Archer

Completing Kazan’s List

23 posts in this topic

As you may know, Kazan Smedry, motivated solely by a desire to objectively and rationally study the implications of height on an individual’s ability to function in their communities and society as a whole, has compiled a collection of observations from his extensive scientific research into the nature of persons of comparatively diminutive stature as opposed to their taller counterparts. His list of reasons ‘why shorter people are better off than tall people’ is a landmark theorem in the totally legitimate field of ‘wee folk’ studies. Alas, while we know of some of the entries (noted below), the Librarians have successfully concealed much of Kaz’s research from us seekers of knowledge here in the Hushlands (likely because of their affinity for heeled shoes and other such height manipulating devices. I'm looking at you, stilts).

This censorship is outrageous! I call upon you, enlightened rebels of the Shard, to help me crowd-source the rest of the reasons on Kazan’s List, to break through this realm's awful haze of tallness propaganda. 

The List (So Far):

1. Don't argue with the short person. He's always right.

15. Short people make smaller targets.

28. Short people can find things easier and follow trails better because they are closer to the ground.

47. Tall people's heads are in thinner atmosphere, causing oxygen deprivation, which causes their brains to not work as well as short people's.

56.5. Short people know when to stay on the ground (and avoid scary extreme heights).

63. If everyone were short, ceilings could be lower, thereby lowering building costs.

82. When short people plummet to their doom, they don't fall as far.

127. Short people have smaller bodies, but regular-sized hearts, so their heart-to-flesh ratio is larger, making them more compassionate.

Possibly 144. Short people are better because it takes them longer to walk places, therefore they get more exercise.

236. Short people are more humble.

257. A tall person can shield you from dragon breath.

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Archer! *slams a paper to the table, gasping for breath* They’re after me, I - pant pant - barely got this one away from them. Broke my last pair of Redactor’s Lenses stealing it. *drops unconscious to the floor* 

Rule Two: Short people can fit in more places in hide-and-seek. 

Quote

Assuming we’re going in order, using the existing ones as benchmarks ^_^ 

 

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The problem with this post and Kaz's list in general is that tall people are objectively superior to short people.

Spoiler

This has nothing to do with the fact that I am 6'2", it's simply the truth. Just like how younger siblings simply exist to serve the oldest sibling

Spoiler

Again, this has nothing to do with the fact that I am the oldest sibling.

 

 

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*all the short people in the room huddle in a circle and whisper in soft tones for a few moments*

"Sure you are, mate. We believe you! This had nothing to do with the fact that entry 236 prevents us from properly arguing with you about this."

*someone in the huddle coughs* "Mention Reason 221!"

"What, that tall people have larger lungs so they always seem to produce more hot air? Shhh, we're trying to be humble, WINK."

Spoiler

As a fellow tall person, I'm inclined to agree with you, but as a middle child, YOU MUST PAY FOR THIS INSULT! BRING FORTH THE LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE PAPERBACKS! :D

 

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I didn't find any completely new ones, but here are some more parts of 63 that were cut off.

63.1. Their clothing needs less fabric. Also cheaper.

63.7. They can use shorter beds, too. Tall people kill more trees.

There were a few more that I spotted--the Librarians stuck them on the top shelf, out of reach, though!!! And they weren't even considerate enough to leave a step-stool nearby!

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3: short people can follow through on the threat to steal your kneecaps more effectively

4: short people can manipulate their way into most situations because people refer to them as "small bean," or "beautiful cinnamon bun, too good for this world, too pure" whenever they enter a room thereby making it easier to get what they want

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On 10/22/2019 at 7:31 PM, not an Evil Librarian said:

The problem with this post and Kaz's list in general is that tall people are objectively superior to short people.

  Hide contents

This has nothing to do with the fact that I am 6'2", it's simply the truth. Just like how younger siblings simply exist to serve the oldest sibling

  Hide contents

Again, this has nothing to do with the fact that I am the oldest sibling.

 

 

Ah, good man. All of your statements here are true.

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The little sibling thing was totally untrue. Little siblings do not exist to serve older siblings. Dumb siblings exist to serve intelligent siblings.

16. Small people can wriggle out of grapples easier.

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11 hours ago, Ookla the Wine Shelf said:

The little sibling thing was totally untrue. Little siblings do not exist to serve older siblings. Dumb siblings exist to serve intelligent siblings.

Not just because the older sibling usually happens to be the more intelligent :) 

17. Short people can jump a higher percentage of their height because they have less mass to propel

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25: The teacher is less likely to call on a short person because their hands aren’t raised as high. You can get away with not saying things! 

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after months of research and much time posing as a potted plant i have i have located four more.

5. short people need less food because they need less power.

6. short people are harder to knock down because of their lower center of gravity.

7. short people can ride more mounts because they weigh less.

8. short people can pretend to be tall, but tall people can't pretend to be short.

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Everyone is short when compared to Olympus Mons, and if you are not, where did you get the massive amount of material required to create even a cell phone for you to post on this?

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258. Short people, like smaller dogs and smaller stars, empirically live longer.

259. Short people's have less body mass to heat and less surface area to heat so they are resistant to the cold.

 260. Short people fall over less often because they are closer to the ground and can see it more clearly.

 

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10 hours ago, Kandrafish said:

259. Short people's have less body mass to heat and less surface area to heat so they are resistant to the cold.

As a short person who is always cold, I think this means I logically don't exist... 

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On 2/3/2022 at 9:41 AM, AonEne said:

As a short person who is always cold, I think this means I logically don't exist... 

The reason just says that you're resistant, not immune.

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On 10/22/2019 at 7:31 PM, not an Evil Librarian said:

The problem with this post and Kaz's list in general is that tall people are objectively superior to short people.

  Hide contents

This has nothing to do with the fact that I am 6'2", it's simply the truth. Just like how younger siblings simply exist to serve the oldest sibling

  Reveal hidden contents

Again, this has nothing to do with the fact that I am the oldest sibling.

 

 

these are true statements, as an oldest sibling I must agree.

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On 10/21/2019 at 7:20 PM, Archer said:

56.5. Short people know when to stay on the ground (and avoid scary extreme heights).

I think this may be false for me... just maybe... ... ...

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126. Short people have a bigger brain to flesh ratio as tall people, which makes their intelligence density higher and therefore more genius (and not denser!).

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Posted (edited)

81. If Eve and Adam would have been short, they couldn't have reached the fruit and everyone would still live in Eden.

(Of course, this one doesn't really work, because religions aren't introduced of being part of the series. Maybe except for Librarian cults.)

Edited by SirLanz-a-lot
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4 hours ago, SirLanz-a-lot said:

81. If Eve and Adam would have been short, they couldn't have reached the fruit and everyone would still live in Eden.

(Of course, this one doesn't really work, because religions aren't introduced of being part of the series. Maybe except for Librarian cults.)

It works fine, The point that it is brought up is when Alcatraz jokes about it.

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Napoleon Bonaparte would love this list!!!

Napoleon: Pay your taxes!

Villager: Why? 

Napoleon: Rule number 1, never argue with a short person. I am always right!!!!!!

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Napoleon wasn't actually short, though.

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I know he was actually tall for his time, but every single movie makes fun of him for being short.

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