Mason Wheeler

Cosmere jokes

20 posts in this topic

I thought we had a thread like this, but I can't find it now, so I'll start one.  Post your bad Cosmere jokes here.

Shallan, you may be crazy, but just know that you're not alone!

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Q: How do you get a one-armed Herdazian out of a tree?

A: Wave to him.

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Jebus why

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(Have you read The Emperor's Soul, @Inky?  It's funny if you have, and if not, explaining the joke would get into spoiler territory...)

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8 minutes ago, Inky said:

( @Mason WheelerI get the joke it's just. Really bad)

 

Looks at post. Looks at first post. Looks at Jebus' joke. 

All is as it should be. 

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Ati enters the beyond, and meets Leras.

L: "Did you meet Kelsier?"

A: "Yep."

L: "He punch you in the face?"

A: "Uh-huh."

L: "...Ten bucks on Rayse being next."

A: "You're on."

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15 hours ago, HSuperLee said:

Ati enters the beyond, and meets Leras.

L: "Did you meet Kelsier?"

A: "Yep."

L: "He punch you in the face?"

A: "Uh-huh."

L: "...Ten bucks on Rayse being next."

A: "You're on."

Thats a good joke. I like it.

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Q: What's it called if a Faceless Immortal says two things that can't both be true?

A: A kandra-diction.

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I originally posted these in The Last Post Wins. I don’t know if they count as jokes, but I will post them here anyways. :P

Marasi: Wayne, why are you wearing a bonnet?

Wayne: Because popsicles in space.

Marasi: ...What?

Wayne: Triceratops beats shark.

 

Kelsier: Say hello to my little friend!

Vin: Stop introducing me to people like that!

 

Kaladin: Lopen, what do you want to get for dinner?

Lopen: Chouta.

Kaladin: Are you sure? You have that every-

Lopen: Chouta.

Kaladin: But-

Lopen: Chouta.

 

*Kal and crew are flying to Kholinar*

Adolin: Are we there yet?

Kaladin: No.

Adolin: How about now?

Kaladin: No.

Adolin: How about... now?

*Kaladin ignores him*

Adolin: Kaladin? Kal? Kally? Kaladindin? Kaladin? Kal? Kal? Ka...

Kaladin: WHAT?!

Adolin: Are we there yet?

Kaladin: No!!! And if you ask one more time, I swear that as soon as we get back to Urithiru I will lash every last one of your fashion magazines all the way to Thaylenah!

*Adolin immediately quiets and doesn’t speak a word for the rest of the trip*

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What type of snake can change forms? An ana-kandra.

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Q. Whats spiked nasty and native to Scadrial?

A. A grumpy old porcupine.

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Did you know that certain colors of Hallandren dye are considered more valuable than other colors?

It's true. They have a ranking system for the whole thing, known as the Tiers of Edgli!

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What’s the difference between a dysian aimian and a human? One is sleepless, the other is creepless.

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Q: Brandon has always said that Earth doesn't exist in the world of the Cosmere, but in a hypothetical story where a Dysian Aimian worldhopper visited Earth, where would it end up?

A: Seattle.

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What did the Kandra say when he turned nine and a half?

I’m TenSoon!

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Q: Why are kandras so secretive?

A: They all have skeletons in the closet!

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