From our sick and twisted minds, we present...

[Jaywalk]

Now presenting, from the sick and twisted minds of @Jaywalk and @Scintil: 

Pangolin and Panny: A Friendship for the Ages.

The air sounded with a loud clang as the creature fell to the ground.

“Does anyone else want some of this?” Pangolin asked.

The others backed away slowly, then climbed back up the cliff they had come down.

“As I thought.” Pangolin continued happily down the trail he’d picked earlier. He checked his timepiece. Quarter ‘till eleven. He’d make it.

“Did you really have to hit it so hard?” Caveat asked.

“I’d say it was necessary. They would’ve eaten us, after all,” Pangolin replied.

Caveat shook his head, then walked away. Pangolin watched him go, slightly miffed at the old beggar’s negativity. Whatever, he thought as Caveat began to climb back up the cliff’s face.

“At least we have each other, Panny.” The frying pan did not respond. “Panny? PANNY! Stay with me, brother!”

As many people will have likely guessed by now, Pangolin was not quite right in the head. As for Panny, the frying pan...well, you can’t get much saner than he can, can you?

“Do not fear, cousin Pangolin,” Panny said. “I shall not abandon thee. Now come, we must purge the rest of the creatures from the village.”

“Hurrah,” cheered Pangolin. They set off, giving Caveat one last mean glance before he was out of sight, then jumped onto the large rock near the road. Pangolin patted it’s hindquarters and it purred to life, rumbling onto the path and towards the village.

“Hey, Panny, does it hurt when I use you?” Pangolin asked.

“I think not, Pangolin. It feels quite nice to end the hosts of evil beings.”

“Oh, okay then. I’ll be sure to hit the creatures of the village really hard.” Panny smiled. Well, that’s what Pangolin saw, anyway.

A short time later they arrived at the village gates to find it under attack. Pangolin hopped off the rock and checked the time again: 11:02. He was late.

The Calibri were very punctual creatures. That was evident by the gnashing of teeth and swiping of claws that Pangolin and Panny encountered as they entered. Panny laughed as Pangolin blocked each blow, and so did Pangolin. The Calibri were slightly disturbed by this.

“Hey Pang?” the rock called. “You gonna be long? I’ll be late to my date tonight if I don’t leave soon.”

“Why,” Panny said, “I think you should let the good stone go, Pangolin.”

“Are you sure, Panny?”

“Quite.”

“Oh, all right. Mister Rockface?”

“That’s not my--”

“You’re free to go. Panny and I can take care of the villagers. They shouldn’t be too hard to get rid of.” Rockface left, and before the echoes of Pang’s words deadened, he wadded them up and threw them at a nearby creature. It died instantly as they burned through its face.

“Hey,” Panny said, “I’m not words. You must use me for this!”

“How right you are, Panny,” Pang said as he brought the frying pan down on a villager. Oh well, he thought, she’s the one that got in the way.

The battle raged on as Pangolin and Panny killed every creature in sight. Luckily, Panny’s handle was rubber, so Pang wasn’t burned by it like everything he hit. Accidental or not.

As Pang got another good smack, he accidentally hit a wooden beam, that promptly started on fire, screaming.

“Oh, good heavens,” Panny said, accent growing very, very thick. Pangolin repeatedly smacked his pan against the wooden beam, whose pain had grown so much that it had a face.

A Calibri peeked inside. And then it ran away, oh so very disturbed by what it saw. The screams of the beam--and Pangolin and Panny’s laughing--continued to grow agonizingly louder.

After a good half-hour of beating the poor beam, Pangolin grew bored. The villagers had all left along with the Calibri, fleeing hand in hand. They would go on to create an entirely new breed of creature together.

“Are you satisfied?” the beam asked.

“I believe I am, good sir,” said Panny, and Pangolin nodded. “Shall we go, Master Pangolin, my liege?”
“Of course,” Pangolin said. “Mr. Beamface, would you like to join us as we crash the date of Mister Rockface?”

And so, they walked off into the sunset? No, that was the fire they’d started.

THE END?

[Kureshi Ironclaw]

I don't understand what is happening but I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it somehow.

[Jaywalk]

And look for the sequel, coming to a forum near you. Probably next month. Maybe.

If anyone’s looking for something fun to do, then I suggest doing what we did in creating this. Grab a friend, find two computers, and set a five minute timer. Write until the time runs out, and then switch computers and reset the timer.

@Scintil and I switched computers 5-6 times, and eventually we ended up with this beauty.

[+Ark1002]

I'm confused...

[Jaywalk]

That seems to be a common reaction. But, as our minds are much too twisted, I can’t help you there.

[+Ark1002]

I've seen twisted minds. Including my own. This isn't it. This just doesn't make logical sense.

[Jaywalk]

I honestly can’t help you there. I can’t even help myself.

[Silva]

*shrugs* 

I don't know what to say. Words fail.

[old man moomba]

Seems... Brandon-esque.

Edited January 18, 2019 by Dr. Dapper

[Jaywalk]

Scintil described it as similar to Alcatraz.

But, in truth, not even Alcatraz would write something like this.

[I think I am here.]

 Beautiful. Also, that poor beam.