Girls only! (And a sleepover/tea time RP kind of thing?)

[2EmLee2]

On 1/17/2022 at 8:01 AM, #1 Taln Fan said:

You saying we’re illiterate or that we don’t read this channel? 

Neither- just all boys that I've met who don't like to read are usually crazy not the kind of people who I'd hang out with.

On 1/20/2022 at 9:56 PM, chongjasmine said:

Glad I am not the only girl who prefers fantasy to romance.

Fantasy is much preferred over romance for me, and I'm sure that most girls prefer other genres to romance, because romance is just one of many types of books in a world with many types of people with different tastes.

[CryoZenith]

14 hours ago, 2EmLee2 said:

Neither- just all boys that I've met who don't like to read are usually crazy not the kind of people who I'd hang out with.

This may in large part be attributable to you being young, and interacting mostly with young people. As you get older, the correlation between "this person doesn't read much" and "this person is bland" weakens. At least that's been my experience. 

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood]

@Tani why you are quite correct, invading threads is my middle name/names

[Elf]

How do I know if a boy likes me or is just trying to be a friend?

[AonEne]

7 hours ago, Elf said:

How do I know if a boy likes me or is just trying to be a friend?

It can be scary to, but it's okay to ask him! 

[#1 Taln Fan]

11 hours ago, Elf said:

How do I know if a boy likes me or is just trying to be a friend?

If they act different around you than with their other friends, (eg, making jokes more often when you’re within earshot), it can sometimes be an indicator.-my opinion as a boy.

But as Ene said, you can always ask. We’re not that scary 

[Hoid17th]

8 hours ago, #1 Taln Fan said:

But as Ene said, you can always ask. We’re not that scary 

YESS! What he said! Never not ask. 

[CryoZenith]

Ofc we're not scary-scary. We don't give off the aura of a lion or bird of prey (those people don't... nerd out in book fanbase servers, typically). We're more akin to... the sort of "scary" that makes you feel inadequate and self-conscious, like gazing upon a particularly intricate and grandiose edifice, or looking up at a starry night sky in a low light pollution area. We're not unapproachable because we cause you a fight-or-flight response, we're unapproachable because we cause you immense social anxiety.

uwu

[Ookla of Colors]

1 minute ago, CryoZenith said:

Ofc we're not scary-scary. We don't give off the aura of a lion or bird of prey (those people don't... nerd out in book fanbase servers, typically). We're more akin to... the sort of "scary" that makes you feel inadequate and self-conscious, like gazing upon a particularly intricate and grandiose edifice, or looking up at a starry night sky in a low light pollution area. We're not unapproachable because we cause you a fight-or-flight response, we're unapproachable because we cause you immense social anxiety.

uwu

Exactly!

Boys are scary. I have a hard time talking to new people (except on the Shard), how am I supposed to talk to new boys???!?!?!???

[CryoZenith]

Idk. I just stopped being intimidated by other people by deciding that I am awesome. Like, I have a tiny compartment in my head in which I allow myself to believe that I am infallible and worth my weight in gold. And when I have to enter a social situation in which it benefits me to have that mindset, I just temporarily dip in.

https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/4DBBQkEQvNEWafkek/dark-arts-of-rationality (Intentional Compartmentalization)

However I don't know how much faith I have in the efficacy of this method for most people. It works for me, to a certain extent, because my opinion of myself has always been good.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood]

23 minutes ago, Tani said:

Exactly!

Boys are scary. I have a hard time talking to new people (except on the Shard), how am I supposed to talk to new boys???!?!?!???

In my opinion girls are the scary ones.

[Ookla of Colors]

Of course! You're a boy.

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood]

Exactly

[Elf]

Well through certain circumstances the boy I was talking about and i have found that we have feelings for each other that extend beyond friendsip. But since we have just met, he gave a very sensible suggestion that we should remain friends for a year or two and then think about bigger things like dating or something. 

14 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

In my opinion girls are the scary ones.

Girls are the scary ones for boys and boys are the scary ones for girls. 

Edit: of course this changes depending on your sexual orientation

Edited February 11, 2022 by Elf

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood]

1 minute ago, Elf said:

Well through certain circumstances the boy I was talking about and i have found that we have feelings for each other that extend beyond friendsip. But since we have just met, he gave a very sensible suggestion that we should remain friends for a year or two and then think about bigger things like dating or something. 

Girls are the scary ones for boys and boys are the scary ones for girls I think.

that sounds like a sensible suggestion

and yeah I think that is true.

[CryoZenith]

1 hour ago, Elf said:

Girls are the scary ones for boys and boys are the scary ones for girls. 

Edit: of course this changes depending on your sexual orientation

As a bi person, I can tell you that I'm scared, not of girls I date or guys I date, but of their relatives. :3

It's like "Okay so I think it's time to introduce you to my..." "Hold that thought, I need three coffees right now."

Edited February 11, 2022 by CryoZenith

[Szeth_Pancakes]

A character in a book I’m reading uses compartmentalization to justify committing war crimes.

Don’t do that please.

[Elf]

17 hours ago, Szeth_Pancakes said:

A character in a book I’m reading uses compartmentalization to justify committing war crimes.

Don’t do that please.

What's compartmentalization mean?

[CryoZenith]

On 14.02.2022 at 2:32 PM, Elf said:

What's compartmentalization mean?

In psychology, compartmentalization is a conscious process of mild dissociation where you deliberately isolate conflicting perspectives or desires in order to avoid cognitive dissonance.

@Szeth_Pancakes That's... sort of possible to do with compartmentalization, but not the way you think. Compartmentalization simply enables you to put yourself in a mindstate where you are willing to do something that you wouldn't normally be willing to do. But it can't be used for novel goal-building, more goes into that. Someone who compartmentalizes in order to be able to do war crimes already believes, in the abstract, without compartmentalizing, that it is morally justifiable to commit war crimes. They just can't bring themselves to do it easily from their normal stance. Compartmentalization can turn a person from potentially dangerous to dangerous; it can't turn a person from safe to dangerous. There are mental tricks that can help you do the latter as well, but this doesn't work for it.

[Elf]

50 minutes ago, CryoZenith said:

In psychology, compartmentalization is a conscious process of mild dissociation where you deliberately isolate conflicting perspectives or desires in order to avoid cognitive dissonance.

@Szeth_Pancakes

I am 15 and have never studied psychology in my life. Please use simpler words becuase I did not understand a word of what you just said.

Edited February 15, 2022 by Elf

[CryoZenith]

Sure. In simpler terms, your mind is not always sure what it wants to do or believe. It might feel like two things are true that cannot both be true at the same time (ex. I feel like I'm dumb so I'm concerned about failing the exam vs. I aced all the practice tests for this exam, it should be very unlikely to fail), or it might want to do two things that get in the way of each other (ex. I want to put in work vs I want to chill and relax). There are several ways you can handle this. One is to learn to accept that the contradictions exist and to learn to live in peace with them (this is the mindfulness method). One is to choose one of them and precommit (aka. promise to yourself that you won't change your mind, even if you start doubting your first decision midway) (this is the discipline method). One is to alternate between them, journal your experience, and look back and see which was better (this is the empirical method). And one is to intentionally take the two things, put them in (imaginary) boxes, and "think inside the box", whichever box is better for the context you are currently in (and this last one is roughly speaking compartmentalization).

Btw. I apologize for the complicated way I said it the first time around. I have a problem where I *usually* get criticized more for being condescending and dumbing down what I say, than for being too jargon-ish, so I might sometimes overcorrect.

Edited February 15, 2022 by CryoZenith

[Elf]

50 minutes ago, CryoZenith said:

Sure. In simpler terms, your mind is not always sure what it wants to do or believe. It might feel like two things are true that cannot both be true at the same time (ex. I feel like I'm dumb so I'm concerned about failing the exam vs. I aced all the practice tests for this exam, it should be very unlikely to fail), or it might want to do two things that get in the way of each other (ex. I want to put in work vs I want to chill and relax). There are several ways you can handle this. One is to learn to accept that the contradictions exist and to learn to live in peace with them (this is the mindfulness method). One is to choose one of them and precommit (aka. promise to yourself that you won't change your mind, even if you start doubting your first decision midway) (this is the discipline method). One is to alternate between them, journal your experience, and look back and see which was better (this is the empirical method). And one is to intentionally take the two things, put them in (imaginary) boxes, and "think inside the box", whichever box is better for the context you are currently in (and this last one is roughly speaking compartmentalization).

Btw. I apologize for the complicated way I said it the first time around. I have a problem where I *usually* get criticized more for being condescending and dumbing down what I say, than for being too jargon-ish, so I might sometimes overcorrect.

Ah ok. I understand. That makes sense. Thank you for explaining it so nicely. This makes me wonder- have you studied psychology? You seem very proficient in it. 

And don't apologize for the way you said it the first time around. Nobody should have to apologize for having knowledge. 

[CryoZenith]

1 minute ago, Elf said:

Ah ok. I understand. That makes sense. Thank you for explaining it so nicely. This makes me wonder- have you studied psychology? You seem very proficient in it. 

I have only studied psychology in the sense that there's a criminal psychology and criminology module in law school, and I took that. So, when it comes to things like, say, criminal profiling, determining motive, determining legal agency (in my country there's this thing where if a person is between the ages of 14 and 18, it is not automatically assumed that they're capable of intentionally committing crimes, the court has the burden to prove that on TOP of proving mens rea), you could say I have formal education. On the other hand, when it comes to things like compartmentalization, that's independent reading, me going through books and studies as a hobby.

Quote

And don't apologize for the way you said it the first time around. Nobody should have to apologize for having knowledge. 

Knowing something and knowing how to teach it to others are very different things. I'm not proficient in pedagogy to any real extent so I expect to screw up and look forward to getting feedback when I do :D. So thankies.

[Maddie The Survivor]

Kind of off topic, but story time!!

A couple years back, I was home from school and my sister was looking through my backpack and found my… hygienic products and asked what they were….. and I told her they were wiped in case I ran out of toilet paper. Then she opened one of the… Things and well. Pushed on it  so it came out of the tube and asked it I was sure it was a wipe. Then I told her to ask mom and not me. I did not want to be the person to.. explain certain things. 

[Robin Sedai]

Huh. I use pads so I wouldn't have that problem, but if my sister asked I would have no problem explaining.