+Doomstick Posted July 22, 2019 Report Share Posted July 22, 2019 What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truthless of Shinovar Posted July 22, 2019 Report Share Posted July 22, 2019 I don’t know, what? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Doomstick Posted July 23, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2019 I take off my shoes to jump on a trampoline 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Don't Know Posted July 23, 2019 Report Share Posted July 23, 2019 What do a violist's fingers have in common with lightning? Spoiler They never strike the same place twice. How is a violist different than a dog? Spoiler The dog knows when to stop scratching. Why do people take an instant dislike to the viola? Spoiler It saves time. Alternatively: Why are viola jokes so short? Spoiler So violinists can understand them 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rushu42 Posted July 23, 2019 Report Share Posted July 23, 2019 What's the difference between a squashed squirrel in the road, and a squashed viola in the road? Spoiler There are swerve marks around the squirrel. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Doomstick Posted July 23, 2019 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2019 Stick: I am a stick but you could be fire Stick: I am a stick Spoiler Firewood: I am a viola but you could be fire *bursts into flames* 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeyLookItz Posted July 30, 2019 Report Share Posted July 30, 2019 I am so happy someone made a thread for this, because I have so many. (Sorry violists. I have nothing against you, but these jokes are funny!) How do you transpose a violin part for viola? Spoiler Cut the tempo in half How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune? Spoiler Their bow is moving What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a violist? Spoiler You have to plug in a vacuum cleaner before it sucks What's the difference between the concert master and the last chair violist? Spoiler About a measure and a half What's the difference between ancient Greek and alto clef? Spoiler Some conductors read ancient Greek How can composers get the violas to play a pianissimo tremelo? Spoiler By writing soli, forte You are trapped in a desert and see three things in front of you. Should you head for the oasis, the talented violist, or the bad violist? Spoiler The bad violist. The others are obviously mirages. What's the same about a grenade and a viola solo? Spoiler By the time you notice one approaching, it's too late to do anything about it. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Borio Singaldi Posted July 31, 2019 Report Share Posted July 31, 2019 You wanna know the difference between a viola and an onion? Spoiler I cry when I chop up an onion. How does a violinist keep their violin from being stolen? Spoiler Put it in a viola case. To be real, though, as a composer who wants to write for multiple instruments, particularly strings, alto clef is hard to work with! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bookish Ocelot Posted July 31, 2019 Report Share Posted July 31, 2019 I'm a violist... What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians Spoiler A violist What's the range of a viola? Spoiler As far as you can kick it What's the difference between a viola and a coffin? Spoiler A coffin has the dead person on the inside What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? Spoiler Everyone is excited when the case is closed. What's the difference between a violin and a viola? Spoiler There isn't one, the violin appears smaller because of the larger head of the musician. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeyLookItz Posted July 31, 2019 Report Share Posted July 31, 2019 One more: How many first violinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Spoiler One. They just hold it in place while the world revolves around them. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephrun’s Imperium Posted July 31, 2019 Report Share Posted July 31, 2019 Ha, I've heard the same thing about sopranos. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rask Posted October 22, 2019 Report Share Posted October 22, 2019 This conversation actual happened in my Orchestra. Conductor- Now I want to here this part, just you violists. Violists- Awwww, no! Someone is expecting us to do something? We didn't sign up for this? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lissa Posted March 17, 2020 Report Share Posted March 17, 2020 Hi DoomStick, your doc link is not working. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Doomstick Posted March 17, 2020 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2020 ??? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lissa Posted March 18, 2020 Report Share Posted March 18, 2020 I think that's in signature..... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Diggory Posted March 18, 2020 Report Share Posted March 18, 2020 i'm a viola, and i've literally heard all of these jokes before. y'all aren't original . and besides, you can literally use these jokes for any instrument soooooo, they don't have to be viola jokes... also THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD VIOLAS OUT THERE AND JUST BECAUSE A FEW OF THEM SUCK DOESN'T MEAN WE ALL DO! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iarwainiel I Posted March 19, 2020 Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 I received this image from a friend who's close to a very prominent violist (if you're a violist, you'd know him, so I won't say out of respect for privacy). [[ Disclaimer: It is fake - not true! Wish it were true, & not just 'cause it'd be easy $$ for violists everywhere.]] 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Doomstick Posted March 19, 2020 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2020 If you don’t want COVID-19, hide in a viola case, not even a pandemic wants you then 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Spirit Posted September 26, 2023 Report Share Posted September 26, 2023 at least we're humble. also, y'all are just jealous that you don't have your own clef. Go violas. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Immortal Platypus Posted September 29, 2023 Report Share Posted September 29, 2023 On 9/26/2023 at 11:38 AM, Lord Spirit said: at least we're humble. also, y'all are just jealous that you don't have your own clef. Go violas. i have a clef named after me... How do you get two violins to play in tune? Spoiler you shoot one of them How do you get two violas to play in tune? Spoiler you shoot both of them so they can't play out of tune On 3/18/2020 at 10:56 AM, Ryan Diggory said: i'm a viola, and i've literally heard all of these jokes before. y'all aren't original . and besides, you can literally use these jokes for any instrument soooooo, they don't have to be viola jokes... also THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD VIOLAS OUT THERE AND JUST BECAUSE A FEW OF THEM SUCK DOESN'T MEAN WE ALL DO! ok, ok, ok, story time. So in my old orchestra room, we sat behind the violas (I'm a bass) because there isn't room by the cellos, and the violas COULD NOT COUNT! All of the basses were good at counting, we adopted them and they would just listen to us cause we were primarily playing quarter notes, so that's the story of how I have five or six orchestra children. Another fun story time, we would play blackjack in the bass section while the violins, violas, and cellos would play. I got so much candy that year 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Paradoxical Phenomenon Posted September 29, 2023 Report Share Posted September 29, 2023 53 minutes ago, Being of Cacophony said: i have a clef named after me... How do you get two violins to play in tune? Hide contents you shoot one of them How do you get two violas to play in tune? Hide contents you shoot both of them so they can't play out of tune ok, ok, ok, story time. So in my old orchestra room, we sat behind the violas (I'm a bass) because there isn't room by the cellos, and the violas COULD NOT COUNT! All of the basses were good at counting, we adopted them and they would just listen to us cause we were primarily playing quarter notes, so that's the story of how I have five or six orchestra children. Another fun story time, we would play blackjack in the bass section while the violins, violas, and cellos would play. I got so much candy that year I too am the goat at blackjack. I got like 4 full houses in a row one time, then topped it off with two 21’s in a row 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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