The Quote Thread

[Zephrun’s Imperium]

I like to keep a little booklet with me to write down good lines from books or funny/inspiring things that I hear people say. I thought it'd be fun to start a thread for this kind of thing. 

"I mean, I've got a Dorito in my mouth, what more could I ask for?" 

"You've gotta remember that every rule was made because someone, somewhere did something stupid."

[+Doomstick]

How you can sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can’t make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless."

"Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."

"I say it’s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.

[Eluvianii]

"I don't have a rhinoceros mini on me."

"Why don't you have a rhinoceros?!"

"Because I was not prepared for such things!!!"

 

 

I feel like I will be visiting this thread quite often.

[+ZincAboutIt]

In college, a professor once threw out this little gem during a lecture:

"You must cite your sources. You can't just declare a thing and have it be true. For example: You there! *points to student* Your mother is a horse!"

[Jaywalk]

From my English class:

Somehow we got into this conversation about women’s suffrage, and my teacher(female) goes:

”I hate voting. I don’t know why we ever pushed for it.”

[Eluvianii]

This one I think might not be that funny but for some reason it always makes me laugh.

My software engineering teacher was talking about business and used restaurants as an example. Then she suddenly goes:

"When two places sell the same thing, the sauce makes the difference."

Since then "The sauce makes the difference" pops up in my head at random moments.

[AonEne]

WHY ISN’T THIS THREAD THE MOST ACTIVE THREAD EVER. I don’t have any inspirational ones on hand, but I might be able to find some. In the meantime, have about half of my stash of funny Sharder quotes. 

 

"Wow, Ene is like the Hoarder of Secrets." - Ashspren

"I don't have any secrets. I'll go make some right now so I can keep them from Ene." - Kidpen

"Is everyone talking with Ene? She knows everything then. Why’d we let her grow so powerful?!" - Apollyon

 

"The Voidspammer sneered at me. "Do you actually think you can beat the mighty ToysRUs, human?"" - Me

 

"I think I've figured out that I get extra unread PMs when Ene shows up." - Kidpen

 

"Opal hung out." - Kidpen

"Precisely the sort of sinister behavior I'd expect from a White Fang operative!" - Zath

 

"GAH! You're having an emotion! Stay back! Back, I say!" - Zath

 

"Well, this got real weird real quick." - Me

"This is the Shard, did you really expect it not to?" - TFA

 

"Whatever, at least my hole also has Wayne, Marasi, and a bomb flying at it. Best hole." - Me

 

"Yes, Very Deerk." - Archer

 

 

"Which one was licking your foot?" - Silva

 

"Help, I’ve fangirled and I can’t get up!" - Ash

 

"Ene’s probably really happy she converted you. It seems to be one of her goals in life." - Ink

"RWBY is the gateway drug she uses to get people into RPs. You've been warned..." - Archer 

 

"Ah, the good old days. When...what exactly happened during the good old days?" - Vargo Seldon

"Basically this." - Ink

 

"I ship one of my friends with this random collection of human souls he has sitting in his basement." - Ash

 

"Voidus is not my mother. Even he would cower against her awesome prowess." - Mac

 

"Dogs birthing dogs makes sense. Unicorns pooping melting pandas makes less sense." - Zinc

 

"For some reason I always assumed Voidus looked like Wilson from Home Improvement." - Kar

 

"Can you guys get me a life?" - Bringer of Shadows

"Here! I did not steal this from anyone." - Bean

"Bean, where did you put my life this time?" - Sunbringer

"Over on that mountain. I gave her Jay’s life." - Bean

"That explains so much! Did you at least keep it on ice?" - Jaywalk

"Uh..." - Bean

"Dang it, Bean!" - Jay

"You don't want it back, now." - ZincAboutIt

 

"Why can't my ancestor's name be Ferrilus Wombert?" - Olivaughn

 

"So what does TUBA actually do?" - Xino

"That's a question I ask myself every day..." - Potency

"You mean besides go on random tangents and talk about the randomest things?" - Silva

"We [redacted]!" - Archer

"*In reference to previous posts* That is what we do." - Rebecca

"In other words, even we don't know." - Potency

 

"Y'all're psychos." - Brightness Warrior

"Not new information." - Ark

 

"It feels like there are three different conversations and a shouting match all going on at the same time..." - Potency

"AND I AM WINNING THE SHOUTING MATCH!" - Luna

 

"Ark, I'm pretty sure I killed you before the end of the world happened." - Star

 

"The frick works in mysterious ways." - Zinc

 

"NO GOVERNMENT SPY COULD BE THAT ADORABLE." - Lunamor

 

"I think I'm a Lightweaver, so I need to learn how to turn socks into pudding." - Lith

“I can turn socks into liquid socks, but I think that’s a different Surge.” - Itiah

“I can make your socks look like pudding.” - Luna

 

"If you're fragile enough that a nigh-unstoppable instrument of death that obliterates the very soul of anything it touches can kill you, you shouldn't be creating monsters." - Voidus

 

“I may have accidentally summoned you, just, try not to blow up the sun.”

”One time! I blow up a star one time and everyone just has to bring it up!” - Po

 

*...ribbits* - Clyde Froggins

*shoots the frogs* - Emperor Stick

"Who ever said it was frogs?" - Clyde

*shoots whatever made the noise* - Per

"Who said it could be shot?" - Clyde

*makes it not exist* - Per

"Who said it ever existed?" - Clyde

"You did." - Per

"No, I said there were ribbits." - Clyde

 

"I was not expecting my status update to devolve to cremposting. That's what Ene's are for." - Fire

 

"Can we talk about how he said 'Holy Pringles'?" - Potency

 

"I’m not sure if a giant wall of cake would stop a van." - BookishOcelot

 

"I think you just accidentally summon the weird and profit from it." - Lith 

 

For more hilarious quotes, check out my About Me page. This is totally not a prerecorded advertisement. 

[Honorless]

Well, there was this one time...

Person A: What's your sexuality?

Person B: Misanthropic

[+Doomstick]

Starsight sneak peek spoilers 

Spoiler

 “Not that there’s anything wrong with humans. I find their frail, emotionally unstable, irrational natures quite endearing.”

“Likely,” M-Bot continued, “I regard humans as I do only because I’m programmed to do so. But hey, that’s no different from instinct programming a mother bird to love the twisted, featherless abominations she spawns, right?”

 

[Eluvianii]

"That's why you must never say no to a panda."

[Snakenaps]

This thread seems to be half book quotes and half stranger quotes, but the most memorable quote I can think of not from a book came from my high school days. 

In high school, there was this particular kid, C., that was very good looking but... wasn't the sharpest spoon in the knife drawer. A 6'2" football player. 

Then there was Ms. E, our history teacher, five foot nothing, in her self-imposed uniform of grey dresses and blue blazers. She had a Chihuahua complex.

Once C. called her a witch to her face, but that's not particularly quotable.

There was this one day when C. said something so ridiculous that Ms. E came up to him and put a fist a foot above his head and began to tilt it sideways. We asked her what she was doing, to which she replied, "I'm watering his common sense seed." 

Won't lie, sometimes I wish I could water my students' common sense seeds myself...

[NorthStar]

“Usually when I get mad there’s a lot of punching, and I’m not the one getting punched.” - My friend

"You're all my sacks of sugar. But some of you are being lazy sacks of sugar." - My Spanish teacher lecturing us about doing our work

[Eluvianii]

Not really a quote but:

"Why isn't the game unlocked yet? It has been 5 seconds since midnight!"