Ixthos

Nerd jokes

15 posts in this topic

So, what is your favourite nerd jokes, science jokes, or humour obscurus?

 

How does Spider-man travel arround the city so quickly?

Spoiler

He uses Peter Parkour.

 

Three logicians walk into a bar. The barman says: "So, do you all want a drink?"

The first logician says: "I don't know."

The second logician says: "I don't know."

The third logician says: "Yes."

 

@Ripheus23 you might like this one:

What is an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

Spoiler

Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

 

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A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100 billion. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100 million per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, "We have made several simplifying assumptions. First, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere . . ."

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I’ve got some math puns that also have various nerdy references in them.

One day, I encountered an Ent in the forest. I was curious as to why he was there, as I had thought he was a resident of Middle Earth. He claimed that he had been visiting his friend, Gru, who could build him a device to help his fellow Ents make up their minds quicker. But Khan has been passing by and, being evil, had snatched him up and gotten him lost in the forest. So I led the Ent out of the forest and reunited him with Khan and Gru. I wanted them to stop fighting and for there to be peace, so I said “Khan, Gru, Ent”, pointing at them each in turn, “You guys need to realize how similar each of you are!” Problem solved.

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1 hour ago, Ixthos said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

He uses Peter Parkour.

 

Three logicians walk into a bar. The barman says: "So, do you all want a drink?"

The first logician says: "I don't know."

The second logician says: "I don't know."

The third logician says: "Yes."

 

@Ripheus23 you might like this one:

What is an anagram of Banach-Tarski?

  Reveal hidden contents

Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski

 

Augh, I *almost* got it haha. I like the logic one too

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Two atoms were walking down the road. The first atom suddenly stopped. "I think I just dropped one of my electrons!"

"Are you sure?" said the second atom.

The first atom looked at him. "I'm positive!"


If you ever want to flirt with a biologist, just tell them that if you had to pick between DNA and RNA, you would choose RNA every time. Why?

Spoiler

Because RNA has U in it.

 

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1 hour ago, Ixthos said:

Two atoms were walking down the road. The first atom suddenly stopped. "I think I just dropped one of my electrons!"

"Are you sure?" said the second atom.

The first atom looked at him. "I'm positive!"


If you ever want to flirt with a biologist, just tell them that if you had to pick between DNA and RNA, you would choose RNA every time. Why?

  Hide contents

Because RNA has U in it.

 

BOTH OF THOSE ARE CRACKING ME UP :lol:

Here’s a classic one that I see on t-shirts everywhere:

You can’t trust an atom. They make up everything.

Edited by Lunamor
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Never trust atoms.

Spoiler

They make up everything

A man walks into a bar he says "I want ten times the number of drinks already being served here!

Spoiler

"That," said the bartender "is an order of magnitude"

Nerdy pick up lines;).

Are you a carbon sample? Because I want to date you.
 
According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.
 
I wish I was your derivative...
Spoiler

so I can lie tangent to your curve.

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Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first chemist says: "I would like some H2O."

The second chemist says: "I would like some H2O as well."

The first chemist sits down and drinks, angry that the assassination attempt failed.


Helium walked into a bar.

"I'm sorry," said the barman. "We don't serve noble gasses here."

Helium didn't react.

 

There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

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Mine's more geek humor that no one gets.

The other night it was omelette night at our house and I'm cooking.  As I pull out two cast iron skillets, I strike a dramatic pose, wave them mystically, and say "I'm dual casting."  There is silence and confused stares.

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I am a fan of nerd humor :)

“You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.”

 

Want to hear a potassium joke?

...

K.

 

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On 8/28/2019 at 6:57 AM, Philomath said:

I am a fan of nerd humor :)

“You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.”

 

Want to hear a potassium joke?

...

K.

 

And on that line ... 

Sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium,

Sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium,

Spoiler

Batman!

 

Also, remember, if you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate :-P


Did you know that any flight to Poland requires a certain degree of care when assigning passengers from different countries seats on the craft? You see, the system is only stable when all the Poles are on the left half of the plane.

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6 hours ago, Ixthos said:

And on that line ... 

Sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium,

Sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium,

  Hide contents

Batman!

 

Okay. I am a person who usually keeps my laughs inside and just grins when I find something funny. But this one made me burst out laughing.

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This one always was cracking me up :P

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.

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On 9/8/2019 at 7:52 AM, Kualo said:

This one always was cracking me up :P

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.

I like that one :-)

Einstein, Newton, Heisenberg, and Pascal were playing hide and seek. They began the game, Einstein counting, and Pascal and Heisenberg ran off to hide. Netwon, however, just drew a square - with each side 1 metre - on the ground, and then sat down inside it. When Einstein finished counting he turned around, and said to Newton: "I've found you Newton!" But Newton replied: "No, you haven't! You found Pascal!"

 

Oh, and If you are wondering why Heisenberg is in the joke, and where he was hiding ... I'm not certain, but I can tell you how fast he was going ;-)

 

You know, numbers can be very weird. I just heard a rather complex disagreement between the real and imaginary axes - they were having an argument over pi (or maybe it was half a pi? I'm sure they could have done with two pies, or any even number to share). It didn't sound very rational to me, but that's transcendental to the story.

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