Mental health awareness 2020

[Tesh]

Hey y'all. 

So, for those of you who don't know, May is mental health awareness month. This is the third year now that I have made a post near the beginning of the month discussing this subject and trying to bring a close community even closer through raising awareness and bringing support to those who need it.

This subject is especially important during "these dark times." (Which is what my little brother has been calling all of this). Anxiety, stress, frustration, fear, all are running high. 

During my time on the Shard, I've found that a lot of people on here have had problems with mental illness. I myself have dealt with some depression in the past, and I've always had pretty bad social anxiety. Mental illness is also very strong on both sides of my family, so I have grown up surrounded by it, whether I was aware of it at the time of not. 

So what I'm saying is, we're all in this together. More so now than ever. 

And so, like in years before, I encourage you to share your story. (Don't feel like you have to, though). Also, change your profile picture green for this month. (I think there's a green version of the 17th Shard symbol floating around somewhere from last year). 

Take care of yourselves, physically and mentally. We'll all do this together.

Edited May 1, 2020 by Tesh

[Rebecca]

I’m so glad we’re doing this again, I think this is super cool. 
Here’s the green 17th Shard symbol if anyone wanted to use it. There’s one with a white background, and one with black. Oh, and I didn’t make these, I just have the image saved from other people using it last year.

Spoiler

 

[AonEne]

Yay, I hope this tradition continues forever! Mental health is something that has definitely gained more awareness over time, but it needs more. ALL THE AWARENESS, YES PLEASE. Green for May! 

Last year I mentioned a few of the things I thought I was dealing with at the time. I have since gone through assessments and more therapy and we think some of the previous diagnoses aren’t actually the case. (It’s actually way more likely to just be manifestations of anxiety, so...yay...? ) And that’s okay! You’re allowed to think you’re dealing with something, then get more information and revise your thoughts. It’s okay to be wrong, or unsure, or confused. Seeing a doctor or other mental health professional could help. 

You’re valid. While every mental disorder does have a checklist of symptoms and qualifications, every person is different, and what’s the case for some isn’t going to be the case for all. There’s no such thing as “Well it’s bothering me, but it’s not enough to bother a doctor about. They have more important things to do”. No. It’s their job to help you. If something has gotten to the stage where it’s impacting your life, even just a little bit, it is enough to get help. Your problems matter. 

I know it can feel hard, sometimes, to wake up, to talk to people, to keep going. But you need to. You can always come talk to me, I’ll never be mad or judge you or whatever. I’m happy to answer any questions, or give you hugs and pictures of fluffy things, or just read what you say if you need somewhere to let it out. Even if I don’t know you, I care about you. I want you to know how amazing you are. It’s always worth it to keep living, eventually. 

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be safe. You deserve love and attention. You deserve help. 

You do not deserve to be miserable. You do not deserve to be hurt. Please don’t hurt yourself. 

I love you. Stay safe! 

[Emi]

Does my profile picture is enough green?

1 hour ago, Tesh said:

So, for those of you who don't know, May is mental health awareness month.

Oh, I didn't know, but I think it's awensome!

Ok, about my history: I'm only 13 years old, so it won't be too long. I've born in Warsaw, in Poland. My biggest problem is, that I have a younger sister. Because of that, I quite offten feel less loved by my parents. Like, I know, that the younger children should be treated more gently, but when I was in her age, my parents always yelled at me and gave me punishments. Hovewer, it's not because she listen to them more, they are just more patient, with her. 

[AonEne]

7 minutes ago, Emi said:

My biggest problem is, that I have a younger sister. Because of that, I quite offten feel less loved by my parents. Like, I know, that the younger children should be treated more gently, but when I was in her age, my parents always yelled at me and gave me punishments. Hovewer, it's not because she listen to them more, they are just more patient, with her. 

It’s possible that they learned from raising you to be more patient with her? Regardless, *hugs* I’m sorry that’s happening and hope it improves for you! 

Also, I think your picture looks more turquoise than green, but you can use whatever picture you want! It’s not required, just encouraged. 

Edited May 1, 2020 by AonEne

[Emi]

2 minutes ago, AonEne said:

It’s possible that they learned from raising you to be more patient with her?

Yes, maybe. Like, please, don't think I don't love her. I do. And the fact, that they are more patient, may be, because of, that she has really big problem at school. I respect that. But you know, now it's easily to have respect. The worst happens, while the biggest problems.

*also hugs @AonEne and smile because when I actually wrote it I'm feeling much nore better* 

[TheGirlWhoLookedUp]

I don’t have any mental illnesses, but even so, this past month has been tough on me. I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety and my usual way of escaping is by leaving my house which I can’t really do now. Coming on 17th Shard has helped a lot.
I just want to say thanks and show my love and support for everyone on here.

[Honorless]

Depression, for someone who prides himself on keeping an open mind, it sure did take a lot of persuasion before I agreed I needed help. Still kinda cavalier about it, after all this time tbh, so probably not the best person to ask for help. My sister used to have anxiety attacks, got checked then I realized slippery slope of awkwardness and denial that is mental health.

I'll advise you to take advantage of this topic and admit that you do have a problem, it's immensely helpful in reminding yourself that there's something that you need to take care of.

[BloomAgeOne]

Mental health awareness month isn't actually something that I've heard a lot about before, where I come from. Although I haven't really had any struggles of my own, I do have some good friends who have, so I'm happy to support this.

Although I'm pretty new here, from what I've seen, the 17th Shard is a really supportive community (I felt accepted by everyone from my very first post), and would like everyone out there to know that we're all here to stand by you and offer you support when you need it. 

[Emi]

1 hour ago, BloomAgeOne said:

Although I'm pretty new here, from what I've seen, the 17th Shard is a really supportive community (I felt accepted by everyone from my very first post), and would like everyone out there to know that we're all here to stand by you and offer you support when you need it. 

Yes, I absolutely agree with you! Since I overcame my fear and starting to writing here (thank you @AonEne it's your merit) I'm smiling most of time . 

[Mistbornwithakitty]

This is so so important!  I didn't know this month existed!!  I'm happy it does.   

My family has a long history of bad mental health, and some of it has been passed down to me.  It wasn't spoken of in my house, as a teenager, I thought words like "depression" and "anxiety" were just excuses for not addressing your problems.  So when my life was flipped upside-down as a young adult, and I started having intense anxiety attacks, I simply thought it was me being "weak".  I kept it a secret for years, developing some pretty bad habits.  Only just last year did I start dealing/talking about it to my mom.  Instead of calling what I was feeling "fake" or "hogwash" like I thought she would, she believed me!  She confessed that although she'd never felt that way, she saw that I had an issue.  Turns out anxiety and depression are strong with my line. lol.  

Stuff still isn't perfect, especially now, I still have bad days.  But I no longer feel like I'm unworthy or there's something wrong with me. Things have improved immensely!!

If your struggling mentally, you're not weak!  You just have an issue that you need to learn to work around.  You're not broken!  Your prospective is important!  You just have a bit of a different way of doing things, and that's okay. 

Anyway, this post ended up longer than I wanted, but hey!  I'm not gonna stress myself over it.   Happy Mental Health Month people!

[The Awakened Salad]

I don’t really have much to contribute, but I’m so, so glad that this thread exists. 

I take that back I could go on for hours but... I just can’t find the words right now

Edited May 1, 2020 by The Awakened Salad

[SingingMosaic]

I'll start this by agreeing that Ene has a magical ability to make people smile. It's the way she writes. I just think about her and smile.

My second thing, which I'll come back to later, is that if you need something, I'm also willing to help in whatever way I can.

Spoilered to help you scroll.

My history with mental health is a rocky one. I grew up in a family full of mental illness, with most of them unwilling to accept it in themselves or others until very recently. They couldn't, and didn't, ignore the fact that I was blind, but invisible disabilities and illnesses were always suppressed. I was raised to believe that nothing was wrong with me and that I was just not trying hard enough. This inevitably ended in disaster, with my problems bowling over me and ruling my life, and had a pretty severe issue with a psychiatrist's malpractice when I was little, which I never got to take action over because my family defended him and said he made me better. He put me on the max dose of Conserta and Ritalin, simultaneously, when I was nine. I can't even describe what that felt like. Let's just say that when I read SA, particularly OB, there were several moments when I had to put down the books and walk away, because parts of them reminded me way too much of that experience. It was like being alive but not existing at all. It was having no reaction to emotional responses which still happened, but didn't matter. It was being able to be cut bad enough to bleed everywhere but not even notice. It was barely being able to feel my feet touching the ground, and being almost aggressively apathetic about food, but not because I couldn't gain that much emotional and mental momentum for anything. I could follow instructions perfectly though and apparently that's all that counted to most people.

Finally I got to have a summer off of it and I flat out refused to take it again. I told them that if they wanted me to take it, they would have to strap me down and force feed it to me. I guess they decided it wasn't worth it.

I spent the next ten years in a whirlwind of rage and pain, grief and confusion, despair and cynicism, and on the flipside of that, starkly contrasting feelings of anticipation, excitement, joy and longing so intense that they physically hurt, and in between stretches of intense dissociation. I tore through life like a bull in a china shop, with ocean sized emotions pushing and pulling me in their tidal forces. It was during those years that I accepted the existence of the system I was a part of, we don't even check most of the boxes for DID so it's just an uncategorized multiple system. It became a very safe place to be when it easily could have gone wrong, with the individual members forming a support network of different backgrounds, different experience, different strengths and weaknesses, that finally, within the last two years, managed to pull the brain it inhabits into some semblance of stability. The person who you see type here *waves* is called Feather, though others contribute to the ideas and responses sometimes.

So all that said, I'm with Ene on this one. If you need anything, if you need information resources, if you need an ear, if you don't have any idea what's going on, if you need an unofficial advocate or help finding an official one, if you just need to scream at the sky and for someone to have seen it, I'm here. We have a strict policy on reading things addressed to us, in areas of the Internet like this one where only one account is allowed, so if you wrote to Nymyyrriq I wouldn't look, and if you wrote to me he wouldn't look, we're currently the two around most frequently, and no one else would look at something that wasn't posted publicly. Confidentiality, transparency and consent are important things to keep in mind, and things you have a right to, and things that you have a right to fight for or have assistance fighting for.

At the end of the day, whatever is going on, whatever silence you carry or whatever silence suffocates your voice, you don't have to live and die beneath it alone.

Edited May 1, 2020 by SingingMosaic
Inserted a spoiler.

[Zephrun’s Imperium]

You know, I don't think there's a single person who has walked planet earth who hasn't felt depressed or anxious at one point in their life. It's a part of life and not a very fun one. And I think that knowing that everyone feels that way sometimes can be a way for us to find empathy. It's disappointingly easy to look at the people around us as one dimensional projections that exist around you. But that's just not true. The number of people dealing with this kinda stuff is off the charts and a lot of times it's quite impossible to be able to tell if someone is struggling.

Right now, we're facing times unlike anything else. But, thanks to our technology, we can still reach out to each other, which is honestly pretty amazing. This time has been hard for a lot of people, me definitely included. So I'm really glad we're banding together to talk to each other here. Y'all are awesome. 

[Friendshipspren]

I have depression and anxiety and a lot of derived neuroses. I have also suffered a lot from suicidal ideation. Unsuccessfully tried it once and it seemed very attractive till very recently. Like till just 3-4 months ago. My parents have some issues of thier own and for a long time were in denial of my issues. I don't blame them for that. They had thier issues and they , esp my dad , did better than I ever could. And they helped me in the end and that's what matters I guess. They have been extremely supportive since. 

Now contrary to popular experiences , I'm actually considering this current crisis as a bright time. 

Like I needed these holidays. Away from ppl and the neuroses they inadvertently inspire which I drown into and due to which I can hardly focus on anything.

Now ,I can focus on myself and on the stuff I love and think/reflect about things and goals and force myself to confront long standing issues.

I'm seeing all these movies and comics and memes and stuff and generally relaxing but also trying to meditate , journal my way out of the neuroses (I have been very successful in that regard ), exercise , learn to cook ( partially successful ) and watching YouTube videos about philosophy , etc. It has helped me get so much better. 

And truth is , I feel less lonely alone than in college.

Like I have had a very bad experience with educational institutions like high and middle school and I think almost all the ppl I met then , students and teachers alike were all bullies or atleast corrosive to self worth.

Like in college things are slightly better  , I'm surrounded by better ppl yeah , but I can't really relate to any of em much. I mean , don't get me wrong. Most of them, well I can't really bring myself to say kind words about them they aren't exactly great and supportive but they aren't active bullies atleast, but a few are real gems and i love em. But even with them, we have extremely different views and its really hard to even have a conversation with them. 

It's a lot of issues but mostly I ended up in the current collage cause i was too depressed and pessimistic before to study properly for the entrance exams. So yeah , I'm studying for entrance exams again. Maybe I'm not really that smart but more and more I'm coming to realize I'm smart enough. That I have just had bad luck and can do better. 

So yeah I Hope to make it to a collage where I will find more compatible ppl. 

It's so nice and relaxing. So yeah , in some cases a nightmare can easily warp into a  Dreamscape. 

I hope others can find the brightside too. 

 

P.S : thanx for this . Reading about the struggles and successes of @R J, @AonEneand others I'm not too well socialized with but can still relate to, nonetheless, is inspiring and all that mushy stuff . I didn't even know there was a mental health awareness month or that green was the colour for it. 

Could someone enlighten me as to y it's green ? 

Ok , wiki'ed it and the origin of the colour association is a bit depressing but again it's cool to see it go from nightmarish origins to an wholesome dreamscape. 

Edited May 1, 2020 by PrinceGenocide
Some polishing

[Lunamor]

Spoilered for length:

Spoiler

 

My mental health has been really rough this year. I've had anxiety and depression for quite a while but never actually realized that until a few months ago. I had just though that I was too weak to handle things and that it was how everyone felt. The advice of a doctor certainly didn't help with that- after having anxiety induced hallucinations for months she told me that they were normal and happened to a lot of people and that I shouldn't have done anything about them, telling me that I was just hormonal. Luckily I don't have them anymore, but I've still got a ton of problems. I hid my problems for years until they got bad enough that I couldn't hide them. I finally started to go to therapy once I realized that they were significantly impacting my life. It has unfortunately not helped much, but I recently switched to a new therapist so hopefully that will work better. I still find it hard to trust my therapist because the advice of doctors has been wrong so often and caused me so many problems. I have ended up in the hospital and been traumatized by their mistakes. I have had nearly every doctor I've been to google the muscular condition I have and then give me advice based on that, which predictably doesn't help. I stared taking some meds to try and combat my anxiety about a week ago, but quit taking one of them because the only dosage strong enough to suppress my anxiety basically just sedated me enough that I couldn't walk or think straight and made me feel horrible. It's pretty hard to find hope that things will get better because I've had very few things in my life actually get better. I'm at the point where I can't get through a day without having at least one breakdown, and it's extremely tiring. 

If you are going through some mental health problems, don't hide it. It will only make things worse, and there are people out there who want to help and support you. Especially on the shard, the people here are amazing. I may not be a great advice giver, but if you ever want to rant or talk to somebody or just make sure that you're not the only person in the world struggling with something, please know that I'm here for you.

 

 

[Boomerang Guy]

Wow this is really cool! I have some family that (have had) struggle(s) with depression. This is a wonderful tradition!

(Is My profile pic green enough?)

Edited May 1, 2020 by McWafy

[Experience]

This is amazing! I don't have much time now, but I definitely have more to say. 

[Jaywalk]

In the last year since May, I've had ups and downs regarding mental illness. For a few months, I was doing great! And then sometime around November, I completely fell apart. I descended into some of the deepest darkness I've experienced. I woke up every morning with a pit in my stomach. Rarely did I even want to wake up. I experienced anxiety attacks, depression, and plenty of self-loathing.

It's been an uphill battle, but now I'm doing better than I have in years. Thanks to the wonderful people I've surrounded myself with, I was able to find a little spark of hope, and with them by my side, I've stoked it into a larger flame.

Mental illness is never a one and done thing. It's a constant battle, with highs and lows. But it's easier to face it with people at your side.

I encourage everybody to reach out to those who may be struggling, especially (not in spite of) these turbulent times. And if you're struggling yourself, reach out for help.

Nobody deserves to suffer in silence.

[Silva]

So, I've now sat here, typed stuff up and taken so long that the Shard logged me out. Twice.

And it's finally dawned on me why. 

I don't actually know what I'm dealing with, so talking about it in terms of acknowledged diagnoses is hard, and, when it comes to mental health, Don't lynch me, please. I value my friendships with all of you and don't want this to become an insurmountable barrier. Truly. The fact I'm saying this and not hiding it this year is because I trust you with this opinion and believe that you'll appreciate honesty, I'm a devout skeptic. 

Every person is different. And, from the conversations I've had with people with mental illnesses IRL, I've determined that I'm no exception. My brain is weird. It works in its own way, reacts in odd manners (sometimes too much, sometimes too little), and is constantly analyzing itself. Recognizing that has allowed me to deal with things I've faced mentally in ways that I've been told make no sense.

At one point, I thought that meant I had no conscience. (I do. Don't worry. A pretty strong one too.) At another, I self-diagnosed a half-dozen mental illnesses that each maybe had one applicable aspect. It's been a loopy road.

There have been lots of challenges along the way to this point. I won't claim to have everything figured out or to never slip backwards or know all because I don't. There's still so much to learn and figure out. I might even be down a completely incorrect rabbit hole

But compared to where I was years ago, decent progress has been made and it feels good. 

Everyone's brain is unique. That's the best advice I've got to give. Don't be disappointed if what worked for one person doesn't work for you. You'll find an effective solution for yourself. Just don't get discouraged or give up. There is nothing more harmful than not having a growth mindset.

A lot of this is sort of rambly, so if you got lost along the way, know that I got lost trying to read through it and catch glaring errors. And if any of this has made you frustrated or insulted you in any way, feel free to PM me and we can talk. I might be a contrary and unclear person, but I do care.

Alright. I'm going to stop typing now before I get logged out for a third time.

[Retrac]

Mental illnesses are hard. Thankfuly I don't have one but I have friends who do so I kinda sorta have an idea of how hard it is. I'm sorry for all those who have to deal with them. If you need someone to talk to DON'T hesitate to come to me. Good luck. Stay safe.

Edited May 1, 2020 by Retrac

[Lumgol]

This. Year. Has. Been. Wild.

On top of a difficult schedule and some complicated relationships, my self-diagnosed depression-ish stuff was worse this year than ever. And, y'know, I'm a teenager who is growing and changing and learning a lot about myself. I feel like this year hit me super hard with violently strong emotions of all kinds (good and bad) which I'm still learning to deal with. I do think that quarantine has been great for my mental health, though - I do get lonely, of course, but school was a big source of emotional stress, doubt, lethargy, and general bad things. So now I'm mostly free of that, but I still get to learn. Yay!

I'm lurking somewhere in the 17S discord if anybody would like to talk - I'll listen to people vent, or it would be cool to just make friends and talk about whatever else! Everyone's mind is absolutely valid 

[The Awakened Salad]

9 hours ago, The Awakened Salad said:

I don’t really have much to contribute, but I’m so, so glad that this thread exists. 

I take that back I could go on for hours but... I just can’t find the words right now

I wasn’t planning on coming back to the Shard this quickly but this post wouldn’t stop nagging at me. 

After thinking on it for a bit, I’ve realised why I couldn’t think of any words to say. I was trying to think of something that my younger self would appreciate hearing, because I... yeah. Sorry, I know this is a safe space, but it’s still a public one and I wouldn’t feel comfortable getting into the details (it’s not as bad as maybe I’m making it out to be, I just... I don’t know. My brain is weird). But I wanted to say something that would be able to help someone who went through what I did.

But then I realised there are no magical words. Recovery doesn’t just happen in an instant. It’s an uphill battle, and it’s painful, and sometimes you’re going to fall down. But it is possible. It takes time, and effort, but it can happen. I’m not saying life will become perfect, there will still be some days where getting out of bed just seems impossible, or you feel that horrible nothingness return and dread sits in at the pit of your stomach. But it is achievable. So umm... please try to remember that. I know it sounds cliche, but there is a way forward, and there is always hope.

Edited May 1, 2020 by The Awakened Salad

[AonEne]

16 hours ago, Emi said:

Yes, I absolutely agree with you! Since I overcame my fear and starting to writing here (thank you @AonEne it's your merit) I'm smiling most of time . 

Thank you, I’m happy I helped! 

14 hours ago, SingingMosaic said:

I'll start this by agreeing that Ene has a magical ability to make people smile. It's the way she writes. I just think about her and smile. 

Feather...thank you so much, that means a lot to me. It brings me so much joy to know that I’m making people smile. 

To everyone else who’s posted on this thread, I am internet-hugging you! Alternatively, I’m giving you sugar, if hugs make you uncomfortable. That also goes for anyone who’s just reading the thread, not wanting or knowing how to post, if you’re there. HUGS AND FRESH COOKIES AND LOVE FOR ALL OF YOU.

Luna, I hope your new therapist turns out better than the previous ones. 

PrinceGenocide, good luck with your exams! You are smart. 

Silva, I will never ever lynch you. Could I ask for clarification, though, what you mean by saying you’re a skeptic? If you’re comfortable with saying that, that is. 

And to all of you who are having a hard time, I wish you the best in getting up every morning. Again, if you need motivation for doing it, I await conversations! 

[+Sorana]

So far, when this thread came up, I wrote a few words along the lines, that I have issues, the got better and that I'm not comfortable to talk about details. Because I trust many here, but then it's still a public place.

To be honest, the last few months have been hard and contrasting the other years, I can't state anymore that I'm more or less stable, that I found a way to live with everything. I haven't been feeling good for months, but about the time Corona started to really impact my life, was the time when my doctor handed me a sheet with some diagnosis written on it and strongly advised me to go to therapy.

Again I'll keep it vague, sorry not-sorry for that. Fact is, that we've got some kind of hotline, where they can help you find a free spot, especially one where insurance will pay for the treatment. But at the moment, that one isn't even able to deal with all the "I might have Corona" calls, lest alone everything else. So in the end, it's been nearly two months now, but I'm not even a step closer to find a therapist that would take me. Those that say, that they admit new patients are full, because Corona, and as usual nearly everybody else has a waiting list for months and they even closed their waiting list. I theoretically could chose one my insurance won't pay for, but I simply can't afford it.

The positive part of the whole situation - slowing my life down and spending more time at home really helped me a lot. Despite my financial worries due to reduced work hours, having more time to myself I can spend in the sun, reading more than I usually would be able to - all of it helped me a great deal. I have no idea how I'll go on, but while I'm definitely worse, I'm also definitely getting better.

Stay safe everybody and despite my words, things will get better! They always do!

Edited May 2, 2020 by Sorana