Lunamor Posted August 6, 2019 Report Share Posted August 6, 2019 I’ve been working on a book/story thing for fun recently, and recently decided to write a few paragraphs from the perspective of a man who has been driven insane through magical means. I’ve never done anything like this before and was wondering what people thought of it, specifically if it’s too repetitive/boring, if it goes on too long, and if it’s easy to follow or not. Spoiler He tries to crawl away, but that brings pain. Pain pain pain pain pain. Pain is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad rhymes with mad. And sad. Was that why they called it bad? Ripped up two other words into little bloody pieces and stuck on a B? Where did they put the extra letters? Poor, pitiful things. That must have made them mad and sad. Bad mad sad. Maybe bad means bad because of how it was made. But that makes no sense. Why would they make it in the first place, then? Bad mad sad. It sounds like a children’s story. Maybe they made bad to go with mad and sad. Three words. Three three three three three. Three is good, but not for real life. Only for a children’s story. Story story story story story. Story rhymes with glory. Glory glory glory glory glory. Strangle the L and you get gory. Strangling is gory. You can’t have glory without gory. Gory gory gory gory gory. His mind was gory. That was bad. Unfortunate. Upsetting. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky. Who decided that un was bad? Un un un un un. Un is in run. Run run run run run. If un is bad, then is run bad? Maybe it was made like bad was made. They probably got the r from some other word. Road. Yes, road. No one likes the word road. Road road road road road. You can’t take a road. It sounds bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Why is everything bad? Maybe it’s because she is mad and sad. Mad and sad make bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Are the people bad? They seem mad and sad. They could make bad. He counts the people. Five five five five five. Why five? He sees five. Five are important. They will let them survive. Or not. If everything is bad, they might be too. Even though they aren’t everything. Maybe that bad is good. Good good good good good. Survival isn’t good. Survival brings pain. Pain pain pain pain pain. Pain is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad... 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndlerunner Posted August 6, 2019 Report Share Posted August 6, 2019 1 hour ago, Lunamor said: I’ve been working on a book/story thing for fun recently, and recently decided to write a few paragraphs from the perspective of a man who has been driven insane through magical means. I’ve never done anything like this before and was wondering what people thought of it, specifically if it’s too repetitive/boring, if it goes on too long, and if it’s easy to follow or not. Hide contents He tries to crawl away, but that brings pain. Pain pain pain pain pain. Pain is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad rhymes with mad. And sad. Was that why they called it bad? Ripped up two other words into little bloody pieces and stuck on a B? Where did they put the extra letters? Poor, pitiful things. That must have made them mad and sad. Bad mad sad. Maybe bad means bad because of how it was made. But that makes no sense. Why would they make it in the first place, then? Bad mad sad. It sounds like a children’s story. Maybe they made bad to go with mad and sad. Three words. Three three three three three. Three is good, but not for real life. Only for a children’s story. Story story story story story. Story rhymes with glory. Glory glory glory glory glory. Strangle the L and you get gory. Strangling is gory. You can’t have glory without gory. Gory gory gory gory gory. His mind was gory. That was bad. Unfortunate. Upsetting. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky. Who decided that un was bad? Un un un un un. Un is in run. Run run run run run. If un is bad, then is run bad? Maybe it was made like bad was made. They probably got the r from some other word. Road. Yes, road. No one likes the word road. Road road road road road. You can’t take a road. It sounds bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Why is everything bad? Maybe it’s because she is mad and sad. Mad and sad make bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Are the people bad? They seem mad and sad. They could make bad. He counts the people. Five five five five five. Why five? He sees five. Five are important. They will let them survive. Or not. If everything is bad, they might be too. Even though they aren’t everything. Maybe that bad is good. Good good good good good. Survival isn’t good. Survival brings pain. Pain pain pain pain pain. Pain is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad... I must admit, I find myself incredibly intrigued. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathrangking Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 4 hours ago, Lunamor said: I’ve been working on a book/story thing for fun recently, and recently decided to write a few paragraphs from the perspective of a man who has been driven insane through magical means. I’ve never done anything like this before and was wondering what people thought of it, specifically if it’s too repetitive/boring, if it goes on too long, and if it’s easy to follow or not. Reveal hidden contents He tries to crawl away, but that brings pain. Pain pain pain pain pain. Pain is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad rhymes with mad. And sad. Was that why they called it bad? Ripped up two other words into little bloody pieces and stuck on a B? Where did they put the extra letters? Poor, pitiful things. That must have made them mad and sad. Bad mad sad. Maybe bad means bad because of how it was made. But that makes no sense. Why would they make it in the first place, then? Bad mad sad. It sounds like a children’s story. Maybe they made bad to go with mad and sad. Three words. Three three three three three. Three is good, but not for real life. Only for a children’s story. Story story story story story. Story rhymes with glory. Glory glory glory glory glory. Strangle the L and you get gory. Strangling is gory. You can’t have glory without gory. Gory gory gory gory gory. His mind was gory. That was bad. Unfortunate. Upsetting. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky. Who decided that un was bad? Un un un un un. Un is in run. Run run run run run. If un is bad, then is run bad? Maybe it was made like bad was made. They probably got the r from some other word. Road. Yes, road. No one likes the word road. Road road road road road. You can’t take a road. It sounds bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Why is everything bad? Maybe it’s because she is mad and sad. Mad and sad make bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Are the people bad? They seem mad and sad. They could make bad. He counts the people. Five five five five five. Why five? He sees five. Five are important. They will let them survive. Or not. If everything is bad, they might be too. Even though they aren’t everything. Maybe that bad is good. Good good good good good. Survival isn’t good. Survival brings pain. Pain pain pain pain pain. Pain is bad. Bad bad bad bad bad... Interesting. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xardan Ta'Caran Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 I quite like that actually. My only suggestion would be to reorder the words when he says "His mind was gory. That was bad. Unfortunate. Upsetting. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky. Who decided that un was bad?" I'd reorder it to "Upsetting. Unfortunate. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky." That way it keeps all of the "Un's" together and I think it would flow better. Honestly though, I don't think it's too extensive. I think if this was the end of his moment it would be a great length of time for the ravings of a madman and it would give someone a good scope of where his madness is leading him. I do have to say that I like these ravings as well. It makes him seem like he was a very intelligent person and that intelligence is now forcing him to fixate on silly parts of words. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunamor Posted August 7, 2019 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 2 hours ago, Xardan Ta'Caran said: I quite like that actually. My only suggestion would be to reorder the words when he says "His mind was gory. That was bad. Unfortunate. Upsetting. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky. Who decided that un was bad?" I'd reorder it to "Upsetting. Unfortunate. Unpleasant. Unfavorable. Unlucky." That way it keeps all of the "Un's" together and I think it would flow better. Thanks, that’s really useful! That part had been feeling a bit off and that really helps. 2 hours ago, Xardan Ta'Caran said: I do have to say that I like these ravings as well. It makes him seem like he was a very intelligent person and that intelligence is now forcing him to fixate on silly parts of words. Yay, that’s what I was going for! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xardan Ta'Caran Posted August 7, 2019 Report Share Posted August 7, 2019 Glad I could help! And I'm also glad that the inherent information came through (at least to one reader). That's hard to get across in some situations, but you've done it well here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nofrodelius Posted August 8, 2019 Report Share Posted August 8, 2019 I love this! I would caution against making these sections too long in your writing (if these are intended to be integrated into a larger story), but you could easily scatter several of these introspective scenes throughout a novel, without them being overbearing or distracting from the plot. I think this is an intriguing way to share perspective on a character's mindset, and love the madman's "logic" shown here. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1st of Lunch Posted September 22, 2019 Report Share Posted September 22, 2019 Nice! I like how it comes back around full circle so to speak. Also, it drums up a lot of questions. I would definitely read more! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunamor Posted September 22, 2019 Author Report Share Posted September 22, 2019 17 minutes ago, 1st of Lunch said: Nice! I like how it comes back around full circle so to speak. Also, it drums up a lot of questions. I would definitely read more! Thank you so much! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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