DoomStick

Viola jokes

18 posts in this topic

What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

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I take off my shoes to jump on a trampoline :P 

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What do a violist's fingers have in common with lightning?

Spoiler

They never strike the same place twice.

How is a violist different than a dog?

Spoiler

The dog knows when to stop scratching.

Why do people take an instant dislike to the viola?

Spoiler

It saves time.

Alternatively: Why are viola jokes so short?

Spoiler

So violinists can understand them :P

 

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What's the difference between a squashed squirrel in the road, and a squashed viola in the road?

Spoiler

There are swerve marks around the squirrel.

 

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Stick: I am a stick 

but you could be fire

Stick: I am a stick

Spoiler

Firewood: I am a viola

but you could be fire

*bursts into flames*

 

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I am so happy someone made a thread for this, because I have so many. (Sorry violists. I have nothing against you, but these jokes are funny!)

How do you transpose a violin part for viola?

Spoiler

Cut the tempo in half

How can you tell if a violist is playing out of tune?

Spoiler

Their bow is moving

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a violist?

Spoiler

You have to plug in a vacuum cleaner before it sucks

What's the difference between the concert master and the last chair violist?

Spoiler

About a measure and a half

What's the difference between ancient Greek and alto clef?

Spoiler

Some conductors read ancient Greek

How can composers get the violas to play a pianissimo tremelo?

Spoiler

By writing soli, forte

You are trapped in a desert and see three things in front of you. Should you head for the oasis, the talented violist, or the bad violist?

Spoiler

The bad violist. The others are obviously mirages.

What's the same about a grenade and a viola solo?

Spoiler

By the time you notice one approaching, it's too late to do anything about it.

 

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You wanna know the difference between a viola and an onion?

Spoiler

I cry when I chop up an onion.

How does a violinist keep their violin from being stolen?

Spoiler

Put it in a viola case.

 

To be real, though, as a composer who wants to write for multiple instruments, particularly strings, alto clef is hard to work with!

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I'm a violist...

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians

Spoiler

A violist

What's the range of a viola?

Spoiler

As far as you can kick it

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin? 

Spoiler

A coffin has the dead person on the inside

What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? 

Spoiler

Everyone is excited when the case is closed. 

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

Spoiler

There isn't one, the violin appears smaller because of the larger head of the musician.

 

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One more:

How many first violinists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler

One. They just hold it in place while the world revolves around them.

 

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Ha, I've heard the same thing about sopranos. :D

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This conversation actual happened in my Orchestra. 

Conductor- Now I want to here this part, just you violists.

Violists- Awwww, no! Someone is expecting us to do something? We didn't sign up for this?

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Hi DoomStickyour doc link is not working.

 

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???

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I think that's in signature.....

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i'm a viola, and i've literally heard all of these jokes before. y'all aren't original  :lol::lol::lol:. and besides, you can literally use these jokes for any instrument soooooo, they don't have to be viola jokes... also

THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD VIOLAS OUT THERE AND JUST BECAUSE A FEW OF THEM SUCK DOESN'T MEAN WE ALL DO!:P:D:lol:

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I received this image from a friend who's close to a very prominent violist (if you're a violist, you'd know him, so I won't say out of respect for privacy).
[[ Disclaimer: It is fake - not true! Wish it were true, & not just 'cause it'd be easy $$ for violists everywhere.]]

ViolaJokeCNNfake.jpg.d051615a8376a6688a731c82c04fb447.jpg

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If you don’t want COVID-19, hide in a viola case, not even a pandemic wants you then

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