The Newcago Court

[the winter system]

"I have three members total, including me, and there's a pony hanging out." Winter sighed. "Any new enemies?"

[Kobold King]

A glinting dagger picked between a set of sharp fangs, at least one replaced with a golden tooth. Eyes with slitted pupils watched the Queen talk make small talk with the shapeshifter, and a smile stretched across the Kobold King of Crime's jaws.

 

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Boss?" a kobold grumbled from nearby. A smartly dressed gang of the puny reptiles surrounded their King, watching his every move for subtle orders. It wasn't as if they had anything better to do. The very concept of an ice palace was appalling the cold-blooded visitors to the Court, and there was only one furnace in plain sight.

 

"Nothing much," the Kobold King responded languidly. "Just thinkin' about the low security on this place. If it weren't for us, any bozo with a smidge of Investiture could sack the whole Court."

 

The other kobolds frowned. "Whaddya mean?"

 

"Give it some thought, ya ectothermic lug," the King said with a snort. "The Queen herself just put herself in spikin' distance of a feral lycanthrope with ties to the Dark Alley. She let us in here without so much as confiscatin' our daggers. I betcha I could have gotten an Excidium-class plasma cannon in here and the royals wouldn't bat an eye."

 

The other kobolds stared in bemusement. "So..." one ventured slowly. "Yer sayin' we can rob the place?"

 

"Of course not," the Kobold Capo snapped. "First of all, they're under our protection, and second of all, there's no way this place is half as undefended as it looks." He watched for a moment more, than hopped away from the furnace and began making his way across the ice.

 

"Where ya goin'?" kobolds cried in dismay. "Yer gonna freeze!"

 

"No I won't," the Kobold King laughed. "I'm not actually a kobold." He left the reptiles to scratch their heads in confusion.

 

There was no way they'd understand the truth. For he'd told them the truth--he wasn't a kobold. The kobold with the slitted eyes was only a form that he took. His true form was far more etheral. A form capable of dining with Nog-Zathoth without bursting into flame. A form that had gazed into Chaos Itself without blinking. A form that made Epics and humans dance like puppets across the land of Oregon.

 

He was the King of the Kobolds, and it was time to speak with the Queen of Newcago.

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

A glinting dagger picked between a set of sharp fangs, at least one replaced with a golden tooth. Eyes with slitted pupils watched the Queen talk make small talk with the shapeshifter, and a smile stretched across the Kobold King of Crime's jaws.

 

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Boss?" a kobold grumbled from nearby. A smartly dressed gang of the puny reptiles surrounded their King, watching his every move for subtle orders. It wasn't as if they had anything better to do. The very concept of an ice palace was appalling the cold-blooded visitors to the Court, and there was only one furnace in plain sight.

 

"Nothing much," the Kobold King responded languidly. "Just thinkin' about the low security on this place. If it weren't for us, any bozo with a smidge of Investiture could sack the whole Court."

 

The other kobolds frowned. "Whaddya mean?"

 

"Give it some thought, ya ectothermic lug," the King said with a snort. "The Queen herself just put herself in spikin' distance of a feral lycanthrope with ties to the Dark Alley. She let us in here without so much as confiscatin' our daggers. I betcha I could have gotten an Excidium-class plasma cannon in here and the royals wouldn't bat an eye."

 

The other kobolds stared in bemusement. "So..." one ventured slowly. "Yer sayin' we can rob the place?"

 

"Of course not," the Kobold Capo snapped. "First of all, they're under our protection, and second of all, there's no way this place is half as undefended as it looks." He watched for a moment more, than hopped away from the furnace and began making his way across the ice.

 

"Where ya goin'?" kobolds cried in dismay. "Yer gonna freeze!"

 

"No I won't," the Kobold King laughed. "I'm not actually a kobold." He left the reptiles to scratch their heads in confusion.

 

There was no way they'd understand the truth. For he'd told them the truth--he wasn't a kobold. The kobold with the slitted eyes was only a form that he took. His true form was far more etheral. A form capable of dining with Nog-Zathoth without bursting into flame. A form that had gazed into Chaos Itself without blinking. A form that made Epics and humans dance like puppets across the land of Oregon.

 

He was the King of the Kobolds, and it was time to speak with the Queen of Newcago.

The Queen turned around and saw Kobold King approaching. "Welcome Kobold King!" she said smiling. "Nice to see you. How are you?"

 

"I have three members total, including me, and there's a pony hanging out." Winter sighed. "Any new enemies?"

"No new enemies here, which is good. What about you?"

[the winter system]

"Nobody new." Winter said plainly, but she growled under her breath. She didn't like the newcomers. Maybe it was her wolf instincts. Winter didn't want to make a new enemy, but she didn't like this. Instincts screamed at her to fight or flee. "Yet."

[Kobold King]

"Just enjoyin' the scenery," the Kobold said, yawning in such a way that showed a row of fangs. "Ya really outdid yourself with all the ice this year. How long does it take to prepare this place for a ball, anyway?"

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

"Just enjoyin' the scenery," the Kobold said, yawning in such a way that showed a row of fangs. "Ya really outdid yourself with all the ice this year. How long does it take to prepare this place for a ball, anyway?"

"Thank you." She said, smiling.  "It takes around a week to two weeks depending on the length of the ball. The Royal Kitchen work extremely hard to make incredible food. In fact, all of the servants do."

[Kobold King]

"Thank you." She said, smiling.  "It takes around a week to two weeks depending on the length of the ball. The Royal Kitchen work extremely hard to make incredible food. In fact, all of the servants do."

 

The Kobold King smiled, flicking out his tongue to get a whiff of the air. The scent of food wafted freely through the Court--in particular, the chocolate that the Queen was well known for filled the air.

 

She surrounds herself with joviality and whimsy, he pondered, allowing his gaze to drift across the castle. And yet, she trades freely with the Dark Alleys. A merry shell surrounding a rotten core, or a deception of many different levels?

 

His eyes settled on the lycanthrope in the fancy dress, whose scent tasted of distrust. She was the key. A known antagonist to the Dark Alley, chatting with a known trade sponsor of theirs. There was more here that met the eye--and Kobold hadn't gotten this far by ignoring indescrepencies of the courts. At best, Winter's presence was a simple scouting mission. At worst, it could be a downright assassination attempt.

 

An assassination attempt in this place would likely succeed. And successful assassination attempts led to war. And war was bad business.

 

"Hello, Winter," purred the Kobold King of Crime, staring up at the woman. "How goes that pack of yours? None of you have been made into throw rugs recently, I presume?"

[mail-mi]

Mail-mi had readied himself to burst into the ballroom with a grand entrance. Had readied, that was, until he saw the kobolds. 

 

He immediately stepped away from the doors. The kobolds were known enemies of the Dark Alley, and would be sure to take down any lurker on sight. But I'm new, Mail-mi thought. They don't know that I've joined yet, right? 

 

Even though they probably didn't, Mail-mi knew he had to be very cautious. He stepped quietly into the ballroom, then quietly slipped--quite literally--over to the refreshments. 

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

For the first time since gaining her powers, Doctor Funtimes did not announce her arrival with a cheer and a shower of glitter. Doing that would mean letting everyone know she was there right then—which, while maybe useful, would be just as likely to turn sour. Besides, they would know she was there before too long anyway, and she'd need those few minutes between her arrival and everyone knowing about it to case the joint. 

 

Case the joint. She giggled, swiping a chocolate-covered strawberry from the snack table she'd teleported next to. She liked the sound of that phrase. Case the joint. Case the joint. It made her picture a briefcase walking into a prison or a smoke-filled bar or some other place shady enough to be called a ​joint and sit until someone suspicious sat next to him. And then the suspicious person would find himself attacked by a living briefcase. 

 

With teeth. 

 

Funtimes nibbled her strawberry. Well, she nibbled the first bite. That bite was so delicious she popped the whole thing into her mouth and chewed while grabbing for another. And another, just in case that strange stranger intent on slipping over to the table slipped the rest of the tray into his pocket. Did he have pockets? Maybe he did. Lots of Epics had pockets. She had heard of one who could always take an entire Sausage McMuffin out of his pocket, even if he didn't have a pocket, and eat it right there. 

 

By the time she reached her fourth strawberry (it didn't take long, since they were so delicious) she had seen several people who looked like they might be meaniefaces in disguise: 

 

The woman in a dress that reminded Funtimes of a Renaissance Faire (they always spelled it with an extra E, which Funtimes suspected was stolen from the band Staind) 

 

The man slipping and slipping toward the snack table, eyeing the nummy snacks with hungry eyes 

 

The woman dressed in a pretty sparkly blue dress that looked to be made of snowflakes (oh Great Noodly One she looks like so so much fun and I hope she's not a meanieface) 

 

The big lizard man and the hundreds of teeny tiny lizards that looked like smaller versions of the dinosaurs Lightwards had and used to make people bleed and wanted to feed Nathan to and what if the lizard guy was really Lightwards after meeting some genie and asking if he could be a lizard person for a while?

 

Ice. 

 

Lizards weren't good with ice, and the lizard guy was walking toward the ice queen now. That was good, but what if she was charmed by his lizard face and his lizard hands and his weird lizard eyeballs? She had to make sure she wasn't. Had to make sure. 

 

Before Funtimes could think of a way to ensure the ice queen distrusted the lizard-who-might-be-Lightwards, another little lizard skittered up to the table. He looked at her through beady black eyes and tilted his head. 

 

"Ya don't look like yer from around here, lady." 

 

Funtimes blinked—talking lizards, not the weirdest thing ever, not since seeing Heracles in that chain mail bikini—and looked down at her dress. Still the same dress she always wore, poofy in the skirt and dyed every color she could think to put inside a water balloon. Still the same light-up socks that went to her knees, still the same mismatched Converse. She giggled. "And you look like you're from Lighty Lightwards." 

 

The lizard tilted his head the opposite way. "Who's that?" 

 

"Your teeth are shiny." 

 

"My…" 

 

They weren't all shiny. Not all of them. And she didn't fancy taking a shiny tooth from a lizard's mouth, but if he was from Lightwards and Lightwards had taught him to talk, then she had to find out how much he knew. 

 

Had to find out. 

 

Had to. 

 

She smiled, tilting her own head. "How'd you learn to talk?" 

 

The lizard backed a step, obviously not liking the way she smiled at him. "I…" 

 

"Want to tell me, or do you want to give me one of those shiny teeth?" 

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

"Welcome everyone." The Queen walked up to Doctor Funtimes. "I see you like the strawberries. They are my favourite too. How are you? Newcago Royals just can't get enough of chocolate." She laughed before taking one herself.

She then turned to Mailmi. "Thank you for coming. Glad you could make it."

On the ice rink on the other side, four different women dressed in Newcago uniforms began to do a ice skating display.

Edited December 31, 2014 by Queen Elsa Steelheart

[Seonid]

Backing slowly into the room, a disheveled man in an unadorned brown habit and lowered hood pulled a cart loaded with a large assortment of maps, scrolls, and other items behind him. Distracted and seemingly nearsighted, he nearly ran over several of the guests before he noticed them. From then on, he moved even more slowly, with many cries of "Pardon me!" and "If you please, good sir!"

 

While trying to negotiate a particularly tight turn through a quartet of figure skaters, who glared bloody murder at him as he passed, he stumbled over an unnoticed step in the ballroom floor, falling backwards to the ground. The cart, loaded far past its recommended capacity, tipped over as he fell, crashing into a table loaded with various refreshments. Chocolate strawberries, scrolls, maps, pineapples, and knick-knacks went flying over the floor. The disheveled man found himself at the feet of a beautifully dressed woman who gave off an aura of cold, and another woman whose dress could only be described as...colorful.

 

As he stood up, he seemed to take in his surroundings for the very first time. "Oh dear. Martyr's burned bones! I think that I wandered into the wrong place by mistake. You see, I was supposed to be headed for the Inter-Cosmological Historical Societies inaugural meeting. But I must have taken a right at Antares and slipped through the wrong relativistic gate at Sagittarius A*, and..." He slowly trailed off, seeing their surprised looks.

 

"Perhaps I should begin at the beginning. My name is Seonid, Lorekeeper of the Edassan Tomes."

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

Backing slowly into the room, a disheveled man in an unadorned brown habit and lowered hood pulled a cart loaded with a large assortment of maps, scrolls, and other items behind him. Distracted and seemingly nearsighted, he nearly ran over several of the guests before he noticed them. From then on, he moved even more slowly, with many cries of "Pardon me!" and "If you please, good sir!"

While trying to negotiate a particularly tight turn through a quartet of figure skaters, who glared bloody murder at him as he passed, he stumbled over an unnoticed step in the ballroom floor, falling backwards to the ground. The cart, loaded far past its recommended capacity, tipped over as he fell, crashing into a table loaded with various refreshments. Chocolate strawberries, scrolls, maps, pineapples, and knick-knacks went flying over the floor. The disheveled man found himself at the feet of a beautifully dressed woman who gave off an aura of cold, and another woman whose dress could only be described as...colorful.

As he stood up, he seemed to take in his surroundings for the very first time. "Oh dear. Martyr's burned bones! I think that I wandered into the wrong place by mistake. You see, I was supposed to be headed for the Inter-Cosmological Historical Societies inaugural meeting. But I must have taken a right at Antares and slipped through the wrong relativistic gate at Sagittarius A*, and..." He slowly trailed off, seeing their surprised looks.

"Perhaps I should begin at the beginning. My name is Seonid, Lorekeeper of the Edassan Tomes."

The Queen looked a little surprised at the shock. She snapped her fingers once and immediately maids began flowing in and out of the room, replacing any refreshments that had fallen on the floor.

"Hello Seonid. Where are you from? I am Queen Elsa Steelheart, queen of the Newcago Court, Scholars Base and LOC. You look like you've taken quite a fall. Is everything okay?" She called to a guard who helped pick up his cart. "You're welcome to stay."

[Seonid]

The Queen looked a little surprised at the shock. She snapped her fingers once and immediately maids began flowing in and out of the room, replacing any refreshments that had fallen on the floor.

"Hello Seonid. Where are you from? I am Queen Elsa Steelheart, queen of the Newcago Court, Scholars Base and LOC. You look like you've taken quite a fall. Is everything okay?" She called to a guard who helped pick up his cart. "You're welcome to stay."

 

"Where am I from? Hmm...where am I from? Well, that's a little bit of a long story." Seonid looked around. "Last I checked, I was from Edassa...probably the Alcorazim area, probably 35th year of the 4th Era...no wait, that's not right. It had to have been the fifth..." He trailed off into a muddle of confused calculations, pulling a battered quill pen out of an inside pocket. After many scribbled on the back of one of his maps, he tapped the side of the pen. A laser shot out, removing the ink without further damage to the aged parchment.

 

"There we go. Just like I thought. I'm from, well, a little bit of everywhere, really." He processed the rest of her comment slowly. "And thank you, your Majesty. I am quite alright. This appears to be the...Newcago Court?" Without waiting for a response, he went on. "I probably shouldn't stay, I have to be at the Society meeting by Cosmeric Noon to present my paper on the organizational structure of the Inquisition during the rise of the Menkoran Patriarchate." His eyes lit at that moment on a lizard-man who had been speaking with the Queen.

 

"Do I know you?" Scattered papers forgotten, he ran over to the reptilian figure. "It seems to me that yo bear a passing resemblance to a crocodile I once met in Menkor. The Murk Lurker, I believe her name was. Do you happen to be related?"

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

"Where am I from? Hmm...where am I from? Well, that's a little bit of a long story." Seonid looked around. "Last I checked, I was from Edassa...probably the Alcorazim area, probably 35th year of the 4th Era...no wait, that's not right. It had to have been the fifth..." He trailed off into a muddle of confused calculations, pulling a battered quill pen out of an inside pocket. After many scribbled on the back of one of his maps, he tapped the side of the pen. A laser shot out, removing the ink without further damage to the aged parchment.

 

"There we go. Just like I thought. I'm from, well, a little bit of everywhere, really." He processed the rest of her comment slowly. "And thank you, your Majesty. I am quite alright. This appears to be the...Newcago Court?" Without waiting for a response, he went on. "I probably shouldn't stay, I have to be at the Society meeting by Cosmeric Noon to present my paper on the organizational structure of the Inquisition during the rise of the Menkoran Patriarchate." His eyes lit at that moment on a lizard-man who had been speaking with the Queen.

 

"Do I know you?" Scattered papers forgotten, he ran over to the reptilian figure. "It seems to me that yo bear a passing resemblance to a crocodile I once met in Menkor. The Murk Lurker, I believe her name was. Do you happen to be related?"

"This is the Newcago Court, one of the oldest guilds here. Enjoy your meeting by Cosmeric Noon. What exactly is it?" She said, smiling. "You are welcome here anytime."

[Seonid]

"This is the Newcago Court, one of the oldest guilds here. Enjoy your meeting by Cosmeric Noon. What exactly is it?" She said, smiling. "You are welcome here anytime."

 

Turning away from the reptile-man for a moment, the Lorekeeper began to speak. "Cosmeric Noon is the centerpiece of the timekeeping system devised by the Inter-Cosmological Historical Society. Since trying to keep track of times across a dozen multiverses and literally infinite worlds is rather tough, we devised a new time system. Since we decided to make Brandon Sanderson the honorary president of the society, due to his remarkably able historical works covering the Cosmere, we thought it proper to name the timekeeping system after him. Cosmeric Noon strikes every time Brandon publishes a book."

 

He looked as if he was going to go on, but a chiming from another pocket distracted him. "Oh! I'm nearly late. Can someone direct me to the nearest interdimensional portal? He turned from the reptilian man, completely forgetting that he had asked him a question, and grabbed his cart again. Moving off, he started shouting "Coming through! Important Inter-Cosmological Historical Society business coming through!"

 

As he passed out of the courtroom, he turned and waved one last time at the Queen. "Thanks for your kind words of invitation, your Majesty! I'll be back after my presentation, if my colleagues in the Spell Book writing department don't get to me first!"

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

The Queen waved back and smiled. "Nice to meet you, hope to see you back soon, Seonid. Good luck with your meeting."

Edited December 31, 2014 by Queen Elsa Steelheart

[Delightful]

HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM AUSTRALIA!!!

(I'll read/join the Rp party soon. But it's 2015 for me and not you guys for a while and that's strange and awesome)

If you're online now, check out the Sydney fireworks !

Edited December 31, 2014 by Delightful

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM AUSTRALIA!!!

(I'll read/join the Rp party soon. But it's 2015 for me and not you guys for a while and that's strange and awesome)

If you're online now, check out the Sydney fireworks !

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!! Those fireworks were magnificent.

Edited December 31, 2014 by Queen Elsa Steelheart

[the winter system]

Winter turned towards the Kobold King. She smiled at him, her most deceptively naïve smile, but inside it was a smile full of fangs. "Hi, Kobold King. The Queen sure does know how to throw a bash, doesn't she?" Winter didn't expect to fool him. That wasn't the point. She turned her ears back to normal. Winter put one hand in her hidden sheath for her dagger and rested the other by her side. Winter dropped the smile, fangs coming down. She stepped forward, asserting dominance. All tones of weakness gone, she whispered, "What do you want with me? I don't react kindly to threats." The casual statement he had so arrogantly made might not have seemed like a threat to another, but Winter wasn't the same naïve fool to be swept away with false promises anymore. Winter grabbed the edge of her blade for the sharp clarity. He wasn't a denizen. Sure, it was a threat. Of course it was a threat. But it wasn't a false promise. In a way, veiled threats were more honest than lies and false promises. Something warned her she shouldn't play this game, but Winter ignored it. The games we play. Winter thought, the games we play.

[mail-mi]

A woman in...was that a trench coat? At least, it used to be. It was now covered with every color of paint imaginable, and her hair was laced with enough glitter to blind anyone staring at it in the sun. She came over to the refreshment table, carefully eyeing the room, and took a strawberry. Then another strawberry. Then she started to gobble down strawberries like they'd be her last meal. 

 

She seems empty-headed and easily tricked, Mail-mi thought to himself, munching on a cracker. I can use that. He started to walk to her to strike up a conversation, but something else reached her before he did. 

 

A kobold. 

 

Rust and ruin! Mail-mi thought, scampering away quickly. His bloody lab coat would be a dead giveaway to the kobolds. Looking over his shoulder, making sure the kobold didn't follow him, he ran straight into Queen Elsa Steelheart. 

 

Stumbling backwards, Mail-mi righted himself quickly and grabbed the Queen's hand to help her to not fall. "Thank you for coming. Glad you could make it," she said as she stood up. 

 

"Glad I could be here," Mail-mi said, bowing to the queen. "And I must say, what a lovely party it is turning out to be!" 

[Kobold King]

People came. People went. It seemed fellas from all corners of creation were turning up for this thing; the Kobold recognized a bloodstained member of the Alleys, an Epic from Oregon, and even the Lorekeeper of the Edassan Tomes. The last one even seemed to recognize him.

 

He didn't get a chance to speak with any of them, however, as the lady lycanthrope took a step forward.

 

"Hi, Kobold King. The Queen sure does know how to throw a bash, doesn't she?" Her voice dropped, taking on a dangerous tone. "What do you want with me? I don't react kindly to threats."

 

The Kobold responded with a barking laugh. "Straight to the point, eh? That's what I like about you wolves. Ya don't waste time playin' around." He pulled a finely rolled cigar from his sleeve, lighting it as he continued to speak.

 

"See, here's what I'm thinkin'. Yer what we in the business like to call a wild card. And by 'wild card,' what we really mean is 'Hemalurgic abomination.' Which is fine. Some of my best buddies have been abominations of some sort or another. But it means that if we're ta turn a profit from this ball thingamajig, we've gotta make sure yer not plannin' anything funny."

 

His eyes narrowed. "So let's level with each other, Winter Cloud. Are ya or are ya not here to fight against the Dark Alley?"

[Queen Elsa Steelheart]

A woman in...was that a trench coat? At least, it used to be. It was now covered with every color of paint imaginable, and her hair was laced with enough glitter to blind anyone staring at it in the sun. She came over to the refreshment table, carefully eyeing the room, and took a strawberry. Then another strawberry. Then she started to gobble down strawberries like they'd be her last meal.

She seems empty-headed and easily tricked, Mail-mi thought to himself, munching on a cracker. I can use that. He started to walk to her to strike up a conversation, but something else reached her before he did.

A kobold.

Rust and ruin! Mail-mi thought, scampering away quickly. His bloody lab coat would be a dead giveaway to the kobolds. Looking over his shoulder, making sure the kobold didn't follow him, he ran straight into Queen Elsa Steelheart.

Stumbling backwards, Mail-mi righted himself quickly and grabbed the Queen's hand to help her to not fall. "Thank you for coming. Glad you could make it," she said as she stood up.

"Glad I could be here," Mail-mi said, bowing to the queen. "And I must say, what a lovely party it is turning out to be!"

The Queen gave a small laugh. "Thank you and Thank you for that quick catch. It would have been quite an embarrassment if I smacked my head in front of everyone here." she said, relaxing a bit more and smiling.

Suddenly a guard walked up to the podium and informed that the fireworks would be starting in fifteen minutes.

Edited January 1, 2015 by Queen Elsa Steelheart

[the winter system]

People came. People went. It seemed fellas from all corners of creation were turning up for this thing; the Kobold recognized a bloodstained member of the Alleys, an Epic from Oregon, and even the Lorekeeper of the Edassan Tomes. The last one even seemed to recognize him.

 

He didn't get a chance to speak with any of them, however, as the lady lycanthrope took a step forward.

 

"Hi, Kobold King. The Queen sure does know how to throw a bash, doesn't she?" Her voice dropped, taking on a dangerous tone. "What do you want with me? I don't react kindly to threats."

 

The Kobold responded with a barking laugh. "Straight to the point, eh? That's what I like about you wolves. Ya don't waste time playin' around." He pulled a finely rolled cigar from his sleeve, lighting it as he continued to speak.

 

"See, here's what I'm thinkin'. Yer what we in the business like to call a wild card. And by 'wild card,' what we really mean is 'Hemalurgic abomination.' Which is fine. Some of my best buddies have been abominations of some sort or another. But it means that if we're ta turn a profit from this ball thingamajig, we've gotta make sure yer not plannin' anything funny."

 

His eyes narrowed. "So let's level with each other, Winter Cloud. Are ya or are ya not here to fight against the Dark Alley?"

Winter raised her eyebrows. "I'll always fight the Dark Alley. Not at bashes, though. Unless they're DA bashes or if they start it first. What are you, anyway? Something about you is upsetting my wolf." 

[Kobold King]

The Kobold smirked slightly.

 

"I'm a lot of things, little wolf. I'm a necromancer forgin' utopia out of a thousand corpses. I'm a lost spirit with aspirations of bein' a crocodile. I'm a man in pink glasses who just wants to be respected. I'm an alien empress with a belt gilded with stolen planets. I'm an antlered pony with a crown on his flank."

 

Still grinning, he pulled out a cigar rolled from Nyssan tobacco, lighting it with a snap of his claws and shoving one end into his mouth. "I'm the capo of a modest reptile's anti-trust violation. But all you need to know, Miss Cloud, is that I'm yer pal so long as you behave yerself."

 

Still puffing on the imported cigar, the kobold turned around and headed towards the Newcago queen and the Dark Alley skulker.

[mail-mi]

"Nothing could make you look bad, my Queen," Mail-mi said, taking another bow.

When he righted himself, the Kobold King himself was standing there. Mail-mi jumped slightly, and took a minute to calm his racing heart. "Kobold King," he said through clenched teeth.