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Welcome to Nightvale!


Hen

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Welcome listeners!

Anyone else listen? I didn’t see a thread about it, so maybe I’m the only one. Oh well, I suppose I could just go talk to Carlos about it. Maybe his “Science” can explain to me why more people don’t listen to WTNV. 

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People don't talk about Welcome to Night Vale because the paperwork is really, really annoying. First, you have to chant in your bloodstone circle for hours to induce the spontaneous generation of the ominous crystals. Then, you have to give those crystals to the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home. Then, the Sheriff's Secret Police will hand you a form that has to be filled out in molten ice that was given to you by the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home in exchange for the ominous crystals. It's just a hassle, so people prefer to use semaphore and telepathy instead of the internet.

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Now that you mention it, that makes sense. Telepathic communication just gives me a headache, and we all know how bothersome those can be (you know, with the whole “secret police banging on your head to see what’s inside” thing. I just find it annoying). So instead I put up with the paperwork. Though I will say it was quite tricky to convince the police that the molten ice was not a writing utensil. 

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I got a general permit for discussing things a few years back, so now I don't have to fill out paperwork. I just take out the orb and hold it up to the light, letting it glow menacingly for at least 20 seconds. To get the permit, I had to do unspeakable things [that I cannot speak about or my tongue will freeze and my eyes will begin to melt], but it was worth it!

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I bet! I’d ask you to tell me, but they’re probably unhearable too. So, I’m going to the moonlight all night diner with John peters (you know, the farmer?). There was no reason to tell you that but now you know. I’m slightly scared that he Might not actually be a farmer, but everyone always says he is so... he’s got that going for him. 

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John Peters [you know, the farmer?] definitely is a farmer. If he isn't, explain how he is so good at growing imaginary corn. His imaginary corn is absolutely delicious! The Moonlight All-Nite Diner is great. I dine there regularly. Maybe I'll see you there!

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I’m actually only about halfway through the show so if I miss something huge in future references that’s why. 

Spoiler

Carlos just came back from the desert otherworld. 

Spoiler

FINALLY!

 

 

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I haven’t yet, though I’ll request it. Do I go to the secret police or the now locally owned StrexCorp agency? 

Spoiler

Also looks like we are the only WTNV listeners here. We must change this! 

 

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24 minutes ago, Hentient said:

I haven’t yet, though I’ll request it. Do I go to the secret police or the now locally owned StrexCorp agency? 

  Reveal hidden contents

Also looks like we are the only WTNV listeners here. We must change this! 

 

I would recommend both, if at all possible. However, this might get you arrested by both as well, so use your best judgement. 

Spoiler

@Quitecontrary said they put it on their calendar of things to do.

 

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2 hours ago, Quitecontrary said:

That she did. Because if it's not in the calendar, it doesn't exist. 

That’s true. Especially Monday, which has been permanently rescheduled to Wednesday.  

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6 minutes ago, Gears said:

However, Wednesday has been cancelled due to a scheduling error.

Good thing too, since Wednesday was a StrexCorp conspiracy. 

Edited by Hentient
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  • 1 month later...

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