Bookish Ocelot

Stormlight 4 theories

15 posts in this topic

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  1. Kaladin and Adolin start dating
  2. Shallan lightweaves herself a boyfriend
  3. Renarin and Rushu and Navani invent sliced bread and the wheel
  4. Adolin accidentally resurrects Sadeas
  5. Sadeas conquers all of Roshar and unites them under the Iron Throne
  6. Sadeas realizes his true Calling is to unite Westeros instead and leaves
  7. Rock and Lopen start a restaurant called the One-Armed Herdazian
  8. Lift eats tons of chouta and farms stormlight at the OAH
  9. The economy collapses due to the aforementioned farming
  10. Moash becomes a Highprince but then goes to Reshi Isles because that was hard work and he wants a vacation
  11. Venli becomes a full willshaper and makes statues of Eshonai everywhere
  12. The Parshendi decide that the whole war thing was a bad idea and go to OAH to eat pancakes
  13. The Parshendi get into a pancake eating contest with Lift and lose
  14. The Parshendi go massively into debt due to contest
  15. Debt starts another war
Edited by BookishOcelot
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15 minutes ago, BookishOcelot said:

Rock and Lopen start a restaurant called the One-Armed Herdazian

I believe that it is actually called “The Happy Inquisitor”. :P

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Alright the wheel already exists on Roshar they talk about carts too.

I assume that this means that this thread is for ridiculous theories so here goes.

Rock and family's restaurant chain becomes so popular among parshendi that they decide not to go to war with humans who created such fine cuisine.

Parshmen discover lawyerform and refuse to work with Odium unless he ups their pension and lowers the retirement age.

Edited by Karger
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3 minutes ago, BookishOcelot said:

Lunamor, I am offend. 

I started an RP where I own a restaurant called the Happy Inquisitor. ;)

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30 minutes ago, Karger said:

Parshmen discover lawyerform and refuse to work with Odium unless he ups their pension and lowers the retirement age.

Odium throws them out of his organisation and goes back to using humans there are enough villains in the story already without adding lawyers to the mix

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There are already numerous predictions threads.  It's helpful to do a quick search before making a new topic to see if you can add to an existing one.  It helps keep the forums clean.  

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@Scion of the Mists This thread is intended for satirical predictions. It isn’t serious, so I kept it separate. 

And more theories:

  1. The Parshmen are angered at being removed from the stories and come back in PaulBlartMallCopForm, complete with segways.
  2. Navani, under pressure of the war with the MallCopForm Parshendi, invents something new and unheard of. The tricycle
  3. The tricycle revolutionizes Alethi warfare. There is no need for horses now
  4. Factories are built as parts for tricycles are soulcast in massive amounts
  5. Shallan lightweaves another boyfriend because she didn't have nearly enough drama in her life
  6. Adolin breaks up with Kaladin because of an argument about streamer placement on tricycles. 
  7. Kaladin runs away to Braize, where there is nobody to criticize his love of streamers.
Edited by BookishOcelot
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1. Moash somehow takes up the shard of Honor.

2. Kaladin freaks out and stabs Moash in the eye.

3. Adolin nods approvingly.

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Adolin will set up Kaladin on a date(need to see).

Jasnah will make a great speech of historical significance.

 

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Stick takes control of the world and turns Shallan into fire.

Edited by ebfritz
Incorrect spelling
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Each of Shallan's personalities take up different Shards and then go to war with each other.

Spoilers for other Cosmere works

Spoiler

Kelsier shows up and wins the war in one day. SA 5 is actually MB Era 3 book 1.

Raoden shows up and wins the war in one hour. SA 5 is actually Elantris book 2.

 

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9 hours ago, SwordNimiForPresident said:

Each of Shallan's personalities take up different Shards and then go to war with each other.

The twist being that Shallan THOUGHT she took up different Shards, but in reality they were just different aspects/avatars of Autonomy.

All of Adolin's ex-girlfriends show up Shallan's baby shower. Shallan blushes. 

WoT spoilers:

Spoiler

Wit and Rand have a conversation when Kaladin and Dalinar show up and they all wait for Jon Snow to arrive.

Odium decides emotions are too troublesome and becomes Apathy.

Honor is resurrected by Syl, effectively becoming her own grandparent.

Cultivation is killed by Dalinar in a freak accident and is taken up by Lift, who decides to rename herself the Awesome Gardener. 

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Lift extends Wyndle's repertoire to include sporks, spoons, chopsticks, and a replica of Dalinar's pork-knife. 

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Lift makes friends with Murtagh, who lends her Mr. Stabby. 

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