Toaster Retribution

Crackpot Theories (A game)

208 posts in this topic

I came up with this really simple (and hopefully fun) game. You post a one sentence (or around one sentence) whacky theory. The crazier and more random the better. Next poster is then supposed to post an equally short sentence as evidence for this theory, and then post a crazy theory themselves. Lets give it a try:

Theory: Mraize is Denth, who faked his death and now hunts down Vasher.

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Proof: Why else would he be hanging around Urithiru? Edit: Also, "Mraize is Denth" has 13 letters. you know what else has 13 letters? "Hunting Vasher"

Theory: Hoid is the son of Adonalsium.

Edited by TheVillageIdiot
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 @TheVillageIdiot Theory: Hoid is the son of Adonalsium.

Evidence: Hoid collects powers(relics) of Adonalsium

Theory: In the cosmere there is a world on which toasters seek vengeance.

Ninja'd!!

Edited by Nathrangking
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@Nathrangking Objects can be awakened, and the Irali are obviously running from something. Plus, I exist :-)

Theory: The Stormfather is a kandra

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@Toaster Retribution Obviously because Kandra were once mistwraith, and what is mist? Water, and where is a lot of water found? In a highstorm, and The Stormfather is the bringer of highstorms. Therefore he is the king of Kandra.

Theory: The parasite that effects Aviar is actually a form of Hemalurgy.

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@TheVillageIdiot Obviously the little worms have spears for heads and once inside the Aviar, they wriggle over to one of ten bindpoints that is naturally implanted in their instincts.

Theory: Shardblades are pieces of your soul that got shredded off because the spren got ticked off at you. Therefore, Radiants that swear the third ideal DIE!

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6 minutes ago, BitBitio said:

Theory: Shardblades are pieces of your soul that got shredded off because the spren got ticked off at you. Therefore, Radiants that swear the third ideal DIE!

Evidence: I don't believe we've ever seen a Radiant get to the third ideal without ticking off their spren in some way, right?

Theory: The 17th Shard is an organization devoted to scientifically researching artificial shards.

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@Kidpen

Evidence: they are after Hoid, who appears to be assembling his own Frankenstein shard.

Theory: Reassembling Adonalsium will not be a good thing, and if it is Hoid's goal then he will end up as the primary antagonist of the series.

Sorry if formatting is bad, am on mobile.

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@MitchBade obviously because he said he would let Roshar crash and burn to Dalinar.

 

 

Theory: Lopen=Wayne Reincarnated

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1 hour ago, BitBitio said:

@MitchBade obviously because he said he would let Roshar crash and burn to Dalinar.

 

 

Theory: Lopen=Wayne Reincarnated

Evidince: Both have healing powers, and have a no-nonsense, slightly more important boss.

 

Theory: The Nightwatcher is actually an Unmade.

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36 minutes ago, Inklingspren said:

Evidince: Both have healing powers, and have a no-nonsense, slightly more important boss.

 

Theory: The Nightwatcher is actually an Unmade.

She’s a spren. Do you need anymore evidence?!

Theory: Adolin is actually another one of Shallan’s personalities.

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5 minutes ago, Apollyon said:

Adolin is actually another one of Shallan’s personalities.

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Evidence: She tells him he holds her together. He became the keystone.

Theory: Shai from Emperor's Soul is a worldhopper and a member of the Ghostbloods.

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Evidence: She knows a lot about Realmatic Theory, and I bet they'd want the Moon Scepter.

Theory: Butt Venture is Brandon Sanderson.

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Evidence: how could he not? He is Sanderson’s evil twin, after all, even going so far to write The Chull at Dusk

Theory: Lightsong was right, so the universe is actually run by a drunken monkey.

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@Apollyon Obviously because how else would the universe be so random??

 

15 hours ago, Apollyon said:

Theory: Adolin is actually another one of Shallan’s personalities.

Theory: Taking this theory one step further. 

The entire Cosmere is a product of Shallan's imagination.

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2 hours ago, BitBitio said:

@Apollyon Obviously because how else would the universe be so random??

 

Theory: Taking this theory one step further. 

The entire Cosmere is a product of Shallan's imagination.

Proofs:

1) We have never seen Brandon and Shallan in the same place

2) Hoid seems to respect her even though she has the "I just heard of this" kind of cleverness of a freshman in college sometimes. 

3) her spren pattern is part of everything in the cosmere by his own admission. Spren and their radiants become one thing by bonding. Thus Shallan is pattern. Thus Shallan is part of everything. But everything doesn't appear the same. Thus differences must be imagined. The only thing is Shallan. Thus Shallan imagined everything. 

 

Theory: the stormfather is actually odium

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THEORY: The Stormfather sent Dalinar visions, and visions are of the Voidbringers, and the Voidbringers are of Odium. It all fits! 

PROOF: Gemmel wasn't crazy or touched by Ruin; he was a worldhopper and Khriss' assistant before Nazh, trying to learn more about how godmetals alloyed. Poor guy was just a little awkward.

Edited by Unlicensed Hemalurgist
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On 20 July 2018 at 9:23 AM, Apollyon said:

Theory: Adolin is actually another one of Shallan’s personalities.

I'll do you one better: Hoid is another one of Shallan's personalities

Evidence: Hoid says he started off as an idea, words on a page. You know who is creative and has a hobby surrounding pages? That's right, Shallan.

 

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3 hours ago, Unlicensed Hemalurgist said:

Gemmel wasn't crazy or touched by Ruin; he was a worldhopper and Khriss' assistant before Nazh, trying to learn more about how godmetals alloyed. Poor guy was just a little awkward.

Proof: Khriss never said she didn´t have an assistant named Gemmel. So she totally had an assistant named Gemmel.

Theory: Breeze is still alive, and is part of Mraizes collection on Roshar.

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@Toaster Retribution  Proof: We haven't seen anything in Mraize's collection from Scadrial. Plus, Breeze is a known manipulator, who would be a serious asset (or even friend?) of Mraize.

Theory: Adolin is secretly an Elantrian, but because he is so far from Elantris the only abilities he has is really good skin and hair, a shadow of the usual glowing silver complexion.

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Proof: nothing else explains why he's the only Kholin without a spren.

Theory: Nightblood will eventually kill all the Shards and become Adonolasium reforged.

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Proof: Nightblood will believe that Adonalsium is Good, and destroying Good is evil, so to destroy the destruction of Good will be to recreate Adonalsium.

Theory: everything in the Cosmere is actually happening in reverse, so the Shattering of Adonalsium was actually the end of the world.

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Proof: That's exactly why Hoid told Shallan to 'be wary of anyone who claims to be able to see the future'. See, if someone knew the future, and cosmere happens in reverse, that would mean he lives inversely to the cosmere, so Cosmere's future is actually his past. And we all can agree that living backwards is dangerous and untrustworthy. 

Theory: The Dawnshards are instant noodles. 

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3 hours ago, Casta said:

Theory: The Dawnshards are instant noodles. 

PROOF: Have you ever snapped a brick of instant noodles in half? You get little noodle-shards all over the place. And if you're depressed enough that you're making ramen first thing in the morning, it's way more dramatic to call them "Dawnshards" than "Noodleshards."

THEORY: Hoid isn't just one person; he's a bunch of identical siblings, each embedded on different Shardworlds. Like the Nurse Joys in Pokemon.

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