Nerd jokes

[Friendshipspren]

@Ixthos ok so it deals with Laplace transforms. Ah kek. I'm studying engineering. It just got introduced to us. Okk I guess I will learn more about it in the next sem. 

[Ixthos]

32 minutes ago, Lunamor said:

I know zilch about this topic, but unstable systems sound kinda scary 

*Laughs merrily*

They are!

 

... well, the maths can be :-P

 

 

15 minutes ago, PrinceGenocide said:

@Ixthos ok so it deals with Laplace transforms. Ah kek. I'm studying engineering. It just got introduced to us. Okk I guess I will learn more about it in the next sem. 

 

Good luck and God bless :-) control theory really is facinating, I hope you enjoy it :-)

[Condensation]

Why can't you trust a math teacher holding graph paper?

Spoiler

 Because they're obviously plotting something. 

 Did you hear the one about the statistician?

Spoiler

 Probably. 

 There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't. 

How do you stay warm in any room?

Spoiler

 Huddle in the corner, where it's 90 degrees!!!

I hate negative numbers, and will stop at nothing to avoid them. 

After the sheep dog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer. "All 40 accounted for!!"

"But I only have 36 sheep!" Exclaimed the farmer, confused. 

"I know, but I rounded them up," explained the sheep dog. 

[Ixthos]

Here's one from the 1980's, and can be found here: http://web.mit.edu/jemorris/humor/alice-and-bob. Cutting out the preamble:

 

Alice and Bob have been used to illustrate all sorts of protocols and
bits of coding theory in scientific papers. Over the years Alice and Bob
have tried to defraud insurance companies, they've exchanged secret messages
over a tapped line, and the've played poker for high stakes by mail.
Now if we put together all the little details from lots of papers - a snippet
from here, a snippet from there - we get a facinating picture of their lives.

This may be the first time in the history of coding theory that a
definitive biography of Alice and Bob has been given.

Take Bob. Bob is often selling securities to speculators so we can be
pretty sure he's a stockbroker. But from his concern about eavesdropping
he is probably into something subersive on the side too.

Take Alice. From the number of times Alice tries to buy stock from
him we can say she is probably a speculator. And she's also worried
that her husband doesn't get to find out about her financial dealings.

So Bob is a subversive stockbroker and Alice is a two-timing speculator.

But Alice has a number of serious problems.

     She and Bob only get to talk by telephone or by email. 
     And in the country where they live the phone service is very expensive. 

And Alice and Bob are cheapskates.

So the first thing Alice must do is MINIMISE THE COST OF THE PHONE CALL.

The telephone in their country is also pretty lousy. The interference
is so bad that Alice and Bob can hardly hear each other. So the second thing
Alice must do is to PROTECT HER MESSAGES AGAINST ERRORS in transmission.

On top of that Alice and Bob have very powerful enemies.

One of their enemies the is the Tax Authority. Another is the Secret Police.

These enemies have almost unlimited resources. They always listen in
to telephone conversations between Alice and Bob.

This is a pity since Bob and Alice are always plotting tax frauds and
overthrowing the government.

So the third thing ALICE must do is PROTECT HER COMMUNICATIONS 
FROM EAVESDROPPING.

And these enemies are very sneaky. One of their favourite tricks is
to telephone Alice and pretend to be Bob.

So the fourth thing Alice has to do is to BE SURE SHE IS COMMUNICATING
WITH WHOM SHE THINKS SHE IS.

Well, you think, so all Alice has to do is listen very carefully to be
sure she recognises Bob's voice.

But no.

You see Alice has never met Bob. She has no idea what his voice sounds like.

All in all Alice has a whole bunch of problems.

Oh yes, and there is one more thing I forgot so say

- Alice doesn't trust Bob.

Now most people in Alice's position would give up.

Not Alice.She has courage which can only be described as awesome.

Against all odds, over a noisy telephone line, tapped by the tax
authorities and the secret police, Alice will happily attempt, with
someone she doesn't trust, whom she can't hear clearly, and who is
probably someone else, to fiddle her tax return and to organise a
cout d'etat, while at the same time minimising the cost of the phone call.

A coding theorist is someone who doesn't think Alice is crazy.

(C) John Gordon 1984

 

[theTruthshaper]

9 hours ago, Ixthos said:

-snip-

I have only done competitive programming, but this is still an accurate description of what it feels like, especially the errors.

[Friendshipspren]

There are 10 types of ppl in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. 

[theTruthshaper]

2 minutes ago, PrinceGenocide said:

There are 10 types of ppl in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't. 

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't and those who were not expecting a joke in ternary.

[Friendshipspren]

13 minutes ago, The_Truthwatcher said:

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, those who don't and those who were not expecting a joke in ternary.

There are 100 types of ppl in the world. Those who understand quantum superposition and those who don't. 

Edited July 13, 2020 by PrinceGenocide
A little polishing

[Lunamor]

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can infer from incomplete data. (I think this is the original?)

[Spencer Nightshade]

On 8/14/2019 at 11:51 AM, Ixthos said:

So, what is your favourite nerd jokes, science jokes, or humour obscurus?

 

How does Spider-man travel arround the city so quickly?

  Reveal hidden contents

He uses Peter Parkour.

 

Three logicians walk into a bar. The barman says: "So, do you all want a drink?"

The first logician says: "I don't know."

The second logician says: "I don't know."

The third logician says: "Yes."

 

@Ripheus23 you might like this one:

What is an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

  Reveal hidden contents

Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

Love those last two! Mostly because I'm proud of myself for understanding them. Did you, by chance, get the last one from Vsauce?

[Ixthos]

12 minutes ago, Spencer Nightshade said:

Love those last two! Mostly because I'm proud of myself for understanding them. Did you, by chance, get the last one from Vsauce?

Yup :-) I've heard it used elsewhere since, but I think that was the first place I heard it.

[Shard of Reading]

Want to hear a potassium joke?

'K.

________________

Math. The only place where you can buy 90 watermelons and no one bats an eye.

 

[Araris Valerian]

What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Spoiler

Nothing. You can’t cross a vector and a scalar.

 

[Condensation]

My sister has a shirt with this: I do math. What's your superpower?

[Truthless of Shinovar]

[Condensation]

On 7/13/2020 at 3:31 PM, Lunamor said:

There are two types of people in this world. Those who can infer from incomplete data. (I think this is the original?)

Yes, that is the original.

I would tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 24, 2020 by Condensation