Mat Posted May 23, 2020 Report Share Posted May 23, 2020 (edited) Here it is. My Stormlight FanFic: Obligations. The plot revolves around a single event: A Shardbearer being killed accidentally, with the killer not knowing of the blade's existence. Disclaimers: It's not finished (currently I estimate it is 3/4 done) It's pretty lengthy (53 pages on google docs, 21,000 words at the moment) I fully do not expect anyone to read the whole thing- or even to read it at all - but if you have lots and lots of free time then by all means do. I would like any response: good things, typos, criticism- anything that helps it be better. Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kHwb8RHV6NjoOQPptux-InxoVpnjn2ouYOUu_MHu1Ss/edit?usp=sharing Character overview for anyone interested: (Spoilered for the sake of the length of the post) Spoiler There are 3 viewpoints. Two in the current time- during the events of WoR- and one 5 years earlier. Carom: A man in his fifties that runs a tavern in Staplind, a small town in Bavland. (current time viewpoint) Gawv: A man about in his twenties who also lives in Staplind and visits Carom's tavern frequently (current time viewpoint) Tozkar: A man also about in his twenties, fighting the Veden in a border-squabble in Bethab's princedom in Alethkar ('5 years ago' viewpoint) Additional Notes: Spoiler My real name is on the cover page (oops?) I created the Shardblade on the cover, using a 3D painting software I tried to make it as realistic as possible- using correct Bav grammer and terminology for Roshar- though I'm bound to have messed something up. Do let me know Sticking to the theme of the titles of the SA, there is an in-world book titled 'Obligations' that one of the characters owns Edited September 26, 2020 by Matrim's Dice 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coda Posted June 14, 2020 Report Share Posted June 14, 2020 This is a lovely piece of work. I'll do another reading to check for errors, but this is marvelous. I look forward to reading more. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mat Posted June 14, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2020 19 minutes ago, Coda said: This is a lovely piece of work. I'll do another reading to check for errors, but this is marvelous. I look forward to reading more. Ooh, did you read the whole thing? That's a lot of words. Thanks, though! I'm kind of at a standstill with it right now, I don't really know where to move forward with it because I don't want to rush the ending. Hoping for an inspiration of another scene before I finish it... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Coda Posted June 14, 2020 Report Share Posted June 14, 2020 Just now, Matrim's_Dice said: Ooh, did you read the whole thing? That's a lot of words. Thanks, though! I'm kind of at a standstill with it right now, I don't really know where to move forward with it because I don't want to rush the ending. Hoping for an inspiration of another scene before I finish it... Yes, I did read the whole thing. It took me 20 minutes, but I read incredibly quickly. After I read it again, I'll critic it more, but trust me, it was great. Here's some advice for writer's block: Just smash your head against your keyboard until you write Shakespeare. Seriously though, no matter what you write, I'm sure it will be amazing. Just write random nonsense and cut what fails. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mat Posted June 14, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2020 That's encouraging, thanks! I'll try to type up something this weekend* and then copy it on to the google doc later. *It's Saturday 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mat Posted June 27, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) This post will be my master list of Things I Know I Need To Improve (slight spoilers): The beginning is really term-heavy as I was trying to nail down Roshar but overused some things and it wore down as the story progressed, so I need to balance that. Gawv being a Willshaper- the new Quiz elaborated on what a Willshaper is and who they are so I need to tweak Gawv's character- also change his motives for stopping the innthief because right now it sounds more like a Skybreaker. The fact that Jah Keved is in the middle of a civil war. Oops. The fact that the Everstorm comes about when the plot takes place. Oops. Edited September 26, 2020 by Matrim's Dice 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theTruthshaper Posted June 29, 2020 Report Share Posted June 29, 2020 I am super interested in the premise but why is the font so small? I can't read it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mat Posted June 30, 2020 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2020 On 6/29/2020 at 9:33 AM, The_Truthwatcher said: I am super interested in the premise but why is the font so small? I can't read it. You might need to Ctrl + to make it bigger, or maybe there's a button. Or maybe you're on mobile? It's small to keep the page count down 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Experience Posted September 27, 2020 Report Share Posted September 27, 2020 I like it so far. I really like how you had someone other then Tazkar kill the Shardbearer, because it's keeping me on my toes trying to figure out how he comes by it. I also really like the character development. There's typos, but who cares about those? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mat Posted October 21, 2020 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 On 9/26/2020 at 5:46 PM, Experience said: I like it so far. I really like how you had someone other then Tazkar kill the Shardbearer, because it's keeping me on my toes trying to figure out how he comes by it. I also really like the character development. There's typos, but who cares about those? I did not see this until now. I check my own thread. Yes. Yeah, I got a good twist for that planned... I recently had a good wrinkle when I realized there are multiple timeline errors (such as the freaking Everstorm and Jah Keved's civil war) But once I get back in that writing mode and figure out what the heck I'm gonna do about that we'll be good to go 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ookla of Colors Posted March 25, 2021 Report Share Posted March 25, 2021 ummmm Im pretty early in but have noticed some world issues... i mean it might be different here but it bugs me and interrupts the flow of the story a bit... 1. Spearmen's squadleaders are usually other spearmen. 2. Spearmen's squadleaders don't usually ride horses. Maybe have it be some random "tenner" lighteyes Tozkar's interacted with a couple times who rides in and kills the Shardbearer's horse? thats all I have for now 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ookla of Colors Posted March 25, 2021 Report Share Posted March 25, 2021 (edited) "She handled that kind of thing; he was hopeless with finance, and could actually read the paper." -Obligations pg. 35 you could say "and she could actually read the paper" but in that case I'd suggest putting it between "she handled that kind of thing" and "he was hopeless with finance" you could say "and couldn't actually read the paper" "Margi rode behind him, and she was not as comfortable in a horse as he was, which slowed their pace considerably, but Carom didn’t mind" Suggestion: "Margi rode behind him, and as she was not as comfortable on a horse as he was, she/it(the fact that she's not comfortable) slowed their pace considerably, but Carom didn't mind." I'm pretty sure that no one would be comfortable in a horse. Edited March 25, 2021 by Tani 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ookla of Colors Posted March 25, 2021 Report Share Posted March 25, 2021 This story is so awesome!!!!! As for how to make Carom matter... maybe something to do with Obligations? Like he starts learning what the book means and acting on it? maybe something to do with the civil war? or the Everstorms? speaking of the Everstorms, in canon lots of radiants started getting 3rd oath only after the everstorm and the fused. if the innthief was there before edgedancer he would probably get Nale-d. Because of this timeframe, you could easily get by with only mentioning the Everstorm in the same way Highstorms are mentioned if you also occasionally remarked on damage expenses or broken buildings/remains of damages from the Everstorms. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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