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3rd Magic system update. Critique needed!


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Laws:

 

  1. Gems of different types can hold magic in the form of different elements.

    1. Ruby = Heat/Cold

    2. Amethyst= Kinetic

    3. Diamond= Light 

    4. Sapphire= Electricity

    5. Emeralds= Gravity

  2. Magical energy is known as Scelce.

  3. The way a gem can express Scelce is through how they are cut, focusing energy at sharper points of the facets.

  4. Higher quality gemstones are more powerful.

  5. Gemstones change weight depending on the amount of energy in them.

  6. Larger gemstones hold more energy.

  7. The cutting of a gem makes it functional, whan uncut they are inert. 

  8. Energy is stored and transferred in crystalline structures, and metals and inner gems transfer energy.

  9. Opal stores pure energy, that can be transformed into any of the 4 types.

  10. Mages are people who go into battle with a large gem on their back, with gloves lined with wires connecting back to the gem. The wires stimulate different parts of the gem with certain somatic motions. As you use this, the wires overheat, and will snap if you are not careful. Multiple gems can be used, but this will cause the wires to overheat faster

  11. Scelsi are the higher born of the population. These people have interbreed with a native species of humanoids scec’ar, who are naturally born with one of the 5 scelics, or magical gemstones. They have gemstones inside them on their spinal cord, in between their shoulder blades. Those born with Opal are commonly known as Scelomancers. Their nerves act like the wires.

  12.  Scelci’s gems are like their life support system, and if broken, they will die.

  13.  When gems act as spells, you have to use gloves studded with metal, and the more studs touch the gem, the more power is exerted, and the length of the finger, or in a machine, the wire, determines the range by inches converted to feet multiplied by 10. For a ray of energy, this is multiplied by 3, and projects with 45⁰ vertex. For a ball, the range is multiplied by 2 before the ball explodes, and the ball will also explode when it comes into contact with a solid surface.

  14. Onyx absorbs energy, expanding constantly until it is 3 times the original size, at which point it detonates in a massive maelstrom of sharp onyx shards 3 seconds after it is activated by metal or a hard impact. Onyx acts similar to a black hole, in that it slowly releases stored energy, but not in usable amounts

  15. When an energised gem is broken, it releases all energy stored inside of it in a massive blast, and in a flash of light as the crystalline bonds holding energy shatter, and the gem is left in small chunks, with a fraction of their original energy.

  16. Scenyl are scelci that are born with onyx, and absorb magic directed towards them, and release it slowly over time, and this power is limited, and they must wait for the energy to dissipate before using their abilities again.

  17. Scelci must first absorb energy before using it

  18. Scelomantic abilities are passed through heredity, but when two different classes are mixed, the male ability is passed on. Genetically, the ability to be a full Scelomancer is recessive. Scenyl abilities are also recessive, but are dominant over Scelomantic abilities

  19. Stones have more subtle effects not known to the general human populations. These effects are known by the native people. For example, limestone attracts charged gems, and is used to extract microdiamonds from pumice

 

Scecerlon- undead made with opal/fossil pseudomorphs that keep them alive, trapping their soul and allowing control by cutting instructions into the crystalline structure and using brain coral to manipulate the soul trapped in a harvested gem core, which acts as a life support. A microorganism that is an evolution of the gut bacteria of the natives. This weaves a lair of brain coral over the gem core, which allows for muscle memory and will allow rapid regeneration. With nonmetals and metalloids, and non primary gems the size determines the power. They are slightly taller than normal, and have red eyes, and bonelike protrusions sticking out all over their body that fade to opal near the end. Some of the flesh is noticeably bonelike, and the rest is a callus flesh. To control them, you weave brain coral over the gem core, and engraving instructions into it.


Limestone- attracts charged gemstones of a type that touch them

Granite- minute cutting

Microdiamonds = Flash Powder

Bone- life energy/soul anchor, only non-living bones can store this. It is not stored in the form of scelce.

Coral- minor memory, like muscle memory

Brain coral- control of life energy

Pseudomorphs- store a mix of the materials and the original crystalline structure in a fifty fifty mix, and opal/fossil pseudomorphs allow for temporary reanimation of an organism, with a gem core acting as a soul anchor. In the natives, the gem core is a pseudomorph of bone and the gem they have. The native population has an innate knowledge of gemstones and crystalline structures. For the Human population, they have mutated gut bacteria that form brain coral-like structures to allow for control

Pumice- durability

Pyrite- glows when near other activated scelomantic magics.

Ice- stores scelce, when activated, burns up in a puff of steam.

Bloodstone- Chains effects together

Sandstone- store and multiply. Used to mass produce things, including undead.

When born with a metal pseudomorph, the bearer has most magic pass through them, but as it does so, the metal heats up.

Scelscelari- those born with the ability to manipulate life energy instead of normal Scelce. Able to drain life from the surrounding environment to extend their life. Life energy, when released, acts as an extremely potent mutagen. This energy also provides rapid healing, but if not used continuously, the target will die from cancerous growth and mutations. If exerted purposefully, they can determine whether or not the healing causes tumors. The Scelscelari have incredible regenerative capabilities, and can and often are used for assasination.


 

 

The native people only have a rudimentary understanding of these new prospects, and no understanding of pseudomorphs or bone at this time. The Selci have no understanding of these more complex ideas.

 

History: The Sec’ar were a peaceful nation that lived long before humans did. They had a tendency to bond to nature's primal aspects, until they discovered the first gemstones in the mountains. For years, the mountains have been in their legends, towering peaks blossoming with elemental energy. Here, they found gemstones in creatures, plants, and even in ground. They saw these glistening jewels, glowing with a radiance so beautiful no words could do it justice, a light that would sparkle, flare, and dance before their very eyes. They saw all of the creatures harnessing this energy, maintaining the balance. As they stood in awe, A great roar shook the mountains, as a winged shape descended from the clouds. They watched as a great, reptilian beast with four, gargantuan muscled legs, batlike wings that must have been over one hundred meters across, and a long, spined, thin tail snaked behind it. The Dawn Bringer. Glistening with the radiance in the gems, he landed, lowering his enormous head, on a long, snaking neck, and spoke. 

“I see you have discovered my home, the Crystal Peaks. Why are you here?” he said, his voice like great thunder, rumbling in their bones. 

“We see the great glowing stones, filled with light, and wonder where they come from.” they replied, awed by the sheer size of this Dragon, it could have been a mountain itself! 

“You have discovered the sacred stones, and the the great energy known as Selce that resides within them. These gemstones contain a power beyond your wildest dreams, able to shape the world around us, and hold the energies that give us life. You must not abuse the powers that surround you, lest you upset the great balance, and disrupt the natural order. But all these years, with this power surrounding you as you searched, you did this, so now I will grant you a great gift: Gemstones of your own.” The people suddenly felt a great force surging through them, invigorating them, and they felt themselves beginning to change, as gemstones formed within them. Awed by the power gifted to them, they worshiped the Dawn Bringer, praising his radiant justice. Slowly, he taught them how to harness their abilities to protect the natural order, with one warning: 

“Do not share this power, for your race alone has earned it, and such a power could end the great world as we know it.” The Sec’ar descended the mountain, and as time passed, the Dawn Bringer seeped into legend, and his warning was lost. Hundreds of years later, a new race emerged before their eyes, one that was intelligent and quick witted. But they did not respect the natural order. One day, a young girl, the heir to the throne, and her friends walked out of their village, wanting to see what was beyond the forest. Each of these girls had a gem, the heir, Ariella, had an opal. Her other friends had gems, one of each, one emerald, one amethyst, one ruby, one sapphire, one diamond, and one onyx. Ariella was stunningly beautiful, with flowing, golden hair, a slim, shapely body, she was perfect, and adored by every boy in the village. As they journeyed, they at long last reached the edge of the forest, where they saw a handsome young boy riding a horse. As their eyes met, they felt like they were made for eachother. This young boy, the prince of a great human kingdom, became engaged to her, and eventually married, as her friends were married to other great and powerful leaders, and they mated. At first, there were worries that the baby would die, but it survived. The child was born, and it looked like a human, but had powers of the Secar. When the Dawn Bringer heard of this, he was furious, and immediately flew to the great city. 

“You have betrayed my warning, and now the world will suffer if I do not stop this.” He laid siege to the city, toppeling stone walls as if they were made of wet paper, shrugging off arrows as if they were childrens toys, slaughtering armies as if they were pigs for the butcher. The human’s could do nothing against him as he wielded the might of a thousand hurricanes compared to which they were like ants before a bear. Desperate to spare the city, and the prince she loved, Ariella offered to the king to sacrifice her in exchange for the dragon sparing the city. The prince cried, for he couldn't bear the thought of life without his love, but he knew it was the only way to save their child. Reluctantly, he called the dragon, and explained the deal. The dragon, still furious, accepted, for he understood the strength it took to do something like this. Although furious, the love shown by the prince softened his stone heart, and instead of killing the princess, he took her back to her father, and promised to forever enforce the border between these two nations. To help him accomplish this task, he took the biggest gemstones he could find, and breathed life into them. As he did so, the 50 glistening gems slowly transformed into eggs, dragon eggs. Over the next 9 months, the dragons inside grew, developing gems of their own, and they hatched. Made to be in the Dawn Bringer's Image, the dragons each had one gem, which could be any of the 6 except for Opel, whose power was reserved for the Dawn Bringer alone. However, there were once 60 gems, but during one of the Dawn Bringer's patrols, 10 were stolen by the humans, two of each type, one boy one girl, who were jealous of this power, and took the eggs, raising them to be allies of the humans, defending them against enemy dragon attack. The other 50, 25 boys and 25 girls, 10 dragons, 5 boys 5 girls, of each type, and their children are forever destined to guard the border, to prevent something like this from happening ever again. As the years progressed, the original guardians had children, who were the first wild dragons, and would not be needed for a long time, for the guardians cannot die of old age, and no one dares try to kill them. Now however, the Dawn Bringer no longer patrols the border wall, and has gone missing. He has been trapped in an enormous temple of bone that is nigh indestructible because it is covered in pumice, and is a floating island controlled by the main villain in the series, which has yet to be determined. The bone has trapped his soul while his body is tortured by the villain, and is forced to reveal the secrets of pseudomorphs, which are very common in this world. There, it was revealed that old opal fossils can be resurrected, and given life, soulless life, life in which they are nothing but puppets to this villain, and without the Dawn Bringer to stop this army, all hope is lost. He wishes to tear down the wall, and gain access to the crystal peaks, and without the Dawn Bringer, it will be impossible to stop him.

 

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33 minutes ago, Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker said:

 

  1. Gems of different types can hold magic in the form of different elements.

    1. Ruby = Heat/Cold

    2. Amethyst= Kinetic

    3. Diamond= Light 

    4. Sapphire= Electricity

    5. Emeralds= Gravity

These I get but what about limestone for example.  Are their two magic systems?

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44 minutes ago, Karger said:

These I get but what about limestone for example.  Are their two magic systems?

No it is still one magic system. As I said earlier, A Lot of what is going on here is based in crystalline structures, with the materials making those structures having equal effect. Many things have crystalline structures, but only the 7 primary gems (ruby, diamond, emerald, sapphire, amethyst, onyx, and opal) can store primary energies as listed. Materials that have crystalline structures and are classified as metals on the periodic table transfer the energy without changing it, and with varying amounts of resistance. Non primary materials with crystalline structures that are NOT classified as metals on the periodic table have minute effects that increase in potency varying with the amount of the material being used. that is what it is with limestone, sandstone, bloodstone, pumice, and each material that fits in this category has a unique effect, but they are so minor that the human population has yet to discover them, and the natives, AKA the Sec'ar are only just beginning to understand them, and only currently understand the ones listed. Note, materials with anamorphic structures are inert, and no Scelse can penetrate them as long as there is enough of them. Also, the microdiamonds are gathered using limestone on pumice, and then using granite to cut them, making them effective. Now, the bone magic users do not use Scelse, but instead use pure life energy, and it is similar to Scelse, but not the same.

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21 minutes ago, Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker said:

No it is still one magic system. As I said earlier, A Lot of what is going on here is based in crystalline structures, with the materials making those structures having equal effect. Many things have crystalline structures, but only the 7 primary gems (ruby, diamond, emerald, sapphire, amethyst, onyx, and opal) can store primary energies as listed. Materials that have crystalline structures and are classified as metals on the periodic table transfer the energy without changing it, and with varying amounts of resistance. Non primary materials with crystalline structures that are NOT classified as metals on the periodic table have minute effects that increase in potency varying with the amount of the material being used. that is what it is with limestone, sandstone, bloodstone, pumice, and each material that fits in this category has a unique effect, but they are so minor that the human population has yet to discover them, and the natives, AKA the Sec'ar are only just beginning to understand them, and only currently understand the ones listed. Note, materials with anamorphic structures are inert, and no Scelse can penetrate them as long as there is enough of them. Also, the microdiamonds are gathered using limestone on pumice, and then using granite to cut them, making them effective. Now, the bone magic users do not use Scelse, but instead use pure life energy, and it is similar to Scelse, but not the same.

Then can you make updated shorlists of both?

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  • 5 weeks later...

As to the magic system... I have to hand it to you, this is a very developed and versatile hard magic system. There is only one issue I could find, and it has less to do with the scientific functions of the magic than with how it "happens." I may have just missed something. Twice. But I'm pretty sure it just wasn't there.

Where does Selce come from? We know enough of what it is - or at least what it does - but how does it come to be? How is it put into the gems? Does it just "exist" or can it be "made" somehow? Is it just in the air in certain places, or does it stick around after use and eventually become useful again, or... What?

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On 4/3/2020 at 0:39 PM, Sazedezas said:

As to the magic system... I have to hand it to you, this is a very developed and versatile hard magic system. There is only one issue I could find, and it has less to do with the scientific functions of the magic than with how it "happens." I may have just missed something. Twice. But I'm pretty sure it just wasn't there.

Where does Selce come from? We know enough of what it is - or at least what it does - but how does it come to be? How is it put into the gems? Does it just "exist" or can it be "made" somehow? Is it just in the air in certain places, or does it stick around after use and eventually become useful again, or... What?

Scelce is energy, just energy that has yet to take form, when energy is transferred into a gem, it reverts to scelce, its true, pure form. The different energy is produced when the gem uses up the scelce. it consumes it to produce the new energy. The reason opal is the way it is, is because instead of using up the scelce, it allows you to convert the scelce into a different type of energy, and then use that. that energy is still scelce, just in a different form. however, once it leaves the gem, it cannot revert back, but it is slightly more powerful. When other gems produce energy, it is not truly scelce, but is the energy itself, and therefore cannot be reabsorbed. You see, all natural energy is  part scelce, morphed from its intangible ambient form in the atmosphere. the scelce kind of hitches a ride, allowing the energy to exist, but not contributing to it.

Edited by Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker
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Honestly, I like it. You clearly put a lot of thought into this. I did find a typo though.

On 3/3/2020 at 8:45 AM, Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker said:

Opal stores pure energy, that can be transformed into any of the 4 types.

Above this statement, you listed 5 different types.

I also found it strange going from crystals to life forms to rocks to other life forms. If the organization works for you, great! That's what matters. It was just a bit hard to follow for me.

The last critique I have is about Dawn Bringer. He seemed rather two dimensional, and his actions seemed kind of random.

Overall though, well done!

 

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17 hours ago, Emerald_Mage said:

Honestly, I like it. You clearly put a lot of thought into this. I did find a typo though.

Above this statement, you listed 5 different types.

I also found it strange going from crystals to life forms to rocks to other life forms. If the organization works for you, great! That's what matters. It was just a bit hard to follow for me.

The last critique I have is about Dawn Bringer. He seemed rather two dimensional, and his actions seemed kind of random.

Overall though, well done!

 

the 5th type, gravity, is still controversial, ans it is more a force, like magnetism, than an energy, however, I feel like there should be a fifth, but I cannot seem to come up with one. more improvements are coming, along with another magic system, but the latter will not be here for a while, as I only just had the Idea. however, I am not very good at world building, and shaping civilizations and cultures, and I know that there are some master world builders out there, so please, take a crack at making a nation, and I may end up using it in my book. As for the Dawn Bringer, he is aligned with a sole purpose of protecting the natural order, yet has grown protective of the nation that he raised, and believes it is best that they stay separated. think of the native peoples almost like druids of a sort. now, the exact design for this race is still unclear, but it is very similar to a human in appearance. Now, about his disappearance, this is where the BBG (Big Bad Guy) comes into play, and will be in the prologue. however this is why I came here, and would welcome some help on building his Character. As for the Organization, there is none really, I just write things down as I come up with them.

Edited by Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker
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On 4/4/2020 at 10:29 PM, Booknerd said:

Almost feels unnecessarily complex and you might lose readers in explaining it. Explanation in general for it would be difficult without info dumping.

what I intend to do, is build the world, take out the ideas that do not fit, and then introduce the readers to said world, explaining things as I go along.

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24 minutes ago, Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker said:

what I intend to do, is build the world, take out the ideas that do not fit, and then introduce the readers to said world, explaining things as I go along.

If you can pull it off go right ahead more power to you. Question though could someone use bloodstone sandstone and opals together for infinite energy?

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 dont forget im here to help send me a message so we can build out the mechanics abit together

5 hours ago, Aragorn the Wyrmspeaker said:

what I intend to do, is build the world, take out the ideas that do not fit, and then introduce the readers to said world, explaining things as I go along.

 

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