20200518 - Fall of the Imperium Ch 17 - 5407 words - Sub 28

[Mandamon]

Seven more chapters after this, and an epilogue! Running right at 10k words total this week, and thanks to all of you again for putting up with all of this.

SUB 26
Chapter 17, We find out what S is doing. Let me know what you think!

Previously:
S/E/I arrive in the other facet with their news of the Elg. The Eff and court are there, E has problems with trust, and E/I learn about their folks. The Eff faints shortly thereafter. E battles the voices inside her as they travel to the Ari, and attacks S. In the Ari enclave, I struggles with his image, we learn of the Ari, and E and I use each other's houses for the first time.
M arrives with the society to the Imp and is attacked by Elg. People die and M finds himself with more and more responsibility as they attempt to figure out what's going on. They learn the Eff is also killed, and M makes clever use of a portal to save his life.
Ri and co arrive on HD's homeworld, gather themselves, then engage the Elg in the Imp. They barely escape, and find out where other refugees have gone.
S/E/I learn more about the Ari and find there's only one hammock in the bedroom. They all attempt to pass through the wall, but are stopped by the Elg. S devises a new plan and they try again, with disastrous results.
M leads his posse on a hunt, without success, and meets up with R and her posse. Many connections are made.
E lives as an Elg for a few days and learns how they work. She also wins over the voices inside. I, meanwhile, dons the diadem and learns the history of the Eff.
E/I appear in front of the rest of the cast and fill them in on everything. O gets some long overdue recognition and the whole crew starts planning to fight back.

[Robinski]

20 hours ago, Mandamon said:

Seven more chapters after this, and an epilogue!

Wow! Is this shorter than Seeds? That feels shorter to me.

Comments.

(page 1)

- "handicapped our capability" - Really? In terms of achieving technological advancement? How so? This thought, to me, does not flow from the rest of the epigraph. Would organising the maj not make research and advancement more coordinated?

(page 7)

- "They repeat on a set loop" - This seems unreasonably structured. My benchmark here is Doctor Who, where nothing is structured.

- "I assumed the tale to be in error." - Great line. Really feel much more tuned in to WW's personality in this book, than in Facets.

- "Then we’ll have to wait for it to change" - Why?

(page 9)

- "like the inverse of a sun... too dense to look at" - To me, the inverse of a sun is a black hole. One throws out incredible quantities of light, the other sucks light into 'oblivion' (I'm not good a scientific theory). But, this thing sounds like it is really bright. How does that make it the inverse of a sun? Oh... I suppose if it's drawing the light in. Hmm. I sort of get it, but if they are both incredibly bright, I'm still uncertain about it being the inverse. It sounds like they kind of look the same, even if the process is different.

(page 10)

- "leave a feature so important to chance" - But it's not really to chance, because the order at least seems to be predetermined, according to WW. But then not, because of the new iteration. Just thinking out loud. Carry on.

(page 11)

- "...learned from eym. E never..." - I hope you know that ia m fully embracing of the myriad genders and pronouns appearing in these books, and this facet in particular, but this--for me--is one too far. This look like a typo, two typos, in fact. We've never met the mentor, I'm pretty confident, so they could be any gender you like. I'm just not sure this is the place to introduce another gender, when the reader is concentrating on this discussion about the nature of the House of Time. I really don't want to be distracted by trying to figure this out at this moment, personally.

- "you will never be able to hold off the D" - This is a very bald statement. I know S feels internal responsibility, but this sounds like WW has decided it's S's job to do it. That sounds off to me. Has this been expressed before? Nobody else has made S the chosen one, and I don't remembering WW saying it was S who had to do it.

(page 12)

- "What had it been like learning from only one maj" - My impression was that they all only learn from one maj, their mentor, but this may not be correct. I feel that's how it's presented in most of the story. I don't recall seeing any apprentice going to class, for example, or going to lessons from any maj other than their mentors. In fact, they are specifically assigned a mentor, I remember from Seeds.

(page 13)

- I would like to hear S considering what had happened to the houses of T and M in his facet, where they are unknown.

- "someone took an inventory" - Do they have it?

(page 14)

Spoiler

"so many new things surfacing at once" - SAM'S WATCH!!!!!!

(page 15)

- "V and P meeting again" - When did that happen? I don't remember that. I thought V collapsed at the moment P died, sensed it remotely.

- "the more danger they were in" - I fail to see the logic in this assertion.

(page 16)

- "seemed to be interested now" - I refuse to believe xy lost interest at any point.

(page 17)

- "a little repository" - Sometimes, I think S's word choice is a bit simplistic, making him sound younger than he actually is. When he dropped this word, I was taken by surprise. Jarred a bit for me. But, it's the right word! So, maybe it's other parts of his dialogue/word choice.

(page 18)

- "upper-middle-class house back on Earth" - This is going to be a highly variable measure depending where one is on Earth, and it's so very weirdly specific. Can't he just say 'large house'?

(page 19)

- "Where is the list?" - Why does S only think of this now? The list is mentioned on Page 13 and S only thinks to ask 1/4 of a chapter later? I find this hard to believe. It's the first thing someone would think. 'There's a list.' 'Oh, can I see it?'

(page 20)

- "wait around for it to appear when you need to look something up" - That is madness. Smells strongly of plot device / author intervention.

- "trying to parse the meaning behind the speech" - @kais and I had a discussion about the word 'parse' recently. For some reason I felt that it fit here, although see above in relation to S's vocabulary, (but I appreciate that it's in narrative, not dialogue).

(page 21)

- "S had thought this facet had it together" - But, earlier, he mentioned how there was no formal maj houses, and how their arrangement is loose. This seems contradictory.

- "Then you’ve only known about this only as long as we have" - But, did S and his facet not only know in Book 2, when the tone started?

(page 22)

- "He was almost at whatever conclusion he needed to find" - How on earth does he figure that? He's made no deductions at all from all the questions that he's asked. At this point, I'm expecting him to be thinking he's no nearer to finding a conclusion.

(page 23)

Spoiler

"What if there is only one HoT?" - Oh, oh, and what if it moves between the facets, so one of the 23/24 forms of the House of Time always exists somewhere, and they move between...THE TWENTY-FOUR FACETS!!!!

(page 24)

- "It was as if the HoT was changing to accommodate them" - But hang on, WW said the order was fixed. 

- "He wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with this line of thought" - This seems to contradict the line above about him thinking he is almost at the conclusion.

- I'd say that a ledger is a bound book, not a scroll.

- "that meant little to him" - They either mean something or nothing, which it seems is the case. He either recognises one, some or none, surely. If they mean little, that is still something, but we are not told what the something is.

(page 26)

- "Yes, twenty-eight" - I don't buy that S is so much more intelligent than WW what he can make this deduction (which does not seem like rocket science at all), and WW never had.

(page 27)

- "instead of all together" - I don't understand this. The G/S contains all the music of the individual houses, does it not? So, time and matter too. I don't see what different conclusion S is reaching here.

(page 29) / OVERALL

- "The ring is the key to the HoT" - Okay, I think the description on the last page or two, when he starts unlocking the mystery needs to be much tighter, clearer and more compelling. I enjoyed all the exploration and problem-solving in this chapter. It's enjoyable detective work, and really feels like an important juncture in the story, like a discovery is going to be made. But, when it comes, I feel the discovery is underwhelming. I don't really understand / cannot picture what S is doing with his hand, with the ring. I don't see what he is seeing, or entirely follow the process he is going through. Also, I don't think it's clear that the pattern in the ring (which isn't clearer described) matches one of the 28 designs on the scroll. Also, where is the evidence that the ring is a key? I'd like to see another step or two in his thought process. Not long exposition, just another short step. Further, I feel there is a bigger revelation, or as big at least. Surely, there must be another 28 rings, another 28 maj of the HoT, mustn't there? Also, they are already in the HoT, so what use is a key? That's another aspect of my being less than totally whelmed by this ending. I don't know what use this key is.

It's a good chapter. As usual, I think it can be tighter on word count, which will make it read smoother and more tense, but I enjoyed it, and am looking forward to the next.

(LBLs emailed).

[kais]

 

Overall

I adored this chapter up until that very last line. The tension and pacing were great, and S was dynamic. His companion didn't add much but then again wasn't really meant to. This was S's time to shine and wow did he ever!

I was, however, expecting a bigger reveal at the end. The ring being a 'key' to the house is very abstract to me. Didn't we know that on like the fifth page? Is it a physical key? Does he have to insert it somewhere? With all that fantastic build up, I wanted something super concrete at the end I could really grab on to, that would propel me to the next chapter. This line left me mostly confused and feeling let down. I wanted something big!

19 hours ago, Robinski said:

For some reason I felt that it fit here, although see above in relation to S's vocabulary, (but I appreciate that it's in narrative, not dialogue).

I call foul!

19 hours ago, Robinski said:

But, when it comes, I feel the discovery is underwhelming

This was my issue as well.

 

As I go

- pg 1: I enjoy that the twins can do something S can't!

- pg 5: so why can they get to the house of time but not the other facet? I think I'm still confused as to the logistics here

- pg 8: good tension though here. I want to know things!

- pg 10: pronoun slip: shaking his hand at her

- pg 11: 'E'! Okay, how many neopronouns are we up to, now?

- between pigs 11-13, I'm not sure what happened. It seemed like a lot of speculation and talking, but then on pg 13 S gets back to business, (asking about a key or code) which is what I want to be reading. Maybe cut the middle page there so the tension stays high?

- pg 20: uh oh, you used 'parse'! @Robinski will be coming for you in short order. I was given a stern talking to last week!

- pg 28: I like that S uses his skills he developed to deal with his panic attacks to deal with the symphony here

- last line...leaves me feeling a little empty

[Robinski]

3 hours ago, kais said:

I call foul!

Challenge flag on the play, it's going to the instant replay...  

3 hours ago, kais said:

I was given a stern talking to last week!

This was my face as I was typing...  

[Mandamon]

Thanks @Robinski and @kais!

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

Wow! Is this shorter than Seeds? That feels shorter to me.

Fall, right now, is about 136k, where Seeds is 150k. Facets is only 118k!

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

- "handicapped our capability" - Really? In terms of achieving technological advancement? How so? This thought, to me, does not flow from the rest of the epigraph. Would organising the maj not make research and advancement more coordinated?

Hmm...as in they're mostly used for specific relief and aren't as free to do R&D on their own. I'll see if I can clear this up.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

- "...learned from eym. E never..." - I hope you know that ia m fully embracing of the myriad genders and pronouns appearing in these books, and this facet in particular, but this--for me--is one too far. This look like a typo, two typos, in fact. We've never met the mentor, I'm pretty confident, so they could be any gender you like. I'm just not sure this is the place to introduce another gender, when the reader is concentrating on this discussion about the nature of the House of Time. I really don't want to be distracted by trying to figure this out at this moment, personally.

 

13 hours ago, kais said:

- pg 11: 'E'! Okay, how many neopronouns are we up to, now?

Heh...I can take this out if I need to. Each of the species in this facet only uses neopronouns, with the exception of the male/female genders of the Nos. How confusing is this?

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

- "you will never be able to hold off the D" - This is a very bald statement. I know S feels internal responsibility, but this sounds like WW has decided it's S's job to do it. That sounds off to me. Has this been expressed before? Nobody else has made S the chosen one, and I don't remembering WW saying it was S who had to do it.

yeah, this is fair. I'll see if I can adjust this so it doesn't sound like S is fully responsible.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

"What had it been like learning from only one maj" - My impression was that they all only learn from one maj, their mentor, but this may not be correct. I feel that's how it's presented in most of the story. I don't recall seeing any apprentice going to class, for example, or going to lessons from any maj other than their mentors. In fact, they are specifically assigned a mentor, I remember from Seeds.

Also something I need to clarify. Meaning that the first facet has the organization and structure to learn from multiple sources, vs. the house of T specifically is very limited in who has access to the knowledge.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

- "V and P meeting again" - When did that happen? I don't remember that. I thought V collapsed at the moment P died, sensed it remotely.

Oops. Meant remembering each other. Will correct.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

- "wait around for it to appear when you need to look something up" - That is madness. Smells strongly of plot device / author intervention.

Hmm...I need to shore this section up. The house of T changes in the same progression, but the time between iterations changes. But yeah, seems weird to wait around.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

- "trying to parse the meaning behind the speech" - @kais and I had a discussion about the word 'parse' recently. For some reason I felt that it fit here, although see above in relation to S's vocabulary, (but I appreciate that it's in narrative, not dialogue)

 

13 hours ago, kais said:

- pg 20: uh oh, you used 'parse'! @Robinski will be coming for you in short order. I was given a stern talking to last week!

Lol. Now I have to keep it in!

Per your hidden contents, @Robinski, very close! 

13 hours ago, kais said:

- pg 28: I like that S uses his skills he developed to deal with his panic attacks to deal with the symphony her

Cool. I was hoping that worked.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

he ring is the key to the HoT" - Okay, I think the description on the last page or two, when he starts unlocking the mystery needs to be much tighter, clearer and more compelling. I enjoyed all the exploration and problem-solving in this chapter. It's enjoyable detective work, and really feels like an important juncture in the story, like a discovery is going to be made. But, when it comes, I feel the discovery is underwhelming.

 

13 hours ago, kais said:

I was, however, expecting a bigger reveal at the end. The ring being a 'key' to the house is very abstract to me. Didn't we know that on like the fifth page? Is it a physical key? Does he have to insert it somewhere? With all that fantastic build up, I wanted something super concrete at the end I could really grab on to, that would propel me to the next chapter. This line left me mostly confused and feeling let down. I wanted something big!

Yep. This was the part I was worried about with this chapter. I feel like I spoiled the ending somewhere in the middle with the deductions, and also that of course the ancient artifact is going to be special in some way. Would it be more of a reveal to say that the ring can change the iteration of the HoT on command? or that it will reveal aspects not seen before? Or maybe something more along the lines of @Robinski's hidden content? That one doesn't exactly come into play, but it's strongly hinted at.

[kais]

2 hours ago, Mandamon said:

How confusing is this?

I LOVE it and have 0 problems with it!

2 hours ago, Mandamon said:

Would it be more of a reveal to say that the ring can change the iteration of the HoT on command? or that it will reveal aspects not seen before? Or maybe something more along the lines of @Robinski's hidden content?

I think it being an actual, physical key would be cool. So we know it's linked, but he has to insert it in some old book, or the words they can't read rearrange and then he has to press the ring into it, something like that. Bring the artifacts from certain settings in to all play in together. That's what I thought it was building to.

[Mandamon]

1 hour ago, kais said:

I LOVE it and have 0 problems with it!

Nice. There will be an appendix with descriptions of all the species as well. In this book, I'm including the species of this facet, along with pronouns for all the species.

1 hour ago, kais said:

I think it being an actual, physical key would be cool. So we know it's linked, but he has to insert it in some old book, or the words they can't read rearrange and then he has to press the ring into it, something like that. Bring the artifacts from certain settings in to all play in together. That's what I thought it was building to.

Aha...I can do something with this. I think I dropped the thread with the "inverse of a sun" doohickey S almost gets in this chapter. What if he actually grabs it and it turns out to be the "lock?" That would mean it had been hidden from the other prophets, so they couldn't have used the key even if they figured it out.

[kais]

3 hours ago, Mandamon said:

What if he actually grabs it and it turns out to be the "lock?" That would mean it had been hidden from the other prophets, so they couldn't have used the key even if they figured it out.

I don't remember the inverse of a sun part, but as long as there is some physical mystery unlocked, I think I'd be very happy!

[Robinski]

12 hours ago, Mandamon said:

How confusing is this?

I mean, I worked it out easily enough, but it did stop me reading when I was going at a good pace, following the flow of the exposition and deduction. So, I guess it's a case of deciding which is more important, IF others have an issue, of course, which they may well not.

I'm taking the other point into private chat.

[Robinski]

8 hours ago, Mandamon said:

That would mean it had been hidden from the other prophets, so they couldn't have used the key even if they figured it out.

But, don't they all have rings? Does this mean one ring would be the lock and all the others are keys? Oh, oh, oh. What if, because we're dealing with time, at any one time one ring is the lock and all the other rings are keys...that's pretty complicated, probably overcomplicated. But, would that mean that, at a particular time, WW's ring could open S's ring, or vice versa? Hmph, too complicated. But I think there would be confusion over one ring doing something different from the others. Why did S get the one ring that was the lock?

[Robinski]

5 hours ago, kais said:

but as long as there is some physical mystery unlocked, I think I'd be very happy!

Agree, some physical aspect would be satisfying.

[Sarah B]

Wow, both chapters feel like the story is accelerating! 

Ch 17:

I noticed two places where WW is mentioned as 'her' instead of the usual identifier. Once near 20% and the second time near 35% in the paragraph starting "But what does it do?"

2nd paragraph: "or not in a normal situation." This sentence reads strangely to me.

Near 50%: "Hope rose and S..." in S?

Thanks for sharing!

 

[Mandamon]

Thanks @Sarah B! 

2 hours ago, Sarah B said:

I noticed two places where WW is mentioned as 'her' instead of the usual identifier. Once near 20% and the second time near 35% in the paragraph starting "But what does it do?"

Thanks for catching these. They slip out a lot while writing!

6 hours ago, Robinski said:

But, don't they all have rings? Does this mean one ring would be the lock and all the others are keys?

With the changes I'm thinking of, they'd all have the ring (key) but not know they are keys because they never knew the "lock" existed. The "lock" would be a different object.

 

[Robinski]

7 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

With the changes I'm thinking of, they'd all have the ring (key) but not know they are keys because they never knew the "lock" existed. The "lock" would be a different object.

That seems fair. It does leave them wearing rings that, I suppose, they would think were purely decorative?

[Mandamon]

3 minutes ago, Robinski said:

That seems fair. It does leave them wearing rings that, I suppose, they would think were purely decorative?

They help with making changes to the HoT, so not just decorative.

[Robinski]

1 minute ago, Mandamon said:

They help with making changes to the HoT, so not just decorative.

That's good. I forgot that.

[shatteredsmooth]

I'm not 100% sure how I feel about this chapter. I was engaged enough that I hardly made any notes, but the end just fell flat.

The description of the house of time was fascinating.

I LOVED  how S's practice managing his anxiety actually helped him use the symphony time and the V and how he figured out something in a few minutes that his mentor and previous mentor hadn't figured out in decades or more. 

Seeing WW not be as all knowing as xy usually acts was very satisfying. 

However, at the end, I felt like I was missing something. Like it was building up to this big realization, but then what came didn't feel as big or important as I expected.

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

But, when it comes, I feel the discovery is underwhelming.

I agree.

On 5/19/2020 at 11:54 PM, kais said:

I was, however, expecting a bigger reveal at the end. The ring being a 'key' to the house is very abstract to me. Didn't we know that on like the fifth page? Is it a physical key? Does he have to insert it somewhere? With all that fantastic build up, I wanted something super concrete at the end I could really grab on to, that would propel me to the next chapter. This line left me mostly confused and feeling let down. I wanted something big!

On 5/19/2020 at 4:16 AM, Robinski said:

Same.

On 5/20/2020 at 9:04 PM, kais said:

I don't remember the inverse of a sun part, but as long as there is some physical mystery unlocked, I think I'd be very happy!

Me as well. 

 

Edited May 24, 2020 by shatteredsmooth

[Mandamon]

Thanks @shatteredsmooth!

12 hours ago, shatteredsmooth said:

The description of the house of time was fascinating.

Cool. I really like how this developed.

12 hours ago, shatteredsmooth said:

I LOVED  how S's practice managing his anxiety actually helped him use the symphony time and the V and how he figured out something in a few minutes that his mentor and previous mentor hadn't figured out in decades or more. 

This was one of those things I thought I had forgotten to do, and @Robinski made some comment a while ago about making sure to follow through on the promise that S would take advantage of his anxiety. I went to put it in this chapter and found I'd already done it!

12 hours ago, shatteredsmooth said:

Seeing WW not be as all knowing as xy usually acts was very satisfying.

Nice. Glad this worked.

12 hours ago, shatteredsmooth said:

However, at the end, I felt like I was missing something. Like it was building up to this big realization, but then what came didn't feel as big or important as I expected.

Yep, this is what I was feeling was wrong about this chapter, but could quite put my finger on it. I'm hoping having the physical "this" goes to "that" will make the realization work better.

[Snakenaps]

Usual disclaimer, didn't read anyone else's comments.

Thoughts as I go:

Pg 3, " I have missed the presence of another prophet." I am sure WW makes a very productive co-worker, but I feel like xyr would be a drag at office parties. 

Pg 3, "Who could ever replace the Eff?" Frankly, I can't see M doing it by himself. The man has different aspirations. Will there be one singular leader chosen with a council, like how it has been? Or will a new form of government rise? Hmmm...

Pg 3, "the C-shaped ring" Okay, this popped up in my mind because of the email this morning with the illustrations sneak peek. The diadem is C shaped in the illustrations. So is the ring. Coincidence...or not? 

Pg 3, " the ancient temple" Ancient temple being the location in the wall with the revolving timey wimey bookcase, si?

Pg 3, " he was could feel it,"

Pg 4, "I have seen no records of them ever before." Because they come from another universe...how many universes are there? I'm trying to jog my memory. I believe my last theory was that the Apocalypse caused some species to accidentally get placed at different planets, which was how the humans ended up on a different world than Earth. I remember that was my thought how the Ari got to Facet #2, but that one I know was proven false. I can't remember if my human one was proven false or correct. In all honesty, I'm having a hard time focusing on anything other than Words of Radiance, which I just finished. 

 Pg 5, "WW and her teacher may have thought" Do you mean "xyr"?

Pg 5, " sheltering the temple" Okay, yup, confirmation on my brief memory lapse on page three.

Pg 7, "There have to be some you haven’t seen" I feel like WW is going to take offense to this. I imagine that WW does not like suggestions that xyr is wrong about xyr specialty. 

Pg 10, "at least know what’s coming" I wonder if you can just somehow make it skip forward through its iterations, like clicking "skip" on a CD until it returns to the song you wanted.

Pg 12, "His lessons with Master C had been fragmented and random" Something about WW makes me think xyr would probably write very regimented and detailed lesson plans if xyr had the time. 

Pg 13, "What information had been lost?" Considering how technologically advanced Facet #1 is compared to Facet #2, there might be an ever more advanced Facet somewhere. 

Pg 16, "figured out how to get rid of them?" Where is my exterminator god? My ant eater species?

Pg 16, "why was it happening again?" A natural occurrence, maybe, like the Big Bang happening on loop? Or hurricane season?

Pg 17, "How would any warning stay intact for so long?" I'd have just scratched instructions onto the crystal wall somehow...although that doesn't count for language shifts and general stupidity. 

Pg 17, "the warning would scare those it wasn’t supposed to warn." There goes my crystal graffiti idea.

Pg 19, " A dead language?" Maybe my graffiti idea wasn't so bad after all?

Pg 21, " this facet had it together." Nobody ever has it together as well as they appear. 

Pg 22, "It was very close to the same time." To quote the Incredibles: "Coincidence? I think NOT!" 

Pg 22, "the block disappeared." What a rude piece of furniture. 

Pg 24, "What if there is only one House?" What is this was where a three house master was hiding? Or can the entire temple be used as a time machine???

Pg 26, " occurred right before number one" Iteration zero, or 24?

Pg 30, "The ring is the key" What will it unlock? 

[Mandamon]

Thanks @Snakenaps!

1 hour ago, Snakenaps said:

I am sure WW makes a very productive co-worker, but I feel like xyr would be a drag at office parties. 

Lol. I think this is a correct assessment.

1 hour ago, Snakenaps said:

The diadem is C shaped in the illustrations. So is the ring. Coincidence...or not? 

Huh. I actually didn't notice that. So yes, but...

1 hour ago, Snakenaps said:

I can't remember if my human one was proven false or correct. In all honesty, I'm having a hard time focusing on anything other than Words of Radiance, which I just finished

That's more or less correct. I'd have trouble if I was reading Words of Radiance too!

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

I wonder if you can just somehow make it skip forward through its iterations, like clicking "skip" on a CD until it returns to the song you wanted.

Just gotta find the controls...

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

there might be an ever more advanced Facet somewhere. 

Certainly possible!

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

Pg 17, "How would any warning stay intact for so long?" I'd have just scratched instructions onto the crystal wall somehow...although that doesn't count for language shifts and general stupidity. 

Pg 17, "the warning would scare those it wasn’t supposed to warn." There goes my crystal graffiti idea.

Pg 19, " A dead language?" Maybe my graffiti idea wasn't so bad after all?

I love this train of thought. I expect the graffiti just spells everything out, but no one can read it ;-)

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

" occurred right before number one" Iteration zero, or 24?

You'll find out!

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

Pg 30, "The ring is the key" What will it unlock? 

Yeah, the changes I'm planning to make will answer this one a little better.

[Robinski]

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

I am sure WW makes a very productive co-worker, but I feel like xyr would be a drag at office parties.

  At office parties, everyone's a drag. The keyword is 'office'.

30 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

Pg 17, "How would any warning stay intact for so long?" I'd have just scratched instructions onto the crystal wall somehow...although that doesn't count for language shifts and general stupidity. 

Pg 17, "the warning would scare those it wasn’t supposed to warn." There goes my crystal graffiti idea.

Pg 19, " A dead language?" Maybe my graffiti idea wasn't so bad after all?

I love this train of thought. I expect the graffiti just spells everything out, but no one can read it ;-)

And what are they going to use to scratch into N crystal?

[Mandamon]

9 minutes ago, Robinski said:

And what are they going to use to scratch into N crystal?

I'm sure I can handwave something...

[Snakenaps]

22 minutes ago, Robinski said:

  At office parties, everyone's a drag. The keyword is 'office'.

And what are they going to use to scratch into N crystal?

Elg teeth

 

Seriously though @Mandamon, would that work???

[Mandamon]

2 hours ago, Snakenaps said:

Elg teeth

 

Seriously though @Mandamon, would that work???

Hahaha! I mean I guess it would...

[Snakenaps]

2 hours ago, Mandamon said:

Hahaha! I mean I guess it would...

Huh. So if the bodies didn't just...pop...there could have been some crazy teenagers ripping the teeth out of these monsters on a dare. Then if they discovered that it could scrape crystal.. 

Crystal graffiti. What would that look like??? 

Actually, I know what that would look like. I graduated high school only five years ago. I remember what high school "art" was. And the alleyway across my street is a testimony to college graffiti. 

Probably better that the bodies pop, then, and you don't have graffiti marring your beautiful crystal. Bad enough that there are bite marks. Maybe some alien bird will make those into nests?

I love wandering down hypotheticals. 

I forgot to mention this, but my friend and I went for a walk and spent a good hour coming up with ways that Masters O and R could kill people with their respective houses. Your would is REALLY fun to play in. If I could ever actually get that man to sit down a read a book, I would happily toss Seeds at him once it arrives from the Kickstarter. 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Snakenaps
Grammar exists