Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
shatteredsmooth

Junk Junction Sub 5 Chapter 8 and 9 (5264 words)_8262019 (g?)

14 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hi All,
 
Being over the word count seems to be a trend this week. Sorry I'm a little over. 
 
I am rather uncertain about these chapters. 
 
I worry that too much happens too quickly in ch. 8 with little time for reaction, but I also don't want to unnecessarily drag things out. What do you think? 
 
I'm not sure about the transition between the two chapters, and if they should be two chapters or one. Do you think I need to add more between them? Should it be a scene break, not a chapter break?
 
I'm worried the journal is too cliche. 
 
Aside from those questions, any other feedback is welcome. As usual, don't worry about grammar and typos. I'll save that for when the content is solid. 
 
Thank you!
 
Sara
 
A few things to note:
- I took the gods/aliens thing out, and replaced with something that sets up for the journal they find in the wall on page 6, which is not what D was looking for in her house. I may need to work on leading up to it if it is confusing.
-I'm using "he/him" pronouns for A. I made some changes to his back story. Those details haven't be revealed to the reader yet, but they will come up eventually.
 
Last time:
Ch. 1-2: E's mom gets turned into a mannequin in an antique shop. A haunted doll helps E's and the shop dog escape the same fate. 
Ch. 3-4: E gathers supplies from Junk Junction and does research in a library. Then they venture out to find food and a psychic. They meet D, a 13-year-old psychic whose mom is missing. They think D's mom's disappears is related to E's mom and Mx.R getting turned into mannequins.  
Ch. 5-6: E & D do research in D's mom's office. D tells E more about the circumstances surrounding her mom's disappearance.  In the morning, the two kids return to the shop, only to find the mannequins gone and the phrase "come find me" spelled out with teacups. 
Ch. 7: E & D return to Junk Junction, only to find the mannequins missing along with an assortment of other items. They go to D's house, and find some of the missing items are there along with another message from M. 
 
Note Added at 8:57 p.m. 
I didn't initially tag this with any warnings, but I'm wondering if I should've tagged it for gore. 
 
The last few pages could be triggering for some because they show the bones of some of Margarets previous victims / A's friends from when he was alive. 
Edited by shatteredsmooth
added content warning
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, these were a little uneven, but there are the bones (ha) of some good stuff. Mainly I want more reasons behind what happens, but what happens moves the story along.

To your questions:

On 8/26/2019 at 11:44 AM, shatteredsmooth said:

I worry that too much happens too quickly in ch. 8 with little time for reaction, but I also don't want to unnecessarily drag things out. What do you think?

I think it's less that things happen quickly--I thought chapter 8 read well--but that they happen without explanations.

On 8/26/2019 at 11:44 AM, shatteredsmooth said:

I'm not sure about the transition between the two chapters, and if they should be two chapters or one. Do you think I need to add more between them? Should it be a scene break, not a chapter break?

I think there does need to be a chapter break, but the beginning of ch 9 can be cut down a lot. Too much time on logistics of riding bikes on a road.

On 8/26/2019 at 11:44 AM, shatteredsmooth said:

I'm worried the journal is too cliche. 

I was fine with it. More that who would jump to the conclusion that crystals glued to a wall held hidden drawers?

 

Notes while reading:

pg 1: "Images of skin turning blistering red and charred black"
--is this prior experience, or do they just have a very vivid imagination? This is reading as the former to me.

pg 1: "If the police found us here, they would take us to the police station, ultimately ending our quest to save our moms."
--very concise reason for avoiding them and having the kids on their own.

pg 1: "police say two people speeding away from a burning house on bikes, they might think we set it on fire."
--fair enough. Also "say" -> "saw"

pg 2: "What if the mannequins and ghosts had gone there after leaving Delilah’s house."
--oh, we're assuming the mannequins started the fire? I mean, I guess, because they're the villains, but I've yet to see signs of them doing complicated things, or even moving fast.

pg 2: "One thing that I think kept me from just giving up or falling behind was thinking about G,and what would happen if there was a fire, and he was up there all alone with no one knowing where he was."
--We're also assuming the mannequins will set the office on fire? I hadn't made that conclusion. Also, I don't want to say E thinks *too* much about the dog, but he's driven a lot of the story so far.

pg 3: "I thought I might have lost him."
--I didn't jump to the fire scenario, so the sense of relief doesn't work for me here. I never believed he was in danger.

pg 3: "wriggled out with a sword"
--a what now?

pg 3: "sword in my backpack?"
--also, a sword in any sense of the word would not fit in any backpack I know of.

pg 4: "G’s ears were back and he was panting, a sign the moving books were stressing him out."
--Yeah, perhaps too much time given to making sure the dog is calm and not, you know, the two human characters.

pg 5: "Did you ever try to open one? Did you see your mom put them there?” 
--this is stretching my disbelief a little. Between swords in backpacks that may or may not be important, mannequins maybe starting fires, and assuming that crystals on the walls lead to hidden drawers, there's a lot of jumping to conclusions.

pg 5: "When I knocked on the panel of the wall around the crystal he was barking at, it was definitely hollow."
--eyebrow raise.

pg 6: “Is she saying I’m not human?” 
--again, jumping to conclusions. She's just saying these people exist. She hasn't identified anyone.

pg 7: "There is NOTHING that can help me..."
--after reading parts of three pages...

pg 9: "If Mom were tied up with a similar kind of energy"
--but she's not a ghost...

pg 9: "but something in it also buzzed with energy."
--it would be nice if we got some foreshadowing of this ability in the first few powers rather it just coming out of nowhere here.

pg 10: "Tears kept escaping her eyes"
--why is she crying? Ah...probably because of the fire in her house, but I think this needs some connection to the previous chapter.

pg 10: “I don’t know what to do!...” 
--ok, here we get some explanation for D's emotion. Maybe put this earlier?

pg 12: "Its hands held the hilt of the sword they kept insisting on me taking."
--This is a pretty complex sentence, defining "it" as the doll, but "they" as A and the intention behind the doll...

pg 12: Hmm, I think these are good as two chapters, but you might need more transition between them. We go from discovering things in the office to riding for the mill with nothing in the middle.

pg 13: "Any one person in a car could open their door, knock me off of my bike, and snatch me."
--I mean, yes, but this also wouldn't be the top thing on my mind while trying to fend off a kidnapping mannequin and rescue my mother.

pg 11-13 sort of wander. There's a lot of mechanics about riding bikes on the freeway, when the goal here is to get to the skeletons in the lake. Speaking of which...

pg 14: "The water was full of floating skeletons"
--and no one's noticed this?

pg 15: "All twelve jaws moved in unison as he spoke"
--that's gristly.

pg 15: "Twelve children." “Why do you think they washed up here?"
--this happened about a hundred years ago, right? No chance these skeletons have not been discovered by someone.

pg 15: “Because I hid my bones.”
--ok, so the bones are a recent thing. I think we need some more explanation of how the mannequins can do...anything.

pg 16: "before I even knew she was actually capable of turning people into mannequins"
--I also think there needs to be a lot more setup of this being a thing and at least a hint of how it works, earlier in the story. We have a vague idea that this can happen, but no idea how, which reduces the tension for me.

pg 17: "I had the option of calling Dad"
--it's a little late to contemplate rejecting the call for action. E's sort of committed.

pg 17: “I know the risks, but I have to try and save my Mom.” 
--yeah, I thought they were past this already.

Pg 18: "In front of them, words appeared on the ground in messy, childlike handwriting"
--That...honestly probably going to hurt the investigation more than help. Leaving them undisturbed would keep the police from asking questions about how they got out of the lake.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Overall

This read a bit choppy, like a bunch of elements were put in without backseeding. There was a lot of plot convenience and random new information, which I would have liked foreshadowed. I did like how well the plot moved forward, and the end bit with the river was excellent.

26 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

think it's less that things happen quickly--I thought chapter 8 read well--but that they happen without explanations.

This exactly. 

26 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

I think there does need to be a chapter break, but the beginning of ch 9 can be cut down a lot. Too much time on logistics of riding bikes on a road.

Also agree. The bike riding lasted too long and stopped the tension build

26 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

I was fine with it. More that who would jump to the conclusion that crystals glued to a wall held hidden drawers?

Journal doesn't bother me either. The crystals just confused me and I was so confused in that section to begin with that I ended up skimming the crystal section.

27 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

this happened about a hundred years ago, right? No chance these skeletons have not been discovered by someone.

I was thinking this as well

27 minutes ago, Mandamon said:

I think we need some more explanation of how the mannequins can do...anything.

Another agree. I'm still very vague on why the ghosts are in mannequins and not, say, robots that run on batteries or something. And what their powers actually are.

 

As I go

- pg 3: the sword seems very plot convenient. I don't think it was foreshadowed at all, or maybe WRS?

- pg 5: maybe also WRS but I'm not clear where they are or what they are doing. They are looking through books in a library in a house. Is it the house of one of the kids? What are they looking for? Where do we think the parents are?

- that text on pg 5 is really vague. I'm not certain what we are supposed to learn from it

- pg 8: the discussion about 'do you just sense ghosts' slows down the pacing, which was already wandering a bit. We know D can sense ghosts. This seems like repeated information

- pg 9: I don't understand what our protag did when they were mind-energy moving. They grabbed A and he was solid for moment, then he had to go back in the doll? Why?

- pg 10: if this is a spectral sword it definitely needs to be foreshadowed because it is too plot convenient otherwise. Maybe it could be something protag picks up in their initial wandering around the antique store and gets a bit of info on it? Maybe it has a card with it that explains what it does?

- pg 10: ah, so it's D's house. But weren't they already at D's house? Where did the bike ride come in?

- oh no, sorry. They're not at D's house. Confused

- pg 14: I feel like at this stage it's been well set up that D just has her mom, so an amber alert seems like it would be unlikely 

- pg 15: the bones having washed up also seems very easy and plot convenient. Even if you want them to have washed out, I feel like they found them too easily. No work.

- pg 16: would also be helpful to establish how ghost strength works, so it doesn't sound too plot convenient that A moved his own bones so therefore he is strong.

- ooh, I like the end!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Comments :) 

(page 1)

- "scraped skin off of my knee" - I wanted more physicality from the fall. I like that E doesn't feel much pain in the heat of the moment because adrenaline, but I wanted to be more 'exhilerated' by them falling.

- "soared down the hill" - 'soared' is a flying word, I think a different word is needed to make the reader feel what's happening here.

- "The fireman probably wouldn’t even recognize us" - firemen.

- "if police say see two people speeding" - No, I'm not doing LBLs, last one for this pass.

(page 2)

- "giving up or falling behind" - negative things like this are less compelling, imo. I'm going to send you back a file with LBL comments  so I don't clutter up the thread here.

- "No emergency vehicles circled the building" - I follow another writing podcast ( :o ) called Death By 1,000 Cuts, it's very entertaining and where WE goes into process and ideas, genres and method, DB1KC (my abbreviation) goes much more into craft, mechanics and wordsmithing. Needless to say I love it. Some advice I've taken from DB1KC is 'don't describe what's not there, that's misleading, and not engaging for the reader, described what is there. You're really misdirecting the reader completely, if you think about it.

- "and it happened again" - implies she dropped the key another three times. That seems very unlikely to me.

(page 3)

- I'm puzzled by the reaction to the doll having a sword. No one seems to fear an attack. That's okay, but I think you have to flag that the doll is holding the sword point down, or some such, i.e. is in a non-aggressive stance.

- "carried the weight myself" - cooooool!

(page 4)

- "tears dripped out of her eyes" - Huh? Why is D crying? - Still crying on page 5.  I don't get it.

(page 5)

- One moment, E is stressed out by the cyclone, then they both ignore it and start talking about cupboards, but the cyclone is still going on.

- "The swirling cloud of books slowed" - I think this can and should be more dramatic. Like suddenly the books all stopped turning and fell out of the air.

- "fell to the ground like feathers" - Really? They were thudding into the floor before.

(page 6)

- "whose remnants are more powerful" - More powerful than what?

- "raging unfinished business" - Bleuch: really don't like this phrase.

- "but the notebook flipped" - Is it A doing this? Unclear.

(page 7)

- "slammed into a space of empty shelf across the room" - I don't get what this is aiming to say.

- I don't really follow A's reaction, his(?) words. I don't think his response is clear.

(page 8)

- "Not too often" - this is vague and that makes it unclear.

- "reaching out as it formed" - What is 'it'?

(page 10)

- "Tears kept escaping her eyes" - Still D is crying. Is this over her mother? I just need that clarified but a couple of words.

- "tears streamed out" - I think part of the problem is that (pretty much) the only word used is tears, there's little of no description of sobs, red eyes, shoulders shaking or other signs of crying. Her voice is cracked up, or affected at all, which would be a big indicator for crying, I would think.

- "anything of Mom’s that might have any answers is gone" - But they found the notes in the office, so this seems to be demonstrably untrue.

(page 12)

- "the color of faded d/s" - Awesome line, just awesome.

- "A’s doll’s head popped out of the top of my backpack" - Now, how is it that this line could remind me of WorldCon, @industrialistDragon?

- Seems like there is some inconsistency in referring to A as 'he' and 'they'. Noticed at the start of Chapter 9, but think there have been other instances.

- "The ride wasn’t as exciting" - I would think this would be the furthest thing from E's mind, given the stress their under.

- Cycling in the woods, surely, since they are cycling now and it's a comparison.

- "I couldn’t look in the woods to appreciate the moss, lichen, ferns, and small animals" - But they shouldn't be doing this anyway, surely? It doesn't seem to fit the emotional tone or mood of the story at this point. Houses are burning, mothers are in peril, spirits are gathering (maybe). This is no time to be looking at the scenery. NOW, you could have this line in, but I think only if E was thinking that they weren't able to appreciate these things, because of the terrible situation.

- "every time a pickup truck rumbled by" - I wonder if maybe you need to remind the reader here about the pick-up that stopped at the house? I managed to remember it after a moment, and I've got WRS, so maybe it's okay actually.

(page 13)

- "Traffic slowed to a crawl" - Why?

- "and snatch me" - Why would they? Seems super unlikely, and kind of take focus away from the main story, I thought.

(page 14)

- "a wide, pond-like area" - What is this? Isn't it just a pond? I think this needs to be more specific. Vague is not engaging.

(page 17)

- "shook my hand" - Really? I'm disappointed, I was hoping for something... different.

- "Maybe we should leave them out for people to find" - I confused. They just happened over the skeletons, didn't they? How and why did they get where? They seem to be glossing over that.

Overall 

Nice emotional punch at the end of Chapter 8, and some decent action and progress of the story during the chapter, I thought.

I enjoyed the second chapter. Again, it felt like the story was moving forward at some pace. The thing with the bodies though, it felt disjointed to me, the rationale of how they came to be there: I did not connect with that, or manage to assimilate it.

Good job overall. I'm still on board for the ride.

:) 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Robinski said:

Now, how is it that this line could remind me of WorldCon,

I have no idea what you're talking about!  0:) 

 

 P1110155.thumb.JPG.30c0bc041565a67a073a7e7b0abed003.JPG

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How close are we to the end? Most middle grade are between 20k-50k words and this is about 20k if I'm not mistaken.

I actually felt the pacing in these chapters was the best so far. Things were moving. It felt like middle grade should feel. I'm ignoring that some things happened that felt like they came out of the blue and weren't properly explained (the others mentioned these already) because you said you had been reworking some of the stuff we had already read.

My biggest issue up to this point is that I feel like we keep covering the same ground (literally in some cases since we keep going back to the same locations). There really isn't anything here that couldn't have been revealed a few chapters ago, except for maybe the sword which I can see holding back. 

At this point in the story, I feel like we should actively be moving toward a conclusion. But everything feels so up in the air still. We should have most if not all of the knowledge we need by now and the characters should be actively working with that information against a tangible (maybe not literally) villain. There are definite glimmers of this in these chapters, there's no doubt about it, but even during these chapters that I was engrossed enough to not make line-by-line notes I kept thinking "We've already been over this". 

I did like the emotion at the end of the second chapter. And I like that A is actively taking part in the story now and that there is mystery behind him.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/27/2019 at 10:42 PM, kais said:

Overall

This read a bit choppy, like a bunch of elements were put in without backseeding. There was a lot of plot convenience and random new information, which I would have liked foreshadowed. I did like how well the plot moved forward, and the end bit with the river was excellent.

On 8/27/2019 at 10:14 PM, Mandamon said:

think it's less that things happen quickly--I thought chapter 8 read well--but that they happen without explanations.

This exactly. 

This is fair. Some of it wasn't backseeded because it wasn't in the story at all until a couple weeks ago, and I probably could've warned you all about that. Other things I just set up poorly. 

 

On 8/27/2019 at 10:14 PM, Mandamon said:

--also, a sword in any sense of the word would not fit in any backpack I know of.

 

Probably more like Sting or a dirk -- something between sword and dagger but might look like a sword to a kid. I'll revise my description. And it would stick out, being about the same size as Alex.

On 8/27/2019 at 10:14 PM, Mandamon said:

pg 9: "but something in it also buzzed with energy."
--it would be nice if we got some foreshadowing of this ability in the first few powers rather it just coming out of nowhere here.

This is one of the things that wasn't in my original draft, but as I was going through getting my next few submissions ready, I felt like it was to confusing have D constantly telling E where she sensed things and it would be  a lot easier to write clearly if E could sense them too, at least to an extent. 

 

On 8/27/2019 at 10:14 PM, Mandamon said:

pg 16: "before I even knew she was actually capable of turning people into mannequins"
--I also think there needs to be a lot more setup of this being a thing and at least a hint of how it works, earlier in the story. We have a vague idea that this can happen, but no idea how, which reduces the tension for me.

I'll find a place to do that. I had something like that in this chapter, but then took it out. I'll try to work in somewhere earlier. 

On 8/27/2019 at 10:42 PM, kais said:
On 8/27/2019 at 10:14 PM, Mandamon said:

I think we need some more explanation of how the mannequins can do...anything.

Another agree. I'm still very vague on why the ghosts are in mannequins and not, say, robots that run on batteries or something. And what their powers actually are.

So M and her mannequin are more or less the same as A and his doll. The ghosts, with enough energy, telekinetically move things. It's the ghost, not the mannequin doing things, and I will try to make that clearer much earlier. I'm not sure I ever showed E realizing this, so I will go back and clarify. 

 

On 8/27/2019 at 10:42 PM, kais said:

- pg 10: if this is a spectral sword it definitely needs to be foreshadowed because it is too plot convenient otherwise. Maybe it could be something protag picks up in their initial wandering around the antique store and gets a bit of info on it? Maybe it has a card with it that explains what it does?

 

The sword was in Chapter 1, but there was so much going on in that chapter, but the feedback I got on it was that there was too much going on, so I can see it being forgettable. I'll go back and try to draw more attention to it in Ch. 1.

 

On 8/30/2019 at 5:51 PM, Robinski said:

- I'm puzzled by the reaction to the doll having a sword. No one seems to fear an attack. That's okay, but I think you have to flag that the doll is holding the sword point down, or some such, i.e. is in a non-aggressive stance.

The doll isn't holding it -- its on the floor in front of him

On 8/30/2019 at 5:51 PM, Robinski said:

Seems like there is some inconsistency in referring to A as 'he' and 'they'

I was changing from "they" to "he" and probably missed half of the theys I needed to change.

 

On 8/30/2019 at 5:51 PM, Robinski said:

- "Maybe we should leave them out for people to find" - I confused. They just happened over the skeletons, didn't they? How and why did they get where? They seem to be glossing over that.

 

@kais and @Mandamon  also had some confusion about this. The bones were in marked graves in an old cemetery and M's ghost took they out and dumped them in a river while looking for A's bones, which were not in his grave. This also calls for more explanation of what a ghost like M can and can't do, and I did seem to botch this set up in the earlier chapters with all the research. 

On 9/1/2019 at 0:43 AM, hawkedup said:

How close are we to the end? Most middle grade are between 20k-50k words and this is about 20k if I'm not mistaken.

 

We are about half way. 

On 9/1/2019 at 0:43 AM, hawkedup said:

I'm ignoring that some things happened that felt like they came out of the blue and weren't properly explained (the others mentioned these already) because you said you had been reworking some of the stuff we had already read

This is something I always struggle with when submitting things week by week. Sometimes I want to wait until I've gotten feedback on everything to start making changes, but then I feel like I am rehashing too many of the same mistakes. When I revise as I go, I do tend to change things that have ripples for later on. I'll try to be clearer in the emails I send with the story about what I've changed. 

On 9/1/2019 at 0:43 AM, hawkedup said:

I kept thinking "We've already been over this"

Makes sense.

 

Thank you everyone for reading! Your feedback was very helpful. :-)

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, shatteredsmooth said:

The doll isn't holding it -- its on the floor in front of him

Oh, so how did it get onto the floor? Someone must have been holding it to take it out of the pack? Maybe I just misread and made the wrong assumption.

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Robinski said:

Oh, so how did it get onto the floor? Someone must have been holding it to take it out of the pack? Maybe I just misread and made the wrong assumption.

 

Or I didn't write what I thought I wrote.

I was picturing the sword kind of spilling out of the bag with the doll and plopping on the floor. That doesn't necessarily mean the words on the page actually conveyed that. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/3/2019 at 10:33 AM, shatteredsmooth said:

This is something I always struggle with when submitting things week by week. Sometimes I want to wait until I've gotten feedback on everything to start making changes, but then I feel like I am rehashing too many of the same mistakes. When I revise as I go, I do tend to change things that have ripples for later on. I'll try to be clearer in the emails I send with the story about what I've changed. 

I feel you. I always think back to Warbreaker and how Brandon posted all the different drafts he did and how in the earliest drafts he would literally cut out a character or combine two characters or suddenly there was a new plot point that was never mentioned before without any sort of explanation. But in the final draft it was all ironed out as if those earlier drafts never happened, and this makes me feel better about my own drafting process.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From the way it's phrased, I thought the sword was doll-sized at first. It's a person-scale sword? I am more than happy to talk about how big "doll scale" can get, depending on the size of your dolls... ;) 

I'm unclear why A is tearing up all the books. 

I'm also unclear what's happening with the crystals and the door. 

I don't think the journal is cliche, but I'm not certain what sort of information it's conveying, or maybe more, how the information relates back to the ghosts and getting the moms back. It's an interesting bit of worldbuilding, but I was expecting something more about the ghosts and less about why E can sense them.

the last couple pages felt to me like they are edging back towards adult thoughts again, but the rest of it I thought stayed pretty well in kid-mode.  

The bikes maybe went a bit long, but I didn't mind too much. 

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, industrialistDragon said:

From the way it's phrased, I thought the sword was doll-sized at first. It's a person-scale sword? I am more than happy to talk about how big "doll scale" can get, depending on the size of your dolls...

A is around 20" or 22" tall, which is why he doesn't quite fit in the backpack. I need to adjust some of my initial description of his doll because it isn't fully accurate to what I settled on for it (Martha Jenks Chase Dolls). When I finish another pass, the doll will resemble something like the attached photos, but in worse condition.

I hadn't thought of making the sword doll scale, but I'm not sure that would make sense based on the back store I have in mind for it (though it's early enough I could change said backstory, which I don't think is even on page in the manuscript). Plus, E is the one who wields it. I'm imagining it is about the same size as Alex (and Sting). For now I added a few lines where the kids argue over whether it is a sword or a dagger. 

2 hours ago, industrialistDragon said:

but I was expecting something more about the ghosts and less about why E can sense them.

Just last night I was working on this section, and am revising it so it is more related to M's motives. 

2 hours ago, industrialistDragon said:

the last couple pages felt to me like they are edging back towards adult thoughts again, but the rest of it I thought stayed pretty well in kid-mode.  

 

Good to know. :-)

Thank you for the comments! 

Screen Shot 2019-09-08 at 1.39.42 PM.png

Screen Shot 2019-09-08 at 1.40.47 PM.png

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, shatteredsmooth said:

A is around 20" or 22" tall

I had it pegged at around 1:4 scale so I'm glad I was close! (American Girl Doll was around what I was visualizing. I am woefully uninformed about vintage and antique dolls). I have some 1:2 scale dolls for whom in-scale swords could definitely be "is it a kids' sword or dagger" size, and that's what I was sort of referencing. I don't think it needs changing, just that I was confused. If they somehow mention size so it's not relying on the assumption of either doll-size or adult-size, it should be fine.  :)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Gaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

Scary dolls!!!!!!!!

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.