted by... breighing? (at this point the storyteller speeds up times two) A goat came sprinting down a hill toward the hole. The goat was zigzagging back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, it got to the hole, and it jumped right into it. There was a moment of silence, and then *SPLAASH*. 

The man stood there, dumbfounded. Just then, the farmer came out. The man ran up to his friend saying "I'm so sorry! I think your goat just jumped into this hole!"

The farmer reassured him, "Oh no no, it couldn't have been my goat. My goat was tied to a railroad tie!"

 

If you liked it, I have many more.

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1 hour ago, Scarletfox said:

I have a good joke, but it needs some explanation. So this is called a storyteller's joke, it's a joke without an answer, so the story is the joke. It depends heavily on the storyteller to keep the audience's interest, so I don't know if it will work written down. Even with that, the joke's funniness depends greatly on your (American sub-)culture. I have told to it to people and only gotten crickets. I have told it to people and have had them burst out laughing. Sooooo, we'll see if you guys like it or not.

There was once a man who was having a business deal with his friends who was a farmer. So he went to the farmer's house, and the farmer came out to meet him. The farmer told him to "just stay here for a minute, I need to take of some things inside before our deal can work," and the farmer returned into the house. The man waited for a little while, and a little while longer, and a little while longer, until he decided to explore the property a little bit. He was wandering around near the house, when he found a big, dark, hole. He couldn't see the bottom of the hole, and his curiosity got the better of him. So he grabbed a small rock, and dropped it into the hole. There was a moment of silence, and then *plink*. He heard a small splash of water. So the man went and grabbed a big heavy rock, and threw that down the hole. There was a moment of silence, and then *splash*. He heard a big splash of water. So the man looked around for anything else heavy to throw down the hole, and saw nothing. He walked a little farther away, and found a railroad tie! So he heaved it up on his shoulder, and threw it into the hole. A moment of silence, and then *SPLASH*. There was a huge splash of water. Just then, the man was interrupted by... breighing? (at this point the storyteller speeds up times two) A goat came sprinting down a hill toward the hole. The goat was zigzagging back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, it got to the hole, and it jumped right into it. There was a moment of silence, and then *SPLAASH*. 

The man stood there, dumbfounded. Just then, the farmer came out. The man ran up to his friend saying "I'm so sorry! I think your goat just jumped into this hole!"

The farmer reassured him, "Oh no no, it couldn't have been my goat. My goat was tied to a railroad tie!"

 

If you liked it, I have many more.

*claps* That was a great joke

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Once, there was a group of construction workers building a road. Under a nearby tree, their manager sat watching in the shade, sipping lemonade. The construction workers worked away, while wondering why they were working, and their manager was sitting and sipping lemonade. So finally, one of the workers threw down his shovel in frusteration. "Why is it, that he gets to sit and sip lemonade, and all o' us have to keep working?" He asked his fellow workers. The workers decided to draw straws to see who should confront the manager, and ask him why he was sitting and sipping lemonade, and they were working. Lo' and behold, the one who drew the straw was the first one to talk. So they sent him up to the manager. The man walked up, and asked the manager, "why is it that you are sitting here sipping lemonade, while we're working away?

"Now now," the manager replied, "we do everything for a reason here. Let me show you." The manager walked up to a metal post, and put his hand on it. He pointed at it saying,, "Punch my hand as hard as you can." The construction worker tried to punch the manager's hand as hard as he could, but the manager moved his hand out of the way just in time. The worker slammed his fist into the metal post.

"Storm it!" The construction worker cursed. "What did you do that for?"

"That," The manager replied, "Is why I'm sitting here sipping lemonade, and you are working under the hot sun."

So the construction worker headed by to his friends, with the answer. He looked around for something hard like the metal post, but the only thing he could find that matched the hardness, was his head. "This is what he said." The construction worker placed his hand on forehead. "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

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(I apologize for the morbidness of this joke)

There were once three rooftop workers that worked on the roof of a skyscraper. One was Italian, one was Mexican, and one was American. One day, the three workers were eating lunch together. The Italian opened up his lunch, and saw that it was spaghetti. "My wife packs me spaghetti every day, if she packs me spaghetti one more day, I'm going to jump off this skyscraper!" The Italian said.

Then the Mexican opened up his lunch, and saw that it was enchiladas. "My wife packs me enchiladas everyday, if she packs me enchiladas one more day, then I'm going to jump off this skyscraper!"

Lastly, the American opened up his lunch, and saw that it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "My wife packs me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich everyday, if she pack me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich one more day, I'm going to jump of this skyscraper!"

The next day, the three workers opened up their lunches. The Italian opened up his lunch, and saw that it was spaghetti, so he jumped of the skyscraper. The Mexican opened up his lunch, saw it was enchiladas, so he jumped off the skyscraper. The American opened up his lunch, and saw that it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so he jumped off the skyscraper.

At the men's funerals, the three wives were crying together. "I just don't understand!" The wife of the American man said.

"We know just how you feel," the other two women said.

"No," the first wife said, "I didn't pack his lunch for work, he did!"

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Aight, storytime (but it's a joke).

So, @Channelknight Fadran, @Vapor, and @Condensation were relaxing when they all suddenly died for no reason whatsoever. They appeared in heaven, because; well, I mean, they had lived a good enough life. Didn't kill anybody, didn't steal.

The guardian angel there welcomed them to the next life. "Hello! Welcome to heaven! You have made it to eternal happiness."

The three friends congratulated each other, patting each other on their semi-spectral backs.

"However, we have one rule up here." The angel said. "If you ever kill a duck, then you are to be chained to the ugliest thing in existence."

The friends were a little confused, but nodded; after all, how hard could it be to not kill a duck in heaven?

Pretty darn hard. There were ducks everywhere.

They managed to last about a week, avoiding ducks the best they could from one day to the next. However, they got bored at some point, and decided to act out some adventures they had had together in the Fellowship of the Thing. They were just getting to the part where they appeared at Shadesmar when suddenly, Condensation tripped and fell on a duck!

Quack! Dead.

The guardian angel appeared. "You have broken the Laws of Heaven. Now, you are to be punished accordingly!" He summoned a massive, purple, gunky blob of pus-like goop, and chained Condensation up to it. "After an eternity, you can come out."

From then on out, Fadran and Vapor were more careful. They got bored again soon, though, and decided to stage a short duel. They traded blows with their Holy Blades (they're standard issue in the upstairs), until Fadran pushed Vapor back. Vapor lost her balance, stumbled, and fell over.

Quack! Dead.

The guardian angel appeared, and with some tsk-tsk noises, summoned an even uglier creature. It was mishapen, gross... I don't even want to describe it! Sufficeth to say, it was disgusting.

Fadran was very careful not to squish any more ducks, and decided to entertain himself by talking with Condensation and Vapor. During one of these conversations, though, the guardian angel appeared with the most gorgeous woman you could ever possibly imagine.

"What are you doing here?" Fadran asked. "I didn't kill any ducks."

The angel ignored him, then turned to the woman. "Okay, you killed a duck, so now you're going to be chained up to the ugliest thing you could ever imagine for all eternity. I hope you learn your lesson after that."

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7 hours ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

Aight, storytime (but it's a joke).

So, @Channelknight Fadran, @Vapor, and @Condensation were relaxing when they all suddenly died for no reason whatsoever. They appeared in heaven, because; well, I mean, they had lived a good enough life. Didn't kill anybody, didn't steal.

The guardian angel there welcomed them to the next life. "Hello! Welcome to heaven! You have made it to eternal happiness."

The three friends congratulated each other, patting each other on their semi-spectral backs.

"However, we have one rule up here." The angel said. "If you ever kill a duck, then you are to be chained to the ugliest thing in existence."

The friends were a little confused, but nodded; after all, how hard could it be to not kill a duck in heaven?

Pretty darn hard. There were ducks everywhere.

They managed to last about a week, avoiding ducks the best they could from one day to the next. However, they got bored at some point, and decided to act out some adventures they had had together in the Fellowship of the Thing. They were just getting to the part where they appeared at Shadesmar when suddenly, Condensation tripped and fell on a duck!

Quack! Dead.

The guardian angel appeared. "You have broken the Laws of Heaven. Now, you are to be punished accordingly!" He summoned a massive, purple, gunky blob of pus-like goop, and chained Condensation up to it. "After an eternity, you can come out."

From then on out, Fadran and Vapor were more careful. They got bored again soon, though, and decided to stage a short duel. They traded blows with their Holy Blades (they're standard issue in the upstairs), until Fadran pushed Vapor back. Vapor lost her balance, stumbled, and fell over.

Quack! Dead.

The guardian angel appeared, and with some tsk-tsk noises, summoned an even uglier creature. It was mishapen, gross... I don't even want to describe it! Sufficeth to say, it was disgusting.

Fadran was very careful not to squish any more ducks, and decided to entertain himself by talking with Condensation and Vapor. During one of these conversations, though, the guardian angel appeared with the most gorgeous woman you could ever possibly imagine.

"What are you doing here?" Fadran asked. "I didn't kill any ducks."

The angel ignored him, then turned to the woman. "Okay, you killed a duck, so now you're going to be chained up to the ugliest thing you could ever imagine for all eternity. I hope you learn your lesson after that."

Why wasn't I a part of this joke?

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Once upon a time, there was a little boy who delivered papers. Every day on his newspaper route, he passed an old creepy house. All the windows were broken, but the door was firm, large, and looming. Every day he passed the house on his bike and wondered, what lives in there... Day after day, delivering the papers, the boy's curiosity grew and grew, until one day, it was too much to handle. He was riding by like normal, when he stopped his bike and left in on the sidewalk.

He walked up to the door, and pushed it open. It had little resistance, but as it slowly swung it open, it opened with a creeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkk. The boy crept in side, too terrified to make a noise, yet he wouldn't have heard it if he had, because his heart was pounding so hard. He anxiously glanced around the room, and deciding that it wasn't too scary after all, straightened his back, and smiled. This wasn't too bad. 

The boy walked to the basement door, and opened it. As it slowly swung open, it made a creeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkk. He could see some sort of light coming from the bottom of the stairs... Curious. 

He got to the bottom of the stairs and looked up. There was a single light bulb hanging from a string on the ceiling, but that wasn't really something all that noticeable, when the boy's eyes fell on what it was illuminating. There was a huge cage with bars as thick as small trees. Inside the cage was a 

giant,

purple,

fluffly,

gorilla. Leaning against the front of the cage was a sign that said, "DO NOT PET"

The thing about this gorilla, was that it was really really fluffy. Like, really fluffy. You know what the boy's immediate thought was. I NEED TO PET IT! The boy needed to feel the cool soft looking purple fur between his fingers, or he would never forgive himself. His heart was racing, but he slowly reached out to touch the gorilla. Oh, it was wonderful. The fur was soft as silk, but it only lasted a moment, for the gorilla immediately tensed and began banging on the cage.

It had gone out of completely crazy, banging all around the cage. The boy stood in shock for a moment, and then took off as fast as his feet could carry him. As he reached the top of the basement stairs, he heard the cage being torn apart from below, and the thumping of arms and feet of the gorilla chasing him. He burst out the front door and ran for his bike. As he mounted, he heard the gorilla tearing apart the door. He looked back, and his eyes met the gorilla's.

The boy had one thought, I am so dead. He started pedaling as fast as he could, getting as far away from the gorilla as possible, but it was chasing him! He petalled and petalled and petalled until he entered a forest, and was on a trail. He kept going and going and going, hearing the gorilla thumping behind him. Until his tire burst, and threw him off into a tree.

Without glancing backward, the boy jumped up and started running as fast as his tired legs could. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran, until he just couldn't run any more. He collapsed with exhaustion. He tried to crawl through the leaves and muck, but knew he wasn't fast enough to get away from the gorilla. It was going to get him. Finally, he heard the gorillas feet come to a slow as it got to him.

The boy was sure it was all over when the gorilla reached out with one of it's giant furry hands, to kill him, no doubt. But no, the gorilla reached out and poked the boy, saying, "tag, you're it."

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Rise of Skywalker spoilers

Spoiler

Rey: "I have all of the past Jedi behind me."  A bunch of Jedi ghosts appear behind her

Palpatine: "Well I have all the past Sith behind me!" A whole bunch of past Sith ghosts appear.

Rey: ". . . I'm dead."

 

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  • 3 months later...
  • 2 months later...

A bishop a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar. 
The bartender says, “Before I can serve you, I need to know your blood type, new policy.” 
The bishop says, “My blood type is A”
The priest says, “I’m a B-“
The rabbit says, “Uh, I think I’m a Type O”

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11 hours ago, Dannex said:

A bishop a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar. 
The bartender says, “Before I can serve you, I need to know your blood type, new policy.” 
The bishop says, “My blood type is A”
The priest says, “I’m a B-“
The rabbit says, “Uh, I think I’m a Type O”

I don't get this. Could you explain it?

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