Opinion about my magic

[Terra]

Hi everyone

I am very new here and would like to share my magic system with you all. Please give me your opinion about it.

The setting of the story I want to write is mostly in the dessert, but it also has settings in temples, cities and villages.

Lumines is a magic system applied by Luminars(the ones able to do magic). Luminars have the ability to absorb crystal dust(Magical dust created from crystals found in the dessert), in order to fuel their Luminemancy which comes in five different forms enchantment, conjuration, transmutation,  emission and manipulation. A person that can absorb one color dust is known as a Luminar. If a person is able to absorb two colors they are called scions and three are called Paragons. There are no people that can absorb all seven colors and this is because the world doesn't allow it, because of something that happened in the past. Every luminar has a certain amount of UC(UnknownChildren) cells which only a few in the world know it's origins.

Luminars are rare in my world, not every son or daughter is born with it. There are rumors that only those from a great family are born with the UC cells and that is why the people listen to these families, believing it is there right. Aside from that the crystals play a big role in the world, like empowering ships to sail through the dessert like it's fast ocean, lighten up people's houses, used for forging, are used in the high coins(quartz) and even more. It is some kind of solar energy in the ancient world. Back to the luminars they are only able to use it by drinking it after it has been made into a liquid drink or by putting it on their body. By extracting the energy from the dust in the liquid their eyes glow one of the seven colors red,orange,blue, yellow,green, cyan and purple.

The glow in their eyes means the luminar is charged with energy and depending on their characteristics, blood and lumine eye color they can do certain actions. Using lumines makes the shine in their eyes lose it's brightness until it's back to normal. The amount of lumine a luminar can absorb depends on the amount of UC cells.

For a luminar it is very important to be able to touch what they want to use. Their ability allows them to affect not only themselves but also sand and everything that contains sand or is made of sand.

examples

Blue luminars are able to transmute sand into glass by infusing blue lumines into the sand, rules states that to be able to create the glass the person needs to posses the right amount of sand. This makes the blue luminar forced to make some decisions if one would need a sword, but can't because of the amount of sand. Another rule is that the glass cannot be larger then themselves and are dependent on their own skill how strong the glass can be. 

Red luminars are able to transmute sand into combustible powder by infusing red lumines into the sand, this allows them to create flames and explode sand but not larger then themselves. Meaning a red luminar cannot destroy a whole fortress with just a hand full of sand.

Green luminars are able to conjure beings of sand or shape it into certain shapes by infusing green lumine into the sand. The size of it can be three times the users size, but the user cannot move while doing it. To be exact the beings or object they create are able to do more if the user sacrifices his/her movements. Like being able to create an arm of sand if the user offering one of their arms not to move.

Yellow luminars are able enhance themselves by infusing yellow lumines into the sand and putting it on themselves making them able to obtain seismic sense, limiting the user to be able to use their eyes. They can even change their own voice. Limitatiosn still to be decided.

Purple luminars are able to create illusions by infusing purple lumines into the sand, throwing it in the air. They can truly become masterminds in plots which is most of their character.

orange luminars are able to infuse sand with orange lumines, creating magnetic pulls to bind objects.

Cyan luminars are able infuse cyan lumines into sand giving the user the ability to push against the objects.

Well this is my first post hope you like it, and I hope to update it soon. Please tell me your thoughts.

Edit: I have changed the primary focus into sand and what sand can do. Be aware Luminars have the ability to stick sand to objects and to put a timer on the moment it ignites.

Edited November 19, 2019 by Terra
making adjustments

[Lunu’anaki]

Very cool! I like the abilities and the variety of possibilities presented by this system. I would be very cool to see how the combinations of powers can work out.

I really like the idea of an Orange-Yellow-Cyan Luminar and a Purple-Red-Blue. Lots of interesting things could be done by someone with that combination of powers!

Make sure you expand on the capabilities and limitations of each of these powers a bit if you are trying to keep this as a very hard magic system. It's very good though!!

 

I'd love to hear your opinion on my magic system! The link is in my signature.

[King Aragorn of Gondor]

I like this magic system, I like that there are limitations to what people can do with it.  I was wondering though, does their eye color change into whatever they are doing, ex. Orange= Orange eyes?

[Terra]

14 hours ago, Lunu’anaki said:

Very cool! I like the abilities and the variety of possibilities presented by this system. I would be very cool to see how the combinations of powers can work out.

I really like the idea of an Orange-Yellow-Cyan Luminar and a Purple-Red-Blue. Lots of interesting things could be done by someone with that combination of powers!

Make sure you expand on the capabilities and limitations of each of these powers a bit if you are trying to keep this as a very hard magic system. It's very good though!!

 

I'd love to hear your opinion on my magic system! The link is in my signature.

Thanks alot! Still flashing out what is possible and what isn't. 

4 hours ago, Aragorn said:

I like this magic system, I like that there are limitations to what people can do with it.  I was wondering though, does their eye color change into whatever they are doing, ex. Orange= Orange eyes?

Exactly their eyes lighten up to the color they absorb. Do you like it?

I would like to know your opinions about some of the limitations I was thinking off. Not sure yet how I will make it work but I was thinking of people that absorb don't only get to use cool skills but also effect their emotion like red affects someone's impulse and rage, yellow affects someone fear(making them more catious and aware). What do you guys think?

[Ataraxian Wist]

On the surface - which is most of what you've given us, so don't freak out - this magic system seems really cool. I really like the use of color, especially with the seventh being cyan instead of the expected indigo. I mean, yes, I LOVE indigo, but... ROY G. BIV is a very obvious choice. Breaking from that mold not only allows for a better aesthetic - with cyan clearly being cyan while indigo can easily be confused for violet or blue - but it also demonstrates the thought that went into it, which will reassure the reader that this system won't be a random mess.

I only see a few potential holes:

First, the abilities seem to have inconsistently inconsistent targets. Five target "dust," on targets "sand," and the other targets ambiguous "objects." If it just one deviant, or every other, or three groups, or four groups, than it would be a cool feature of the magic system. However, with them laid out this way, it seems arbitrary. Are the dust and sand mentioned in that section the same? Can all of the abilities simply be limited to sand? Or maybe all forms of silicon? That could be quite interesting.

Second, orange and cyan have opposite powers, but the others seem totally unrelated. Is there a specific reason for this? Like the whole atium/malatium/gold relation that wasn't explained till later? Or is it an oversight? I think making that factor - of whether or not the powers are polar - consistent throughout the system would greatly improve it.

Third, the way blue Lumines work bothers me, just a little. Glass, because of it's superior hardness, can already be made sharper than any metal object; why require extra skill to do this? And why should the Luminar be able to make it as "strong" as metal? What if the "skill" required was the ability to reform the glass everywhere it breaks, as it breaks?

Just some thoughts. I like to knitpick. You're welcome/I'm sorry.

[King Aragorn of Gondor]

3 hours ago, Terra said:

Exactly their eyes lighten up to the color they absorb. Do you like it?

I would like to know your opinions about some of the limitations I was thinking off. Not sure yet how I will make it work but I was thinking of people that absorb don't only get to use cool skills but also effect their emotion like red affects someone's impulse and rage, yellow affects someone fear(making them more catious and aware). What do you guys think?

I do!  I like the idea of that.  Could you have it be a side effect? Like you are really angry for a couple days after they use red?

[Terra]

On 11/14/2019 at 10:41 PM, Sazedezas said:

On the surface - which is most of what you've given us, so don't freak out - this magic system seems really cool. I really like the use of color, especially with the seventh being cyan instead of the expected indigo. I mean, yes, I LOVE indigo, but... ROY G. BIV is a very obvious choice. Breaking from that mold not only allows for a better aesthetic - with cyan clearly being cyan while indigo can easily be confused for violet or blue - but it also demonstrates the thought that went into it, which will reassure the reader that this system won't be a random mess.

I only see a few potential holes:

First, the abilities seem to have inconsistently inconsistent targets. Five target "dust," on targets "sand," and the other targets ambiguous "objects." If it just one deviant, or every other, or three groups, or four groups, than it would be a cool feature of the magic system. However, with them laid out this way, it seems arbitrary. Are the dust and sand mentioned in that section the same? Can all of the abilities simply be limited to sand? Or maybe all forms of silicon? That could be quite interesting.

Second, orange and cyan have opposite powers, but the others seem totally unrelated. Is there a specific reason for this? Like the whole atium/malatium/gold relation that wasn't explained till later? Or is it an oversight? I think making that factor - of whether or not the powers are polar - consistent throughout the system would greatly improve it.

Third, the way blue Lumines work bothers me, just a little. Glass, because of it's superior hardness, can already be made sharper than any metal object; why require extra skill to do this? And why should the Luminar be able to make it as "strong" as metal? What if the "skill" required was the ability to reform the glass everywhere it breaks, as it breaks?

Just some thoughts. I like to knitpick. You're welcome/I'm sorry.

Thanks for the advice I have decided to focus on sand. Although Silicon concept seems nice, it seems too far ahead for the story I want to write for this magic system.

the second well it's not exactly that I want them to be related except fro the concept of sand or else I would need eight colors instead of seven.

Third changed that thanks for your opinion.

On 11/14/2019 at 11:16 PM, Aragorn said:

I do!  I like the idea of that.  Could you have it be a side effect? Like you are really angry for a couple days after they use red?

I was thinking of using it for this magic system but I found it to be better for my second which I will soon share! Hope you all like it.